


Stars Fell On Alabama

by saddle_tramp



Category: Original Work
Genre: Graphic Violence, M/M, Post-Apocalypse, Rape/Non-con References, Sexual Content, Sexual Slavery
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-02-25
Updated: 2011-02-25
Packaged: 2017-10-15 22:38:57
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 17
Words: 104,270
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/165577
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/saddle_tramp/pseuds/saddle_tramp
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Warnings: Post-apocalyptic male/male novel with mentions of sexual slavery/rape, actual scenes of humiliation, forced cross-dressing, violence, some gore, homophobic language, and emotional abuse.<br/>NOTE : The warnings above are mostly for content in the first two chapters. This is <i>not</i> over a hundred thousand words of torture/slave fic, though the occurrences at the beginning of the story are mentioned later on, sometimes in detail, as the characters go on with their lives.</p><p>Summary: Quinn Tucker is a Green Beret that got sent home due to an injury several months before a killer flu virus spread world-wide over the space of several weeks. When the smoke cleared he was alone, and he began to drift the country on horseback, searching for something to give him a purpose again. What he found changed him forever.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> The first 60k words of this were written for NaNoWriMo in 2007. I got blocked after the first time around and didn't write at all for a year or so, and then it was suddenly back. I was proud of it when I finally finished it, but I've never posted it anywhere until now.

1

 

 

Quinn rode slowly along the rocky trail, gaze constantly moving as his appaloosa mare ambled along. It was already past four in the afternoon but he was pushing on anyway. He was sure he could make the next town before full dark. It wasn't very far, only about five miles.

There had been a kid in the last town, the first person he'd seen in a week, but the kid hadn't wanted anything to do with him. A rifle pointed out the window of a little grocery store and a yell for him to carry his ass had made that much blindingly obvious, but Quinn had tried to ask the kid a few questions anyway. Three rounds had gone into the dirt at his mare's feet before he stopped trying to talk the kid down and turned to ride away. Quinn still wasn't sure if the kid was a boy or a girl, but he knew the kid was a good shot.

The kid had yelled after him not to take the ridge trail, but Quinn hadn't listened. He figured there was something along the trail, possibly a garden or a herd of livestock the kid wanted to keep him from. The trail was rocky and there wasn't any sign of recent traffic on it, but it paralleled the main road that headed south from the tiny town of Morgan's Gap, Tennessee. As far as Quinn could tell, the biggest reason not to take the trail was the fact anyone on the road would have an easy shot at him.

That is, if there had _been_ anyone on the road. It had seen so little traffic that grass and weeds were beginning to grow across the asphalt. A few trees had fallen to partially block it, too, making the ridge trail above a much more attractive route. Of course, that meant any raiders who had set up nearby would likely be watching the ridge trail, not the road, but Quinn doubted raiders would have allowed the kid in town to run loose. Children hadn't done well since the end.

Quinn was a little wary of raiders, but he hadn't yet run into any he couldn't handle so he wasn't really scared of them. He kept his eyes open for any signs someone was around, of course, but he always did that anyway. A man who rode alone and didn't keep his eyes open didn't live long.

Still, Quinn would move down onto the road if the ride to the next town took longer than he expected. Making good time was easier on the ridge trail, but down on the road there would be less chance of his horse, Specklebird, stepping in a hole in the dark. The mare was surefooted and agile as a cat, but she was lazy and a bit stubborn, and Quinn didn't want to tempt fate too much by keeping her up on the rocky ridge trail after dark. There was a lot of debris that had blown or grown across the road, but it still had a solid foundation of asphalt underneath so there was less chance of Specklebird breaking a leg if she got lazy and stopped watching where she put her feet.

About three miles south of Morgan's Gap, his mare snorted softly and threw up her head, stopping on the trail and looking towards the road. Quinn reached down to untie the thong that held his rifle in the scabbard even as he leaned to get a better look at the road, trying to spot what Specklebird had seen or heard. The mare could be oblivious sometimes but she seldom pointed wrong when she acted like she had seen something.

There was a sudden noise and then a scruffy looking, filthy kid appeared suddenly from behind a fallen tree. He was holding an old rifle aimed directly at Quinn as he called, "Don't y' take that gun out now, mister. Be a shame if 'n you made me kill you."

Quinn snorted and took his hand off the rifle but he gathered Specklebird's reins slightly, making the mare tense under him. There was a bend in the trail not far away that would put a large boulder between them and the road. He was sure that Specklebird could get to the curve fast enough to avoid a bullet, if the old rifle the kid had even worked. The gun looked as dirty as the kid. "What do you want?"

The kid moved further from the bush, and Quinn had to revise his guesstimate of the kid's age up a few years. He had thought the 'kid' just had a filthy face, but he actually had a short, scraggly blond beard. "Yer horse and kit would be a good start," the blond replied, smirking up at him.

"Over my dead body." Quinn kicked Specklebird hard, making the mare leap forward.

"Okay!" the blond called cheerfully.

Quinn was just beginning to wonder why the man didn't try to shoot him when Specklebird rounded the boulder. He had a glimpse of a rifle butt coming straight for his face and then everything went black.

 

~*~*~

 

When Quinn woke up again, the first thing he saw was the wall of rough-hewn logs he was leaning against. A metal rack was digging into his back, and he could smell cedar and oak firewood even before he turned his head enough to see it. His head was pounding so badly that he felt a little nauseated, but after blinking a few times he decided that he would live.

It took him a little while to gather his scattered wits enough to realize his hands were tied securely to a heavy rack of firewood, his feet tied together with his own shoelaces. He couldn't move his hands or even feel them, and his arms and shoulders were aching because his hands were pulled so far behind him. He straightened up as best he could, pushing with his feet to scoot a little closer to the rack, and barely bit back a groan as it eased the pull on his shoulders.

The stabbing pins-and-needles sensation of circulation returning to his hands started a moment later and he took several slow breaths as he waited for it to pass. The position he had been slumped in had evidently pulled the ropes too tight, cutting off circulation in his hands almost completely. His hands were swollen and tingling painfully, but he was beginning to get a little feeling back by the time he heard a slight sound. He looked towards it quickly and his eyes went wide.

A girl was standing at a wood stove nearby, working in almost eerie silence. She had long straight brown hair that fell forward over one shoulder to hide her face as she worked, and there was something about her posture that made Quinn think she knew he was watching her. She wore a short checkered waitress dress with an old-fashioned ruffled skirt that made her long, skinny legs seem even longer, and her bare feet were dusty with thick calluses.

It took Quinn several minutes to realize that the dark smudges he could see on the girl's arms and legs were bruises, not dirt. He had seen a lot of bruises and sported a lot of his own, too, but he hadn't ever seen a _girl_ with so many. His first instinct was to try and help her, even though _he_ was the one tied up. He craned his neck to look around the small cabin, taking in the old brass bed in one corner and the scarred old table not far from it with three mismatched chairs around it. He could see the pannier he had carried food in laying in the floor near the stove, and there were two makeshift beds in the floor against the front wall on either side of the door.

Quinn was alone with the girl, and he only hesitated a moment before he asked very softly, "Are you okay?"

The girl stiffened but didn't look towards him. "I'm not supposed to talk to you." She spoke so softly he could barely hear her, and she sounded scared.

Quinn tried to make his tone of voice reassuring, watching her intently as he said, "It's okay. No one else is here."

"Boss would know," the girl whispered as she glanced at him quickly, letting Quinn finally see her face. Her features were delicate and almost elfin with a full lower lip that fairly begged to be kissed despite the fact her wide brown eyes were full of fear. She wasn’t classically beautiful, and she didn't look like she could be much over sixteen, but she was still the most attractive girl Quinn had seen in a long time.

“I wouldn’t tell him,” Quinn murmured, trying to think of some way he could reassure the girl. If she wouldn’t help him, he wasn’t very likely to leave the cabin alive. He was sure that she knew that at least as well as he did.

The girl flushed and looked away again after a few moments, ducking her head so that her dark hair hid her face. "He’d know, so just ... shut up."

Quinn realized he had been staring, but he didn't look away from her. "I won't tell him," he repeated softly.

"He'd know anyway," the girl replied with a shrug of one bony shoulder. Her hands had begun shaking so badly that the spoon she held rattled as she stirred a small pan of carrots.

Quinn swallowed back the words that wanted to come tumbling out. It was obvious that she was terrified, and from the multitude of bruises he saw he was sure she had reason to be, but he was still frustrated by her unwillingness to even talk to him. He thought she should want his help if she was that scared of the people who had captured them, not simply try to ignore him.

"Please?" he tried again after a few minutes. "If you would just-"

The cabin door slammed open suddenly and a big bear of a man walked in, scowling. He looked like he was in his fifties, possibly a bit older, and Quinn wouldn't have been at all surprised to find out his name was Hatfield. He'd seen a lot of men who let themselves go to seed since the end, but he had a feeling that this one had looked like a filthy hillbilly long before society, such as it was, collapsed.

The man was carrying a full bottle of tequila Quinn recognized from his own saddlebags, and a Desert Eagle automatic handgun was stuck in the waistband of his jeans. "You ain't been talkin' to him, have you, Cocksucker?" the man asked, glaring at the girl. "Beggin' him to take you out of here, maybe?"

The girl cringed, turning to look at the man. "No, Boss. I just told him to shut up. That's all, I swear."

Boss glared at her a moment longer and then snorted and walked over to the battered table, putting the tequila down before he took a seat. He sprawled comfortably in the sturdiest of the three chairs and then finally looked at Quinn. His dark eyes were surprisingly sharp and intelligent, but the man had a cruel face that a bushy black beard with only a little grey in it did nothing to soften. "I suppose you're gonna tell me the same thing, huh?"

"She wouldn't talk to me," Quinn replied, glaring.

Boss started laughing as a man at the door crowed, "She! I guess we done a _real_ good job teachin' you your place, Cocksucker!"

Quinn looked towards the door and saw that the blond he'd seen in the road was walking into the cabin. Up close he looked like he might be twenty, but not much more than that. Quinn figured he probably grew the scruffy beard just to prove he could.

The kid walked over to the girl and grabbed her ass, smirking. "Told you we'd make a good little girl out of you."

"Yes, Moose." The girl was cringing closer to the wood stove despite the heat as she tried to put some of the carrots she had been stirring onto a plate. The blond moved his hands under the girl's skirt, smirking, and she made no move to stop him even though she said softly, "Please don't make me burn dinner, Moose. I'll do anything you want as soon as it's done."

Quinn was getting the feeling that he was missing something, but more than that he wanted to get up and beat the shit out of Moose. "Why don’t you leave her alone, asshole?"

Moose turned his head to smirk at Quinn, but before he could speak Boss said firmly, "I'm hungry, boy. Let Cocksucker be until the food's on the table. You can fuck him later."

Quinn's eyes widened and he looked from the 'girl' to Boss and then back again. " _Him_?"

Moose smirked suddenly at Quinn. "See for yourself." He grabbed 'Cocksucker' by the hips and turned him to face Quinn as he flipped the skirt up. The 'girl' was definitely male and wore nothing under the dress but an ugly pattern of bruises, both old and new, that left his pale skin mottled in ugly shades of blue, green, and yellowish brown.

Quinn half expected the boy - he couldn't make himself think of anyone as 'Cocksucker' - to pull away from Moose's attentions, but the boy just stood there looking down and off to the side, obviously humiliated. There was something beaten and hopeless in the way he didn't even bother to fight it, though he did say softly, "Moose, _please_. I have to get the steaks before the onions burn."

"Moose!" Boss said sharply, "Don't make me get up, boy. Leave him the hell alone until after he's done cookin'! If my dinner is burnt I'll take it out of _your_ hide."

Moose shoved the boy back towards the stove, scowling at Quinn. "I'm gonna enjoy killin' you tomorrow."

Quinn didn't realize he was pulling at the ropes on his hands until it dawned on him that he had stopped being able to feel them again. He made himself stop fighting, looking into Moose's eyes as he said coldly, "Only if I don't kill you first, you worthless piece of shit."

Boss and Moose both laughed. "You ain't killin' nobody," Boss said with a smirk. "This time tomorrow, you'll be nothing but coyote food."

"Is that why you brought me here?" Quinn asked, disgusted. "You could have just shot me off my horse."

"What's the fun in that?" Boss asked, still smirking. "Me and my boys like havin' a bit of sport with folks that take our trail. The ugly ones we play with, and the purty ones, well..." He nodded towards the boy, who was carefully carrying to the table two steaming plates piled with carrots, steak, and sautéed onions. "We've had Cocksucker here for a good long while now. Came riding up our trail nice as you please this spring and brought us three gentle horses an' a loaded pack of good food just when we was runnin' out. He's been doin' for us ever since and he's gettin' real well trained." He looked at the boy. "Ain't you, boy?"

The boy set the plates on the table, keeping his gaze on the floor. "Yessir, Boss."

Boss reached up and tangled one hand in the boy's long hair, pulling him down and twisting his hand to make the boy look at Quinn. "Ain't he got a pretty face? Little shit's a better cocksucker than any woman I ever had, an' cooks better 'n my last wife, too. He can make a meal out of anythin' an' cook it up so nice you'd think it came from a restaurant or somethin'. He fixed us some possum pie not too long ago that would make your tongue slap your brains out." He let go of the boy's hair with a hard shove, not even bothering to look as the boy stumbled and fell. "You get Kenny's plate ready now, Cocksucker. He'll be along in a minute and he'll want to eat."

The boy scrambled up off the floor, not looking at anyone as he mumbled, "Yessir." He hurried back to the stove to make another plate, tucking his hair back behind one ear as he went. He made no other effort to straighten his hair even though Boss' attentions had snarled it.

Quinn glared coldly at Boss. "Cowards like you make me sick."

"Cowards like me kill smart-assed soldier boys like you for fun," Boss replied smugly, taking a bite of his carrots.

 

~*~*~

 

Quinn was fuming. He had never wanted so much to kill someone, not even while he was in the military, fighting for his life and trying to protect people who hated him. His hands were itching for a knife, or a gun, or even a piece of firewood from the rack behind him. Given half a chance, he would have made do with just his hands. He had never beaten anyone to death with his bare hands, but he had been through all the close combat classes during training and he was sure willing to give it a try. His hands were swollen and sore from having the circulation cut off to them for so long, but he could still make a fist.

Boss picked the last bite of cold gristle up off of his plate, swiping it through the congealed fat left on the plate. When he was satisfied with the film of pale cold grease coating the gristle he looked down at the boy sitting in the floor next to his chair. "Here, Cocksucker," he murmured, offering the nasty-looking morsel much the way one would if they were feeding a dog.

The boy obediently opened his mouth as he leaned to accept the bite of food, taking it very carefully and then settling back again. He didn't look up at all and didn't complain, instead beginning to chew mechanically. The complete lack of reaction to what Quinn knew had to be a tough, greasy mouthful was almost as eerie as how silent the boy was.

Quinn hoped that the way Boss had been feeding the boy was for his benefit, but he didn't really believe it. The boy had been fed nothing but stringy bits of gristle, chunks of fat, and any other bit of meat that Boss didn't like the looks of. He hadn't been given any of the carrots or onions, or of the cheese and crackers that the others had for 'dessert', and hadn't been allowed anything to drink.

The boy hadn't eaten enough to make a meal for even a toddler, which could easily explain why he was so meek. After seeing how he was fed, Quinn doubted that the boy had the strength to put up a fight even if he wanted to.

Boss patted the boy on top of the head with his greasy hand even as he reached for the half-empty tequila bottle with the other. "Good boy. You be real good tonight and I might even let you sleep on the bed with me later."

The boy looked down at his knees, swallowing the unappetizing lump of gristle and then whispering, "Thank you, Boss."

"Kin I 'ave him now, daddy?" Moose asked, slurring his words and swaying a bit in his chair. "We done ate."

"Can y’ even get it up?" The other man at the table, Kenny, snickered and reached out unsteadily to try and shove Moose, but he missed. "Yer so drunk I bet y' cain't even stand!"

Boss snickered, looking at them as he set the bottle of tequila back on the table. "You boys are both drunk."

Quinn hoped that the two bottles of tequila the raiders took from his pack were enough to let them drink themselves into a stupor and give him a chance to talk the boy into letting him loose. Moose had been drinking the tequila like it was water and was weaving in his seat like he might pass out any time. Kenny had been drinking a lot too, but he was still steadier than Moose. The one called Boss didn't seem to be affected yet at all, despite the fact he had been drinking steadily, but Quinn was still trying to hold out hope. He wanted to watch all three of them die.

Moose seemed to be thinking, and he blinked slowly a few more times before he grinned suddenly. "Then 'e kin jus' blow me here. Tha' way I don' gotta stan' up."

Kenny started snickering and waved a hand vaguely towards the boy who was sitting at Boss' feet. "G'wan, Cocksucker. Suck 'im off so's he'll pass out an' I can have my turn."

The boy shifted slightly, not quite looking up as he asked softly, "Boss?"

"Get it over with," Boss said with a snort, amused. "After you take care of the boys, Cocksucker, you and me are goin' to have some real fun."

"Yessir," the boy replied quietly, already crawling under the table while Moose clumsily unbuckled his belt.

Quinn looked away, muscles in his jaw jumping as he twisted his hands ineffectually yet again. The rough sisal rope didn't give at all, instead cutting again into his already scraped and bloodied wrists, and after a moment Quinn stopped fighting. He stared down at his knees, trying to ignore Kenny's vulgar comments and the quiet noises coming from under the table.

At that moment, Quinn would have given anything for a knife.

 

~*~*~

 

By the time Boss finally passed out, it was near dawn and the only illumination in the cabin was the slowly brightening light from the single window. The fireplace had long ago burned down to ashes, as had the fire in the stove, and the only candle had been snuffed out when Boss finally decided he was finished with the boy.

The boy had made no effort to leave the cabin even though the three raiders were out cold, instead crawling slowly to a pile of rags in the floor in the back corner of the room. He curled up there with his back to Quinn, his long hair sticking to streaks of sweat, blood, and semen on his skin. His pale, battered body was decorated with quite a few new bruises from a beating Boss had given him as well as some nasty scratches that Kenny had marked him with early in the evening. Within a moment or two the boy began to sniffle very quietly, trying not to make any noise even though his body shook with sobs.

Quinn watched the boy crying as the cabin slowly brightened with the dawn outside, feeling utterly disgusted with himself. He felt responsible for what had happened that night even though there was no way he could have stopped it. The boy hadn't needed to be physically forced to do anything the raiders told him to do, but it had been very obvious that he got no enjoyment out of it. Quinn had seen and done a lot of things he wasn't proud of when he was in the military, even tortured a few people, but he had never seen someone raped and humiliated so casually and completely. He had no idea how the boy could have lived with the three raiders for so long and kept his sanity.

Quinn was beginning to think that the boy was just going to stay in the corner and wait for the men to wake up when the boy suddenly moved. He rolled over and looked around the floor of the room, his hair hanging so that Quinn only got a glimpse of his face. That glimpse was enough to make Quinn's eyes widen, though. The stoic mask the boy had worn most of the night had been replaced by a shockingly feral expression of hatred.

Quinn couldn't do anything but stare while the boy moved quickly to a discarded boot and pulled out a knife so large that looked more like a small sword.

"Yes!" Quinn whispered sharply with a sudden fierce grin. "Now come cut me loose!"

The boy didn't even glance at Quinn, acting as if he hadn't heard him as he stood with the knife held tightly in his right hand. He seemed to have thought out what he was going to do, and evidently it had nothing to do with Quinn. He licked his lips, standing very still for a moment, then walked silently towards where Moose was passed out in the floor. He knelt and hit Moose sharply on the temple with the butt of the heavy knife, and the meaty crunch of shattered bone made Quinn pretty sure the man was dead or would be very soon.

The boy slashed Moose's throat anyway and then froze when blood that spurted from the wound splattered the naked body of Kenny, who was sprawled on a pallet of blankets not far away. The boy was very still for a few moments as he watched Kenny intently, but Kenny didn't move or show any sign of waking. He stood and began to move again, and Quinn saw that blood from Moose's slashed throat was running down his pale body in dark rivulets.

Quinn watched with more than a little awe as the boy repeated the procedure on Kenny, hitting him to be sure he was out cold and then slicing his throat with deft skill. Quinn had killed men himself and knew it didn't take that much to do it, but it amazed him that the boy had gathered his wits enough to be so careful and thorough. When the boy had curled up in the corner and began to cry, Quinn had been sure that his spirit was too broken to do anything to help get them both free.

The kid finally started towards Boss, moving more slowly than he had with the other two. Quinn had the sudden thought that the boy looked like some sort of fallen angel, covered in blood and naked yet somehow still beautiful despite the fact he was male. The boy was graceful and moved so carefully and silently that if Quinn had looked away, he wouldn't have known the boy was even there.

The boy didn't stop to hit Boss before he moved the knife towards the burly raider's throat, and Quinn bit his lip hard to keep himself quiet. He was sure that was a mistake, but he was afraid to say anything aloud. The boy was obviously afraid the slightest noise might wake the burly man up, even drunk and exhausted from his night of 'fun', and was so much more afraid of Boss that Quinn was sure he was the truly dangerous one. Boss was definitely the most sadistic of the three. He had spent hours casually beating and humiliating the boy that night, and he had obviously enjoyed every minute of it.

The knife caught on a necklace when the boy tried to cut Boss's throat, and the man woke with a choked, startled bellow. The neck wound was deep but it wasn’t immediately fatal and the boy panicked. He stabbed the much bigger man in the neck a second time, slashing the other side of his throat before Boss managed to knock the boy into the wall with a snarl.

The boy dropped the knife when he hit the wall, dazed and whimpering in pain as he clutched at his head. Boss managed to lever himself to his feet despite the bloody wounds in his throat and staggered over to snatch up the heavy blade. He took a swing at the boy just as he fell to his knees with a groan, then he lunged towards the boy again, slashing the boy's left forearm as he collapsed face down on the floor. From the quickly spreading pool of blood, Quinn was sure Boss would be dead within moments of hitting the ground.

The boy laid in the floor whimpering for a few moments before he suddenly scrambled away from Boss and moved back into the corner. He didn't seem to feel the injury to his arm at all yet, but he was so terrified that all he could do was sit there and shake.

Quinn decided it would be smart to let the boy calm down before he tried speaking to him, so he just sat quietly watching him. He intended to wait as long as it took for the boy to get himself under control the way he had the first time he hid in the corner, but after a while he realized that he wouldn’t be able to do that. Blood was running down the boy's injured arm to fall to the floor in a steady drip, and after a while Quinn finally realized that the boy could bleed to death and leave him there tied up in a cabin full of dead people. He didn't like that idea at all, even though he was sure he could eventually get loose, so he decided he'd better start talking.

Quinn tried hard to make his voice as gentle and reassuring as possible when he said, "Kid, come cut me loose, okay? You're bleeding really bad, you need help."

The boy jerked and looked over at Quinn, cowering further back into the corner with his long bloody hair obscuring his face. He started to lift his left hand to brush it back, but the movement hurt so badly that he let out a little pained cry and jerked his arm back down. The boy cradled his hurt arm against his chest, but that evidently made it hurt much worse and he whimpered as fresh tears began to run down his blood-splattered face. The boy’s tears turned to harsh sobs as he turned away to cower into the corner, curled up around his arm and obviously unable to think of anything other than the pain and remembered terror.

Quinn silently cursed to himself as he watched, sure that the boy had finally been pushed too far. He looked around for some way to cut the ropes on his wrists and ankles, but there wasn't anything within reach of his feet except the metal rack of wood, which was bolted to the wall in the corner of the cabin. The firewood itself was useless, all cut into short lengths and none of it sharp enough to cut into the rope.

He let out a frustrated little growl and watched the boy crying for a minute or two before he suddenly had an idea. He began to shift around to get his feet under him, trying to ignore the pain when moving his hands made the sisal rope dig into the bloody scrapes he already had around his wrists. After several minutes of awkward contortions he was crouching awkwardly against the rack of firewood, his ass barely off the floor and his shoulders stretched back and down painfully.

Quinn couldn’t move his hands enough to get a grip on the wood rack, so he just gritted his teeth and pushed as hard as he could with his feet to try and stand up, making little pained noises as the rope cut into his wrists. The rack of firewood shifted and then lifted a few inches and Quinn groaned as he pushed harder, trying to put the muscles of his back and shoulders into it even though they were burning painfully.

A moment later the rack came free of the wall with a splintering crunch of breaking wood, followed quickly by the screech of metal against metal. The rack lifted so suddenly that Quinn overbalanced and fell, landing heavily on his side half on top of the now-scattered pile of wood. He groaned and twisted to get his hands free of the rack and then shoved it away and rolled off of the wood. He laid there in the floor looking at the filthy ceiling a moment before he rolled to his side, looking around before he shifted again, this time towards Boss' body and the knife.

It only took a few moments for him to get the knife and cut his hands loose, and then he carefully untied his long shoelaces. Quinn watched the boy as he laced his battered combat boots back up, and then he took a moment to rub carefully at his wrists. They were scraped bloody and would hurt for few days, but the wounds weren’t deep so he was sure he hadn't done any real damage to them.

The boy had pulled his knees up and was cowering in the corner still, silent but visibly shaking as he watched Quinn with wide eyes.

Quinn finally began to move slowly towards him, trying to seem non-threatening, and the boy made a little frightened noise as he shrank back towards the wall.

"Hey there, shh, it's okay," Quinn said softly, holding one hand out in front of him a bit as he took another step towards the boy. "What's your name?"

The cringed away so that his hair hid his face again, mumbling, "Cocksucker."

Quinn flinched and stopped. "I mean your _real_ name, not what those pieces of shit called you."

The boy shifted slightly to look through his hair again, sniffling and wide-eyed with fear. He stared at Quinn for a few moments before he whispered shakily, "J-J-Jamie."

Quinn tried to smile. "Hi, Jamie. I'm Quinn."

Jamie just sat there for what seemed like ages, but he finally swallowed hard and then whispered, "Hi."

"You need to let me help you, Jamie," Quinn said softly, crouching to make himself smaller and trying to look as non-threatening as possible. "Your arm is bleeding pretty bad, but you're lucky. I was in the Army and they drilled all kinds of stuff into my thick skull, including how to take care of something like that."

Jamie stared a few moments and then hid his face again. "Just go away and leave me alone. Your horse is out back."

"Jamie, I know that you've had a hard time, but I just want to help you, I promise."

Jamie began to shake his head slowly without letting Quinn see his face, and his voice was choked with tears when he spoke again. "I don't want your help." He swallowed hard and shifted slightly to glance at Quinn again, adding pleadingly, " _Please_. Just… leave me here."

Quinn didn’t even consider doing as Jamie had asked. He had learned to ignore a lot of scared people during the war, even scared children, but something about this delicate, terrified boy drew him as no one else ever had. His first instinct was to pull Jamie into his arms and hold him until the fear in the boy's eyes went away, but something told him that touching the boy would terrify him even more. He swallowed hard and spoke instead, forcing himself not to reach out. "Jamie, please let me help you. Look at your arm. I think it's going to need stitches. Can you do that?"

Jamie shifted, glancing at Quinn and then slowly moving to brush his hair back so he could look at his left arm, which was slicked with blood from the elbow to fingertips and had an ugly, jagged tear down it. Jamie stared for a few moments before he looked away, swallowing hard and reeling a bit with sudden dizziness and nausea. "Oh God," he whispered raggedly.

"It's bad, Jamie," Quinn said softly. "Please let me help. I won't do anything else to you, I swear."

Jamie swallowed a few more times and then looked at Quinn, meeting his gaze. "You'll do it anyway as soon as I pass out, won't you?"

"Yes," Quinn replied quietly, "but there's more of a chance I won't be able to stop the bleeding in time if I have to wait for that. You could die."

Jamie shuddered and turned away. "Maybe that wouldn't be so bad."

"I think it would be," Quinn said quietly, trying not to let the worry he felt show on his face. If the boy truly wanted to die there wouldn't be any chance of saving him, not after all he had been through. "I'd hate for you to let shit like them win."

Jamie looked at him quickly. "Win?"

"You killed them for everything they did to you, Jamie," Quinn explained gently. "If you let me help you and you pull yourself together, then you've beaten them, but if you curl up in that corner and die, then they still won." Quinn paused slightly and then added, "I don't know about you, but I always hate to see trash win."

Jamie stared at him for a long while and then said very quietly, "Alright. What do you want me to do?"

Quinn's shoulders slumped a bit with relief, and then he moved slowly towards Jamie. "First we need to get you outside where there's more light. I need to find some water to wash that arm with, too, and see what they did with my first aid kit."

"There's a creek outside. And Kenny probably put the rest of your stuff in the barn. That’s what he usually does. Did." Jamie swallowed hard and then added, "I- I don't think I can walk to the creek. I'm kind of dizzy."

Quinn smiled reassuringly at Jamie. "That's okay, Jamie. I can carry you."

Jamie flushed and looked down, then seemed to make a decision and tried to stand up. He made it to his feet well enough, but only took one step before he passed out and crumpled bonelessly towards the floor.

Quinn caught Jamie as he fell and scooped him up in his arms, trying to ignore how very light the boy was as he carried him quickly towards the door. He could deal with the fact Jamie was skin and bones after he made sure the boy wasn't going to bleed to death. He needed to get pressure on the wound to stop the bleeding first, and then he could worry about finding his med kit and bandaging it properly. He thought Jamie had just fainted, not passed out from blood loss, but he wasn't completely sure of it and he knew every minute counted with a wound that bled so freely.

Once he was outside, Quinn carried Jamie across the small meadow that surrounded the cabin towards the sound of running water. He was glad to find that the shallow creek was running clear and fast, and he sent up a little prayer that the water was as clean as it looked as he settled Jamie on the bank. He stripped out of his t-shirt and began to rip it into smaller pieces to use for pressure bandages. It wasn't as clean as he would like after he had worn it for a day, but he didn't think he'd find anything cleaner in the cabin.

He began to rinse Jamie's arm gently as soon as he had the makeshift bandages ready, and he bit his lip when he finally got a clear look at the wound. The knife had stabbed into Jamie's arm at the inside of the elbow and then glanced off the bone, turning the blade to make a crooked slash down along the inside of Jamie's forearm. It was still bleeding steadily, turning the water pink around Jamie's arm as Quinn rinsed the wound carefully.

There was so much blood that it worried Quinn, but the flow wasn't throbbing with Jamie's pulse so he was pretty sure the arteries hadn't been severed. The worst part of the wound right below the inside of the elbow was at least an inch deep, but about half of the cut was just a deep scratch along the forearm.

Quinn carefully closed the deepest part of the wound as best he could and then put one of the folded pieces of his t-shirt over the wound where it was still bleeding badly, pressing firmly even though Jamie whimpered. He didn't think Jamie was really conscious yet but he spoke to him anyway, murmuring softly, "I'm sorry, Jamie, but this has to be done."

Within moments the first bandage had blood soaking through it, so Quinn added another. When that one soaked through he tossed the second makeshift bandage aside and replaced it quickly with a dry one, careful to keep steady pressure on the first pad that was still on the arm.

Jamie was conscious again long before the bleeding stopped, though he was too weak and nauseated to do much more than lay there. Quinn kept up a constant flow of soothing words as he worked, not really paying attention to what he said as he tried to keep the boy from panicking again. He wasn't at all sure Jamie would survive it if he broke the wound open and started bleeding heavily again. Jamie seemed to hear him and held very still, staring at the creek while Quinn worked, but he didn't make a sound except for the occasional pained gasp as Quinn changed the outer layer of the pressure bandage.

It took much longer than Quinn liked for the bleeding to stop, but eventually it did. He secured the bandage with a strip of t-shirt to hold it in place long enough for him to go find his first aid kit, and then he smiled at Jamie. "Okay, Jamie," he said gently, "I'm going to go see if I can find my med kit. You lay here in the sun and be very still, okay?"

Jamie swallowed hard and glanced up at Quinn for the first time in a long while. His brown eyes caught the early morning sunlight, turning them a clear amber color that did nothing to hide the boy's pain and fear. "Yessir." He paused and then added in little more than a whisper, "Thank you."

Quinn stifled the urge to tell Jamie not to call him sir, making himself keep smiling at Jamie instead as he said softly, "You can relax, Jamie. You're going to be okay."

Jamie nodded slightly but didn't speak again, and after a moment Quinn patted his shoulder gently. "I'll be right back. You just be still and soak up some sunshine." He stood and turned to walk towards the cabin and the barn beyond it, hoping that the hillbilly numbskulls that captured him hadn't destroyed his first aid kit. He was going to need it if he was going to take proper care of Jamie's arm. It definitely needed stitches and some of the antibiotic ointment he carried, not to mention decent bandages and a good scrubbing with the betadine.

Jamie couldn't have stood up if he had to, so he just laid in the sunshine and watched Quinn go. He went back to watching the creek after Quinn was out of sight, and it was only a few moments before the soft sounds of the rippling water lulled him to sleep.

 

 


	2. Chapter 2

2

 

 

Afterwards most of Jamie's memories of that morning were vague, but some things stayed clear. One of the most vivid memories he had was of when he woke up sometime not long after noon. He was laying in the sun with a horse blanket covering most of his body and his bandaged arm on his chest. There was another blanket spread under him up to his shoulders, and his neck was resting on something soft right on the low bank of the creek.

Jamie could feel something tugging gently at his hair and twisted his head slightly to look, his eyes widening. His first instinct when he realized that Quinn was washing his hair was to panic, but he was too weak to do much more than whimper in fear.

Quinn glanced up from Jamie's hair and murmured soothingly, "Easy Jamie, it's alright. You don't want this nasty shit in your hair, I know. I'll be done in a few minutes. Just hold still a little longer, okay?"

Jamie swallowed hard and fought the instinct to try and run, moving his head back the way it had been as he whispered, "Yessir."

Quinn flinched slightly but his fingers kept up their careful, gentle movements through Jamie's hair. "You don't have to talk to me like you did to them, Jamie. My name is Quinn, remember?"

Jamie tilted his head again, watching Quinn out of the corner of his eye for a moment before he said quietly, "Okay, Quinn."

Quinn smiled. "Thank you." He finished one section of Jamie's hair and moved it aside to work on another, separating it a little at a time and carefully breaking up the tangles. Without soap it wasn't easy to wash away the dried blood and other fluids that had caked and tangled the long strands, but Quinn was muddling through as best he could.

"You're welcome," Jamie said softly after a minute or two, holding very still to let Quinn work. He was being very gentle and careful but Jamie was still tense, trembling slightly and hyper-aware of every movement Quinn's hands made.

It wasn't long before Jamie fell asleep again, or possibly just passed out. He woke later that day just as Quinn put him down carefully on a blanket in front of the cabin. Jamie opened his eyes to see Quinn bending over him, still shirtless and frowning. Jamie made a little frightened noise as he shrank away from him.

Quinn backed away as he watched Jamie cringe, wishing he could convince the boy he really was safe. "It's okay, Jamie. I just wanted to get you out of the sun before you got sunburned."

Jamie pulled the blanket that was covering him a little tighter around his body, swallowing as he nodded. "Did ... you find any clothes? In the barn?"

Quinn gave Jamie an apologetic look. "I found my horse's blanket and another, but someone pissed on most of my other stuff. I'm going to have to wash everything."

Jamie shuddered slightly, looking down at the unfamiliar blanket Quinn had wrapped around him. "Kenny did it. He thinks it's funny to piss on ... things."

"I was just about to go through the cabin to see what I could salvage," Quinn said after a moment, deciding not to ask any questions. He had a good idea what kind of things a piece of trash like Kenny would do to someone that couldn't or wouldn't fight back. "I saw some blankets in there, and there's the food that was left over from my pack. I don't know about you, but I'm starting to get a little hungry."

Jamie glanced up at Quinn without lifting his head, watching Quinn through his eyelashes. "There are other clothes in the barn. In the tack room. That's where stuff they took from people usually got put."

"Okay, that's good," Quinn said quietly, smiling at Jamie. "I'll go look in there for some clothes as soon as I get through with the cabin. You just stay here and rest, okay? You need it."

Jamie nodded, looking down again.

Quinn waited for a moment for Jamie to answer him, then stood and started towards the open cabin door. He had been afraid to leave the boy alone for very long down by the creek, but with him so close to the cabin he could hear through the open door if Jamie said anything. He would be in and out of the cabin anyway, carrying things, so he would be able to check on him often.

Jamie looked up after Quinn turned away and watched him go. He didn't expect Quinn to find anything that wasn't bloodstained. He remembered just enough of what had happened in there to know that slitting throats had been very messy.

 

~*~*~

 

Quinn spent most of the afternoon working. He went through the cabin and hauled away the bodies first, and then he went to try and find Jamie's things in the barn. The tack room was so piled with junk that he could barely force the door open, but he eventually found enough camping supplies to fill two panniers and some clothes that looked about Jamie's size, so he thought the work was worth it.

By the time Quinn was done, he was dirty and streaked with sweat, dust, and blood, so he decided that he really needed a bath. Cold water was a damned sight better than nothing, and a t-shirt he found in the tack room was fairly clean after he beat the dust out of it. He couldn't do anything about his bloodstained jeans yet, but it wasn't the first time he'd had to wear dirty jeans.

He had rinsed his red hair while he was bathing in the shallow creek and then finger-combed it back. He had thought he might as well get all of him clean while he was at it, but afterwards he regretted it. His hair had been sweaty enough to stay put before his bath, but when it was clean it began drying in shaggy sun-bleached waves that kept falling in his face. It was aggravating, and made him wish yet again that it would grow a little faster. He hadn't worn his hair long since he was a teenager, what seemed like a lifetime ago, but he had always kept it tied back then.

It was getting late in the afternoon when he returned to the cabin after his bath, so Quinn took a few minutes to gather kindling for a fire. He had eaten a granola bar earlier in the day that the raiders had missed when they went through his things, but Jamie hadn't had anything since the night before. Quinn thought he could cobble together a pretty good meal out of the food he had salvaged, even with his limited cooking skills. There was a calf hung in a dark corner of the barn that looked and smelled fresh, and there were dried vegetables and rice from his pack that the raiders hadn't had a chance to make Jamie cook for them.

The sound of Quinn breaking up kindling as he began to build a fire woke Jamie. The first thing Jamie saw was Quinn's arms flexing as he snapped an inch-thick branch as easily as if it were a twig. Quinn didn't have a bulky build, but he was wide-shouldered and muscular from years of physical conditioning in the military before the world ended. He'd been riding, fighting, and traveling since then enough that he stayed in what he and his buddies had always called 'fighting trim'. He wasn't quite as well-developed as he had been when he was doing covert ops, but making his way through a disease-ravaged America wasn't half as dangerous as Baghdad during the first decade of the new millennium.

Jamie wasn't awake enough yet to remember that Quinn had been nice to him. He hadn't really noticed how strong Quinn looked before that, but the tight sleeveless shirt showed off too much muscle for Jamie's comfort. All he could think of when he saw Quinn snap that branch was that there was a strange, tough-looking man that was _much_ too close to him. He was suddenly sure that Quinn could break _him_ in half without trying, just like the stick, and he began to scramble away, his fear making it easy to ignore the stabbing pain in his arm when he used it.

Quinn started kicking himself when he saw the way Jamie reacted to seeing him so close and said hastily, "Jamie, no, it's okay. Calm down. I won't hurt you, remember? You're safe now."

Jamie realized that he was cowering against the cabin wall like a whipped dog and made himself straighten up a bit, but he couldn't control the way he was trembling or the fear that coursed through him. He noticed a moment later that he was wearing nothing but a too-large flannel shirt that smelled very familiar, which only added to his terror. A large part of him expected Boss to appear any moment to punish him for what he had done, and wearing a shirt that smelled like the man just reinforced that fear.

Quinn hadn't hurt Jamie, but the raiders had essentially brainwashed Jamie to the point that he thought the only reason Quinn would want him around was to fuck him or to hurt him. The pained look on Quinn's face as Jamie cowered away didn't quite go with that idea, but Jamie was too scared to understand that or even notice it. Boss and his boys had said Jamie was good for nothing else so often that Jamie finally believed it.

"Jamie, it's alright," Quinn tried again, carefully easing further away from him. "You're safe, and look, I even found some clothes in the barn that look like they'll fit you." He pointed to a burlap bag that was near where Jamie had been sleeping. "There's two t-shirts in there, a pair of jeans, and even a pair of boots that I think must be yours. They're too small for the -" He broke off and was quiet for a moment, then said softly, "Well, they look like they'll fit you."

Jamie licked his dry, cracked lips, staring at Quinn for a while before he finally spoke haltingly. "P-promise not to ... not to hurt me?" He felt childish as he said it, even stupid, but at that moment it was very important to him that Quinn make that promise. Quinn could promise and then still hurt him, Jamie knew that, but something made him think that he wouldn't.

Quinn flinched as if Jamie had hit him, but he managed to reply before Jamie could get too scared by his expression. "I promise." He gestured to Jamie's bandaged arm, adding, "You'll need help to change that bandage, but I won't do anything you don't want me to. You're safe now, Jamie. I won't let _anyone_ hurt you any more."

Jamie didn't quite believe him, but as he woke up more he was remembering bits and pieces of how gentle Quinn had been towards him. He watched Quinn for a little while longer before he finally moved close enough to reach for the bag. He had barely touched it when a question occurred to him that made him stop again. "Do-" He broke off with a slight cough and had to swallow twice before the dry scratchy tickle in his throat eased. He stared at Quinn warily as he finally asked in a small voice, "Do you like fucking boys?"

"No," Quinn answered immediately, keeping his voice quiet even though his tone was very firm. "I've never done that, Jamie, and I'm not about to start it now. You're safe with me, I promise. Okay?"

Jamie nodded as he grabbed the bag, reaching inside and pulling out the first thing his fingers touched. He was so glad to find a pair of jeans that he recognized as his own that he had to blink away the sting of tears in his eyes. He hadn't been allowed to wear pants of any kind since the raiders took him, and it was suddenly very important to him to change that. He quickly started to stand up to put them on, but he moved too fast and hadn't even made it to his feet before he blacked out, falling heavily on his injured arm.

"Shit!" Quinn exclaimed, grabbing the first aid kit from the pile of supplies and then moving quickly over to Jamie. He was sure it would shake what little trust Jamie had in him if Jamie woke up with someone touching him, so he was careful not to even though he wanted badly to help him. Jamie had landed on his injured arm, and what Quinn could see of the bandage was already beginning to show blood seeping through.

"Jamie," Quinn said softly, and then repeated it again louder, hoping the boy would wake up. If he didn't wake within a few moments, Quinn would have to touch him anyway and just hope that Jamie forgave him.

Quinn was leaning over him when Jamie opened his eyes a moment later, and Jamie let out a little involuntary whimper of pain and fear, gasping, "No!"

"Jamie, easy, slow down," Quinn said softly as he pulled back a little to give Jamie some room. "You need to roll to your back and then be still. Your arm is bleeding again, and if you move too fast you'll pass out again. Do you understand?"

It took only a moment or two of laying there in pain so intense it made him nauseated for Jamie to realize that he _needed_ Quinn to help him. He nodded, not looking at Quinn, and then pushed with his good arm to roll to his back with a little cry of pain, swallowing hard as he closed his eyes. His left arm was hurting much more than it had been, so much that he was scarcely aware of the hot tears that slid into his hair. Jamie had landed badly when he fell, bending his wrist back too far and twisting the arm painfully, and the searing agony when he tried to straighten it again made him whimper.

"Can-" Jamie made a tiny noise at another stab of pain and stopped trying to move his arm, taking a slow deep breath and letting it out before he tried again. "Can you fix it?" He opened his eyes to look at Quinn, but he closed them quickly when that made the nausea worse. "It hurts so bad, it's making me sick."

"I'll have to touch you," Quinn said softly, moving closer again.

"I know," Jamie whispered, trembling as he waited for the agony he was sure would follow when Quinn touched his arm. Callused fingertips gently touched his forehead a few moments later, and Jamie was so surprised that he opened his eyes again to stare at up at Quinn.

Quinn was watching him with a worried expression. "It's okay, Jamie," he murmured, "I just want to help." He touched Jamie's forehead lightly for a few moments, looking into Jamie's eyes, and then moved his hand to Jamie's throat, checking his pulse. "You've lost a lot of blood today, but your pulse is strong and you don't seem to be going into shock this time. You'll be okay if you just be still and let me take care of you."

Quinn wasn't really at all that sure that Jamie was going to be okay, but telling Jamie that he might be bleeding to death wouldn't help anything. He was afraid that the stitches he had used to close the wound the first time had ripped out, which would make the bleeding even worse this time.

Jamie didn't really trust Quinn, but he couldn't think of anything else to do and Quinn was being so careful that he wasn't very frightening. Quinn's touch was gentle and his eyes were full of concern, and Jamie decided suddenly that even if Quinn decided to fuck him it would be better than being scared all the time. He was much too weak to fight Quinn and he knew it, and being fucked wasn’t the worst thing he could think of anymore anyway. He still didn't like it, but he could remember living through a lot of things that hurt worse.

Besides, Jamie didn't think Quinn could ever be as cruel as Boss. Boss had never been worried by Jamie's injuries and had in fact often _caused_ them just for the hell of it. Quinn touched Jamie like he was afraid Jamie would break if he wasn't careful, and he obviously wanted Jamie to stop being so scared. If he was a cruel man, Jamie thought he would have enjoyed the fear like Boss always did.

"Alright," Jamie murmured finally, closing his eyes and trying to relax. "I won't move."

"Thank you, Jamie," Quinn replied softly, relieved. He immediately opened the first aid kit to get out the bandage scissors so he could begin working on Jamie's arm, but Jamie was oblivious. He had passed out again.

 

~*~*~

 

The next time Jamie opened his eyes, it was dark. He could smell meat cooking, and he felt the heat of the nearby fire on his cheek. His freshly bandaged arm was secured in a sling across his chest, and he was clean and warm even though he was as weak as a newborn kitten.

Jamie realized after a few minutes that he was wearing jeans that felt a few sizes too big, and a glance down at his chest showed that he had on a t-shirt he recognized. Boss had told Jamie that he burned all of his things when he gave him the first dress, so Jamie was pathetically glad to have even just one t-shirt back. It was one of his father's favorite shirts, a dark green tie-dyed one that had a red marijuana leaf screen-printed on the front and said ' _If you got it, smoke it'_ in vivid yellow paint on the back.

Jamie noticed after a moment that he was covered with a familiar horse blanket, too. It was a woven Navajo blanket he had been using for years, one in all natural colors of wool that he had bought at a craft fair in Santa Fe. He turned his head towards the fire then and smiled when he saw a tall pinto horse grazing hungrily nearby. He could barely make out an unfamiliar chestnut in the dark meadow further away, and suddenly remembered that Quinn must be nearby.

"Thank you for letting Simon out," Jamie murmured softly, not really sure if Quinn would hear him or not.

Jamie heard a slight clatter of metal and then Quinn moved into his line of sight, giving Jamie a quick relieved smile. "You're welcome, Jamie. I'm glad to see you smiling."

Jamie blushed and looked towards the horses again, not saying anything as the smile disappeared.

Quinn watched him for a few moments, waiting for a reply, and then finally went on. "There wasn't any feed, and that corral behind the cabin is pretty bare, so I let them all out. My mare won't wander too far, and I hoped the others would stay. I guess that Paint is yours. The others all went down by to the creek to graze on the taller grass there, but he's been sticking close ever since he found you sleeping here."

"Yeah, he's mine," Jamie replied, watching the leggy bay pinto gelding snatch mouthfuls of grass as quickly as he could chew them. "Simon won't leave me unless someone makes him, and Misty and Alvin stay where they can see him."

Simon lifted his head at the sound of his name, ears pricking as he chewed another mouthful of grass, and then Jamie suddenly remembered that he had killed Boss.

"I'm glad that bastard's dead," Jamie said fiercely, shuddering at the vivid memory of blood spurting at his face from a slashed throat. "I should have cut off his dick and fed it to him, too."

"He's dead, that's the important part." Quinn was surprised by Jamie’s abrupt burst of anger, but pleased by it, too. He thought it was a very good sign for Jamie to be showing some spirit. "He can't hurt you ever again, Jamie."

"I guess." Jamie didn't say it, but Boss had convinced him that he would be a victim for the rest of his life. He was sure that other people, possibly even Quinn, would hurt him again. He suddenly didn't want to be flat on his back anymore, so he tried to sit up.

Quinn reached out to put his hand on Jamie's right shoulder. "Go slow, Jamie."

Jamie swayed even as Quinn said it, and he had to close his eyes at a sudden wave of dizziness. "Oh wow." He heard Quinn move closer but he didn't try to get away. He was sure that he couldn't get far and Quinn didn't really seem so scary just then. Quinn's arm settled around his shoulders a moment later, helping him to sit up straight, and Jamie was surprised again that such a strong man could be so gentle towards him.

"You shouldn't move around very much, Jamie. You've lost a lot of blood." Quinn held Jamie until he had steadied a bit and then slowly withdrew the support to let Jamie sit on his own, though he stayed close by. "The cut on your arm is pretty serious. I had to stitch it up to get the bleeding to stop the first time, and then half of them ripped out again when you fell. You bled a lot more than I'd like while I was stitching it up the second time. You don't look like you had much in the way of reserves to begin with, and all the blood you’ve lost today would be rough on even me."

Jamie swallowed hard and was still for a few moments as he concentrated on just getting past the dizziness, then he finally looked at Quinn. "You saved my life twice today, then. Thank you."

Quinn smiled softly and lifted one hand to brush a wisp of hair back from Jamie's face. "That's only fair, since you saved mine."

Jamie realized suddenly that he could feel the reassuring weight of a braid hanging over his shoulder into the sling. He knew Quinn must have braided his hair while he was unconscious the last time, but he didn't look to see if his hair was clean or not. Quinn was only a few inches away and his green eyes had caught Jamie's attention so completely that he couldn't have turned away if he tried. No one had looked at Jamie with such obvious concern in a long time, and he suddenly felt that he could trust the man behind those gentle, worried green eyes.

They sat there just gazing into each other's eyes for a minute or two before Quinn suddenly pulled away and changed the subject. "I found a calf hanging in the barn. Someone had cleaned it and it smelled fresh, so that's what's for dinner."

"Moose butchered it just before Kenny saw you on the trail." Jamie licked his lips, which were dry and cracked, then asked hesitantly, "Is there any water? I'm really thirsty."

Quinn reached for his canteen, offering it to Jamie. "I’m sorry, I should have thought of that before now. I know it's been hours since you had anything to drink."

"Not since yesterday morning," Jamie corrected softly as he reached for the canteen. He was so thirsty that he wanted to drink the whole thing, but he could barely hold on to it. He was so weak that his hand was shaking like a leaf in a high wind.

Quinn saw the way Jamie's hand was shaking and lifted the canteen for him so that all Jamie had to do was drink. Jamie was grateful for the help and gulped greedily at the cool, sweet water as Quinn murmured, "Easy, Jamie. Not too much."

Quinn lowered the canteen again long before Jamie was ready for him to, and Jamie was mortified when he realized that he had actually whimpered. He flushed and looked away, wiping his mouth and then dropping his good hand to his lap as he mumbled, "Sorry."

"Don't be sorry," Quinn said gently. "I know that you're thirsty, but you need to drink some broth instead. If you fill up on plain water, you'll just be sick. You need the salt and protein in the broth." He closed the canteen and laid it aside, then stood to move around the fire to the panniers. "I hope you like beef and rice. That's what I made, and you really should eat something once you feel up to it."

"That's fine." Jamie wasn't sure that he felt like eating, but he was willing to try if it might help him feel better. "I haven't had anything to eat in a few days except what Boss gave me last night. They usually didn't give me anything unless there was extra." He flushed when he realized he had said all of that out loud, but he didn't try to take it back. It was true, he just hadn't intended to tell Quinn.

Quinn stopped and turned to look at Jamie with a stricken expression. "Oh, Jamie." He had been afraid they were starving him, but to hear Jamie talk as if it were perfectly normal made him even more worried about the boy's mental state. "I should have fixed you something to eat hours ago."

"It's okay," Jamie said softly. "I'm used to it."

Quinn looked at Jamie a moment more and then got two plates and a mug from the pannier. He walked over to put them down near Jamie's knee and then went around the other side of the fire to take a cooking pot and a small coffee pot off of the coals. He used scraps of folded calf hide to protect his hands from the hot metal as he carried them both over to sit them where Jamie could reach them, then sat down next to Jamie again.

"You're going to eat tonight,” Quinn said firmly, “even if I have to stay up until dawn to be sure you to get a whole meal down."

Jamie was intimidated by Quinn's almost angry tone and the look on Quinn's face. Making him eat wasn't a very terrible thing for Quinn to do, really, and Quinn hadn't said he would do anything to Jamie if he couldn't do it. "Yessir," he said meekly, looking down at his bandaged arm. "I'll eat whatever you want me to."

Quinn realized that Jamie was scared and reached out as if to touch him, then stopped himself and pulled his hand back. "Jamie, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to scare you. If you don't want to eat I guess you don't have to, but I _hope_ you will. You'll never heal without something in your stomach for your body to work with."

Jamie glanced up then, and the worried, sad look in Quinn's eyes made Jamie suddenly want to reassure him. "I'll eat, I promise." He paused and then added more quietly, "Whatever you want me to do, I will, Quinn. Just tell me what you want."

Jamie didn't know why he had added the last, but as soon as he said it he knew that he meant it. It only took him a moment longer to realize that he was beginning to hope Quinn would decide that he wanted to have sex with him after all. It could be an act, but Quinn seemed to really care about his health and even an act was better than what Jamie had become used to. Staying with Quinn to warm his bed would be much better than being alone the next time he met with strangers.

"Jamie, no." Quinn lifted his hand again and let himself stroke Jamie's hair, his gaze never leaving Jamie's worried brown eyes as he said gently, "I told you I don't look at boys like that. Even if I did, you're hurt and weak and you need to get better before you worry about anything else." He turned away and reached for the coffee pot and the mug, pouring the mug half full of thick beef broth before he turned back to offer it to Jamie. "Here, hold this. It'll warm your hand while it cools enough to drink."

"Yessir." The reply was automatic as Jamie carefully took the mug in his good hand, watching to make sure that he wouldn't spill any as he set it on his knee. He saw that there were small chunks of meat in the broth, which was a deep brown and smelled delicious. He hadn't been allowed to eat anything so rich in a very long time, and the thought of it made his mouth water.

Quinn stared at Jamie for a moment and almost said something, but he finally let out a slow breath and moved to begin filling the plates with the rice and beef. "I would tell you not to do what I say, Jamie, but I need you to listen to me until you get better. I want you to tell me if I ask you to do anything you really don't want to do though, okay?"

Jamie looked up, suddenly feeling shy but pleased, too. "Okay."

Quinn met Jamie's gaze again with a gentle smile. "Good. Now drink your broth."

Jamie just smiled and looked down, lifting his cup to take a careful sip. The broth tasted better than anything he had eaten in a very long time, and he savored it slowly. He wasn't sure of much at all, but he was beginning to feel sort of safe for the first time in a very long while. He liked it.

The broth was pretty good, too.

 

 

 


	3. Chapter 3

3

 

 

Jamie woke up the next morning just as the sun rose over the trees. He remembered almost immediately that Quinn was probably nearby, but it didn't scare him as much anymore. He felt much better for the food and the rest even though he was still weak, and some of the unreasoning terror was gone. He was wrapped up in blankets that smelled of horse and something unfamiliar, and dressed in his own clothes for the first time in months. He had almost forgotten what it was like to feel so comfortable, and he closed his eyes again to just relax and enjoy it.

Eventually Jamie rolled carefully to his side, pillowing his head on his good arm to look around. Simon was grazing about fifteen feet away, and beyond him Jamie could see Alvin and Misty grazing near the creek with Boss' horse and another mare he didn't recognize. Jamie's horses had lost a lot of weight and were bony, and Boss' tall grey stallion was filthy and a little underweight, but the horse that Jamie suddenly realized must be Quinn's mare was fat and sleek. She was a sorrel with white spots over the top of her hips, and was built heavily enough to outweigh each of the others even though she was the shortest of them all.

Jamie heard a noise after a few minutes and lifted his head to look towards it. Quinn sitting was nearby watching him with a pleased smile, his green eyes gentle and warm.

"Good morning," Quinn said softly. "You seem a bit more relaxed. Did you sleep well?"

Jamie nodded, smiling back as he blushed slightly. "Yes, thank you." He looked around, wondering where Quinn had slept. "Where are your blankets?"

Quinn chuckled softly. "You're wrapped up in them, Jamie."

"You let me have them all?" Jamie asked softly, blushing again and feeling shy as he tried to sit up. He felt awful that he had been warm and comfortable while Quinn slept on the ground. The leaves had just begun to turn on the trees, but they were in the mountains where the nights were cold and morning dew left everything damp. Jamie knew just how cold it could get; he had been left to sleep in the floor without a stitch on too often to ever forget it.

Quinn moved closer to help Jamie up, steadying him when Jamie swayed a bit. "I didn't mind, Jamie. When I woke up around three to stoke the fire you were shivering, so I covered you with my blanket. I don't want you to catch pneumonia while you're so weak."

"Thank you." Jamie hadn't really thought about it, but he realized that it probably had been warmer in the cabin at night. He hadn't been allowed to wear clothes much of the time so he had always felt cold to one extent or another, but it was still much cooler out in the meadow.

"You're welcome." Quinn settled cross-legged near Jamie as he smiled at him again.

Jamie returned the smile even though he was having trouble making sense of how he was feeling. He still wasn't sure that Quinn wouldn't decide to fuck him after all, but he wasn't really afraid of it anymore. Quinn had been so gentle that he was pretty sure Quinn didn't want to hurt him, and Jamie suddenly realized something that made him blush and look away. After being around Boss so long, Jamie wouldn't really mind anything Quinn wanted from him as long as Quinn kept being so sweet to him and didn't leave him to fend for himself afterwards.

"What are you thinking?" Quinn asked softly, curious.

Jamie blushed even more and looked down as he began toying with the end of his braid. "You don't really want to know."

"Try me," Quinn said, smiling.

Jamie glanced up at Quinn again and then looked quickly over at the horses, feeling like his face was on fire. It was a simple enough question, and for some reason Jamie felt the urge to be honest with Quinn even though he would rather not answer. "I was thinking that I wouldn't really mind anything you wanted me to do, as long as you don't leave me alone here." He swallowed and looked down again, adding more quietly, "It's been a very long time since anyone was nice to me."

Quinn watched Jamie for a moment before he lifted one hand to Jamie's hair, smoothing down a bit that had escaped from the loose braid. "Jamie, you don't have to do anything for me except get better, alright? I'm not going to abandon you or start being mean to you no matter what you do. You've had too much of that already." He paused, watching Jamie and waiting for him to look up, and when Jamie finally lifted his gaze Quinn asked gently, "How long have you been here?"

Jamie shrugged, wincing when it jarred his sore arm. "I'm not sure. A few months, I think." He paused and then admitted, "I've forgotten exactly when it was they caught me." Quinn moved his hand to cup Jamie's jaw and Jamie leaned into the gentle touch without really thinking about it as he added softly, "It was around the first of June though, I think. Just before that."

That particular morning was the twenty-fifth of September. Quinn had noticed when he checked his watch just after Jamie woke up. He ran his thumb lightly along Jamie's cheekbone as he murmured, "I can't imagine spending almost four _months_ with those bastards. After just an hour I already wanted them dead. Were you alone when they caught you?"

Jamie nodded slightly, looking down without moving his head because he didn't want to move away from Quinn's hand. He hadn't been touched so gently in a very long time, and he liked it. "Except for my horses." He blinked back a sudden prickle of tears. "I was traveling with my Dad at first, but he was shot back in April. I was alone after that, except when Duke rode with me for a while."

"Duke?" Quinn's thumb stroked slowly along Jamie's cheek as he watched Jamie talk, his green eyes soft and sad. Jamie reminded Quinn of one of his old girlfriends so much that he just wanted to take care of him, to protect him from the kind of people that took advantage of someone so delicate.

It unnerved Quinn to be feeling so protective about a guy he barely knew, even one as young as Jamie, but the protective feeling wasn't as odd as the urge he felt to pull Jamie into his lap and just hold him. He had to keep reminding himself not to, though he had almost given up on not touching Jamie. It seemed to be soothing to Jamie when Quinn touched him, and reassuring Jamie was more important to Quinn just then than his own hang-ups. Quinn figured he could worry about how much he enjoyed touching Jamie later.

"An old guy I ran into along the way." Jamie shrugged again, this time remembering only to move his good shoulder. "He tried to tell me to cut my hair and be more careful about traveling in the open, but I didn't listen. It's my own fault I got caught." He looked up at Quinn, finally meeting his gaze again. "You don't happen to have any scissors, do you?"

"Not that would cut hair very well, no. That's why I've been letting mine grow." Quinn moved his hand to run his fingertips along Jamie's braided hair where it hung down Jamie's chest, then lifted the thick braid as if to weigh it. "Seems a shame to cut this anyway. It must have taken years to grow so long."

Jamie tried very hard not to remember the way Boss had liked to play with his hair as he looked over at the horses. "My granddad was full-blood Kickapoo, and he didn't believe a man should ever cut his hair. Dad kept his hair about half as long as mine is, but Grandpa's braids hung to his waist. He was always so proud I was keeping mine, even though I'm only a fourth Kickapoo. It hasn't been cut since I was little." He thought of something and then corrected, "Well, I've clipped split ends, but that's not the same as a real haircut."

"It's beautiful." Quinn realized he had said that aloud and blushed as he released Jamie's hair and then stood and moved away, changing the subject abruptly. "What would you like for breakfast? There's some rice left over from last night. You found the cheese I had, but there's still some powdered eggs and the dried vegetables, and there's plenty of beef." He looked at Jamie again from across the fire. "Steak and scrambled eggs sound good? The rice and vegetables should make a good stew for later today."

Jamie nodded, his own face a little red from the compliment Quinn had given him even though it had felt nice to hear it. "Sure." He disentangled himself from the blankets and then carefully started to get to his feet for a trip into the bushes. He was wary of another fainting spell, so he moved slowly even though he really felt like he needed to hurry.

Quinn moved over quickly to help him stand, looking concerned when Jamie swayed. "What did you want, Jamie? Let me get it for you."

Jamie blushed redder as he mumbled, "You can't go to the bathroom for me."

Quinn let out a surprised little laugh. "Well no, I guess I can't." He waited until Jamie stopped swaying and then let go and slowly stepped back. "Are you sure I can't help, though? I could steady you while you walk to the corner of the cabin, at least."

Jamie shook his head. "I'll make it." He turned away to walk slowly towards the trees just beyond the cabin. He glanced back when he paused at the corner of the building and then smiled slightly when he saw Quinn still watching, concerned. "I'll be okay."

"If you say so." Quinn didn't look convinced but he turned back towards the supplies to begin making breakfast.

Jamie continued around the cabin out of sight, staying near the wall so he could reach out to steady himself as he walked. He didn't really feel dizzy anymore, but it was beginning to worry him that walking was such an effort. His left arm burned and he couldn't move that hand at all, but until that moment Jamie had convinced himself it would be okay in a few days. How tired he was after walking only twenty feet suddenly brought the injury into better perspective. Even when the raiders had beaten Jamie so badly that every breath was agony, he hadn't felt so shaky and weak.

Jamie shivered and stopped to catch his breath, leaning against the wall as he realized that he really had come very close to bleeding to death.

 

~*~*~

 

After breakfast, Jamie sat watching the horses graze for a while, kicking himself and feeling depressed. Jamie's packs had held plenty of grain when he was caught, and he knew Boss had sent Moose to get more several times, but it looked like all of the feed had gone to Boss' own horse. Jamie's horses were beginning to grow their winter coats, but even the thick fuzzy hair couldn't hide the fact they had lost a lot of weight. Jamie was particularly upset by how thin Misty was because he knew she was in foal.

Quinn suddenly spoke, distracting him. "Where are you from, Jamie?"

Jamie looked over at him. "Nowhere, really. Or maybe everywhere." Quinn's obvious confusion made Jamie smile. "Dad was a bit of a gypsy. We lived in our Suburban and traveled where the wind took us for years. We started to spend a lot of time in Alabama when I was eleven, but we still traveled. Dad had friends all over the country that he trained horses for every year, and we went to a lot of shows, too. We both showed a lot the last few years before the end. My mare was a national champion, and Dad finished five colts who made it to the Egyptian Event – that's an Arabian show for horses that trace to desert bloodlines – and then sold for ridiculously high prices."

Quinn blinked and then laughed softly. "That sounds like so much more fun than growing up in a little hick town in Missouri."

Jamie smiled a bit wider. "I liked it, but I liked Alabama better. Showing was fun, but I never really liked it as much as some people."

"Where in Alabama did you live?" Quinn asked, curious.

"Talladega," Jamie replied, then hesitated a moment before he added, "Dad and I worked on a big Arabian farm near there."

Quinn smiled. "I never met an Arab that didn't keep people guessing. Alabama’s pretty country, too."

"It was nice," Jamie agreed. "If you're from Missouri, how did you wind up here? Wherever 'here' is. I was pretty lost when I ended up here."

Quinn looked bemused. "Drifting, mostly. Not much reason to stay home after the war, and I was curious about survivors. And we're not far from Morgan's Gap, Tennessee. I rode through there just before I got ambushed."

"Might help if I knew where in Tennessee that was," Jamie said wryly, bemused.

"About forty miles north of the border." Quinn chuckled at Jamie's blank look. "Seventy miles or so from Huntsville, Alabama, if I remember right."

Jamie brightened at that. "I'm not as far off course as I thought, then."

"Where were you headed?"

"Back to the farm. I know that–" Jamie broke off and steeled himself, then said quietly, "Well, I know that my Dad's partner died, but Troy had a niece and a son that were kind of like my brother and sister. I know it's a long shot, but no one knew if they were alive when my Dad called there near the end, and I don't really have anything else I should be doing."

Quinn nodded. "I understand." He paused and then asked carefully, "By partner, do you mean business partner?"

Jamie made himself keep meeting Quinn's gaze even though he really didn't want to. He was sure Quinn would be disgusted, just like every other man he'd ever had to tell about his dad and Troy. "No, I don't. Dad and Troy were in a relationship for six years. They'd have been married if it was legal."

"You don't have to look so worried, Jamie, I'm not going to say anything mean." Quinn smiled at Jamie's obvious surprise and explained, "I worked in a gay bar while I was in college because the money was so good. Sometimes it seemed like I was the only straight person I knew, but I didn't mind. I've known some gay men I liked more than a lot of straight guys."

Jamie blinked and then smiled, surprised but very pleased. "Oh! Well, uhm, good."

Quinn smiled back at Jamie, glad to see him so pleased, but after a few moments he changed the subject. "I think that maybe you should rest a few days before you try and move on, Jamie. I understand that you probably don't want to stay here, but–"

"But even if I could get into the saddle, I would fall off of Simon in five minutes if I tried to ride out," Jamie finished for him, looking towards the tall pinto gelding with a sigh. "I do hate this place. Everywhere I look I remember things I'd rather walk away and forget." He looked back at Quinn. "Well, except for when I look at you. You saved my life."

Quinn reached over to cover Jamie's good hand with his, giving it a squeeze. "Look at me all you like, then."

Jamie blushed and turned his hand over to return the squeeze, suddenly feeling shy. "Okay."

Quinn smiled warmly, looking into Jamie's eyes for a minute or two before he asked, "Well, if we're going to stick around a bit, what would you like to do today? I thought about doing some laundry, but that's not important if you have something else you want me to do."

Jamie was glad that Quinn was still holding his hand, though he wasn't sure why. He had never really liked holding anyone's hand before, not even when he was little, but for some reason holding Quinn's hand was reassuring. "Laundry is fine. There's a washtub and some cake soap in the barn." He paused and then added, "They wouldn't ever let me use it, but I saw it when Boss and I were out there one day." He didn't elaborate why Boss would have been in the barn with him. Jamie thought it was pretty obvious, considering what Quinn had seen of how Boss treated him.

"Well then, we'll both have more clean clothes by dark." Quinn stood up easily and then gave a gentle tug on Jamie's hand, smiling. "Come with me to look? There's so much junk piled in that tack room that it might take me hours without knowing where to begin, and even more up in the loft."

"Okay." Jamie let Quinn help him up, swaying only a little but still glad of how quickly Quinn moved closer to steady him.

Jamie swallowed and blushed a bit, and he was surprised when Quinn reached up to brush back a long wisp of his hair. "I should braid this again," Quinn murmured. "I didn’t get it tight enough and it's coming loose."

Jamie gave Quinn a shy little smile, looking up at him as he said softly, "I'd like that."

Quinn looked into Jamie's eyes for long moment again before he suddenly remembered that they were supposed to be doing something else. "Do you remember where the tub was?" he asked, blushing slightly as he let go of Jamie's hand and moved away.

Jamie tried to hide how disappointed he was when Quinn stopped touching him. After the last several months Jamie felt like he shouldn't _want_ anyone touching him, and just the day before the idea had frightened him, but for some reason he really wanted Quinn to touch him. It didn't make sense to him because he had never been the touchy-feely type, but that was how he felt. Quinn was so gentle and careful with him, and every time Quinn touched him Jamie felt drawn to him a little bit more than the last time. It was scary, but thrilling, too. He hadn't had very much to enjoy in a long time.

"In the stall at the back," Jamie said finally. "The one with the old cot."

Quinn finally realized why Jamie had been in the barn. "Ought to be easy for me to find it myself if you would rather not go in there."

Jamie flushed and looked away. "I've got just as many bad memories of out here, or the creek, or anywhere else within sight of the cabin. They didn't care where I was if they decided to hurt me, Quinn."

Quinn reached for Jamie's hand again, giving it a squeeze. "If you want to leave today, we can ride double so you won't fall. My mare can carry us both as far as the next town south of here. You're so skinny she'll hardly know you're there, and it's only a few miles."

Jamie met Quinn's gaze again for a moment and then looked away, lacing their fingers together in a not-so-subtle plea for Quinn to keep holding his hand. "I can handle it, Quinn. I know I probably seem like a sissy little fag to you, but I think I'm through freaking out."

Quinn let out a surprised little laugh. "Jamie, you might be weak because you're hurt, but I would never call you a sissy or a fag. You've lived through ten kinds of hell and come out the other side sane, and only a very strong person could do that."

"Sort of," Jamie corrected, blushing because he was so pleased that Quinn thought well of him. "I'm pretty messed up, I think, but I'm trying." He squeezed Quinn's hand, looking up at him again. "Being with you helps. I'd be dead if you weren't here, either bled to death or from biting a gun barrel." He didn't even think about how much that revealed about his state of mind until he saw the stricken look on Quinn's face. "I won't," Jamie said hastily, "but I had thought about it, before. It seemed like the only way I could ever really be safe again."

Quinn let go of Jamie's hand and stepped closer to cup Jamie's face between his palms, looking seriously into Jamie's eyes. "That's not even an option anymore though, right?"

"I promise," Jamie whispered. The gentle way Quinn was cradling his face had brought on the familiar prickle of impending tears, but Jamie was glad that he didn't actually start crying. He felt bad for causing the worry he saw in Quinn's eyes, and he was glad to see it replaced with relief when Quinn decided he meant what he said.

"Good," Quinn said with a smile. He kissed Jamie's forehead, not really thinking about what mixed signals he might be sending by doing so, and he was completely unprepared for Jamie's reaction.

Jamie let out a tiny little noise when he felt Quinn's lips touch his skin and he closed his eyes, biting his lip. He had almost forgotten what it was like to feel like someone truly cared about him, and the warm feeling he got when Quinn kissed his forehead caught him completely off guard. He managed to keep from saying anything or doing something stupid, but it was a very near thing and he couldn't stop the renewed sting of tears in his eyes. He suddenly wanted to kiss Quinn so much that for a moment he could almost taste his lips, even though the idea scared him.

Quinn frowned and tilted Jamie's chin up, his tone of voice going soft and worried as he asked, "Jamie? Is something wrong?"

Jamie thought it was pathetic how strongly he reacted to something so simple and completely innocent as a kiss on the forehead. He shook his head slightly, opening his eyes and blinking back tears as he tried to smile. "No, I was just trying not to make a fool of myself. I think I did anyway." He impulsively turned his head to kiss Quinn's palm before he could think about it too much, then pulled away to start walking towards the barn. He wasn't steady enough on his feet yet to hurry, but he couldn't look into Quinn's eyes just then. He was sure that if he did, he would do something that couldn't be passed off as gratitude.

Quinn stood and watched Jamie walk a few strides before he moved to catch up. "I can't decide if I just did something I shouldn't have or not," he said after a minute of walking next to Jamie, looking ahead at the barn. "I keep telling you that I'm not going to make you do anything, and that you're safe with me. I think maybe you believe that, or you're starting to at least, but I still keep feeling the need to reassure you, too. I thought that you liked it when I touched you, but now I feel like maybe I did something wrong after all."

Jamie looked down at the ground, walking slowly with Quinn as he tried to think of how to explain. "I'm sorry. I don't mean to confuse you. I keep confusing myself, too." Jamie bit his lip, trying to sort it out in his head. "I think that I'm starting to like you a little more than I probably should." He felt his face heating up as he admitted very softly, "Or maybe I just want you and I can't tell the difference." He flushed even more and tried to explain. "I mean, Boss and the others fucked me all the time, you know that, but I didn't ever _want_ them to. I've never really _wanted_ someone to touch me, and I'm not used to liking it."

Quinn was quiet for a few strides, staring at Jamie, and then he said very softly, "Jamie, you don't even know me."

"I know that, but I also know that you treat me better than anyone ever has except my dad or Troy." Jamie shrugged his good shoulder, not looking up. "I guess maybe I'm stupid, but that's enough for me right now. I feel like I should trust you. I don't know why, but I do." His face felt like it would never stop burning as he added, "I never knew anyone before that made me feel this confused, but you make me feel sort of safe, too."

Jamie could feel Quinn watching him, and he risked a glance just as Quinn finally said gently, "I'm honored, Jamie, really I am, but I didn't lie to you when I said I've never looked at men that way."

Jamie looked away again, trying not to let the sudden pang of unhappiness he felt show. "I understand."

"That's part of why _I'm_ confused, I guess," Quinn went on as if Jamie hadn't spoken. "I can't look at you without wanting to take care of you. Sometimes it freaks me out a little bit."

Jamie looked at him again. "What are you trying to say, Quinn?"

"I guess that I like you too, Jamie," Quinn replied quietly, his expression serious. "I just don't know how far that goes yet."

"Whether you want to be friends or might want more, you mean."

"I've always liked girls, Jamie. A lot. Hell, I worked in a gay club for _years_ with guys hitting on me and slipping me their phone numbers every night, and I was never once as tempted to touch another man as I am right now. Some people are that close to their friends, but I’ve never been that way."

Jamie looked down at the ground again, thinking about it before he said softly, "I've never had many friends, but I'm pretty sure I'd like more than that from you, Quinn. I've never wanted a friend to hold me, or wondered what it might be like to kiss them." He swallowed hard, blushing. "It's … very unpleasant for me to even _think_ about some things, but that hasn't kept me from enjoying the way you touch me. I've found myself thinking that–" He broke off and took a shaky breath, then made himself go on very softly, "Well, that even sex would be okay, if I could just stay with you."

Quinn reached for Jamie's hand and laced their fingers together. "Next time you feel like you need someone to hold you, go ahead and say so. I've been fighting that urge myself, so I think I can handle that much." Jamie looked at him quickly, still blushing, and Quinn smiled crookedly at him. "I think we both need some time before we worry about the rest, though."

Jamie squeezed Quinn's hand with a shy little smile. "I can do that."

 

~*~*~

 

Quinn hung a blanket over the rope he had strung between trees to dry things on, then started towards where Jamie was sitting near the fire in front of the cabin. "That's the last."

"Good, you've been working long enough." Jamie smiled at Quinn and patted the horse blanket he was sitting on. "Come sit down and eat. It's long past lunch time."

Quinn walked over to sit next to Jamie, grinning. "What are we having?"

"Beef stew." Jamie shifted onto his knees and leaned to pick up a rag so he could take the lid off of the pot that was sitting in the coals to keep it hot. "I put most of a shoulder and the leftover rice in with the last onion and some of the dried vegetables you had in your pack." He laid the lid aside and then picked up the ladle to fill one of the tin bowls Quinn had found in the barn, adding, "I think it tastes pretty good, considering." He set the ladle in the lid and then picked up the bowl to offer it to Quinn with a smile. "Better than an empty belly, for sure."

Quinn accepted the bowl with a smile. "I'm sure it's fine, it smells wonderful, Jamie."

Jamie beamed at him and turned to reach for a spoon, but when he looked back Quinn's expression had become a bit unhappy. Jamie's happy smile faded as quickly as it had appeared. "What?"

"Jamie, you don't have to wait on me." Quinn said it gently and tried to take the sting out of it with a smile, but Jamie still flinched as he put the spoon in Quinn's bowl.

"You were working so hard, I just wanted to make sure there was something ready to eat when you were done." Jamie settled on the blankets again, not looking at Quinn. "I'm sorry. I guess you wanted to do something else with the food."

Quinn shook his head quickly. "Jamie, no. I didn't mean it like that." He set the bowl aside and reached out to touch Jamie's chin, gently tugging to make Jamie look at him. He brushed back Jamie's hair with his other hand, searching for the right words for a few moments before he said softly, "I know they made you cook for them. I don't want you to feel like I expect that from you."

Jamie felt a sudden prickle in his eyes and closed them. "I _know_ that," he said after a moment as he opened his eyes again. His voice was soft and a bit rough, but he was proud that he didn't cry. He hadn't ever cried easily before the raiders took him, and he hated that it seemed like he hadn't done anything else since then. "I couldn't go back and forth hanging laundry, and I couldn't help wash very well with just one hand, but I could sit by the fire and cook, so I did. I wasn't afraid you'd beat me if I didn't, or that you wouldn't let me eat if you didn't like it. I just wanted to help."

Quinn looked into Jamie's eyes for a moment more and then pulled away as he settled back onto the blanket to pick up his bowl. "I'm the one who should be sorry. You were perfectly happy to be feeding me until I upset you."

"It's alright." Jamie scooted a little closer to Quinn, not really thinking about it as he moved so close that his bad arm was almost brushing Quinn's side. "I shouldn't have been upset so easily. I know you don't want me to be." Quinn looked at Jamie sharply and Jamie realized how that sounded. "I mean, I know you don't _want_ to upset me, so I should know what you said wasn't something that should." He paused again and then added sheepishly, "It makes sense in my head, but I don’t think I'm saying it right."

"I've got the same problem. How about we just start over?" Jamie nodded quickly, relieved, and then Quinn smiled. "This stew smells great, Jamie."

Jamie smiled back. "Thanks." He watched Quinn take a bite, and the sudden pleased smile on Quinn's face almost made up for all the awkward words.

Quinn chewed and swallowed, then gave Jamie a crooked grin. "This is a hell of a lot better than the beef stews I’ve been making. I might have to _stay_ too busy to cook if you keep this up."

Jamie didn't know how to respond, so he just beamed at Quinn and didn't say anything at all.

Quinn knew that the best compliment for a good cook was an empty plate, so he started eating in earnest. It didn't hurt at all that the stew was delicious. Jamie had combined leftover rice, beef shoulder, and onions all together, letting them cook until the rice had practically disintegrated into the thick broth Quinn had made the night before. The vegetables had been rehydrated in a separate container of hot water so they weren't just beef-flavored little bits, and then added to the thick stew when it was nearly done so they wouldn't cook to mush.

Quinn had been cooking over a campfire for a long time, but he decided right then that he really had no clue how to make the best of it. The stew that Jamie had made was so good that when Quinn went to fill his bowl again he was salivating as if he hadn’t even eaten, but after he saw what was left in the pot he gave Jamie a concerned look. "Jamie, did you eat?"

"I had a little bit." Jamie didn't tell Quinn that he had gotten so used to not being allowed to eat that he just didn't seem to get hungry anymore. It was embarrassing for him to even think about that fact he had been trained not to want food, and he didn't really want to admit it out loud.

Quinn refilled the bowl and then settled next to Jamie again. "The pot's still pretty full." He took a bite of the stew without actually saying he thought Jamie was lying, though it was obvious.

Jamie blushed. "I had some, honest. I tasted it several times to be sure I put enough salt and pepper in and that the veggies were done. The dehydrated potatoes took forever to stop being chewy and tough."

Quinn sighed and then got a bite of beef on his spoon and offered it to Jamie. "Eat, so you can get better."

Jamie blushed so red that he felt like his face was sunburned but he accepted the spoonful. The sooner he got better, the quicker they could leave. He just hoped that Quinn would let him go along with him when they did. Even if that meant not going to Talladega, Jamie thought he could live with it. He wanted to know if he had family left, and how the horses had survived, but he was so afraid of traveling alone that he thought he could live without knowing. It might even be better not to have to see for himself that the people and horses he had loved really were dead or gone.

Quinn smiled. "Thank you." He took another bite for himself, and then when Jamie swallowed what Quinn had fed to him before, he offered Jamie some more.

Having Quinn feed him embarrassed Jamie and reminded him a little more than he liked of the way Boss had treated him sometimes, but Jamie didn't attempt to get a bowl or even a spoon for himself. Quinn gave Jamie a sweet smile every time he took a bite, and Jamie quickly realized he liked that enough to live with the embarrassment of being fed like a baby. Each smile made Jamie feel warm inside and drew an answering smile from him despite his blushing.

They finished the second bowl before Quinn gave Jamie a questioning look and finally spoke again. "Are you still hungry, Jamie?"

"I wasn't hungry to begin with," Jamie replied with a little smile, "so no." He actually felt more full than he had in a very long time even though he hadn't had much more than half a bowl of stew. He had spent months eating just enough to keep him alive, and having real meals again was catching up to him.

Quinn blinked. "Why did you eat, if you weren't hungry?"

Jamie laughed softly, surprised. "Did you forget already that you _told me to_?"

"But–! You didn't have to just because I said so!" Quinn was confused and even a bit upset. "I've told you that you don't _have_ to do what I say, remember?"

"I wouldn't have eaten otherwise." Jamie shrugged slightly as he admitted, "I can't remember the last time I felt hungry."

Quinn stared. "You weren't hungry last night? After two days with almost no food?"

Jamie shook his head. "Just thirsty. I'm thirsty all the time, though." Quinn just stared at him some more and Jamie felt his face heating up yet again. He suddenly felt like he should explain, so he added, "Dad always said I'd forget to eat if there was nobody around to remind me. I guess not eating very often has just made that worse. The food smells good and I like it well enough, I guess, but I don't really _want_ it."

Quinn was quiet for a few minutes, worried and serious, then asked finally, "Jamie, do you know anything about starvation?"

"Not really," Jamie replied slowly. "Not beyond the obvious, I mean."

Quinn sighed, looking off into the trees a moment before he met Jamie's gaze again. "I had a girlfriend in college named Tricia. She was just a tiny thing and so delicate that sometimes I felt like I’d break her if I looked at her wrong, but she just couldn't let herself believe that. When we first started dating she would eat just a few bites when I took her out, but that didn't last very long. She began to say that she ate before we went out, or that she had an upset stomach, or make some other excuse not to eat.

"I tried to talk to her about it but she always just asked me to trust her to know what she was doing. I was in love with her, completely head-over-heels, so I tried to make myself believe her even though I sort of knew it was a lie." He swallowed hard, looking away. "She started to get sick eventually, and then one day she passed out on the way to class. Her heart stopped on the way to the hospital, and for weeks after she was stable the slightest stress could make her heart go haywire again. They made her stay there so they could supervise her eating until she was at a healthy weight again and her heart had returned to something close to normal."

Jamie waited for Quinn to go on, but he didn't. After a few minutes Jamie finally asked quietly, "What happened when they let her out?"

Quinn looked at Jamie again, his green eyes cloudy and dark with sadness. "She moved back in with me and everything seemed fine for a while, but then she started losing weight again. I finally hounded her into seeing the doctor, and after she got back we had a fight. She gave back my engagement ring and took off. I got a few letters from her and then she just stopped writing."

Jamie reached over to touch Quinn's arm. "I'm sorry."

Quinn managed to smile. "Thanks. It's been a few years now, but I still think about her." He didn't think that Jamie would want to know how much Jamie reminded him of Tricia, so he didn't tell him. "I guess that seeing what happened to her is what makes me feel so strongly about making you eat. She didn’t weigh a whole lot less than you do now when she put herself in the hospital and nearly died."

"Remind me to eat anytime you want," Jamie said quickly. "I know I'm too skinny, and I’m not stupid enough to want to be this way." He looked down, tugging at the leg of his loose jeans and making a face. "These used to be kind of tight, and now they swallow me whole. I’ve lost most of my muscle, not to mention what little padding I had. I used to throw eighty-pound bales of hay like they weighed half that, but even if my arm wasn’t hurt I’m sure I couldn’t pick one up now."

"You _are_ all bones and hair," Quinn agreed, trying to tease and lighten the mood.

Jamie smiled slightly. "More hair than anything else. That's what Dad used to say."

Quinn lifted his hand to tug Jamie's braid gently, smiling. "I thought there was a lot when I washed it, but it seemed like there was twice as much when I tried to braid it after it was dry. I've never met anyone with such gorgeous hair."

Jamie blushed at the compliment, smiling a little wider even though he was suddenly feeling shy. "I never did thank you for washing and braiding it for me. I'll barely even be able to comb it with just one hand."

"You don't have to, Jamie, I'm happy to help." Quinn leaned to kiss Jamie's cheek lightly and then stood and made a strategic retreat to go wash his bowl. He had been tempted to kiss Jamie right on those lips that looked as soft and full as a woman's, but he managed to resist the impulse. He spent the entire trip to the creek reminding himself yet again that Jamie really was male, no matter how long his hair was or how beautiful he was when he smiled.

Jamie was blushing hotly as he watched Quinn go, but he was smiling too. He had begun to think he would never know what it felt like to enjoy being with someone, even as a friend, but Quinn had changed that without even seeming to try.

Even thinking about what would happen if Quinn decided he wasn't completely straight after all couldn't make Jamie want to stop whatever it was that was growing between them. Quinn's gentle touch was quickly becoming one of Jamie's favorite things, and a look that Quinn got in his eyes sometimes made Jamie feel all warm and tingly in a way he hadn't ever experienced before. It was confusing and scary, and Jamie couldn't quite make sense of any of it yet, but he _was_ sure of one thing.

He loved the way that being near Quinn made him feel.

 

 


	4. Chapter 4

4

 

 

Jamie spent most of the next few days watching the horses graze, watching Quinn work, talking with Quinn, or sleeping. He hated how quickly he became tired, but Quinn insisted it was normal after so much blood loss and wouldn't let him do much. Quinn did almost all of the camp chores and made sure that Jamie ate three meals a day, and he checked a few times each day to be sure that Jamie had a full canteen nearby.

Jamie didn't know until late the third day that Quinn had dragged the bodies out of the cabin and hauled them off while Jamie was still out of it that first day. He still refused to go into the cabin, even going so far as to take shelter in the barn with the horses when a series of showers passed through, but it helped him to know that there was nothing in there. Jamie had nearly gotten himself killed while murdering three sleeping men, but there were no bodies lurking for him to stumble over and he wanted to leave it at that.

The physical scars would never fade completely, but some of the emotional ones were surprisingly easy for Jamie to get past with Quinn's help. Just having plenty to eat and so much rest made Jamie feel much better, but the time to get to know Quinn was what made him happier. Quinn was very good about not asking questions when Jamie let slip something about a bad memory, and Jamie slowly began to be plagued by fewer of them. He soon was no longer afraid of Quinn at all, and they learned not to blunder so often into awkward conversations.

It was little short of amazing to Quinn that Jamie recovered so quickly from months of emotional and physical abuse. If he had asked Jamie about it, he would have been shocked that Jamie was sure Quinn deserved most of the credit. Jamie felt like Quinn saved his sanity a hundred times a day. It seemed like he barely had time to realize a memory upset him before Quinn would ask a question about something completely different and distract him.

They were soon having long involved conversations about books they had read or random things like engine repair, and within a few days Jamie had caught on to the trick of losing himself in small things. Counting the white spots on the rump of Quinn's mare, Specklebird, took up nearly an hour of the fourth afternoon because she kept moving while Quinn trimmed her hooves.

It amused Quinn and Jamie to no end when a third recount showed that the mare actually did have forty-two spots. The answer to 'life, the universe, and everything' was on a horse's butt, but for some reason Specklebird wasn't as impressed as they were. Quinn pronounced them both hopeless geeks and they moved on to trimming Simon’s hooves as their conversation shifted to geeky things they had said or done. Like many of their conversations that one soon evolved into something completely different, and they spent most of an hour cheerfully trying to stump each other with lines from movies they had enjoyed before the end.

The morning of the fifth day Jamie could finally stand and walk at a normal pace without getting dizzy or tiring easily, so they began getting things ready so they could leave. Quinn helped find Jamie's saddles and tack among the others in the barn, and it didn't take them long to discover that rodents had found them first. Rats had chewed two of the three cinches to shreds for the salt of the sweat in them, as well as the nylon tie straps and breastcollars, and the thin leather of Misty’s bridle was so chewed that it was almost unrecognizable as a bridle anymore, just scraps of leather and buckles. Simon's leather headstall and reins were in better shape but still unsafe because something chewed through the stitching in two places, and the rawhide bosal Simon had worn was nowhere to be found.

Jamie was ready to just ride out bareback and find another saddle and bridle later, but Quinn decided to dig around in the things from the tack room to try and find parts to replace what had been ruined. The raiders had been throwing things they took from people in there for a long time and there were layers of clothes and camping supplies thrown in with saddles, tack, and miscellaneous junk. Some layers had been chewed much worse than others, but the saddle blankets and leather goods seemed to have taken the brunt of the damage.

Quinn wouldn't let Jamie do very much to help with sorting through the tack room itself, so Jamie spent a lot of time in the sun outside the barn going through the usable things Quinn found and separating out parts they might need. Most of the tack in the barn was beyond recovery, but by mid afternoon Jamie finally had an intact saddle and bridle for Simon and ragged but usable cinches for two saddles.

Jamie and Quinn were both very pleased with themselves, and they celebrated by saddling up and going hunting together. Jamie's left arm was still too weak and sore to shoot a rifle, and he wasn't really very good with a handgun, but he could track and he could ride. They penned the other horses up in the corral and then started off down the creek with Simon and Specklebird to look for a promising game trail. After meals of rabbit and turkey, they both wanted something more substantial.

Jamie was glad to be able to ride Simon again after so long, and knowing that they would be leaving the cabin the next day made that short hunting trip feel almost like a party to him. Quinn was amused by Jamie's enthusiasm and might have teased him about it, but he was too happy to see Jamie so cheerful to do anything other than encourage Jamie to enjoy himself.

It didn't take them long to find a well-traveled game trail, but neither of them paid much attention to the tracks on it once they saw that cloven-hoofed animals had been using the path. They rode for a quarter of a mile before they came out into a field near an abandoned old barn and realized several cattle, not deer, had made the tracks they had followed. The cattle looked healthy enough, and Jamie and Simon had no problem distracting the herd bull so Quinn could get close enough to shoot a fat calf that kept hiding behind three cows and a yearling heifer.

That night they ate the last of the rice with thick veal steaks cooked on a wire grate that Jamie propped over the fire between several rocks. It was simple food, but they both enjoyed it.

 

~*~*~

 

Quinn washed the dishes after dinner and put them away, then surprised Jamie by walking over to sit so close behind him that Jamie could feel Quinn's breath on his neck. Quinn held a well-worn horse brush where Jamie could see it then, shifting to one side so he could grin impishly at Jamie. "I still couldn't find a comb or any other kind of brush, but this was in a bucket in the back corner of the tack room. At least it's clean."

Jamie giggled and then blushed at how girly it made him sound. He had always hated it when something made him giggle. "Actually, that's my brush. I don't know why it wasn't with my other stuff." He saw that Quinn looked confused so he explained, "It was a joke of my Dad's. When I was little I was bad about not brushing my hair enough, and Dad was always saying I was unkempt as a pastured pony. He got that for me for Christmas one year and threatened to scalp me himself if I didn't start using it."

Quinn grinned, looking at the brush. "It's almost scary how adorable that is."

Jamie laughed, blushing again. "I was eight!"

Quinn smirked. "Which was what, five years ago? I still say you look a lot closer to thirteen than twenty. If I hadn't seen your drivers license when I found your wallet, I'd never believe you were already legal to vote when the world went to hell in a handbasket."

Jamie's face was very red as he elbowed Quinn and said firmly, "Shut up, you."

"Fine, I'll make myself useful instead." Quinn snickered and moved behind Jamie again, shifting to stretch his legs out on either side of Jamie’s hips before he reached for Jamie's braid.

At first Jamie didn't mind the feel of Quinn's fingers slowly and gently unraveling his braid, but as the minutes wore on Jamie began to tense up. Having Quinn so close wouldn't have bothered Jamie if Quinn were beside him, but the feeling of having someone, _anyone_ , so close behind him was bringing back unpleasant memories. He knew that Quinn wasn't really that close to him, but he soon thought he could feel the heat of Quinn's body anyway. He had to spend several minutes silently reminding himself that Quinn wasn't going to do anything to him.

Quinn had promised Jamie that all he had to do was ask Quinn to stop if he did anything that bothered Jamie, and Jamie knew that he meant it. Quinn would often stop and give Jamie a minute or two to get control of his fear even when Jamie didn't actually admit he needed him to. Quinn watched him like a hawk and made it a priority not to upset Jamie or let him be upset by anything, and Jamie had quickly grown to trust him because of it. Bathing was still very awkward, but it wasn't nearly so bad as it would have been if Jamie hadn't known that Quinn would go away for a few minutes anytime he asked him to. It had taken some effort on Jamie's part, but he got used to Quinn helping him in and out of his shirt and even managed to relax while Quinn rinsed his hair and braided it again.

Brushing Jamie's hair shouldn't have been much different, but it triggered a lot more bad memories for Jamie than taking a bath had. Boss had had several fetishes that Jamie had found rather gross, and he had enjoyed using Jamie's hair to put them all together. Jamie didn't know if it was just because Boss liked his hair _that much_ and wanted to touch it when he was doing the other things, or if Boss could just tell Jamie hated it. Either way, Jamie had some seriously bad memories concerning his hair that were still fresh in his mind, and every few hours he found himself thinking about cutting it all off.

Eventually Jamie managed to convince himself that Quinn wasn't going to do anything to him, whether Quinn was behind him or not. Quinn had been sweet and gentle with him and hadn't done anything even remotely worrisome in the time Jamie had known him, and Jamie wanted to trust him. He _needed_ to, really, needed something in his life that he could count on besides Simon and gravity.

Quinn actually started brushing Jamie's hair a few moments later. It was the first time Jamie could really remember having someone else brush his hair, even though he knew his Dad had to have done it at some point.  It didn't take Jamie long to realize that he wanted to repeat the experience, fear or no fear.

When Jamie was eight, John had established a firm rule that if Jamie's hair ever got so long Jamie couldn't care for it himself, he would have to cut it. That had taught Jamie never to ask for help with it, and got him into the habit of washing and caring for it himself. Still, most of the time Jamie ignored his hair. If it got in the way, he braided it and then ignored it some more. He would linger over brushing it occasionally when he was distracted and thinking about something else, but he usually just hurried through it, making sure there were no tangles and then tying it back or braiding it.

Quinn had rinsed Jamie’s hair before and then finger-combed it a bit to untangle the worst knots that he ran into trying to braid it, but that wasn't quite the same as brushing it. To Jamie it didn't feel anything like when Jamie brushed it himself, and he was soon leaning slightly into the slow careful strokes of the brush. There was something soothing about the way Quinn brushed his hair, a lulling quality to the gentle rhythm that somehow made him feel safe. He had relaxed completely before he knew it, and it wasn’t long before he began to think that maybe it wouldn't be so bad if his arm was slow to heal.

Quinn could tell how much Jamie liked it, and he was pleased by it. He enjoyed every minute as he kept brushing slow and careful until Jamie's thick hair crackled with static around them, sticking to Quinn's skin and clothes at least as much as it clung to Jamie. Flyaway hairs caught the light of the fire as they drifted slowly through the air, flaring red or even golden instead of the dark brown Jamie's hair normally was.

"I could do this all night," Quinn murmured after a long while. There wasn't a single tangle anymore, but he was still slowly stroking the brush from the nape of Jamie's neck all the way down to the small of Jamie's back. He was fascinated by the shift and flow of Jamie's hair over his hand, by how smooth the silken weight felt against his fingers, and had to fight the urge to see how it would feel against his lips or his cheek. "Your hair is so soft and alive, all crackling and floating."

Jamie turned his head just enough to glance back over his shoulder at Quinn. "That's because you braided it wet yesterday. After it's been brushed a few times the static will go away."

Quinn smiled and set the brush aside to run his fingers through Jamie's hair instead, his gaze flickering from his hands to Jamie's face as he smoothed away the static. "You'll want a bath again before then, though."

Jamie looked at the fire again, feeling suddenly shy. "Well yeah, probably, but I still can't wash it myself." His arm didn't hurt as much if he kept it still, but it was healing very slowly and he could barely move the fingers of his left hand.

"I won't mind taking care of it for you," Quinn replied gently, beginning to finger-comb Jamie's hair into three sections again. "I sort of enjoy it," he admitted as he finally began to braid it. "I wish we had some shampoo though, I think that would help keep it from tangling so much when it gets wet."

"It would," Jamie agreed softly, holding very still. It had taken Quinn several tries to master how to get a braid tight enough not to slip out but still loose enough not to give Jamie a headache. He was beginning to get the hang of it, but Jamie knew it would be easier to do if he didn't move. "You don't think I should cut it?"

Quinn worked in silence until he reached the end of the braid and then began to wrap it with the piece of bootlace he had used to tie it before. "I think that's your decision, Jamie," he said finally, moving the braid to hang forward over Jamie's shoulder the way Jamie had been keeping it.

Jamie lifted his good hand to stroke the braid slowly, pleased by how even and smooth Quinn had gotten it despite working in the dark. He looked down and watched his fingers as he stroked the braid, asking very softly, "Would you like me to keep it long?"

Quinn took a deep breath and then let it out slowly. "It's your hair, Jamie."

"Quinn, please. Just answer me. Would you like for me to keep it like this?"

"I-" Quinn broke off and was quiet for so long that Jamie was about to ask him again when Quinn finally sighed and then murmured, "I think it's beautiful, Jamie. It looks good on you, even though it wouldn't on most guys."

"Because I'm so girly," Jamie said, letting go of the braid and feeling suddenly stupid as he looked into the fire again. Jamie had never felt like a girl when he was on his own, and he didn't dither over clothes or scream and run when he saw a mouse, but somehow he had always managed to feel like one when he wanted to impress someone. He very much wanted to impress Quinn, so it seemed like he was constantly doing something else that made him feel like a girly little fool.

"No, that's not it at all," Quinn said quickly, lifting one hand to rest it on Jamie's shoulder as he leaned to one side to look at Jamie's face. "Jamie, surely you realize how beautiful you are." Quinn flushed a bit but he didn't try to take it back, instead adding, "You've got amazing hair and a perfect face to go with it, but that doesn't mean you look girly."

Jamie inhaled shakily, not looking at Quinn as he tried to ignore the stinging in his nose and eyes. He couldn't decide if he wanted to be happy that Quinn liked how he looked, or cry because Quinn obviously thought he looked like a girl. "Guys aren't supposed to be beautiful, Quinn."

"And I'm not supposed to look at another man and think about kissing him, either, but it still happens." Jamie looked quickly at Quinn, wide-eyed, and Quinn smiled wryly. "Just stop worrying about it, Jamie. I think you're beautiful, but I promise that it doesn't make me think you're too much like a girl." He smiled a bit wider and teased gently, "You forget that I _like_ girls. If you were more like a girl, I'd probably already be holding you right now."

Jamie swallowed hard, staring at Quinn for a long moment before he whispered, "You can, if you want."

Quinn looked at Jamie for a moment as if waiting to be sure Jamie wouldn't change his mind, and then he smiled. “I’d like that.” He shifted closer and slipped his arms around Jamie to rest his hands lightly on Jamie's stomach, careful not to jostle Jamie's sore arm or hold him too tightly.

Jamie closed his eyes, unable to stop the shudder of fear that went through him when he felt Quinn's chest against his back and a warm breath at his ear. Jamie had a sudden vivid memory of Boss sneaking up behind him, and he was grateful to hear Quinn murmur softly, "It's okay, Jamie. It's just me. Relax."

The warm gentle tone of Quinn's voice and hearing his name gave Jamie something to hold on to. The raiders had never spoken kindly to him or called him by name. That difference helped Jamie remind himself that it was Quinn holding him, not someone who would hurt him. Quinn was the man who helped Jamie while he dressed and held his hair after he woke from nightmares so terrified that he was literally sick, and Jamie was pretty sure that Quinn would never hurt him.

Knowing that in his head didn't seem to help the fear coursing through Jamie's body very much, though. A large part of him was terrified even though he _knew_ there was no reason to be, and not being able to control his own reactions just made it worse.

Jamie felt Quinn shift against his back and realized suddenly that he was shaking like a leaf. "I want to relax, but..." He trailed off, not quite able to make himself tell Quinn that he had loved the idea of Quinn holding him until he actually felt Quinn's hard muscular body against his back and bad memories intruded. "I'm not sure I can," Jamie finally admitted softly, moving his good hand to cover Quinn's. He was trying to ignore the tears sliding down his cheeks, unsure whether they were inspired more by fear or by frustration at himself for being so irrationally scared.

"Shh," Quinn whispered, giving Jamie a gentle squeeze. "I've got you, Jamie. You're safe, I promise." His lips were right by Jamie's ear, and Jamie could feel Quinn's chest move with each slow breath that tickled his skin. "Look up," Quinn said suddenly as he laced their fingers together, keeping his voice soft and gentle.

Jamie swallowed hard and tipped his head back, resting it against Quinn's shoulder to look upwards. He saw a shooting star a moment later and his eyes widened as he turned his head slightly to look at Quinn.

"Watch, that was the third piece, at least." Quinn gave Jamie a soft smile and then looked up again, and Jamie followed his gaze just in time to see something much larger and brighter begin to burn a slower trail across the sky. "I think the space station must be breaking up, or maybe the Hubble telescope," Quinn murmured as they watched smaller pieces start to break off of the main mass. “Something pretty big, anyway. I’ve seen a satellite go down before and it wasn’t half so big.”

It looked like something from a movie, only more indistinct and somehow more real. Moviemakers had never really understood that sometimes a special effect ought to be in less than perfect focus. Reality isn't neat and it wasn't always beautiful or impressive when something major happened. Sometimes it was just a spark of palest orange slowly drifting across the night sky, trailed by a streak of hazy smoke and shedding a path of smaller sparks.

It took a long while for the last of the pale vapor trail to disappear from sight, but they sat there watching the sky together long after there was nothing overhead but the twinkling stars. They both wanted to let the moment last as long as it could. Jamie didn't know when he had finally relaxed, or when his instincts caught up to the rest of him, but he loved how safe and cared for he felt sitting there in Quinn's arms once the fear was finally gone.

Jamie was afraid to give his heart completely into Quinn’s care, but he found himself wanting to. It seemed to Jamie like every good moment in his life after the raiders caught him was because of Quinn. It was a little scary, only not in that 'overwhelming terror' sort of way that everything else seemed to scare him. It was more like the anticipatory fear he felt when a mare went into labor, knowing that so much could go wrong and turn it into a tragedy, but that the fear would be quickly overshadowed by joy if everything went right.

Jamie glanced at Quinn finally to find Quinn watching him with a soft expression in his eyes that made Jamie's heart melt. Jamie suddenly wondered what it would be like to kiss Quinn, and he followed the impulse to say something before he could lose his nerve. "I really like this,” Jamie whispered with a shy smile, “but right now I’d like to do something else that I'm not sure you'd like."

Quinn smiled back, stroking one thumb over the knuckles of Jamie's good hand, which he has still holding. "What is it you want to do, Jamie?"

Jamie felt his face heat up with another blush, and he was grateful for the darkness as he admitted softly, "Kiss you."

"Mmm, yeah, can't have you doing something _that_ stupid," Quinn murmured, his tone suddenly teasing. "I'll just have to do it for you."

Jamie barely had time for his eyes to widen before Quinn's lips were pressed softly against his. He was too shocked to think for a moment, staring at Quinn's face so close to his, but then his eyes finally slipped shut as he relaxed. He moved his lips hesitantly against Quinn's then, hoping that he was doing it right, and was rewarded by a soft pleased sound that made him smile against Quinn's lips.

Jamie was glad suddenly that Boss and his sons had been so adamant they were straight. The way they had figured it, only fags liked kissing boys, so they never did even if they were fucking him anytime the mood struck. Because of that, kissing was one of the very few forms of physical intimacy that had no bad memories associated with it for Jamie. He had never kissed anyone before, not on the lips, but it didn't take him long at all to decide that he liked it.

Jamie was still bold and scared by turns with no real control over which he would be yet, and those first slow, sweet kisses helped him more than he could ever put into words. Quinn was so gentle and patient that it helped Jamie forget everything but the feel of Quinn's lips against his and the scent that Jamie recognized from his blankets and finally realized was simply Quinn. He had been touched before and even had sex as an active, if not willing, participant, but Quinn was the first person to ever kiss him and steal every thought in his head.

For a little while, Jamie even forgot his name.

 

~*~*~

 

When Jamie opened his eyes the next morning, someone was holding him and breathing quietly against the nape of his neck. He panicked before he was really even awake, his heart lurching into a thundering gallop.

After a few moments of adrenaline-fed terror, Jamie realized that he could see Simon standing guard over Misty and Alvin while they slept curled up on the grass just a few feet away. He finally woke up enough to remember that he had fallen asleep with Quinn holding him and he flushed in embarrassment, feeling very stupid. He reminded himself firmly that he was safe with Quinn, and he kept repeating it to himself until he began to relax again. Quinn treated him like he was made of glass and hadn't tried to do anything more than hold and reassure him the night before, so there was absolutely no reason for Jamie to be scared.

Jamie hadn't pulled away far enough that Quinn had to let go of him, mostly because he wasn't strong enough to make Quinn let go, but he had moved far enough that he was surprised Quinn didn't seem to be awake.

Jamie was just getting control of himself again when Quinn asked gently, "Do you need me to move away, Jamie?"

Jamie swallowed hard and shook his head, a little surprised that Quinn had been awake the whole time but too busy trying to get control of his fear again to think much about it. "I don't want to give in to it." He knew that Quinn would understand what he was talking about. Jamie had been plagued by similar reactions when Quinn helped him dress or bathe, and Quinn knew that sometimes Jamie had to really fight to get past the terror.

Jamie made himself shift back closer to Quinn, and then he froze again. There was an unmistakable shape sandwiched between his ass and Quinn's upper thigh, firm and hot even through two pairs of jeans. He managed not to pull away again, reminding himself firmly that he had woken up hard sometimes and that it didn't mean Quinn was going to do anything. Quinn had been holding him all night, and he sounded like he had been awake a while, so there was no reason to panic.

Jamie began to relax slowly again after a few minutes of working to calm himself down, and eventually he noticed that he was holding one of Quinn's hands so tightly that his knuckles were white. He loosened his grip, blushing as he murmured softly, "Sorry."

"Don't be." Quinn gave him a gentle squeeze around the waist. "I should have moved away when I woke up instead of-"

Jamie waited for Quinn to finish but he didn't. Jamie finally turned his head enough to look at Quinn, asking softly, "Instead of what?"

Quinn looked into Jamie's eyes for a moment and then admitted with a sheepish little smile, "Instead of laying here and enjoying holding you." It had been a very long time since Quinn had woken up with anyone. He hadn't really known how much he missed it, but after waking up with Jamie in his arms he had quickly decided he wanted it to happen more often. He kissed Jamie very softly and then admitted, "I could get used to waking up to you."

Jamie's lips were tingling from that tiny brush of a kiss and he was sure his face was as red as a tomato as he looked at Quinn's shoulder, embarrassed but very pleased, too. He was very still for a moment before he rolled over in Quinn's arms, careful to keep his hurt arm against his chest. When he was settled, he gave Quinn a shy little smile and murmured, "I think I'd _like_ to get used to waking up with you."

"I think that maybe that could be arranged." Quinn smiled warmly, and when Jamie leaned to kiss him, Quinn met him half way.

 

~*~*~

 

After breakfast, it didn't take long for them to get ready to ride.

Jamie rolled the blankets into a single thick bedroll while Quinn washed their breakfast dishes, and then Quinn packed everything into the panniers while Jamie caught the horses. Jamie wanted to start tacking them up too, but with only one good arm it was impossible. Jamie had worked out a way to halter or bridle his own horses essentially one-handed, but he wasn't strong enough to throw a saddle up on a horse one-handed anymore. Even if he could, he was sure that it was impossible to cinch a horse without two good hands and sometimes even a knee if the horse was prone to puffing up when saddled.

Simon was in fine fettle despite the weight that he had lost while they were with the raiders, and he went right to Jamie as soon as he saw Jamie was carrying a bridle. Jamie had chosen Simon to ride when he and his father took a job guiding a hunting party just before the end, and Simon had never given Jamie a reason to regret it. Jamie and his father had often taken jobs on horse farms and Jamie had ridden hundreds of horses over the years, but he had only met a few horses that enjoyed being ridden as much as Simon did. The eager way Simon always stuck his head into a bridle left no doubt he was glad to go, and it always made Jamie smile.

Bridling Simon was by far the easiest part of catching the horses that day, though. Misty and Alvin were complete attention hounds when it was time for brushing or scratching, but they both knew that halters meant Jamie was up to something. They began drifting slowly along in front of Jamie when he tried to catch them, too lazy and well-behaved to actually run off but still staying just out of reach.

Jamie finally had the bright idea to 'follow' Misty and Alvin around the cabin after a few minutes of following them around. The corral was built right up to the back of the cabin and the barn, making a three-sided area where it was easy to herd them through the gate into the corral. Misty tossed her head and frisked a bit once she realized she had caught herself, but Alvin resigned himself to do as he was told and went meekly to Jamie for haltering as soon as Jamie had shut the gate.

When Jamie's horses were haltered and led back around the cabin to where the saddles and packs were, Jamie turned his attention to Specklebird. She wasn't as lazy as the packhorses and trotted off, splashing across the creek before Quinn whistled to her. Specklebird stopped then and looked at Quinn, laying back her ears, and he scowled right back at her for a moment before he whistled again, short and sharp.

Jamie couldn't help laughing at the grumpy way the mare flounced over to Quinn, and the glare Quinn got for putting a halter on her and handing her lead to Jamie was priceless. Quinn's friend Ripper had bred and raised Specklebird and she had never truly liked being handled by anyone else except Quinn, who she had known all her life. Ripper and Quinn were in the military together and close as brothers, and during Specklebird’s formative years she had seen Quinn as often as she saw her owner. Ripper had never tolerated her acting up for Quinn, so he got a measure of respect that Specklebird just didn’t give other people. Quinn had told Jamie that she was often vicious if a stranger touched her, and even after being around her for a week Jamie still couldn't get within ten feet without her trying to kick him unless Quinn was nearby.

Quinn was surprised when he realized that Jamie wasn't making any effort to catch the grey that was lurking outside the corral near Misty, but he began to put the packsaddle on Alvin without saying anything. Jamie had mentioned how proud Boss had been of the horse even though it was filthy, and Quinn was sure that Jamie would be happy to never see the grey stallion again. He thought that Jamie probably hoped the horse would fall behind and become one less bad memory Jamie had to carry a reminder of.

Jamie didn't tell Quinn that he had considered penning the horse up when they left so it couldn't follow them. He was sure that the stallion would get out when it got hungry enough, but when it came down to it Jamie couldn't do that even to a horse whose owner he had hated.

It wasn't the horse's fault his master featured so strongly in Jamie's nightmares.

 

~*~*~

 

When they rode out, they headed almost due south to pick up the first east-west road they came to and follow it east to 65, which they could follow south to Birmingham. Jamie knew the general lay of the land that way because he had traveled the highway so many times, and Quinn thought that the ease of travel near the highway was worth the risks. Ambushes were a lot easier to plan around narrow roads and game trails than they were around a four-lane highway, so he didn’t think they would run into too much trouble.

After some discussion, they had decided to make a habit of stopping in a town most evenings so they wouldn't have to hunt as often. They had no way to keep meat cold and hated wasting anything they had to kill, so stopping in towns worked well for them. They didn't make it very far some days, but they were in no hurry. In the Appalachian foothills the horses traveled as far up and down as they did forward most days, and they didn’t want to push them any harder than they had to.

Quinn began looking for medical supplies the first day out, but most hospitals and pharmacies had been plundered or even burned down in the rioting when the world was falling apart. That was one of the flaws with the idea of traveling near main roads, since much of what they passed had already been scavenged, but the going was so much easier that they were willing to live with it. They rode on that first day to New Haven before they stopped to get feed for the horses, and then near mid-morning the next day they found an Eckerd's pharmacy on a side road in Deerfield that had somehow been left mostly intact.

Quinn went into a little sporting goods store down the road for packs to put everything in, and then he and Jamie quite simply ransacked the pharmacy's medical supplies. They began in the back with the prescription medicines, checking bottles by the light of a small Coleman lantern and choosing pills one of them had taken before so they would be able to guess the right dosage. When Quinn was satisfied that they had taken all the prescription medicines they could safely use, he shooed Jamie off to find shampoo and soap while he had a field day in the medical aisles rebuilding a competent first-aid kit.

Most of Quinn’s medical supplies had been used up taking care of Jamie's arm, and the raiders had ruined all of his medicines. It had bothered him since Jamie was hurt that he could do so little to help him with the pain and support his injured arm, and when he finally had the chance to resupply and change that, he made sure to do the best job he could of it. He filled a backpack with a first aid kit that would have cost hundreds of dollars before the world went to hell, and then he went through the vitamins and non-prescription medicines to gather any that they could use into a second bag. He opened boxes and consolidated bottles together as he went to save space, taking all of the better pain relievers and at least a year's supply of vitamins for each of them.

Jamie wandered around picking up a few things here and there until Quinn called him back to the pharmacy again. Jamie figured that he was ready to go and wanted help carrying things, but instead Quinn insisted that Jamie sit right there on the counter and let Quinn take care of his injured arm.

Jamie had mostly avoided looking at the wound when Quinn treated his arm up until then, but that day he decided to stop being a wuss and watch Quinn work. He took a really good look at his arm while Quinn was cleaning it with Betadine in the bright light of the lantern, which Quinn had turned up as high as it would go even though that burned through the kerosene much faster. The gaping hole Jamie remembered from that first morning was a raw, twisted wound held shut by over two dozen fairly neat, if mismatched, stitches. Quinn had used the sutures from his med kit the first time he stitched the wound, but he had been forced to put calf-tendon stitches in to keep the deepest part of the wound closed after the first set were ripped out when Jamie fell and nearly bled to death. He was going to have some ugly scars, but he had finally gotten the feeling back in his hand so there didn't seem to be any major nerve damage.

After more than a week Jamie could curl his fingers a little, but there was no strength in them yet and he couldn't make a fist. Jamie was glad to have any use of his hand back and that the surface damage was healing, but the depression in his arm near the part of the wound that still often oozed blood worried him. He had seen horses with similar-looking injuries and knew that it probably meant that at least one major muscle had been severed completely. He tried not to think about it too much, but sometimes Jamie wondered if he would get the use of his left hand back at all. It was easy to forget that muscles and tendons in the inner arm near the elbow are needed to make a fist until they didn't work anymore.

Quinn cleaned Jamie’s arm and bandaged it with gauze he secured with a three-inch-wide Ace bandage that helped to support the abused muscles in Jamie’s arm. Jamie was very pleased that the arm didn't hurt nearly as much with the flexible bandage on, but Quinn wasn't ready to stop there. He gave Jamie a bottle of orange Gatorade and the biggest power bar Jamie had ever seen, and had Jamie take a pain pill and then eat while Quinn snacked on a candy bar and watched him.

They were about to leave afterwards when Jamie teased, “Yeah, I saw how you are. Feeding me glorified horse feed while you had chocolate.”

Quinn laughed and took the bag Jamie was carrying to put it with the other three they had filled, then turned away and disappeared back into the pharmacy without a word.

Jamie watched him go, bemused, and then laughed when Quinn came back with a double-handful of the candy bars he had found under one of the counters. He watched with a bit of a grin while Quinn tucked them in Simon's saddlebags, then teased, “What, you don’t want any?”

Quinn smirked at Jamie. “You’re sweet enough for me.”

Quinn moved to start loading the backpacks on Misty without waiting for Jamie to reply, which was a good thing for Jamie. He was blushing so red his face felt like it was on fire, and he didn’t have any idea what to say.

They mounted up and rode on a little while later, very pleased with everything they had found. They left with a good supply of antibiotics and pain pills, shampoo and soap, and candles from the drug store, and some more dehydrated food, a few knives, and new clothing from the sporting goods store. Quinn packed everything into three waterproof backpacks and then tied them down on Misty's saddle with their bedroll, even though she wasn't too thrilled to work for a living again. Jamie hadn’t ever used her as a pack horse before, but Misty put up only a token protest before she settled down to working almost as well as Alvin did.

It shocked Jamie when the pill Quinn had given him started working not long after they were back on the road. Jamie hadn't realized just how painful his arm was until that first Percocet took the pain away for a while. He had been sure that his arm was doing well because it wasn't as painful to move it as it had been the first day or two, but he began to doubt that after he realized just how much it still hurt.

Jamie and Quinn didn't make it two miles out of Deerfield before they thought of things they wished they had looked for. Quinn found a notepad and pencil in the next town, and after that he jotted down things either of them wanted to look for when they found a likely place.

Later 'shopping trips' as they passed through other towns slowed their progress, but they didn't mind. Quinn was just riding along to keep Jamie company, and they both knew that they would most likely find nothing but skeletons at the end of their journey, so they had no reason to be in a hurry. They could have pushed the horses and probably covered twice as much ground every day if they tried, or even left the horses and made the trip in a day by motorcycle if they found one they could get started, but they never even considered it.

There were days that they traveled barely ten miles, and it was a rare day indeed that they covered as much as fifteen. They would stop when they found a spot they liked even if it was several hours before sunset, and they often talked for an hour or even two in the mornings while they let the horses graze in whatever fenced area they could find, usually in a park or an overgrown yard behind a house. Jamie and Quinn stayed fresh that way and so did the horses, and that was more important to them than five or even ten extra miles a day could have been.

Some would probably say that the way Jamie and Quinn went about the whole trip was lazy, but they enjoyed themselves too much to care.

 

 


	5. Chapter 5

5

 

 

Jamie kept his attention on the road ahead, humming quietly as Simon picked his way through a roadside gully just north of Ardmore, Tennessee. Jamie was feeling pretty good even though they had pushed on later that day than they usually did. Simon tossed his head as he started back up the other side of the gully and Jamie smiled, stroking the pinto gelding's neck with his good hand.

As long as Jamie took the pain pills, he barely noticed the ache in his left arm as he rode. He couldn't do much more with that hand than rest it on the pommel of the saddle and keep the reins from falling, but Simon responded so well to leg cues that it didn't slow them down. Jamie still wore the sling and used it part of the time, but he didn't use it very much when he rode. He liked to have his good hand free to handle the rope tied to Misty, who was less than pleased about being loaded down with a pack of her own. She lagged a bit as each afternoon wore on, and Alvin was lazy enough to follow her lead if Jamie let her get away with it.

Jamie glanced back to be sure the packhorses weren't having trouble with the gully and then looked ahead again as he started singing softly to himself, picking up the third verse of the song he had been humming.

 

 _Hiding from the dragons,  
riding for the sea,  
singing ballads from my childhood,  
_A Pirate’s Life For Me.

 _Survivors seem to function best,  
when peril is at hand,  
where a song of the ocean,  
meets a salty piece of land._

 

"It's _not_ my imagination," Quinn called from behind Jamie suddenly, surprising him. "You _are_ singing!"

Quinn was still sitting on Specklebird at the crest of the embankment with his rifle across his thighs as he kept watch until Jamie had the packhorses on the road. It wasn't something that was completely necessary, but he knew it made Jamie feel safer so he did it without even asking if Jamie wanted him to. He did a lot of little things like that, quietly doing whatever he could to make Jamie feel safe even when Jamie tried hard not to need it.

Jamie laughed and glanced back up at Quinn, smiling at Quinn's bemused expression. "Sorry, it's a habit," Jamie said, nudging Simon with his heels to get him to move further onto to road so Misty would climb up onto the asphalt. "Dad and I always had something playing in the truck, and I can't stand it when it gets too quiet."

Quinn chuckled, watching Misty and then Alvin climb up onto the road behind Simon before he said, "Well, at least it wasn't Britney."

Jamie stopped Simon with a laugh and twisted in the saddle, giving Quinn an indignant look. "I have better taste than that!"

"And I'm glad, since I'd have to listen to it," Quinn replied, snickering. He nudged Specklebird forward and she plunged down the steep embankment, kicking up clods of dirt and rocks. They made it to the bottom in a third of the time it had taken Simon and the others to get there and then crossed the roadside gully in two neat jumps.

"Show off," Jamie muttered, giving the stocky spotted mare a dirty look. He turned Simon towards the water tower that was just visible over the trees off to the south and started the horses up the road at a slow jog.

Quinn smirked, heeling Specklebird over to fall in next to Simon on Jamie's right. "She's like me, when she decides to do something she'd rather jump in with all four feet and get it over with."

Jamie glanced at Quinn, trying not to smile. "I didn't know you had four feet."

"You know what I meant, smartass." Simon tossed his head again, nickering softly, and Quinn laughed, adding, "See, even your horse says so!"

Jamie laughed. "Oh shut up, both of you."

Quinn snickered and leaned closer to pat Simon's shoulder, looking down at Simon's face as he said, "Don't mind him, fellah. He's just fussy because we've been riding too long today."

Simon flicked an ear towards Quinn as if he was listening and Jamie laughed again, swatting Quinn's arm. "Stop lying to my horse."

Quinn put his hand to his heart theatrically, pretending innocence. "Me, lie to your horse? Oh Jamie, you wound me!"

Jamie laughed, looking towards the water tower again. "Uh-huh, sure I do. Tell me another one, Quinn."

Quinn let his hand fall and shrugged, grinning. "It was worth a -" He was interrupted by a sudden ringing neigh behind them.

Jamie and Quinn both twisted in their saddles to look back just as Misty answered loudly, turning her head and prancing a bit. A familiar grey stallion appeared at the top of the embankment a moment later and plunged over the edge. He made it to the bottom in three jumps and then cleared the gully with a single prodigious leap to clatter up onto the road.

Jamie sighed, giving the grey a dirty look. "He just never gives up."

Quinn reached over and patted Jamie's knee, chuckling softly. "I bet we'll run across some other mares soon, Jamie. He'll stay behind then."

The grey stopped to say hello to Misty, but the little buckskin barely looked at him before she turned to rump towards him as if to kick him. She liked the grey, but she often bullied him just because he let her. The stallion leapt out of her reach and took off again, his long tangled tail flagged as he pranced by the others.

Jamie snorted. "With my luck, that obnoxious bastard will make them go with us." He realized what he had said and then laughed. "And I know he's just a horse. Really, I do."

"A horse that likes you," Quinn corrected, smiling. "He tries so hard to get you to pay attention to him like you do the others."

"I have to keep reminding myself that he doesn't follow me around just to annoy me." Jamie glanced at Quinn, bemused. "You think I'm being silly, don't you?"

"No," Quinn replied, shaking his head. "I understand why you don't want him around." Quinn paused, searching for the right words, then went on, "But I also think that you could turn him into something special, if you tried. There's a nice horse under all that mud and hair." Quinn smiled again and teased gently, "A nice horse who follows you around like a giant puppy."

Jamie sighed and looked ahead to watch as the stallion moved off of the road to graze in a small patch of tall grass. The grey didn't look very impressive just then. Jamie had a suspicion that he was at least mostly Andalusian because of the way he moved when he was showing off, but most of the time he seemed to be a fairly plain-headed, dirty horse. His bushy, tangled black mane was so long that it hid almost everything from his ribs forward on both sides of his neck, and his tail was so tangled that it hung in twisted ropes. He was pretty much one shade of dark brownish-grey, a color that could be best described as something along the lines of burnt mud.

"He's a decent horse," Jamie admitted finally, "I know that, but he just happened to be Boss' pride and joy. I can't look at him without remembering that."

Quinn was quiet a few moments as they rode along, and their horses had just passed where the grey was grazing when he finally asked softly, "How would he have felt about you having his horse?"

Jamie let out a little laugh, surprised, and glanced at Quinn. "Livid." The grey clattered back onto the road suddenly, leaping into a gallop and breezing past them again with his nose in the air. "He would hate it. A lot." Jamie couldn't help but smile at that idea, watching the grey disappear around a curve ahead of them.

"Then maybe keeping him could be a kind of revenge," Quinn said, smiling too as he watched Jamie.

The grey came into sight again, picking his hooves up high as he trotted back. Jamie watched the horse as he said quietly, "Killing him was my revenge. Keeping his horse wouldn't change anything."

"What would _not_ keeping the horse change?" Quinn asked softly.

Jamie looked at Quinn in surprise, staring into his eyes for a few seconds before he gave Quinn a slow, wry smile. "Not a damned thing."

Quinn smiled back. "Exactly."

Jamie looked down at his hands for a minute, letting Simon pick their path while he thought about it, then he finally looked back over at Quinn. "So you want to keep him with us?"

Quinn chuckled. "Jamie, you're not going to get me to decide this for you like you did with the hair." He nodded towards Jamie's other side, green eyes twinkling as he added, "But I think he'd like to have some say in it."

Jamie looked the other way to find the grey walking along just inches from his knee, obviously watching him. "Hello, Dirtbag." Jamie pretended not to hear Quinn's snicker at the name, instead shifting Simon's reins to his good hand as he leaned gingerly to the left. If Jamie held the reins and the saddle-horn in his right hand, he could lean to the left just far enough to touch the grey. Straightening his arm was still very painful, but he could touch the horse and keep his elbow bent if he leaned far enough

Jamie thought the grey would take off, but the stallion made no move to get away, instead walking along quietly as Jamie leaned over him. Jamie had never actually touched the grey before, not on purpose, and he was surprised that the grey seemed to be so calm about it. Jamie had seen Boss ride him just once and the stallion had constantly leaped and pranced about, putting on a flashy show even though Boss wasn't doing anything obvious to cause it. The stallion often put on a similar show when he was excluded from something Jamie did for the other horses, like holding a pan of feed for them, so Jamie had expected him to act up.

Jamie laid his hand lightly on the grey's mane for a few strides, thinking about why he had wanted the horse gone. Boss had given Jamie so many bad memories that made it very hard for him to get closer to Quinn, which was something that Jamie wanted a little more every day. Jamie had been fighting his way past the panic attacks that plagued him and he felt like he was making real progress. Quinn was quickly becoming the most important thing in his life, and every time he managed to relax and enjoy Quinn's touch or kiss, he loved Quinn a little more.

Jamie had tried to avoid the grey stallion because seeing it triggered bad memories, but it dawned on him finally that he had been letting remembered fear control his decisions. That was something he didn't want to do. If Jamie was going to let Boss run his life even after Boss was dead, then why had he killed him?

Jamie made a decision and pulled his left hand away from the grey, then straightened to rest that hand on the pommel of his saddle again. He switched the reins back to lay them in his left hand before turning to look at Quinn again. "Okay," Jamie said, smiling suddenly. "I'll keep him."

Quinn grinned impishly. "With just one good arm it's going to take you a week to get him clean."

Jamie blinked and then laughed, looking at the grey again and seeing the mud and burrs that covered him in a new light. "Oh well. I needed a hobby, I guess."

 

~*~*~

 

Jamie and Quinn hadn't seen anything alive on their way through Ardmore, but there were tracks of a dog or wolf pack along the creek that ran through town. Quinn had pointed them out when they were watering the horses, and Jamie agreed that they looked fresh and too large to be coyotes.

They usually camped near water, but that night they decided to stay in the hay barn behind a tack and feed store. There wasn't much hay stacked in the barn, probably only thirty bales or so, but there was a large sliding door and plenty of room for the horses. The creek wasn't as close as they might like, but the horses would be safe if the pack returned.

Jamie and Quinn wouldn't be able to have a fire inside the barn so they planned to sleep just outside the doorway, and if it rained they would move in with the horses to sleep. A chain Quinn tossed over a rafter near the door held a lantern that lit the barn fairly well, and a rope strung back and forth across the building between support poles kept the horses in the back half of the barn. That left plenty of room for Jamie and Quinn to bed down by the door if they needed to.

After the horses were all unsaddled and settled in the barn with the hay, Quinn went 'shopping' for dinner. They didn't have any fresh meat and neither of them really wanted canned stew, which was all they had left in the packs other than a few handfuls of dehydrated vegetables. The abundant game, feral livestock, and canned goods that could be found in most houses along the road had spoiled them, and they seldom bothered to carry more than an extra meal or two.

While Quinn was gone, Jamie decided to start brushing out the grey. Jamie hadn't handled him at all yet beyond herding him into the barn before Quinn closed the door, and he didn't realize that they had no halter to fit the grey until after Quinn was gone. Jamie tied the stallion with a rope around his neck to keep him from bothering the mares and starting a fight while he was gone, and then he got a flashlight from the packs and went to check out the feed store.

The front door was unlocked and the sign said 'open', so Jamie was a little hesitant as he walked in and began to look around. Many businesses that he had seen since the end with 'open' signs had bodies inside where people had quietly or not so quietly keeled over at work. It always freaked him out just a little bit to find a moldering corpse, which made it hard for him to find what he was really after, especially if scavengers had been into the building and scattered the remains.

Jamie was very glad when he didn't find anyone inside this particular store, alive or dead. It was already dark by then, but the flashlight seemed to light the store up almost as well as electric lights would have. It looked like no one had been in there since the end. A thick layer of dust covered everything, and Jamie was surprised to see that there weren't many rat tracks until he noticed the gnawed boxes of rat poison on a lower shelf. For once, the annoying pests had evidently gotten into something they should have.

The feed store had obviously catered to a community that mostly had small farms and hunting dogs. Jamie walked past shelves of seeds and gardening supplies and then things for dogs, cattle, pigs, and chickens before he spotted the horse supplies in the back corner. There were two cheaply made saddles on racks with cinches, three thick fleece saddle pads, and a few cheap Navajo blankets piled on top. Dusty bits, hoof picks, and miscellaneous pieces of hardware were on a few pegs on the wall above the saddles, and there were halters and bridles in a muck tub on the floor. Narrow shelves nearby held three kinds of paste wormers, a few bottles of fly spray, a stack of buckets, lead ropes, and a few leg wraps.

Jamie was trying to hurry because he was worried about leaving the stallion tied. He was beginning to think there were no grooming supplies at all when he finally noticed that the feed buckets weren't empty. The admittedly small selection of brushes, combs, and currycombs had been put into the top one to save space.

Jamie laughed softly and picked up the bucket, taking an empty one from under it to carry things in because it was easier with his bad arm. He tossed in a dandy brush and currycomb, eight tubes of wormer that weren’t very far past their expiration dates, a bottle of saddle soap, and two good cotton lead ropes, then set the bucket aside to take a better look at the tack.

The saddles were worthless because the leather, which had been cheap to begin with, was all dried out and cracked, but there was a better cinch than the one Jamie was using on Simon. Jamie moved to the box and he almost immediately found a halter that he thought would fit the grey. Jamie dug around a bit more anyway, looking for a bridle to fit the stallion, too, but instead he found a hackamore with nice thick braided cotton reins. Until rats had destroyed Simon’s bridle, Jamie had always ridden Simon with a bosal because Simon didn't really need a bit, so Jamie was glad to find a new one. The hackamore’s rawhide bosal was narrower than Jamie liked and stiff from sitting so long, but it was sturdy and Jamie could fix the stiffness with some saddle soap.

The soft cotton reins were enough to make Jamie take the hackamore, though. They were bulky enough that Jamie could hold them easily with his bad hand, and he was glad to find them even if the headstall and bosal wouldn’t fit Simon. If they fit Simon, that would be great, but if not Jamie would take the reins and leave the hackamore in the barn for someone else to find. Either way was an improvement.

Just a few minutes later Jamie was back in the barn, trying to decide how to halter the rangy grey stallion. The grey was behaving himself fairly well with just the rope around his neck, but Jamie didn't like tying a horse that way unless he had to. His father had taught him early that Murphy's Law was especially true around animals. Anything that can go wrong will, usually in the most inconvenient or dangerous way possible.

If the grey _did_ sit back on the rope and make the knot slip, it would get ugly fast. Jamie could think of a lot of things he would rather do than try to wrestle loose a knot on the neck of a choking, scared stallion. Add in Jamie's bad arm and the fact that the grey was so tall that Jamie could barely see over his back, and Jamie _really_ didn't want to go there.

Haltering the pintos or Misty was easy for Jamie even with a bad arm. His horses had been taught to lower their heads on command, so Jamie could still use both hands without stretching his bad arm too much. Jamie tried telling the grey 'down', but the horse just looked at him like he was an idiot. Jamie tried pulling the grey's head down with his good arm next, but that only made the horse lift his head up even higher and glare at Jamie, obviously affronted.

Finally, Jamie had the bright idea to lead the grey over to the stacked hay, and the horse stood there munching happily while Jamie climbed up on the hay next to him so he could reach the grey's head with both hands. Jamie was surprised to find that under all that tangled hair the grey had a nice head. The long black forelock and the dirt caked into the grey's coat did a good job of disguising a face that was almost noble, and the hair on his face under the forelock was much lighter than the rest of him.

There was always a bright spark of mischief in the stallion's dark eyes, but he seemed surprisingly willing to hold still as Jamie ran his hands over the horse's face and checked his teeth. He was about twelve years old, and Jamie was shocked to see that someone had gone to the expense of having the grey's heavy canine teeth removed so they wouldn't interfere with a bit.

Most horses had no problem responding to a bit with their canines intact, but occasionally horses that wore specific types of bits had a problem. The only three horses that Jamie had ever handled without those teeth were older, high-level dressage horses that had proven themselves in the ring long before the teeth began to interfere with a bit. Dressage was a sport all about precision and subtlety, and horses usually wore a double bridle in training if not in competition. A double bridle had two bits, a curb and a narrow snaffle, and a horse had to respond independently to each one if it was going to make it to high-level competition.

Jamie had just buckled the halter and was feeling rather pleased with the choice to keep the grey when he heard a low whine. At first Jamie thought it was his imagination, but then it came again from the direction of some tumbled bales near the hay he was standing on. He jumped down quickly and began to move away, worried that they had cornered a dog or even a skunk in the barn when they closed the doors, but when Jamie looked to be sure nothing was coming after him, he saw something that made him stop. Back in the corner Jamie could just barely make out the white tail and back leg of a small puppy sticking out from under the tumbled bales of hay.

"Damn!" Jamie immediately hurried over and tried to start shifting the bales off the puppy, but it was difficult with only one good arm. The bales were bulky and probably weighed about eighty pounds each, which was closer than Jamie would ever admit to how much he weighed then. He wound up simply rolling the top bale out into the floor while watching to be sure there wasn't an adult female pinned under there, too. The last thing he needed was to be attacked by a dog 'defending' her pups.

"Jamie, what in the world are you doing?" Quinn asked suddenly, closing the barn door. He put down a couple of plastic bags by their packs and then moved to help Jamie, frowning. "You're going to have your arm bleeding again."

Jamie was surprised that he hadn't heard the door open, but he was very glad to see Quinn. "There's a puppy pinned under here. I heard it while I was haltering the grey."

"You still should have waited for me." Quinn gently moved Jamie out of the way and then began tossing bales out of the corner, making Jamie envy his two good arms. Once upon a time, Jamie could have done the same thing just as easily. "A few more minutes wouldn't hurt it any more than it already is, and your arm doesn't need to break open again."

"Sorry," Jamie said, feeling sheepish because he knew Quinn was right. Jamie stretched up to watch Quinn move the last bale, but he couldn't see anything past Quinn's wide shoulders. "Is it hurt very badly?"

Quinn was quiet a moment, looking down where the bale had been, then sighed and said, "They're dead, Jamie."

"What did I hear then?" Jamie asked, moving closer to Quinn and leaning against him to look into the corner.

"Rats, I guess," Quinn said, shifting reluctantly to let Jamie look past him.

Quinn watched Jamie as if he expected Jamie to get upset, but Jamie barely noticed. He was busy looking down at three puppies in the edge of a pile of rags in the corner. They were definitely dead. Something had been gnawing at one of them, and it looked like the falling hay had crushed the other two. They didn't smell yet so they likely hadn't been dead more than a day or so. One was mostly white and the others were black with tan and white markings.

Jamie was just starting to turn away when there was another soft whine and the rags moved back in the darkest part of the corner. "There!"

"I heard it, too." Quinn stepped over one of the dead puppies and then bent to toss the rags aside.

A moment later Quinn moved quickly to grab something and then straightened up holding a very skinny puppy by the scruff of the neck. The puppy had a fuzzy black coat with white trim like many Border Collies had, but it had sturdy legs and a blocky head that made Jamie think it would be a bigger dog. It was wide-eyed and whining a bit with fear, but it made no effort to fight when Quinn ran his free hand carefully over the pup's sides and legs to be sure nothing was broken.

"It doesn't seem to be hurt," Quinn said finally. "Just starved and covered in fleas. It must have been too close to the wall for the bales to hit it."

Jamie stepped closer as he reached out to pet the pup's head, grinning up at Quinn. "I told you I heard a puppy."

Quinn snorted, amused even though he tried to hide it. "Yeah, you did. Now what?"

Jamie took the puppy away from Quinn, surprised by how light it was, and rolled his eyes as he settled it against his chest, grinning impishly at Quinn. "Does duh mean anything to you? Starving puppy? _Food_? It’s a good combination."

Jamie shifted to hold the pup in the sling with his bad arm as he turned away to walk towards the lantern, steadying the pup with his good right hand. A good look at the puppy in the light made Jamie think it was about six weeks old, but it could have been older and just stunted by lack of food. He was glad to see that it seemed to be fairly clean and bug-free other than the unmistakable gritty feel of flea eggs on its back. Fleas were easy for Jamie to take care of, but he knew that the diseases spread by ticks could be bad news.

"Smartass," Quinn said, chuckling as he followed Jamie. "Next you'll tell me to go find some puppy chow."

"Nope," Jamie said cheerfully, "we've got canned stew, and there's wormer and flea dip in the feed store. I saw it when I was looking for horse stuff."

Quinn's eyes widened. "Oh God, you're going to keep it, aren't you?"

"Yep!"

The poor pup was so thin that Jamie was sure it hadn't eaten in days, but it was bright-eyed enough that he thought it would recover quickly. It had to be from tough stock just to be alive. Jamie knew that dogs and cats had become much more rare since the war and the plague that wiped out much of humanity. He wasn’t sure if it was because the flu affected them or just because they didn't have people to feed and vaccinate them anymore, but the end result was obvious.

Extremely large and small breeds of dog disappeared for the most part over the first winter after the plague. Domestic cats became so rare that Jamie could count on one hand the ones he had seen in the last year. Guard dog types like German Shepherds and Rottwielers seemed to have survived to some extent, but he still hadn’t seen many of them. The dogs that seemed to have done the best – at least going by dogs he had personally seen since the end – were the terriers, medium-sized working and herding dogs, and hunting dogs like the Beagle and Coonhound. He had seen several wolf packs that had Husky or Chow members too, but he thought that was because many of them were only half tame to begin with.

Jamie and Quinn had found tracks of different canine packs sometimes like they had in Ardmore, but they didn't actually see nearly as many feral dogs as they expected. They had _heard_ packs of dogs hunting a few times as they traveled, but they were always off in the distance and they never knew if the dogs were feral or not.

The puppy that Jamie and Quinn found in Ardmore was the first live dog Jamie had seen in months. Dogs and puppies had been a common part of Jamie's life when he was younger and he liked them even though he had never been able to have one of his own. John had liked dogs too, but he and Jamie both agreed that it wasn't fair to a dog to raise it in a car.

Quinn had always had dogs until just before he joined the military, but he hadn't really thought about them much since the end. Seeing Jamie with the puppy made Quinn realize that there was really only one choice for them to make. He could do a lot of things if it was necessary to survive, but asking Jamie to leave a helpless puppy behind to starve wasn't one of them. The pup was just too young to hunt its own food, and wouldn't survive more than a few days on its own before it wound up being a meal for something bigger.

Jamie bathed and wormed the pup while Quinn gathered wood to build a small fire just outside the barn door. The flea soap Jamie found in the feed store and the cold water he used it with didn't at all endear him to the poor little dog, but the puppy was quick to relax afterwards once it was wrapped in Jamie's flannel shirt.  Jamie was almost as wet as the puppy by the time he was done, and his braid was soaked because he had to rinse it after it fell in soapy water, so he and the puppy were both glad to settle by the fire near Quinn.

Quinn looked up from making dinner, grinning as he teased, “Did you fall in the creek?”

“No,” Jamie said, trying not to laugh. “The puppy pulled my braid in while I was giving him a bath.”

Quinn pretended to scowl. “Hey! It’s my job to wash your hair. I think I’m jealous.”

Jamie felt like his face was on fire, but he couldn't keep from laughing. He had never been so glad that pasta was done cooking in his life. “Just shut up and cook before you boil the pasta to death.”

Quinn snickered and poured the water off of the pasta into the empty bucket. “Yeah, yeah. There you go, ordering me around.”

Jamie giggled softly and cuddled the puppy, watching as Quinn poured a canned sauce into the pasta before he added a can of tomato paste, stirring it in well. He waited for the paste to dissolve completely into the sauce and then added large drained cans of chicken and mushrooms, and a small can of minced black olives. He set the whole lot back on the fire to get hot and then brought out a jar of Parmesan cheese and two bottled root beers to go with it.

Ten minutes later, they were eating their meal. Jamie never would have put olives and canned chicken into a pasta dish, or thought warm root beer would go well with any of it, but it was really very good. He couldn’t taste the olives as a separate part of the dish like he could taste the chicken and mushrooms, but they gave the sauce a flavor that he really liked. He had never eaten olives on anything but pizza or Mexican food before, but he made a mental note to try them in other dishes after that. 

The puppy wasn't happy at first that Jamie wouldn't let it wander around, but it was quick to figure out Jamie would give it food if it whined. It ate a can of stew and then begged a few bites of sauce-covered chicken before it curled up in Jamie's lap to stare sleepily into the fire. It hadn't eaten in a long time, and even though it hadn't been at all happy when Jamie bathed it, having a full belly seemed to make the puppy forget that indignity completely. Jamie had fed it and made it warm and comfortable, and that was enough for the pup to trust him.

Jamie soon decided that the puppy had been trapped in the corner behind the hay long enough to figure out that its mother and siblings wouldn't come back. It never fussed or looked around for another dog, which made Jamie think the pups had probably been orphaned even before the hay fell. There was no way to find out, but he thought that their mother would have still been there in the barn if they had one. He just couldn't picture a dog leaving her pups as long as she could hear one of them was still alive. A determined dog could have forced her way past the hay bales if she tried hard enough.

After dinner, Jamie went to check that the grey stallion was still tied and behaving himself. He was, so Jamie made sure the others still had plenty of hay and then went out back for a moment. By the time he returned to the fire, Quinn had stretched out on the blankets and the puppy was sprawled on his chest asleep. Jamie laid down next to Quinn and propped himself up on his good elbow, watching the pup idly for a moment before he realized that Quinn was watching him.

"You're head over heels for this pup already," Quinn said softly, smiling.

Jamie clumsily poked Quinn in the ribs with his bad hand as he looked pointedly at the sleeping pup, teasing, "And you hate him _so_ much."

Quinn smirked. "I didn't take a bath with him."

Jamie blushed, letting out a little laugh. "He was covered in _fleas_. I can't help it that holding a squirming soapy dog is hard to do with one hand."

"I think you'd have kicked me if I said I didn't want you to keep him." Quinn said then, changing the subject a bit but still teasing.

"It's a puppy! You're supposed to _take care_ of abandoned puppies." Jamie grinned at Quinn. "It's a law."

Quinn snickered softly. "Uh-huh, sure Jamie. Anything you say."

"Yeah, that's a good answer." Jamie nodded and moved closer to rest his head on Quinn's shoulder, looking at the pup again. "You keep doing whatever I say and we'll get along fine."

Quinn shifted to drape one arm around Jamie as he chuckled again, the sound rumbling in his chest under Jamie's ear. "Sounds good to me."

Jamie smiled and scooted a little closer, wanting to be held but not wanting to push his luck too far, either. He had managed not to panic at all that day, possibly because Quinn was up early and made sure not to be touching Jamie when he woke up, and Jamie hoped that would last until he fell asleep.

Every day he and Quinn were together almost constantly, and every day it was a little easier for Jamie to touch him, but he wished often that the fear would just go away. They always slept in the same blankets and often cuddled by the fire in the evenings, but sometimes Jamie's reactions were still beyond his control. Jamie knew that he was safe with Quinn, believed it with all his heart, but an instinctive part of him still reacted to certain things with a fear so strong that it would leave him shaking and weak.

Jamie hated that the happy relaxed feeling Quinn gave him could turn to utter terror so fast. Someday he hoped that he would be able to follow the impulse to crawl into Quinn's lap without worrying he would panic and upset them both.

 

~*~*~

 

When Jamie woke up the next morning, the first thing he saw was Quinn's face about a foot away. Quinn smiled softly and Jamie mumbled sleepily, "Morning." Quinn had obviously been petting the puppy while watching Jamie sleep again.

Quinn leaned past the puppy to kiss Jamie's forehead. "Good morning. " He settled back again, still smiling as he waited for Jamie wake up completely. He still had a hard time believing Jamie was nineteen sometimes, especially when Jamie was asleep. When he was having peaceful dreams, Jamie's face would relax enough to make him look about fourteen, if Quinn was being generous.

Jamie stretched slowly with a warm, happy smile. "Been up long?"

"A few hours," Quinn replied, reaching out to brush a bit of loose hair out of Jamie's face. "You were tired. It's nearly noon."

Jamie stared at him, wide-eyed. "You're kidding."

Quinn chuckled and shook his head. "Nope."

Jamie blinked a few times and then reached out to ruffle the puppy's ears with his good hand, bemused. "So much for making it to the next town today."

The puppy began to wag its tail, licking at Jamie's hand and squirming, so Quinn let it go. "Actually, I thought we'd stay here today." Quinn watched the puppy practically leap over to lick at Jamie's face as he grinned, adding, "The pup seems to be fine, but I think that the long day yesterday took more out of you than you want to admit."

"I feel just fine." Jamie laughed softly and pushed the puppy back enough that he could sit up, then he patted his lap, grinning. "Come on, little guy. I'll pet you, I don't mind."

The pup stared at Jamie for a moment, tail still wagging, then pounced towards him and climbed into Jamie's lap, trying to get to Jamie's face again.

Jamie was surprised to see that the puppy was wearing a collar and dragging a matching leash. "Where did you find the leash?"

"In the feed store." Quinn was watching Jamie with a bemused expression, but he didn't argue about whether or not Jamie had done too much the day before. He was pleased that seeing his face first thing when he woke up hadn't made Jamie panic and he didn't want to ruin it. Jamie usually didn't sleep more than eight hours before he woke up, often as little as half that because of nightmares, so there was no question in Quinn's mind that Jamie had been tired.

Jamie scratched the puppy's ears as he looked at Quinn again, smiling. "I didn't notice any collars this small when I was in there."

"I had to really look," Quinn said, chuckling. "There was a box of them under the puppy vaccines."

Jamie laughed. "Is that what you did all morning, look around in the feed store?"

"Nope." Quinn smirked and sat up, suddenly smug. "I just found the leash so he wouldn't wander off while I spent the morning working on a present for you."

Jamie blinked, bemused. "Why?"

Quinn shifted onto one knee and leaned close to Jamie, still smirking. "Because I wanted to." He kissed Jamie's cheek and then grabbed the puppy and stood before offering Jamie his free hand. "Come on."

Jamie took Quinn's hand and let Quinn pull him to his feet, still surprised that Quinn had spent the morning making something for him. Quinn constantly found things that he thought Jamie would enjoy and slipped them into their packs or Jamie's saddlebags, but he hadn't _made_ anything for Jamie except some fairly decent meals. There was really no reason to make things; it was easy to find anything they might need.

Quinn led Jamie around the side of the barn and then stopped, letting go of Jamie's hand to gesture grandly towards a nearby fence. "Ta-dah!"

Jamie looked where Quinn was pointing and just stared.

Quinn had given the grey a bath and then groomed the horse until its hide glistened in the sun. The dull brownish-charcoal color of the stallion's coat had evidently been mostly mud because it was gone, leaving behind a horse with black lower legs and a dappled body the color of dark clouds. Quinn had even managed to untangle the stallion's tail and combed the mane to all hang on one side so that Jamie could finally see the grey's heavy arched neck and powerful shoulders.

It almost looked like a different horse standing there watching Jamie and Quinn interestedly. It suddenly made sense to Jamie that someone had invested in removing the grey's canine teeth; when he was clean he looked like he might be worth the time and expense. Dirtbag definitely wasn't a fitting name for the stallion anymore.

Jamie was completely delighted by the 'gift'. "Why?" he asked Quinn again, beaming at him.

Quinn was feeling very pleased with himself, and he couldn’t resist teasing Jamie a bit. "Maybe I didn't want you taking another bath with someone else."

Jamie laughed and didn't even think before he replied, "Maybe I'd like not being the only one naked and wet." His eyes widened as soon as he had said it, and he looked back at the horse as he felt his face and ears heating up. He managed not to dissolve into a puddle from sheer embarrassment, but only just barely.

Quinn's eyebrows went up and he smirked, watching Jamie for a moment before he spoke again. "That could be arranged, you know."

Jamie flushed even more and didn't answer. He had gotten glimpses of Quinn's body that fascinated him, and he definitely wouldn't mind seeing Quinn naked and wet, but he hadn't intended to _tell_ Quinn that. He didn't think it was a good idea, not yet. He wasn't sure he could do anything more than look, even though he wanted to sometimes. He had no idea what it would be like to be with someone he actually liked, but twice he’d had dreams about Quinn that left him wishing that he had the guts to find out. He had been confused about his sexuality for half his life, but the more time he spent with Quinn, the more certain he was that he must be gay.

Quinn could tell that Jamie had no idea what to say. He turned away to walk back towards the fire, glancing over his shoulder as he asked in a teasing tone, "Coming, Jamie?"

The loaded question didn't escape Jamie's notice, but he laughed softly and followed Quinn anyway.

 

 


	6. Chapter 6

6

 

 

Quinn insisted that Jamie had to eat before he did anything else.

They went 'shopping' again and then made tuna salad to go with slices from a wheel of cheddar cheese Jamie found on the glass-fronted deli case of the local grocery store. The cheese was sharp because it had been sitting there for so long, but the thick wax coating had protected it just as it was designed to do. Chunky water-packed tuna, salad dressing, and sweet pickles went well with the cheddar, and it made a filling meal that Jamie and Quinn both enjoyed. Mayonnaise might have been better in the tuna, but Quinn was leery of trying any that was out of date and Jamie was willing to follow his lead. Salad dressings had a longer shelf life and some of them were still barely in date, though Jamie didn't understand why since many were made with the same ingredients as mayonnaise.

After they ate, Jamie and Quinn spent the afternoon grooming the other horses, cleaning tack, washing clothes, and generally doing things they didn't have time to do while traveling. They watered the horses after a day of grazing in overgrown back yards and then took them back to the barn, where the horses were content to settle in quietly for the night. Even the grey was calm and relaxed, though Quinn teased Jamie about ever keeping the horse clean. The stallion had rolled while he was out to graze and was already dirty again, though nothing approaching as filthy as he had been.

The pup, which they still hadn't named, was sprawled on the flannel shirt Jamie had dried him with the day before. The pup had decided that the shirt was his bed, which made it easy to tie him to the heaviest pack and get him to sleep there while Jamie and Quinn were busy nearby. Quinn had agreed with Jamie's suggestion that they should feed the pup 'people' food. They wouldn't always be able to find puppy chow out on the trail, but if the pup was used to eating whatever Jamie and Quinn did it would be easy to feed him until the pup was old enough to hunt.

By the time the horses were put away for the night, the pup had already finished off another can of beef stew. He was full and sleepy, content to stay on his 'bed' as long as at least one of the humans stayed where he could see them.

Quinn was sitting nearby, watching quietly while Jamie started a thick soup made with more canned chicken, condensed cream of chicken soup, broth, and canned mixed vegetables. He still felt bad sometimes for letting Jamie cook for him, but Jamie seemed to like it and Quinn enjoyed the way Jamie lit up when he praised Jamie's cooking. It was just a fringe benefit that Jamie was a wonderful cook. Quinn would have praised the food anyway just to see Jamie smile.

Jamie was just putting the pot on the fire to let it cook when Quinn suddenly spoke up. "You won't have to watch that, will you?"

Jamie glanced at him, surprised. "No, not really. I mean, I should check it in a little while and stir it so it doesn't scorch on the bottom, but it doesn't need any more than that. Why?"

Quinn stood up and went to the packs, immediately opening one to rummage around. "Because, I just remembered the one thing we forgot to do today."

"What?" Jamie asked, bemused. He couldn't think of anything they might have forgotten to do. They had even cleaned and conditioned the saddles to help pass the time after they did all of the little day-to-day chores.

Quinn finally found what he was after and turned around with the bottle of shampoo, giving Jamie a teasing grin. "Your hair."

Jamie laughed. "You're pretty bored, huh?" He hadn't expected that, but it was true that Quinn hadn't washed Jamie's hair in a few days. Jamie had rinsed it the night before after it got soapy while he washed the puppy, but that wasn't the same.

Quinn walked over and offered Jamie his free hand, still grinning. "Maybe, maybe not."

The look in Quinn's eyes made Jamie's stomach flutter in a way that wasn't entirely pleasant, but he took Quinn's hand and let Quinn pull him to his feet anyway. "If I didn't know better, I'd think you just wanted to see me naked again."

Quinn smirked and started to pull Jamie towards the creek. "Actually, if I remember right, it was somebody _else_ who mentioned wanting to see someone naked."

Jamie's face got so hot then that he was a little surprised it didn't glow. "Should have known you wouldn't forget that," he muttered, not sure whether to be amused, embarrassed, or just excited. He _did_ want to see Quinn naked, and he was feeling much more confident about the idea after a couple of days without even a twinge of fear, but it was still embarrassing.

Quinn glanced at Jamie, still smirking, and gave his hand a squeeze. "Nope, not likely."

Jamie followed quietly as Quinn led the way towards the creek, walking very close to Quinn's side. He was nervous and worrying about how badly the whole idea could go, but he was also excited and hopeful that maybe it would go well after all. He got so tangled up in arguing with himself that he wasn’t paying attention to where they were going, so he was surprised when Quinn pulled him to a halt in the narrow alley between the yards of two abandoned homes.

"What are we stopping here for?" Jamie asked, glad of a distraction from his thoughts.

"Towels," Quinn replied immediately, offering Jamie the shampoo. "Here, you take this down to the creek, and I'll join you in a minute." Towels were one of the things they never bothered to carry with them. Almost every house they passed had a few clean towels in a bathroom cabinet or linen closet.

"Okay." Jamie let go of Quinn's hand to take the shampoo, bemused and blushing again. He was still feeling nervous and a bit worried, but he wasn't really scared. Quinn was always so careful with him that Jamie knew he was safe with Quinn no matter what they were doing. He would likely get embarrassed, he knew that, but Quinn wouldn't humiliate him or do anything that Jamie wasn't ready for.

Quinn seemed to know where Jamie's thoughts were going. He stepped closer and cupped Jamie's cheek in his hand as he smiled softly and murmured, "Nothing you don't want, remember?" He kissed Jamie softly before he could reply and then pulled away to walk towards the nearest house without another word.

Jamie watched Quinn until he disappeared around the corner of the house and then continued towards the creek, still blushing but not feeling as nervous. He turned when he reached the water and walked along the edge of the shallow, rocky creek until he found a place that looked good for bathing. It wasn't an especially pretty spot, but there was a deeper area that looked like it was probably man-made and the shore was sandy gravel with a few scattered large rocks. The water wouldn't come up past mid-thigh on Jamie when he waded out, but he couldn't swim anyway so he didn't like deep water.

When Quinn reached the creek a little while later, Jamie was sitting on a rock slowly unbraiding his hair. Jamie was feeling much more relaxed and pleased that he had managed to take off the sling and his t-shirt without help. He was becoming used to Quinn helping him with his clothes and hair by then so it didn't seem so awkward to wait for Quinn as long as he didn't think about whether or not Quinn would be naked when they went into the water. Jamie still wasn't sure if Quinn had been teasing about that or not.

Quinn put the towels down where they wouldn't get wet and then walked over behind Jamie, teasing gently, "That's my job."

Jamie glanced back at Quinn, smiling as he let the braid fall down his back. "Alright, I won't argue." Jamie had been using both hands most of the day and he didn't mind letting Quinn take care of him. His injured arm had a steady ache in it that reminded Jamie every time he moved it that he had forgotten to take a pain pill when he should have.

Quinn began to unbraid Jamie's hair, moving at least as slowly as Jamie had even though he could have done it much faster. "Doing what I say is a good idea tonight. Keep it in mind."

Jamie laughed softly and glanced back at Quinn again. "If I didn't know you so well, I think that might bother me."

"Maybe, but you do know me, so there's no reason to worry." Quinn smiled as he ran his fingers through Jamie's hair, finger-combing away a tangle and then continuing to unravel the last of the braid. "I'll take good care of you, if you let me."

Jamie blushed and firmly quashed a sudden vivid mental image of just how Quinn might choose to take care of him, looking at the creek. "It sounds like you've got something planned."

"Only because I do," Quinn agreed, sweeping Jamie's hair to one side as he bent to kiss Jamie's neck softly.

Jamie closed his eyes with a little shudder, instinctively tilting his head to give Quinn more access as he asked a bit breathlessly, "Such as?"

Quinn nuzzled just below Jamie's ear and then nibbled at it gently for a moment before he murmured, "It's a surprise."

The puppy chose then to begin to yap loudly. He had woken up and realized he was alone, and that was obviously not what he wanted.

Quinn groaned and let his head fall forward to rest his forehead on Jamie's shoulder. "His timing leaves a hell of a lot to be desired."

Jamie couldn't help but snicker softly at the tone and Quinn's choice of words. "He says we forgot about him."

"So I hear." Quinn sighed and straightened, stroking Jamie's hair as he murmured, "I'll go get the little beggar. Do you think you can get the rest of your clothes without help?"

Jamie blushed and nodded, turning his head to look up at Quinn. "I'll manage."

Quinn smiled. "Alright, I shouldn't be long." He gave Jamie's shoulder a gentle squeeze and then turned away to head back towards their camp, where the puppy was still barking.

Jamie smiled and began to take off his boots, but he didn't bother to hurry. He was sure that Quinn was going to give him a few minutes to undress in privacy. He always had after Jamie recovered enough to stand without risking a fainting spell, mostly because of the fear that Jamie had of being naked near Quinn then. Jamie had seldom even had a chance to wish he were alone before Quinn had made an excuse to go do something else for a few minutes. Jamie hadn't needed to ask Quinn to make himself scarce in more than a week because Quinn sensed what Jamie needed from him so very well.

Jamie's mind had accepted almost from the beginning that Quinn didn't want to hurt him, but there had been another part Jamie couldn't control that had been sure Quinn was going to turn on him eventually anyway. Jamie was glad that unreasoning fear seemed to have finally left him, and he thought that the time he had spent in Quinn's arms was a large part of why the terror had dissipated. It was hard to be afraid of someone whose embrace made him feel so safe and loved, and whose kisses made him happier than he had been in a very long time.

When Quinn returned with the puppy, Jamie was already out in the water. The creek was cold, but Jamie had grown used to cold baths and didn't mind it nearly as much as he would have even a year ago. Jamie barely noticed the chill as he leaned his head back to wet his hair, using his good hand to separate the long strands to make sure it all got wet. Even rinsing his hair wasn’t easy for him anymore, but if he went slow and careful he could manage, just barely.

Jamie didn't notice Quinn's return, so Quinn tied the puppy to a tree and then stood watching Jamie in the water for several minutes. Even with his injured arm Jamie's movements were graceful, and Quinn enjoyed watching the way the water slid over Jamie's pale skin.

Jamie worried often that he looked or acted too much like a girl, but in Quinn’s opinion he didn’t look much like a girl at all. Jamie was the most beautiful man that Quinn had ever met, with a perfect face and the kind of hair some women would kill for, but he wasn't really feminine enough for Quinn to fool himself into thinking of Jamie as anything but male. Jamie had a slender frame he still hadn’t filled out yet, but his shoulders were just a bit broad for his height and build, hinting that he might someday have a lot more muscle than he did. Jamie’s hands were delicate in contrast to Quinn’s, but when compared to the rest of Jamie’s build they weren’t at all feminine, instead rather square and strong. Or at least, his right hand was strong. The left was almost always loosely curled unless Jamie made an effort to use it, and even at a glance it was obviously not as strong as the other hand.

Quinn had never even considered looking at men as sexual partners before he met Jamie, but he had also never dated a girl that captivated him the way Jamie did, or that made him feel so strongly about them in such a short time, not even Tricia. It made him wonder how much of his sexual preference strictly for women had been because he simply hadn't met the man who could change his mind yet. He had seen pretty young men before, and men with long hair, but he had never seen anyone that drew his attention so completely even when doing something completely boring.

That didn’t mean that Quinn thought watching Jamie bathe was boring, though. On the contrary, he hadn’t seen many more attractive sights in his lifetime. Jamie was always beautiful, but Jamie naked and wet was in a realm all its own. Quinn had been up close and personal with a lot of women who weren’t capable of being so unselfconsciously graceful as Jamie was.

When Jamie finally noticed Quinn was watching him, he had no problem understanding Quinn's expression. He hadn't seen Quinn looking at him quite like that before, but he had seen his father watch Troy with a similar expression more times than he could count. Jamie blushed and settled a bit deeper in the water, feeling suddenly warmer as he called softly over the sound of the water, "He didn't get into anything, I hope."

"No, he was just sitting on your shirt and screaming bloody murder," Quinn replied, moving to sit down on the rock Jamie had been on before. He noticed the wrap Jamie had been wearing on his bad arm piled there on Jamie's clothes, and smiled slightly. He began to take off his boots, looking over at Jamie as he tugged the first one off. "Did you have any trouble unwrapping your arm?"

Jamie shook his head, still blushing as he watched Quinn drop a sock into the boot. "Not a bit."

Quinn always took off his boots before he helped with Jamie's hair because drying them took forever, but that was usually all. When his second boot thumped the to ground, it was followed by another sock and then his t-shirt before he stood and stopped to look at Jamie questioningly, his green eyes calm and serious. "Your choice, Jamie."

Quinn didn't say what he meant, but Jamie knew what Quinn was offering. He wanted to see Quinn's body, wanted the chance to touch him without even cloth between them, but he was suddenly feeling shy and nervous again. Even just seeing Quinn standing there in the golden light of sunset without a shirt made Jamie feel like there were flaming butterflies having an epic battle in his stomach, and Jamie wasn't at all sure he wouldn't embarrass himself unforgivably if Quinn took off the jeans too.

After a few moments, Jamie finally chickened out. "Could you bring the shampoo when you come in?"

"Sure." Quinn smiled wryly as he bent to pick up the shampoo and then began to wade out into the water.

As Jamie watched Quinn approach, he suddenly realized that Quinn might not have been willing to undress just to please him. Jamie waited until Quinn settled into the water nearby before he asked softly, "Would you rather not wear the jeans?"

Quinn poured some shampoo into one hand and then offered Jamie the bottle. "I'm fine, Jamie. I don't mind whatever you need to feel safe."

Jamie looked into Quinn's eyes for a moment before he accepted the bottle and turned his back to make it easier for Quinn to wash his hair. "That's not what I asked."

Quinn chuckled softly and began to wash Jamie's hair, gently massaging the soap into his scalp first. "It's still true. I'm not in a hurry, I know that sometimes you want things you find out you aren't quite ready for."

Jamie felt his face heating up again as he admitted, "I'm not afraid of you doing something because you took off your jeans, Quinn. I just didn't want to embarrass myself."

Quinn was quiet for a bit, working the shampoo further into Jamie's hair, then finally said softly, "It shouldn't embarrass you, Jamie. I already know how you feel."

Jamie nodded slightly, feeling stupid. "I know, but knowing it and seeing me make a fool of myself over you are two different things. There could be stammering and drooling, and that just can’t be anything but bad."

Quinn lifted Jamie's hair out of the water to work the suds further down, and Jamie could hear the smile in his voice when he spoke again. "You know that I want you, Jamie. You've caught me staring a hundred times by now. I don't mind if you want to look."

Jamie turned his head to glance over his shoulder at Quinn, still blushing. "And if I'd like to do more than look at you?"

Quinn smirked wickedly, green eyes sparkling. "I'm sure I can find some way to cope with anything you’d like to do to me."

Jamie let out a little laugh and looked away again, feeling like he was blushing all the way to his knees at the sudden mental image of a way Quinn might choose to cope. "I'm _sure_ you can."

Quinn chuckled softly and let Jamie's hair fall back into the water as he put one hand on the back of Jamie's neck to help support him. "Lean back, Jamie."

Jamie did as he was told and then Quinn began to carefully rinse the soap from Jamie's hair, making sure not to get any in Jamie's eyes. Jamie just relaxed and enjoyed the feel of Quinn's fingers running through his hair and massaging his scalp, and he didn't mind when Quinn continued even after his hair seemed to be clean. Jamie had grown to enjoy the simple intimacy of having Quinn wash his hair, and he wasn't about to complain if Quinn wanted to linger.

After a while Jamie began to shiver though, and Quinn noticed it almost as soon as Jamie did even though it was getting dark by then. "I think you're done," Quinn murmured, moving a bit closer to Jamie in the water. "You're shivering."

Jamie nodded, turning to face Quinn and giving him a shy little smile. "Yeah, I am a little cold."

Quinn smiled and flipped some wet hair back over Jamie's shoulder. "Why don't you go wrap up in a towel and sit on that rock for a few minutes? It should still be warm from the sun."

"And what are you going to do?" Jamie asked, curious.

"I have hair too, y'know," Quinn replied teasingly. "You can go back to the fire if you want, but I thought you might like company for the walk back." He knew that he was offering Jamie the chance to just sit and watch him, if he wanted to. He hoped that Jamie would feel safe enough to let himself watch, but he wasn't going to try and push Jamie into it.

Jamie blinked and stared at Quinn a moment longer before he nodded slowly. "I'd rather have company." Jamie had the sudden urge to kiss Quinn then, and he didn't bother fighting it for more than a moment. Quinn had told Jamie repeatedly that he was allowed to kiss him any time he wanted to, so he did.

Quinn purred softly into the kiss and cupped the side of Jamie's neck, settling his other hand lightly on Jamie's bare hip as he opened his mouth to lick slowly at Jamie's lower lip. Jamie shuddered and moved closer to Quinn as his lips parted further to touch his tongue hesitantly to Quinn's. Jamie didn't really know what to do, but Quinn did and it only took a few moments for Jamie to relax into it and just follow Quinn's lead.

Jamie was soon making soft little hungry noises, his body pressed against Quinn's as they kissed, tongues sliding against each other. They continued kissing for what seemed to Jamie like hours, but was probably more like fifteen minutes. Jamie would have happily stayed there much longer, but Quinn finally realized that Jamie was shivering, not trembling, and pulled away with a soft groan.

"God, I could kiss you all night," Quinn whispered, smiling. He kissed Jamie softly again and then teased gently, "You're delicious."

Jamie blushed, smiling. "I liked it, too." He realized then that he had his hands pressed to Quinn's chest between them, but he didn't move his hands away. He liked how warm Quinn's lightly furred skin was against his chilled fingers, and the way solid muscle flexed when Quinn moved. He had to stop himself from letting his hands roam to see if the rest of Quinn's body felt as nice to touch, but he sort of thought it would.

Quinn smiled and ran one hand slowly over Jamie's hair to smooth it back, watching him for a moment before he said softly, "Go on, go get wrapped up before you freeze. I'll be out in a minute."

Jamie nodded and reluctantly pulled away, feeling as if he were blushing all the way to his toes when he realized he was partially aroused. He turned away from Quinn before he stood to wade out of the creek. He could feel Quinn watching him, but he was too shy to look back until he had picked up a towel and wrapped it around himself. He glanced back then to find Quinn still watching him with a little smile that didn't really go with the intense look in Quinn's eyes.

"You have no idea how perfect you are, do you?" Quinn asked quietly.

Jamie felt his face burning even hotter as he looked away. "I'm not, Quinn. I'm skinny and I look like a girl."

"No, you don't." Jamie opened his mouth to argue but Quinn spoke again before he could. "I've seen more than a few girls naked, Jamie, I _know_ what they look like. I've even gone skinny dipping with a girl a time or two, and no girl _ever_ looked like you do."

Jamie didn't know what to say to that so he just sat down on the rock, looking at his knees. He didn't quite believe it, but he didn't really think Quinn would lie to him, either.

Quinn watched Jamie for a moment and then ducked his head under the water and stood, wading over to a rock so he could put down the shampoo to take off his jeans. He made a face as he peeled the soaked jeans down his legs, making a mental note to look for swimming trunks the next time he had a chance. He wasn't going to push if Jamie needed more time, but he was getting very tired of the feel of wet denim.

Jamie heard a loud splat a few moments later and looked towards the noise to see a wet pile of material on the bank of the creek. It took him a moment to realize that it was Quinn's jeans. Jamie looked out across the water quickly and then just stared.

The sun had been down for a little while by then, but the moon was just lifting over the trees and the reflected light off the water gave enough illumination to easily see by. Quinn was standing with his back to Jamie near one of the rocks out in the water, bending forward at the waist as he began to wash his shaggy dark red hair. Some trick of the light made his wet skin glisten, every flex of muscle changing the patterns of light and shadow that danced across his body.

Jamie forgot to breathe until he started to feel a bit lightheaded and realized why. He took a slow shuddering breath and made himself look away, but only a few moments later his gaze had found Quinn's body again. He stared for what seemed like forever before he realized that Quinn had noticed and was watching him intently. Jamie looked down again then, utterly mortified that Quinn had caught him practically _drooling_ over him. He realized a moment later that he was fully aroused and blushed even more as he shifted to hide it, hoping that Quinn hadn't noticed.

There was a splash a few moments later but Jamie didn't look up, feeling like his face was on fire as he listened intently. He heard Quinn wade to shore and then the soft rustle of material, and then suddenly Quinn knelt in front of him.

"I told you I don't mind you looking," Quinn said softly, smiling up at Jamie as he rested his hands on Jamie's knees. "I sort of like knowing you enjoy watching me that much."

Jamie had to swallow twice before he managed to murmur, "Just... You never stare at me like that."

Quinn chuckled softly and stretched up to kiss Jamie, lingering for a long moment before he pulled away and stood to start gathering their clothes. "You just haven't caught me, Jamie. I look at you all the time."

Jamie looked up to watch Quinn a moment and then he stood to pick up their boots and socks. "Maybe, but it's a little different."

"How?" Quinn asked, glancing at Jamie curiously.

Jamie opened his mouth to reply but then he closed it again. He wasn't sure he could put it into words, but he finally admitted quietly, "When I catch you watching me, I don't get the feeling you're thinking quite the same things I was."

Quinn laughed and straightened to watch Jamie pick up the extra towels and the shampoo. "Baby, you have _no_ _idea_ what goes through my mind when I watch you move."

Jamie stood up straight again, holding the things he had gathered up against his chest as he felt the flaming butterflies in his belly start up again with a vengeance. That was the first time Quinn had ever called him 'baby', and Jamie was a bit shocked to realize that he liked it. "Like what?" Jamie managed to ask after a few moments.

Quinn walked over to where the puppy was tied, tugging the leash loose as he said, "Like how no woman I ever met had legs as nice as yours, or such a perfect little heart-shaped ass, or hair that could remotely compare, or a face so-"

"Okay, okay! I get the point." Jamie was beet red, but he was smiling as he started walking back towards the feed store. He liked knowing that Quinn enjoyed looking at him.

Quinn moved to join Jamie, letting the puppy bounce along around their feet as he smirked and said, "So, yeah. Don't just assume I'm watching you for lack of better things to do. Not all of my early morning walks are to answer the call of Mother Nature or go hunting. Sometimes I just have a problem I have to take care of because I woke up with you in my arms."

"Quinn!" Jamie laughed slightly, wondering if it was even _possible_ to blush redder than he was. "You didn't need to tell me that!"

"Why not?" Quinn asked, still smirking. "It's the truth."

"Because now when you go, I'm not going to be able to think of anything else!"

"You could always let me lend you a hand," Quinn teased.

"Oh God." Anything else Jamie said would just make it worse, so he didn't even try. He was dreading when they would reach the fire. For the first time in a very long time, Jamie was well and truly aroused, and it didn't seem as though it would be going away any time soon, despite his embarrassment. Getting dressed in front of Quinn was going to be even more embarrassing than usual.

Jamie was grateful that Quinn didn't tease him any more the rest of the walk back, but he couldn't get his mind off their conversation or the fact he was about to get a much better look at Quinn's body. Jamie was nervous and antsy by the time they reached the fire, and he was glad of the distraction of having to check on the food while Quinn dug out clean clothes.

The chicken stew was cooking well, though he thought it was likely a bit singed on the bottom from not being stirred for so long while they bathed. He was careful not to scrape the bottom of the pot as he stirred it and checked the vegetables, but the potatoes weren't as done as he liked them yet. He stirred the stew a bit more, stalling, then finally put the lid back on with a soft sigh and turned his head to ask Quinn to toss him some clothes.

Jamie stopped, wide-eyed, and stared at Quinn's very nice ass as he said the first thing that came to mind. "You did that on purpose."

Quinn smirked at Jamie over his shoulder, tugging his jeans up the rest of the way. "Would I do that?"

Jamie let out a little laugh, not even trying to look away as he admired the way the muscles in Quinn's back flexed and slid under damp tanned skin that almost glowed in the firelight. "Yes, I'm beginning to think you would."

Quinn bent to pick up a small pile of clothing as he said cheerfully, "Maybe I like the way you can't tear your eyes off me if I show a little skin."

Jamie did look away then, staring down at his own knees in embarrassment because that was so utterly true.

Quinn walked over to sit next to him, putting clean clothes in Jamie's lap as he added a bit more seriously, "Maybe I'm glad that you can stand to look at me at all now."

Jamie smiled slightly but he didn't look up. "Maybe I haven't tried so hard not to because thinking about touching you doesn't scare me anymore."

Quinn kissed Jamie's cheek. "I'm glad to hear it." He stood again and moved back over to the packs, asking, "Would you rather I make myself scarce while you get dressed, Jamie? I don't mind."

Jamie shook his head, and then he glanced up and realized Quinn wasn't looking at him. "You don't have to."

"Okay." Quinn pulled a shirt for himself out of the pack and then walked back over to sit on the blankets.

Jamie was sort of glad Quinn didn't put the shirt on immediately, but he wasn't about to say so. He knew that Quinn could tell he liked looking at him without Jamie having to actually say it. He almost told Quinn that he didn't mind if Quinn watched while he dressed, but he was still shy enough that he couldn't make himself say it out loud. He forced himself not to hurry as he stood and dressed, blushing when his lingering arousal forced him to be very careful zipping his jeans even though he was wearing boxers. Quinn didn't like the way underwear bunched up under his jeans while he was in the saddle so he didn't wear any, but going without underwear was not at all fun as far as Jamie was concerned.

Jamie didn't look to see if Quinn was even looking at him until he sat down again, but Quinn _was_ watching him then. Jamie looked down and nibbled at his lower lip, beginning to feel like he had spent half the day blushing.

"You don't need to be so embarrassed, Jamie," Quinn said softly, looking a bit bemused even though that intent, hungry look was plain in his green eyes again. "You haven't got anything to be ashamed of."

Jamie picked up the t-shirt, holding it in his lap and toying with it but not putting it on yet because his loose wet hair would have soaked the whole back of the shirt. "I'm glad you think that, Quinn, really. It's just-" He broke off and chewed his lip for a moment again as he tried to figure out exactly how having Quinn look at him made him feel, then he finally looked at Quinn again. "It's mostly not that I'm embarrassed to have you look at me. More that I feel shy, and, uhm..." Jamie swallowed and then admitted softly, "Kind of special, because you _want_ to look."

Quinn leaned over to whisper into Jamie's ear, "Only because you are special, Jamie." He kissed Jamie's cheek and then stood and went to check the horses.

Jamie watched him go and then looked back at the fire, barely aware of the sappy smile on his face.

 

~*~*~

 

The pup was sitting in Jamie's lap playfully shaking the dirty sock Jamie had given him to play with when Quinn returned.

Quinn sat down behind Jamie and stretched his long legs out to either side of Jamie's hips. Jamie didn't look at Quinn when he felt Quinn begin to gather the damp hair back, instead laughing softly at the way the pup was pulling on the sock and shaking its head. After a few moments Jamie realized Quinn had gotten very still though, so he glanced back at Quinn curiously. He wasn’t afraid to have Quinn behind him anymore, and in fact had grown to look forward to the nightly ritual of Quinn brushing his hair and braiding it again.

Quinn was holding Jamie's hair and looking at his back, and Jamie suddenly realized that he hadn't ever put his t-shirt on. Jamie flushed and looked at the puppy again but didn't say anything, sure that Quinn was staring at the scars from the times Boss whipped him. They itched sometimes so Jamie knew that the lines of slightly raised flesh were there, but he hadn't ever seen them. They felt much more obvious to Jamie than they really were because his skin was almost as pale as the scars, but he didn't know that. Jamie pictured them as livid, ugly things like the healing scar on his arm, embarrassing proof of a time he would rather forget.

Quinn finally ran his fingertips very softly over one of the most prominent lines of raised skin, making Jamie shiver as Quinn murmured, "I wish I could I kill them all over again for what they did to you."

Jamie glanced back at Quinn again and was surprised by the pain he saw in Quinn's eyes. "They're dead, Quinn, they can't hurt me again. You saved me."

Quinn met Jamie's gaze for a moment and then said quietly, "I didn't, Jamie. Not from them. You saved yourself."

Jamie moved the pup out of his lap and then turned to kneel between Quinn's thighs so he could look at Quinn more easily. "No, I didn't. I'd be dead in that cabin with them if you hadn't been there. Boss would have killed me, even if I did manage to get them first."

Quinn lifted his hand to cup Jamie's jaw, his thumb brushing gently just below Jamie's lower lip. "You saved my life, it was only fair to return the favor."

Jamie smiled and moved his hands to Quinn's shoulders as he leaned closer. "We're even then, and they're dead. No more regrets." He looked down at Quinn's chest, feeling his face heat up yet again as he admitted very softly, "I left with something worth more to me than anything they took away."

Quinn's eyes widened and he stared at Jamie, moving his hand to tip Jamie's chin up so Jamie would look at him. "Jamie, you can't mean that. After all they did to you?"

Jamie smiled slightly despite how shy and embarrassed he felt, still blushing as he whispered, "You're worth it."

Quinn moved his hands to cradle Jamie's face between them, pulling gently to urge Jamie closer. Jamie was happy to oblige and a moment later they were kissing, getting lost in each other as their hands slowly began to roam over warm skin. Quinn held Jamie so gently, so lovingly, that for the first time in his life Jamie felt completely safe and happy to be in the arms of a half-naked man.

Their dinner was rather burned when they finally remembered it, but they didn't really care.

 

 


	7. Chapter 7

7

 

 

Breakfast the next morning was oatmeal made with canned milk and molasses, and then they packed up and moved on. They crossed the Alabama border just south of Ardmore and then picked up some good maps at a rest area to help them plan their route better. Riding blindly in the general direction they wanted to go would work for a week or even two, but once they reached the Birmingham area they could save a lot of ground with a map.

Jamie and Quinn settled into a routine of stopping every few hours to lead the horses for a bit and let the pup, who Quinn had named Cal, move around and eat if he acted hungry. Cal didn't enjoy riding in Jamie's sling at first, but by the end of the second day he became used to it and would eagerly watch the passing scenery and the horses. His little head seemed to constantly be in motion, and Jamie enjoyed watching Cal's reaction to things. He had always thought puppies slept a lot, but Cal seemed to be perfectly happy to stay awake right through most of the day.

It surprised Jamie how quickly the days seemed to pass. They spent the first two nights after Ardmore in towns, and then three nights at abandoned farms because they had ridden on past towns where they could have stopped. The days and nights were suddenly too short for Jamie, but that wasn't because he didn't feel like he was getting enough rest. He loved the time that he and Quinn would spend kissing and touching before they slept each night, and the way Quinn greeted him with a kiss each morning, and wished that they had more time together even though they were never apart.

When Jamie pointed out corn and tomatoes standing in the garden of a little farm just north of a town called Good Hope, Quinn suggested that they stop there for the night even though it was still early in the afternoon. They had found 'volunteer' crops at other farms along the way, but most of them had been picked over by wild animals that ate everything but the inedible parts. The horses were feeling good and ready to keep going, but the fresh corn and tomatoes were just too good to ride past.

Jamie and Quinn were very cheerful as they turned into the long driveway to ride up towards the house and barn, both already looking forward to their evening meal. Quinn had shot a calf that morning, and Jamie had already decided he wanted to barbecue the ribs for their dinner and maybe even cook a roast to eat the next day. The addition of fresh corn on the cob, tomatoes, and whatever other volunteer vegetables might be in the garden would just make their meal that much better.

The horses didn't make it thirty feet from the road before Jamie and Quinn found out why the garden looked so good, though. "Stop right there!" a scrawny-looking little old lady yelled, stepping out on her porch with a huge German Shepherd dog and a shotgun. "I don't want to shoot you, but I ain't interested in havin’ visitors."

Quinn and Jamie stopped their horses immediately, but the grey stallion, who Jamie had named Storm, trotted right past them. The stallion was finally wearing a halter all the time, but they still let Storm range freely most of the time.

Evidently Storm liked the look of the knee-high grass in that yard, because he headed right for it. The German Shepherd leapt off the porch and ran towards the grey snarling, and Storm stopped at the edge of the yard with a loud snort.

"Lady, don't let your dog tear him up," Jamie called quickly, heeling Simon forward a few steps. "We'll go if you want, I promise!"

"Rufus! Come here!" The dog stopped in its tracks and turned to go back towards the house, but it watched Storm over its shoulder and was still growling loudly. "Call that horse back," the old woman said, lowering her shotgun to lean on it like a cane. "I don't want him in my flowers."

"He doesn't come when he's called," Jamie admitted sheepishly. "Can I come get him? He'll let me catch him."

The woman stared a moment and then sighed. "I guess so, child, but you do it on foot and then hurry up and be on your way. I don't need a couple drifters setting up camp in my yard with so many horses."

"Yes ma'am." Jamie dropped the reins over his saddle horn and was about to kick his leg over Simon's neck to slide down when Quinn heeled Specklebird closer and touched Jamie's bad arm.

"Be careful, Jamie," Quinn murmured with a frown, "That dog looks mean as hell."

Jamie smiled and covered Quinn's hand with his own to squeeze it reassuringly. "I'll be okay, Quinn."

Quinn sighed and looked at Jamie a moment before he nodded and let go of Jamie's arm. "Alright." He leaned to catch Simon's reins and wrapped them securely around his hand. He knew that the horse would follow Jamie like a dog if given half a chance, saddled or not. Misty and Alvin were tied to the back cinch ring of Simon's saddle, so if Simon followed Jamie the others would too, and the little old lady would surely have a fit.

Jamie got a good grip on Cal and then slid out of Simon's saddle. Cal was so used to Jamie dismounting by then that he barely paid attention to it, instead watching the little old lady and her dog. Jamie grabbed a lead rope out of Alvin's pack and then started up the driveway towards where Storm was grazing in the woman's yard, trying to seem friendly.

It wasn't really very difficult for Jamie to look unthreatening. He was skinny and not particularly tall with a delicate build and long hair he was wearing that day in a ponytail that blew around him with every breeze. He was carrying his left arm in a sling across his stomach with a puppy too, so it was obvious Jamie could only use one hand effectively.

"What were you coming up here after, anyway?" the old woman asked after Jamie had gone only a few feet, frowning as she watched him. "There's a town just up the road."

Jamie was about to reply when Quinn said, "We were going to pick some corn and tomatoes, and then barbecue part of a calf we shot earlier. We haven't had any fresh vegetables in a long time."

The old woman pursed her lips thoughtfully. "How big a calf?"

Quinn didn’t reply immediately, so Jamie answered for him. "A nice healthy Hereford maybe four months old, and carrying good weight."

She looked from Jamie to Quinn and back again before she said suddenly, "I'll let you and your man have some vegetables and spend the night here if you lock them horses in the pasture out back behind the pen where I feed my milk cow. I want to keep whatever's left of that calf in the morning, though. Is it a deal?"

Jamie flushed as he realized she probably thought he was a girl, but he stopped and looked questioningly back at Quinn without trying to correct her. Jamie figured they could always shoot another calf, but fresh tomatoes were much harder to come by.

Quinn grinned, winking at Jamie before he looked at the old lady and heeled Specklebird forward. "We'll take that deal, ma'am, and thank you."

Jamie started forward again into the yard, walking towards Storm as the little old lady said, "Well then, you can just follow the drive on 'round the house. Pen the cow up before you turn those horses out, I don't want them chasing her. Bessie ain't as young as she used to be."

"Yes ma'am," Quinn said, giving her a respectful nod. He led Simon up the driveway, looking back frequently to be sure he was keeping the horses out of the yard.

The little old lady nodded and then was quiet while Jamie walked slowly up to the grey stallion. She seemed interested in seeing how Jamie handled the horse, despite how unfriendly she had been when she came out of the house.

When Jamie reached the grey's side, Storm lifted his head but didn't try to wander off. "Hey Storm," Jamie said softly to him. "Stand, fellah." Storm stood calmly munching on a mouthful of grass while Jamie clipped the lead to his halter, so Jamie dropped the rope to pet him. "Good boy."

"That's a mighty nice horse to let him run loose, child. You're gonna lose him if you ain't careful."

Jamie looked up at the old woman quickly and then gathered up the rope again, smiling. "He stays really close to us, ma'am. I don't think he'll run off."

She snorted. "Folks always think that until an animal does." She pointed at the sling. "You hurt your arm, or is that just for the pup?"

Jamie started leading Storm off of the lawn towards the driveway. "I got hurt, ma'am, but I don't really need the sling anymore, it's just a good place for the puppy to ride. He's too little to keep up with the horses all day."

The little old lady turned as if to go inside before she paused and looked back at Jamie. "There's a barbecue pit under the big oak out back. Your man can hang the calf out there before you two come to the back door. I bet you'd both enjoy some cold milk, and so would that pup. I got more than I can use."

"Thank you, ma'am, we sure would," Jamie replied quickly. He wasn't thrilled that she seemed to think he was a girl, but he sort of liked how she kept referring to Quinn as belonging to him.

"I'll figure out some way for you to earn it." She went inside with the dog at her heels before Jamie could reply.

Jamie chuckled softly and shook his head, leading Storm down the driveway. The old woman was a real character, but it was nice to finally see someone who was at least a little bit friendly.

 

~*~*~

 

After they got the horses settled into the pasture, Quinn hauled water from the hand-pump in the back yard to fill the tank in the cow's pen while Jamie cleaned out some weeds that had grown up around the tank. From the look of the loose boards in the fence around the pen, the old lady hadn't done any work on her fences in a very long time. Jamie said as much to Quinn and after a few minutes of discussion they decided to walk the pasture fence before they left the next day and fix what they could. The old woman didn't look like she was up to chasing a loose cow, and that was little enough to do to repay her for the hospitality.

Quinn hung the calf up in the tree that the old woman had said to put it in and then they both washed up at the pump while Cal frisked around them, yapping at the falling water. Quinn and Jamie were both smiling and relaxed when they headed up to the back door, and Jamie hung back a bit to call Cal and put the leash on him while Quinn knocked.

The old woman opened the door and said shortly, "Don't bother tying the dog, it's too little to hurt anything. Come on in." She turned to go back in, adding, "I put Rufus in my bedroom so he won't bother you."

"Yes ma'am." Quinn gave Jamie a bemused glance as Jamie let Cal go again, and then Quinn went up the steps and into the house. Jamie immediately followed Quinn inside with the pup scrambling up the steps behind them.

The kitchen was large with a huge old wood stove next to a wide sink that had another hand pump in it. There was shelving and a small refrigerator on the opposite wall, and an old oak table in the middle with heavy chairs to match it that had obviously been made by hand. The whole room was brightly lit, and it took Jamie and Quinn a few moments to realize that there were working electric lights.

"You still have power here?" Quinn asked, surprised.

The old woman was digging through her pantry after something and didn't even glance at him. "There's a generator in the garage to run my kitchen. I drive to town once a month to refill the gas tank and pick up anything I need. Sit down."

"Yes ma'am." Quinn looked bemused as he walked to the table, helping Jamie with one of the heavy chairs before he sat down next to him.

Jamie leaned to watch Cal as the puppy walked towards the old woman, looking curious. "Cal, come! Don't bother her." Cal didn't understand anything but 'come', but that was his favorite command. He turned to trot over to Jamie because he knew doing that would get him one of the dog treats Jamie carried in his pocket.

The old woman straightened and turned with a can of cocoa in her hand to watch Jamie give Cal his treat, frowning. "I won't hurt your puppy, child."

"I didn't think you would," Jamie said quickly, surprised. "I just didn't want him in your way. He likes to get underfoot."

She stared at Jamie a moment longer and then snorted and walked towards the refrigerator. "That's alright then, I suppose." She took a glass bottle of milk from the refrigerator and then carried it and the cocoa to put both on the table. She put her hands on her hips then and looked across the table at Quinn and Jamie as she asked sharply, "Well? Are you two ever going to introduce yourselves?"

Quinn leaned to offer her his hand, bemused. "I'm sorry, ma'am. We both haven't talked to anyone friendly in a very long time. I'm Quinn, and this is Jamie."

She shook Quinn's hand and then Jamie hastily offered her his good hand, giving her a sheepish smile. "Nice to meet you, ma'am."

"Nice to meet you too, child." She shook Jamie's hand and then nodded. "You can call me Addy, I suppose." She turned away, heading over to open a cabinet over the sink as she added, "I understand what you mean about not speaking to anyone friendly." She took down three glasses and then walked back to the table to put them down. "I haven't seen many good folks myself this last year." She picked up the bottle of milk to carry it towards the back door. "Come here, Cal."

Cal perked up at his name and his favorite word and left where he had been sitting by Jamie's foot to follow her, curious. He watched a bit warily as she poured milk into the dog dish by the door, staying back because he didn't like to get wet. As soon as she had stopped pouring he moved to sniff curiously at the bowl though, and he was soon lapping happily.

Addy smiled slightly and ruffled the puppy's floppy ears, then stood to carry the milk back to the table and sat down across from Jamie. "These are tough times, especially for women." She gave Jamie a smile that was actually almost friendly.

Jamie felt his face heating up again. "I'm not a woman."

Addy frowned. "Why in the world do you feel the need to lie to me, child?"

"I wouldn't lie about that, ma'am. How can I prove it to you?" If she told him to drop his jeans, Jamie was leaving. Even fresh corn and tomatoes weren't worth that.

"It's okay, Jamie," Quinn said quietly, patting Jamie's knee and giving him a reassuring smile before he looked across the table at Addy. "Jamie's just as male as I am, you have my word." He grinned suddenly and then added, "He just happens to be beautiful, too."

Jamie gave Quinn a dirty look, but Quinn pretended not to notice. Addy kept frowning at them for a few more moments and then sighed said disapprovingly, "I suppose young men have to cope somehow." She sniffed and then seemed to think of something and looked at Jamie as she asked sharply, "He doesn't make you do anything you don't want to, does he, child?"

Jamie tried hard to ignore how hot his face felt. "Quinn would _never_ force me to do anything."

"Except eat," Quinn amended, obviously amused by the question and Jamie's reply.

Jamie smiled slightly, glancing at Quinn and then back at Addy. "Except eat."

"That certainly won't hurt you. You're nothing but bones and hair." Quinn and Jamie laughed at that, and Addy snorted as she began to pour milk into the three glasses. "I thought you youngsters might want chocolate in your milk. You're welcome to it if you do. Spoons are in the drawer by the sink, two teaspoons per glass should do."

Quinn looked at Jamie questioningly. Jamie nodded, so Quinn stood to go get a spoon, smiling at Addy. "Thank you, ma'am."

"You're welcome."

Addy settled back in her chair to watch as Quinn retrieved the spoon and then opened the cocoa. He measured two teaspoons into one glass, stirring it in carefully before he put the glass in front of Jamie and closed the cocoa again. Jamie sipped at his chocolate milk, bemused, and watched while Quinn went to rinse the spoon and then put it in the drying rack by the sink before he returned to sit by Jamie again and finally took a drink of his own milk.

"Does he wait on you like that all the time, child?" Addy asked.

Quinn looked over at Addy, surprised, then turned his attention back to Jamie. Jamie smiled at Quinn and then looked at Addy, nodding. "When he gets the chance to, yes ma'am. Quinn saved my life and he's been taking care of me ever since."

"Well." Addy sipped at her milk, thinking about that and watching them measuringly for a short while before she finally said grudgingly, "I've never approved of young men taking up with each other, but I suppose as long as you're happy, that's all that matters now. There aren't enough people left for you to be sure you'll find some nice girls to settle down with."

"Even if there were, I'd rather be with Jamie," Quinn said, smiling at Addy.

Jamie stared at Quinn, wide-eyed. "Really?"

Quinn nodded. "You're too perfect to give up for any girl." He grinned and teased, "Girls are annoying, always expecting a guy to read their minds and remember anniversaries of things he didn't really pay attention to the first time around."

A goofy smile spread across Jamie's face, but he didn't try to stop it. "I love you, too."

Quinn patted Jamie's knee, grinning. "Of course you do, baby."

Jamie laughed softly and Addy snorted. "You two remind me of my son and his wife."

Jamie looked at Addy, bemused. "I don't need three guesses to figure out which one _I_ remind you of."

Addy chuckled softly. "I'm sorry, child, but your young man is right. You're a lovely little slip of a thing, just like my Jacob's Liz was."

"I knew it." Jamie sighed and looked down, but he was still smiling because of what Quinn had said. Addy could have told Jamie that he was the most feminine young man she had ever met, and just then Jamie wouldn't have cared. If Quinn liked him that much, it couldn't be too bad.

Quinn gave Addy a wink and then said in a much-too-innocent tone, "It's the hair. It's so beautiful you miss the rest."

Jamie looked over at Quinn quickly as Addy said dryly, "Or the face. I'd expect to see a young man with a face that pretty on a stained glass window wearing a halo."

Jamie blushed again, looking at Addy. "Thank you, ma'am, but I'm not at all angelic."

"Most folks who wound up sainted weren't at your age, child," Addy said, amused. "You've got the face of an angel and that's a start."

Quinn laughed and teased, "And the body of a—"

"Don't you dare," Jamie interrupted him, wide-eyed. "Just keep that idea to yourself."

Quinn smirked. "Do I have to?"

"Unless you want to sleep with the horses, yes."

"You're no fun." Quinn was still smirking.

"Uh-huh, sure I'm not." Jamie remembered what Quinn had said and grinned smugly as he teased, "That's why you'd rather be with me than _any_ girl. I'm _so_ hard to get along with." Quinn's smirk turned very wicked and he started to open his mouth, but Jamie laughed, blushing, and said quickly, "Don't say it!"

Quinn pretended to pout, his green eyes sparkling with amusement and mischief. "Meanie."

"Yes I am," Jamie agreed. "I'm evil and cruel and treat you no better than my dog. Now shut up and drink your milk."

Quinn chuckled and took a sip of his milk.

Addy shook her head, smiling. "Yep, just like Jake and his Lizzy. She led him around by the ... nose, too."

 

~*~*~

 

It took them a little while to convince Addy to let Jamie cook dinner, but she finally agreed. She went out to the garden to pick whatever vegetables were ripe while Quinn skinned the calf and then butchered out the meat Jamie intended to use for dinner. They wrapped the hide back around the calf when he was done and then cleaned up the mess before Quinn went to get some wood.

Jamie fired up the old brick grill a few minutes later, and after some trial and error to get the fire built just right, the ribs and a thick roast were finally cooking. Quinn wanted to look in the barn and see if he could find a hammer and nails to fix the cow's pen with, so Jamie was soon by himself watching the meat. He climbed up on the picnic table with Cal and sat there in the shade petting him until Addy walked around the house with a basket of corn and tomatoes.

She went to look at the grill for a few moments and then walked over to join Jamie, putting the basket on the table next to him. "You boys know how to cook beef, at least," she said grudgingly, smiling.

Jamie grinned at her. "Yes ma'am. I've been cooking for a long time now. My Dad could burn water, so it was self defense to learn."

Addy sat on the bench, obviously amused. "And your mother?"

"It was just me and Dad, she died when I was two. Drunk driver."

"Ah, I see." Addy reached over to pat Jamie's knee. "She'd have been proud of you, child."

Jamie blinked, surprised. "I doubt that."

Addy looked at him curiously. "Why would you say that, child? You seem like a very polite, well-behaved young man to me, even if you do have that puppy _and_ your feet on the table."

"Sorry, ma'am," Jamie said, blushing as he slid off the table to put Cal down. "Mom wouldn't have liked me much, I don't think. She and Dad parted ways before I was born because he was a wanderer, and I grew up to be one too." Jamie sat on the bench near Addy with a shrug. "Plus, there's the whole thing with me not being very, uhm, conventional."

Addy leaned closer and teased, "I think you youngsters used to call it being 'liberal', child."

Jamie laughed. "Oh no, I've gone way past liberal, ma'am. _Dad_ was a liberal, and even he would probably give me a talking to if he were still alive."

"You don't think he would like your Quinn?"

"Oh, I know he'd like Quinn." Jamie smiled wryly. "Dad was a lot like Quinn, really. Maybe that's why I could trust Quinn after—" Jamie broke off, flushing, and looked over at where Cal was gnawing on a piece of calf hide that Jamie and Quinn had missed when they cleaned up. "Well, after I went through a rough time. Quinn saved my life."

Addy sighed, obviously sad as she reached for Jamie's left hand to give it a squeeze. "Everyone's had rough times since the plague, child. I'm glad your Quinn found you. It's plain even to a stranger like me that he treasures you, and that's not something a person can ignore these days, even if you are both young men."

Jamie squeezed Addy's hand as best he could and smiled. "I'm glad, too."

Addy smiled back a moment and then asked, "Just how badly did you hurt this arm, child? You don't have much of a grip, I see."

"Pretty badly," Jamie admitted, glad to get onto another subject even if it wasn't one he particularly enjoyed. "It got dislocated a few months ago, but that got better pretty quick. The problem now is that a few weeks ago I got cut pretty badly. Quinn did what he could for it, but it was really deep." Jamie turned his arm over and pointed to the spot where the cut began, even though he still wore an ace bandage on it so Addy couldn't see the scar. "I got stabbed here, and the knife cut this way pretty deep, and then there's a shallower cut all the way to here." He traced the crooked path of the scar, and then looked at Addy again. "I nearly bled to death, but Quinn managed to stitch it up and stop the bleeding. It's not pretty, and I'm sure there's some muscle damage, but I'm alive."

"Would you mind letting me see it?" Addy asked, concerned. "I doubt I can help much now, but it might be possible. I was a registered nurse for over thirty years."

Jamie stared at Addy, wide-eyed. "Wow. Uhm, sure, if you want. After dinner, maybe?"

Addy smiled and nodded as she stood up. "That's fine, child." She looked over at the fire and then chuckled. "Speaking of dinner, I think you need to check the meat while I go get this corn ready for the grill."

Jamie smiled and stood. "Yes ma'am. Just let me know when you're ready for me to start it."

"I will, child."

Addy smiled and headed towards the back door while Jamie obediently went to go turn the meat. She was right, the roast was definitely ready to turn for the first time and the ribs needed moved a bit further onto the fire.

Jamie had just stepped back from the grill when Quinn slipped his arms around Jamie's waist from behind without warning. Jamie's reaction to being startled was very different than it would have been even a week before. The feel of Quinn's arms around him had become so familiar that after only a slight jerk of surprise Jamie’s first instinct was to relax into the safety of Quinn's embrace, not try to run. He let out a soft laugh and turned his head to look at Quinn, leaning back against Quinn's chest as he put his hands on Quinn's forearms. "Well hello, you."

Quinn murmured, "Hi." He kissed Jamie softly and then asked with a smile, "Did you enjoy talking to Addy?"

Jamie smiled and nodded. "She's nice when she's not carrying that shotgun."

Quinn chuckled. "That's good." He nodded towards the fire. "Having any more trouble with the grill?"

"It took a bit to settle down, but I think it's fine now." Jamie leaned his head back against Quinn's shoulder, smiling. "I've gotten so used to campfire cooking, I had to try a few times to figure out how to situate the ribs so they would cook right."

"I'm sure it'll be fine," Quinn murmured, nuzzling Jamie's temple. "You're a great cook."

Jamie blushed but smiled wider as he elbowed Quinn gently, pleased. "You're just as good."

"Not likely," Quinn disagreed softly, beginning to trail kisses down the side of Jamie's face.

Quinn didn't seem to want to talk, and Jamie definitely wasn't going to argue. He made a soft purring noise, relaxing a bit more against Quinn as he tilted his head to give Quinn easier access to his neck. Quinn's lips and teeth on his throat made Jamie's skin tingle and he had to bite his lower lip to keep quiet. His neck was very sensitive, especially near his collarbone, and Quinn loved to make him squirm by licking and nibbling there.

Jamie had finally learned how to let himself enjoy being with Quinn without worrying about what he couldn't do yet, and Quinn's arms had become his very favorite place to be. Quinn was very good at knowing exactly where Jamie's limits were and avoiding them, sometimes even when Jamie didn't know them himself. That made it easier for Jamie to trust Quinn to take care of him, which often helped them push Jamie's limits a little farther.

Jamie was soon making tiny little whimpering noises as he clutched Quinn's arms, and then Quinn shifted behind him, moving closer. The feel of Quinn's arousal nudging gently against his rear made Jamie feel a little weak in the knees and he gasped softly, surprising himself as much as Quinn when he pressed back against him. Quinn lifted his head to kiss Jamie then, letting out a low noise that was somewhere between a groan and a purr when Jamie responded hungrily.

Quinn had just slipped one hand under Jamie's t-shirt and was slowly stroking upwards over Jamie's belly when they heard the back door to the house snap closed. They pulled apart quickly, both blushing and obviously aroused, and they heard Addy snort.

"You'd better pay more attention to this corn than you are to the meat, child. The corn will burn if you aren't careful."

"Yes ma'am." Jamie wished for a moment that he could melt right into the patio, but when he finally looked at Addy he relaxed a little bit. He was still embarrassed, but she was obviously amused, not disgusted, so he thought it would be okay. She had made it very plain that she didn’t approve completely of their relationship, but she seemed willing to tolerate them forgetting themselves for a moment.

Jamie accepted the plate of sweet corn still in the husks with a shy little smile and then moved to put them on the fire. Addy had washed the corn and removed the corn silk, then buttered the ears and closed the husks around them again to keep them from charring on the grill. Jamie had cooked corn a similar way before, so he knew it would be wonderful.

"Is there anything I can do to help, ma'am?" Quinn asked, still blushing a bit but not nearly as badly as Jamie was. Quinn didn't blush often, and when he did it went away quickly.

Addy laughed. "You could start by not distracting the cook."

Jamie snickered, still beet red, and glanced at Quinn to see him running a hand through his shaggy red hair and looking sheepish. "Yes ma'am," Quinn said, "I'll try."

"You do that, young man," Addy said, amused, then pointed to the ribs. "Those are ready for sauce, child." She didn't even wait to see if Jamie agreed before she turned to walk back to the house.

Quinn waited until the door closed behind her, then said with a soft chuckle, "Maybe I should go find something to do."

Jamie put the plate for the corn to one side and turned to smile at Quinn. "Maybe so. I can't resist you, and we both know how you are when you're bored."

Quinn laughed and stepped closer to put his hands on Jamie's waist, grinning. "Blame it all on me, huh?"

"If I can," Jamie agreed as he put his hands on Quinn’s chest, returning the grin. He leaned up to kiss Quinn lingeringly and then pulled away, giving him a little push. "Go feed the horses, I'll be fine here."

Quinn chuckled and kissed Jamie again, then let him go. "Yes sir."

Jamie laughed. "Go!"

"I am!" Quinn grinned and headed towards the barn.

Jamie watched him go and then turned back to the fire to put some sauce on the ribs and keep an eye on the corn, smiling. Just then he felt like his life was good, maybe even wonderful, which was a feeling that had become all too rare since his father died. He still missed his father, but he didn't feel alone anymore. He wasn't, and he hoped that he never would be again. He had finally admitted to himself that he was falling in love with Quinn, and he was ecstatic that Quinn not only seemed to return his feelings, but wasn't ashamed to admit it around other people.

Jamie knew that he and Quinn would move on the next day, or the day after that if they found the fences needed a lot of repair, but he was happy to enjoy the time they spent there in Good Hope. He was soon humming, and he didn't even notice when he began to sing softly to himself while he turned the corn.

 

 _I'm in no hurry,  
To hustle and scurry,  
There's so much to see,  
And life ain't gonna pass me by._

 _Tomorrow's right around the corner,  
I'll get there somehow,  
But I'm stuck in the meantime,  
And I love the now._

 

"Amen." Jamie turned towards the voice, surprised, and found Addy standing nearby with a glass of lemonade, smiling warmly at him. "I thought you might want a drink, child. Standing over the grill is thirsty work."

Jamie smiled back and accepted the glass, blushing a bit at being caught singing. "Thank you, ma'am."

"You're very welcome, child." Addy moved closer to look at the corn and the ribs, then looked at Jamie again. "Looks like it ought to be done soon."

Jamie nodded. "Yes ma'am. I'm just waiting for the corn to finish, then it'll all be ready to eat."

"I'd better go finish slicing the tomatoes and onions then, hadn't I?" Addy said, chuckling.

Jamie laughed. "Yes ma'am, that might help."

"It'll be nice to eat out here in the shade, I think." She smiled and nodded to Jamie, then turned to go back to the kitchen again.

Jamie turned back to the grill, feeling bemused as he sipped the lemonade and waited to turn the corn again.

 

 


	8. Chapter 8

8

 

 

After dinner, Addy supervised while Quinn and Jamie cut the calf into pieces that she could easily manage and then carried the beef to her deep freeze, which was next to the generator in the garage.

Quinn was intrigued by the generator setup so Addy told him all about how her son had put it in years ago after an ice storm left them without power so long that they lost an entire freezer full of food. Addy's son Jake had made the gasoline storage tank himself and then found a building contractor who was going out of business and bought a generator he used on-site. Jake and one of his friends had then converted the main power box in the house so that it could be cut off from the county lines when they flipped a switch to turn on the backup power.

Addy had a small pickup with a plastic tank in the back that she used to haul gasoline, and the two-hundred-gallon storage drum had a reversible hand pump so someone standing next to the truck could easily fill or drain it. There were also several backup batteries in a rack by the freezer so that it would still have power when the generator was off. There were nine batteries in the rack, enough to run the freezer for more than a day, and they automatically charged whenever the generator was running.

Quinn was a bit surprised by the setup, but he couldn’t deny that it all seemed to work very well. He spent a little while asking Addy questions and listening intently to the answers, filing them away for a day when he and Jamie might settle down and want to set up some electricity. Quinn hadn’t really planned to ever settle down again until he met Jamie, but as they got closer he was starting to think about a place way out in the middle of nowhere, raising horses and dogs, farming, and just enjoying life together.

When Addy finished telling Quinn all about the generator and how it ran, she declared it was time for barn chores and herded Jamie and Quinn outside again with Cal following happily along. Addy tied Bessie in her open-fronted stall and milked the cow, and then she went to take Rufus out to the garden for the night while Quinn and Jamie cleaned out the other two wide tie stalls and went to catch their horses. They picketed the horses in the barn for the night with Alvin and Simon in one stall, Specklebird and Misty in another, and Storm tied to a support pole nearby so he wouldn't start any trouble.

Addy returned to the barn just as they finished, and she decided on the way back up to the house that it was time to have a look at Jamie's arm. She told Quinn and Jamie to sit down in the kitchen and disappeared off into the house muttering to herself.

Quinn pulled out the chair at the head of the old oak table for Jamie and then put Cal in Jamie's lap before he sat on the table just to Jamie's left. Jamie began to pet the tired puppy while Quinn unwrapped his arm, teasing, "I can believe she was a nurse, ordering patients around all day."

Jamie swatted Quinn's thigh with his good hand, trying not to grin. "Be nice."

Quinn grinned, still unwinding the bandage. "I am being nice, just honest."

"Young man, do you really think I want your _dusty_ behind on my kitchen table?"

Quinn jumped off the table so fast that Jamie had to laugh. "Sorry, ma'am," Quinn said quickly, looking sheepish.

Addy sniffed and laid a large plastic toolbox on the table. "Next time move a chair, they're _intended_ to hold your butt."

Jamie finished unwrapping his arm while Quinn nodded, mumbling, "Yes ma'am."

Addy looked pointedly at Quinn where he was standing behind Jamie, then at the empty chair on the other side of him, and Quinn meekly went to sit down. Addy turned her attention to Jamie then and watched him hand Quinn the ace bandage before Jamie laid his bad arm on the edge of the table to take off the tape that held the gauze. "Here child, let me do the rest."

Jamie stopped trying to peel away the thin piece of gauze. "Yes ma'am." Jamie lowered his good hand to pet Cal instead, but he was so deeply asleep that Jamie wasn't sure the pup even noticed. Cal had eaten scraps while they butchered the calf and then ran around underfoot the whole time they were in the barn, and he was exhausted.

"Hold still, then." Addy took over, loosening the tape much more easily than Jamie had been and then peeling the gauze away to look at his arm.

The angry-looking ropy scar down the inside of Jamie's arm was surrounded by smaller scars from the ripped-out stitches Quinn had put in to hold the wound together the first time and the second set he had put in to replace them. The last of the stitches themselves had fallen away when the scabs came off the last time Quinn washed the arm with Betadine. The wounds were mostly healed except for an area where the deepest part of the cut had been, right at the top of where the depression in Jamie's arm was. The scab there would still rupture and bleed if Jamie did too much, even after nearly three weeks, though it didn't usually bleed much.

Addy stared at Jamie's arm for a few moments and then said softly, "You poor child." She ran her fingertips lightly over the arm, looking closely at the smaller scars left by the stitches. "You're very lucky to be alive."

"I wouldn't be if Quinn hadn't been there. I don't remember much of the first day or so after it happened."

"I'd imagine not," Addy agreed, nodding as she bent closer to look carefully at the scab. "From the looks of your arm, I think at least one muscle was torn." She looked at Quinn. "Was the artery cut, too?"

Jamie was content to let Quinn tell her about the injury, since he didn't remember much of that day very well. He sat quietly and listened to them, trying not to think about how having a torn muscle would affect using his hand. Jamie's grip hadn't improved in a while, though the arm hurt much less than it had.

Quinn shook his head. "No ma'am, I don't think so," he said quietly, a bit subdued because he didn't like to think about that day. "The bleeding was pretty bad, but it didn't throb with his pulse." He gave her a wry smile. "I was in the Army and had the field-medic course in training. I just didn't happen to have most of the things that I was trained to use."

"That's often the case in an emergency," Addy said, giving Quinn a sympathetic look. She dragged a chair closer to Jamie and then sat down, looking at Quinn again. "I suppose you put the stitches in?"

"Yes ma'am." Quinn shifted in his chair. "I didn't get to look at his arm for an hour or so after he was hurt, and it bled a lot before he calmed down enough to let me look at it. I finally got it stopped by rinsing it with cold water and then using pressure bandages, then used what sutures I had and stitched it up before I bandaged it." Addy nodded but she waited for him to go on, since there was obviously more. "He was out of it for a long while, most of the day, and then when he came to he tried to stand and fell on that arm. About half of the stitches ripped out, and I think that's when the muscle tore because the wound looked much deeper afterwards and bled even worse than the first time. The cut wouldn't stay closed at all after he fell unless I wrapped it so tightly his fingertips started to turn blue, not even for long enough to find something to stitch him up with again. I had to put a second set of stitches in to get the bleeding to even slow down, and it still took most of an hour to stop."

Addy nodded again, looking thoughtfully at Jamie's arm. "Stitches were the right idea, Quinn. What did you use the second time?"

"Tendon, from a calf," Quinn replied. "It was all I had. My first aid kit had been practically destroyed, but I didn't have enough sutures anyway. I did have a needle, but no thread."

"Not many people keep enough sutures on hand for a situation like that," Addy agreed, looking at Quinn. "What gave you the idea to use the tendon?"

Quinn had the grace to look a bit sheepish then. "Some books I read in college, the first one was _Clan of the Cave_ or something like that, but it was in the second book that it talked about using tendon to stitch up a wound." Addy and Jamie both just stared at Quinn and he tried to defend himself. "He was lying there bleeding to death! I thought doing _anything_ was better than just watching him die. I knew stitching it up was the only chance he had, so I had to find _something_ to work with. The only things I had that looked _remotely_ like thread were hair or tendon, and I thought the tendon would work better."

Addy stared a moment longer and then snorted and shook her head, looking at Jamie. "I was wrong, child. It's a _miracle_ that you lived."

Jamie let out a little strangled laugh, still staring at Quinn. " _Clan of the Cave Bear_?!"

Quinn cringed a bit. "Jamie, I was desperate!"

"When you read that book, yes!" Jamie was shocked that Quinn had read it. He had tried once when he was younger because it was in a box of books he got at a flea market, and he usually liked epic-length novels. "Why in the world did you read them _all_? I mean, I used to read almost anything, but I didn't even finish the _first_ one."

Quinn blushed. "Well, uhm, there was this reading group I joined in my first semester of college, and that's what they were discussing. I left the group just after they started the second one, but by then I wanted to know what happened."

Addy snorted, looking amused. "And what was the girl's name?"

Quinn got even redder and looked down at the table as he sat back in his chair. "Teresa. I had just finished the first book when I found out she was engaged to a boy back home in Arkansas."

Addy chuckled, shaking her head as she said fondly, "Boys will be boys. My Leon read _War and Peace_ to try and impress me."

Jamie was still trying to wrap his head around the idea Quinn had not only read that whole series of what he considered to be fairly trashy romances, but had done so to try and get a date with a girl who was already engaged to someone else. It sounded like something out of a bad sitcom to him.

Addy took pity on Quinn and changed the subject, still looking amused. "Well, wherever you got the idea, it seems to have worked." She looked at Jamie and teased, "Maybe you ought to rethink that angel thing, child. Someone in high places certainly likes you."

Jamie let out a little laugh, blushing. "Maybe so."

Addy nodded, still amused, but the smile faded after a moment and she visibly steeled herself. "Jamie, have you regained _any_ strength in your hand?"

"Not much," Jamie admitted, all urge to laugh fading quickly away. "At first it got better, but for the last week or so there hasn't been any real change. The pain is still getting better, but my grip is the same I think, and that's not much better than it was two weeks ago."

Addy sighed, looking at Jamie's arm. "I was afraid you would say that." She reached out towards the arm and then paused, looking at Jamie questioningly, "Do you want me to try and see how bad the damage to the muscle is? I'd have to poke and prod your arm pretty hard, and it'll hurt. It might even make it worse, but I'm pretty sure that would pass if it did."

Quinn sat forward with a frown, looking worried, but he didn't say anything.

Jamie swallowed hard and then nodded. "Please. I- I'd like to know."

"Alright, child. I wish that I had a hospital to take you to or at least a local anesthetic to make this easier on you, but I don't." Addy didn't wait for a reply, instead getting a firm grip on Jamie's elbow with one hand before she began to carefully feel of his arm with the other. She started from the lower end of the scar and worked her way upwards, wrapping her fingers around the forearm and digging her thumb in to feel the separate muscles. She was careful not to dig into the actual scar, but Jamie didn't think it could have hurt more if she did. It felt like her thumb was going to go right through his skin.

Jamie hissed softly in pain after only a few moments and then clenched his teeth to keep from making any more noise as he closed his eyes. Quinn reached for his good hand a moment later and Jamie opened his eyes long enough to give Quinn a grateful look. Jamie held on tightly to Quinn's hand as he closed his eyes again to concentrate on not moving the injured arm. Jamie's instincts said to jerk the arm away from Addy, but he knew she was probably the closest thing to a doctor that he would ever see.

Addy's probing thumb found the hollow in Jamie's arm after a few minutes and she had barely felt of a knot there before something in Jamie's arm suddenly shifted sickeningly under the pressure of her thumb. Jamie couldn't keep back a whimper as tears began to run quickly down his face, and Addy only felt of the knot for a moment longer before the scab tore open and began bleeding freely. She released the arm with a sigh and sat back in her chair as she said softly, "Oh child, I know that hurt you. I'm sorry."

Quinn picked Cal up to put the sleepy puppy in Addy's lap, and then he pulled Jamie into his lap. Jamie went willingly, cradling his throbbing arm to his chest as Quinn held him and started to stroke his hair. Being held and treated so lovingly made Jamie cry harder, and he hid his face against Quinn's neck, ashamed that he was sobbing. Jamie hadn't even noticed that his arm was bleeding because it hurt so much. He had gotten used to it feeling better, and Addy's prodding had made his arm hurt as much as it did the day it happened.

"So?" Quinn finally asked Addy after a few minutes, his voice just a bit ragged. "I hope you at least learned something."

"I'm sorry, that was the only way to tell," Addy said immediately, petting Cal with a pained expression because the puppy was confused and whining. "One of the large muscles along the inside of the arm was either cut or torn completely, and probably the tendons, too." She paused and then added softly, "I'm afraid it won't get much better. A surgeon might have been able to reattach it, but I'm not capable of doing it."

Quinn sighed and kissed Jamie's hair, rubbing his back slowly.

"So, I'll n-never be able to use it r-right again?" Jamie swallowed hard, hating how blubbery his voice sounded and trying get control of himself.

Addy looked upset. "I don't know, child. Other muscles can help compensate for an injury like that, but it takes time. Weeks, maybe months or even a year."

"Maybe n-never." Jamie swallowed again, trying to get the lump out of his throat so he could talk without stuttering.

Addy sighed and nodded. "Maybe never. I won't lie to you."

"Will keeping it wrapped help, or hurt?" Quinn asked, carefully untangling his hand from Jamie's hair. He hadn't paid attention while he was rubbing Jamie's back, and Jamie's long hair was caught around his watch.

"Wrapping it should help with the pain as long as it isn't too tight, and will support that severed muscle until it adheres on its own. It should eventually, and then some recovery is possible." She paused and then added, "And something should be done about the bleeding."

Quinn and Jamie both looked down quickly. Jamie's arm was bleeding more than it had in a while, though it wasn't bleeding badly enough to scare either of them. Jamie very carefully tried to look at the wound to see how much of it had broken open as Quinn asked, "Shouldn't it have healed by now?"

"No, it was too deep," Addy said quickly, shaking her head. "It's good that it didn't scar over yet. If it had, there would have been internal bleeding anytime that torn muscle shifted, and that could cause an infection or an abscess. It’s much better for it to stay open and drain."

Quinn nodded and looked back down to watch Jamie carefully brushing the blood away to look at the wound. "That makes sense."

Addy watched them for a moment before she spoke again. "I can understand if you don't want me to do it, child, but that needs cleaning and bandaging. Poking at it like that will just make it more likely to get infected."

Jamie stopped brushing gingerly at the bloody wound and took a shaky breath as he looked over at Addy. "You can bandage it, if you would. I- I can take it."

Quinn gave Jamie a squeeze and murmured softly into his ear, "I'll hold you."

Jamie gave Quinn a grateful look, then looked at Addy again. "But I'd rather not move."

Addy smiled, though it was a bit forced. "I think I can manage, child." She put Cal in the floor and stood, walking over to get a bowl out of the cabinet and then coming back to the table to open up her first aid kit.

Quinn shifted in his chair so that Addy would be able to get to Jamie's arm more easily and then held Jamie while she used Betadine to clean the wound. It was open all along the scabbed area that still hadn't healed, but the bleeding had almost stopped by the time she began to wash it. She patted his arm dry with a bit of gauze and then bandaged it carefully with antibiotic and more gauze before she rewrapped the arm. She finally went to put the first aid kit away again and left Quinn and Jamie alone in the kitchen with Cal, who she had put in Jamie's lap again so he would stop whining.

Jamie laid his head on Quinn's shoulder and cuddled Cal, keeping his sore arm folded against his chest where the puppy wouldn't bump it. Quinn held them and stroked Jamie's hair for a few minutes before he murmured, "If you let me up, I'll go get you a clean shirt and a pain pill."

Jamie thought about it for a moment and then admitted softly, "I'd rather stay right here. I can do without the pill."

Quinn kissed Jamie's hair. "I don't like you hurting, though. I'll hold you when I get back, I promise."

Jamie sighed and held still for a few moments longer, then lifted his head to look at Quinn. "We could just go out to bed and save you a trip." They had decided to sleep in the barn with the horses so they could be together without offending Addy. She was fairly tolerant of them, but Jamie doubted that she would want them to sleep together in her spare bedroom. They still hadn't managed to do much more than kiss and hold each other, but she didn't know that and she had said a few things that made it obvious that she didn't completely approve of their relationship.

" _Out_ to bed?" Addy walked into the kitchen again, obviously surprised.

Quinn looked at her. "We thought you'd be more comfortable if we slept in the barn."

"I'm not afraid of you, young man," Addy said firmly, moving to the pantry to look for something. "You boys wouldn't hurt a flea."

Jamie flushed and settled against Quinn's chest again, looking down at Cal as he said quietly, "That's not exactly why we thought you'd be uncomfortable."

"Well you just think again, then," Addy said with a snort as she finally found the jar she had been looking for and carried it over to the counter by the sink. "I've got two bedrooms I don't use, you're welcome to either of them. You'll probably want the guest room; the bed in there is a full. There's just a twin in my son's old room."

Jamie lifted his head to look at Addy, surprised but pleased. Quinn smiled as he said quietly, "Thank you, ma'am."

Addy glanced over her shoulder at them as she was reaching up into the cabinet for a bowl. "Thank me tomorrow, after you've had a good night's sleep in a clean bed with nice line-dried linens." She took down the bowl and then a measuring cup, and then went to the refrigerator. "I'm making a batch of cookies, if you want to stay up a bit longer."

Quinn nodded, still smiling. "Thank you, we'd like that." He watched Addy take butter, milk, and eggs out of the refrigerator and carry them to the counter, then Quinn patted Jamie's knee. "Let me up, baby. I'll go get your pills."

"Alright." Jamie kissed Quinn's cheek and then cradled Cal against his chest with his good arm as he slid off of Quinn's lap. Quinn stood up and took Cal, then carried the pup outside with him as Jamie sat back down in Quinn's chair.

"I'm glad he takes such good care of you, child," Addy said quietly, glancing at Jamie as she cracked an egg. "What kind of pills is he after?"

"Percocet." Jamie shifted a bit in the chair, missing Quinn's much more comfortable lap.

Addy nodded. "That's a good pain pill. You don't take many, I hope?"

"Only one every eight hours, if I'm hurting bad. We found a pharmacy a couple weeks ago when my arm was still really bothering me, and Quinn had taken them before when he got hurt, so that's the pain pill we took. He sets the alarm on his watch and makes sure I don't take the pills too close together."

"Just so you're careful." Addy turned with the bowl cradled in one arm as she began stirring, looking at Jamie for a moment before she said abruptly, "I'd like to ask you something, child, but I don't want to upset you."

Jamie looked at his hands and thought about it for a moment before he sighed softly and nodded. "Ask."

"How old are you?"

Jamie looked up again, blinking in surprise but feeling relieved. "Is that all? Nineteen."

Addy seemed surprised, either by his age or by how relieved he was. "What did you think I was going to ask?"

Jamie flushed and looked down. "About how I got hurt, I guess."

"Child, I'm an old woman, but I'm not stupid." Jamie looked up again in surprise just as Quinn opened the back door and paused there to wait for Cal. Addy ignored Quinn's entrance, watching Jamie as she went on, "I expect that your young man saved you from a very bad situation. You're lucky he saved you after only an hour."

Jamie let out a strangled little laugh and looked away. "God, I wish."

Cal had finally scrambled up the steps and inside and Quinn closed the door, then walked over to put a backpack they had recently emptied of food next to the chair where Jamie was sitting. "Jamie spent a very long time in a bad situation, ma'am, not an hour. And he got hurt saving my life, not the other way around." He looked at Addy as he spoke and kept his voice quiet, but he used a quelling tone that made it obvious he wanted her to drop the subject.

Jamie stood up and waited for Quinn to sit down, then climbed back into Quinn's lap and laid his head on Quinn's shoulder. "Thank you."

"You're welcome." Quinn wrapped his arms around Jamie and gave him a squeeze, then just held him gently, stroking Jamie's hair.

Jamie couldn't see Addy's unhappy expression, but she sounded upset as she said, "I didn't-"

Quinn cut her off, his voice gentle but firm, "I know, ma'am, but it was a really rough time for Jamie. I'd rather he didn't even have to think about it. He has enough nightmares."

"Of course," Addy agreed with a sigh. "I am sorry though, child. I don't mean to keep upsetting you."

Jamie looked over at Addy just as she put the bowl of cookie dough on the counter. "It's okay. You didn't know."

"Maybe so, but you know what they say about good intentions." She reached into the cabinet and took down a glass, then filled it with water and brought it over to Jamie. "For you to take that pill with," she said, smiling slightly.

Jamie smiled back faintly as he accepted the glass. "Thank you."

Addy nodded and patted Jamie's shoulder before she went to look in the top of the pantry.

Quinn took a pill bottle from his pocket and opened it, then popped a Percocet into Jamie's mouth with a slight smile. He closed the bottle and then tucked it away in his pocket as he watched Jamie sip at the water Addy had given him, murmuring, "At least half the glass, Jamie."

Addy put a cookie sheet and the bowl of dough on the table as she said, "All of it would be better, child. Water helps a pill work."

Jamie sighed and drank some more of the water, making himself finish it all before he put the glass on the table and laid his head on Quinn's shoulder. "There."

Quinn smiled and kissed Jamie's hair. "Now relax and let it work."

Jamie nodded and shifted slightly to get a little more comfortable, then just sat there watching Addy make cookies. Quinn began stroking Jamie's hair again, and Jamie felt so safe and loved there in his arms that it wasn't five minutes before he dozed off.

 

~*~*~

 

When Jamie started to wake up later, at first he thought that he was still dreaming. There was music playing, and he was smiling before he even opened his eyes.

 

 _I got ripplin' waters to wake me,  
To the morning, my woman, and love.  
Tall pine trees are pointing us easily to heaven above.  
Blue spruce flaming on the grate in the evening,  
Takes the chill away fine.  
Cut the telephone line and the story's the same._

 

Addy said dryly, "I think he likes that one."

Quinn chuckled softly, stroking Jamie's hair as he murmured, "Yeah, seems that way."

Jamie opened his eyes and was surprised to see that the kitchen was mostly dark, lit only by the light coming through the doorway that led to the hall. He lifted his head to look at Quinn, still smiling but feeling a bit sheepish. "I fell asleep."

Quinn grinned and teased, "No, really? I thought you went dancing."

Jamie giggled softly as Addy chuckled and said, "Quinn was sure a little music would wake you up." Jamie looked over at Addy and was surprised to see her sitting with Cal in her lap. She saw Jamie's expression and smiled. "You boys have spoiled this pup. He wouldn't stop whining until I picked him up."

Jamie blushed a bit. "That's my fault, I like to hold him."

Addy snorted softly, amused. "You remember that when he weighs eighty pounds and still thinks he's a lap dog. This little boy is part husky unless I miss my guess, and they get pretty big when they’ve got feet as big as his are."

Quinn chuckled. "It'll be funny if the dog still wants to ride with you when he's that big."

"You'll have to boost him up," Jamie said, laughing. "There's no way I can climb on Simon with a full-grown dog."

"Especially if he does weigh eighty pounds," Quinn teased, smirking. "You can't weigh more than one-ten yourself."

"When he's soaking wet and fully dressed," Addy added, smiling. "You really should eat more, child."

Jamie opened his mouth to reply but Quinn didn't give him a chance. "Three meals a day isn't enough," Quinn teased. "You haven't gained an ounce in the last two weeks I bet, and I know you've been eating."

"I've told you I was _always_ skinny," Jamie said, laughing. "I can't remember ever weighing much more than I do now, except last winter. I had nothing to do while we were snowed in, and Dad was always willing to try it when I experimented with food from the freezer of the lodge where we holed up."

Addy chuckled, shaking her head as she put Cal in the floor. "There are worse ways to pass the time." She stood and walked over to the wood stove, coming back to the table a moment later with a coffee pot and a tin pie plate of cookies that she had left on the stove to stay warm. "You boys are welcome to finish off these cookies, but I'm heading to bed. It's long past my bedtime."

"Thank you," Jamie said with a smile. "They smell wonderful."

Quinn smiled at Addy, nodding. "Sleep well, ma'am."

"I'm sure I will," Addy replied, taking several cookies and then heading for the hallway. "Good night. The guest room is all the way at the end of the hall, can't miss it."

"Good night." Jamie watched her go and then listened to a few lines of _'Sharecropper's Dream_ ' before he looked at Quinn again, smiling, and asked softly, "Did you choose the music?"

Quinn returned the smile, lifting one hand to brush a loose strand of Jamie's hair back. "It was either the Nitty Gritty Dirt Band, Charlie Pride, Elvis, or gospel music. I thought the Dirt Band was closer to the sort of thing you sing all the time."

Jamie laughed softly, nodding. "I love the Dirt Band. _'Twenty Years of Dirt_ '?"

Quinn grinned. "How did you know? You've only heard a few of the songs!"

"Yes, but they played in the order they were on that album." Jamie grinned at Quinn as ' _High Horse_ ' began to play. "Dad and I listened to it all the time in the truck, this song was one of my favorites when I was little."

Quinn smiled, pleased. "I'm glad." He paused to listen to the song a moment, then blinked. "Is this song about what I think it is?"

Jamie snickered. "Yes, Quinn, it is." Quinn listened to a little more of the song, and Jamie couldn't resist singing along softly:

 

 _Blonde braids tangled at the misty break of mornin',  
Catchin' light through a dusty window pane.  
Lost in lust, in denial of the warnin',  
She digs her heels in this stallion's flank again._

 

Quinn snickered. "And I thought country music didn't go there."

"Oh, it goes there, alright," Jamie said, grinning. "You should hear some of Jimmy Buffett's music."

Quinn grinned back at Jamie. "I've heard _'Why Don't We Get Drunk and Screw_ ', but that's Buffett, not country. He's always broken the rules, that's why I never heard half the songs you sing."

Jamie leaned to get a cookie and then settled against Quinn's chest again and smirked at him. "I haven't sung any of the worst ones around you. One of my particular favorites is _'Dickhead'_. It so fits so many people I've known."

Quinn blinked and then started laughing while Jamie just munched on the cookie, grinning.

Jamie decided right then that he would have to begin rebuilding a CD collection. If they didn't find anything at Beck & Call, the idea of seeing Key West again was suddenly very tempting, too. Jamie enjoyed the whole way of life down there, if anything was left of it, and he knew Quinn hadn't been much further south than they had been together. Quinn liked to wander at least as much as Jamie did so he wouldn't mind the trip, and Jamie could practically see Quinn stretched out on the beach wearing nothing but a smile and an all-over tan.

"What are you thinking about?" Quinn asked suddenly, his green eyes still sparkling with laughter.

Jamie grinned. "Wondering how you'd look stretched out naked on the beach at Key West." Quinn's eyes widened, and when he opened his mouth to say something Jamie popped the last of the cookie into his mouth, smirking. "Don't ask if you don't want to know."

Quinn chuckled slightly and chewed while Jamie reached for another cookie, humming along to _'Modern Day Romance'_ and feeling very pleased with himself. When Quinn suggested that they go to bed a few minutes later, Jamie agreed immediately. He was tired, but more than that he was looking forward to relaxing with Quinn some more. Quinn always brushed Jamie's hair before they went to bed and that usually led to kissing and touching, which was always a good thing as far as Jamie was concerned.

Jamie thought it would be nice to sleep together in a real bed with clean sheets that hadn’t spent a year and more in an abandoned house getting musty.

 

 


	9. Chapter 9

9

 

 

The next morning, Jamie woke up before Quinn.

Jamie was warm even though they were both only wearing boxers, and he was very comfortable against Quinn's side with one leg draped across Quinn's thigh and his bad arm, which was definitely sore that morning, resting on Quinn's belly. Quinn was holding him close, Jamie's right arm under the small of Quinn's back with his fingers tucked into the waistband of Quinn's boxers. Jamie's hair was spread over them both under the sheet that covered them, loose for a change and only a little tangled because they had slept too soundly to move very much.

Jamie snuggled closer to Quinn, nuzzling Quinn's chest with a soft purr as he slid his left hand a little further across Quinn's body. Quinn's heartbeat sped up and his breathing suddenly wasn't quite as slow and steady as it normally was when he slept, but he didn't move a muscle. Jamie thought Quinn was awake, but he knew that if Quinn was he was probably afraid to move until he knew Jamie was completely awake.

For most people it would be a simple thing to wake up in the arms of someone they cared about, but it had been a very difficult thing for Jamie to get used to. Before he was properly awake Jamie couldn't control the fears that still lingered in the less trusting corners of his subconscious, and they sometimes overwhelmed him when he least expected it. Terrible dreams had awakened him often, and Jamie often panicked when he woke up after a nightmare to feel someone holding him.

That memorable morning was the first time Jamie woke from peaceful sleep with Quinn's arm around him and felt absolutely no fear. It took Jamie a few minutes to realize what was different, but when it finally sank in he felt as if he had just won something very important.

Jamie just enjoyed the warm, happy feeling for a little while before he decided that if Quinn wasn't already awake, he was going to be very soon. He pulled his arm carefully out from under Quinn's back and then lifted himself up a bit to look at Quinn in the soft pre-dawn light, but Quinn's head was turned away and he seemed to be asleep.

Jamie smiled and began to kiss his way up Quinn's body, something he hadn't yet had the guts to do. He wanted to take full advantage of the chance to explore a bit so he made no effort to hurry as he trailed lingering kisses over Quinn's skin. He nuzzled the soft curls scattered over Quinn's chest as he licked into hollows or kissed over curves and planes slowly, his bad hand still resting against Quinn's belly.

When Jamie finally licked over Quinn's collarbone and then up his throat to nibble at the stubbled skin right under Quinn's jaw, Quinn couldn't take it anymore. He growled softly as he turned his head and reached towards Jamie, tangling his free hand in Jamie's hair to tip Jamie's head up as their lips met. He _had_ been awake the whole time, wondering what Jamie had in mind, and he was so aroused by Jamie's slow teasing that their first kiss that morning was unusually intense, almost demanding.

The kiss ended with Jamie sprawled half on Quinn's chest, completely out of breath and so aroused that he was dizzy. While Jamie caught his breath, Quinn trailed little nipping kisses along Jamie's jaw that left the skin tingling and made Jamie's breath hitch slightly. He then paid special attention to the sensitive hollow of Jamie’s throat, licking and biting gently there until Jamie whimpered. He purred and moved to kiss Jamie again more slowly, licking and sucking at Jamie's lips and tongue.

Jamie was out of breath again before Quinn finally pulled away. "Good morning," Quinn murmured, his voice low and rough as he smiled at Jamie with a look in his eyes that made Jamie's heart melt.

Jamie knew that tone of voice wasn't because Quinn had just woken up. Jamie had gone a long time without even feeling desire before he met Quinn, but after he began to truly trust Quinn that had changed. Jamie was so aroused at that moment that he could hardly think, and he knew that Quinn was just as aroused as he was. The thin material of their boxers did very little to disguise the hard length of Quinn's erection, which was pressed against the inside of Jamie's thigh.

"Morning," Jamie whispered, returning the smile and lowering his head to kiss Quinn lightly. Jamie settled more comfortably on Quinn's chest, trying not to tease either of them by moving too much.

Quinn ran his hand along Jamie's back, stroking slowly over skin and long silky hair as he murmured, "I don't think I've ever enjoyed waking up before dawn this much before."

"I like it, too," Jamie agreed, smiling as he realized that for the first time since his father was killed, he had woken up completely happy.

Quinn smirked suddenly and shifted under Jamie, pressing up against Jamie more firmly as he teased, "Yes, I can tell." Jamie's face flamed, and he felt like he blushed all the way to his waist. Quinn kissed him again and then nuzzled along Jamie's jaw, still smirking. "I'd offer to take care of that, but I already have. You'll just have to tell me when you're ready to let me."

Jamie shuddered and nearly came just at the thought of Quinn 'helping' him with the aching erection pressed between his belly and Quinn's hip. He took a slow ragged breath and tried to get control of himself.

Quinn pulled back a bit to look at Jamie, thinking that he had scared him, but being scared was the farthest thing from Jamie's mind. Jamie kissed Quinn, trying to put exactly how he was feeling into it, and he felt a little thrill when Quinn let out a low groan. Quinn's arms tightened around Jamie as he responded, and they kissed for a long while before Jamie shuddered again and then pulled away with a gasp.

"Okay," Jamie muttered, "I've got to stop doing that."

Quinn licked his lips, brushing Jamie's hair back so it would quit falling in his face as he murmured huskily, "I didn't mind."

The tone of Quinn's voice overwhelmed Jamie's fragile self-control and Jamie rocked his hips slowly, giving Quinn a little smile. "I noticed."

Quinn growled as he shifted under Jamie, trying not to respond. "Alright now, you keep that up and-" He paused, then laughed soft and low and gave Jamie a wicked little grin. "And I'll enjoy every second."

Jamie smirked back. "So will I." He recalled all the times he had tried to do more and then had to stop, then added a bit sheepishly, "I hope."

Quinn chuckled and cupped the nape of Jamie's neck with one hand to pull Jamie down as he corrected, " _We_ hope." He leaned up to meet Jamie halfway for another hungry kiss.

Jamie whimpered low in his throat and tried to press himself closer to Quinn, no longer fighting the urge to move. He was soon pressed against Quinn from ankle to chest, slowly rocking his hips and kissing Quinn as if he wanted to have him for breakfast. Quinn growled into Jamie's mouth and flexed under him, one hand tangled in Jamie's hair and the other pressed to the small of Jamie's back as he wordlessly urged Jamie to move faster.

Jamie's morning could have gotten _very_ interesting after that, but Murphy's Laws don't apply only to horses.

Addy knocked loudly on the door. "Jamie! Quinn!" Cal jumped up from his 'bed' of discarded clothes in the floor to run to the door and bark at her. "Time to get up!"

Quinn pulled away from kissing Jamie with a barely-stifled groan, and Jamie let his head fall forward to hide his face against the side of Quinn's throat. Jamie was having very definitely murderous thoughts. His whole body was thrumming and he wanted nothing more at that moment than to get lost in the way Quinn made him feel for just a _little_ bit longer, but he definitely couldn't do that with Addy standing at the door listening. Just knowing that she was there was enough to put a damper on Jamie's arousal and make him want to hide.

Quinn took a few slow deep breaths and then called in a surprisingly normal tone of voice, "We'll be there in a minute!"

"Alright boys, don't dawdle. Breakfast's almost ready."

Jamie was annoyed for only a moment or two longer before he finally saw the absurdity of the situation. He began to snicker, and soon they were both laughing.

 

~*~*~

 

Jamie and Quinn got dressed and then Quinn went to walk Cal and feed the horses while Jamie packed up their things and straightened up the room. When Jamie walked into the kitchen a short while later, Addy was standing at the wood stove over three sizzling steaks on a grill pan next to a skillet of scrambled eggs with tomatoes and onions in them. "It's about time, child."

"Sorry," Jamie said sheepishly.

The table was already set so Jamie put the backpack in the floor by his chair and sat down, careful not to bump his left arm. He was wearing the sling again, and had adjusted it a little tighter than it had been because it hurt to straighten his elbow even to a forty-five degree angle. The pain he was in that morning made it easy to decide not to let anyone else mess with it and just accept that it would either heal or not. His arm hurt worse that morning than it had in a long while. It was very swollen from the prodding the night before, and just then it was throbbing painfully because he had bumped it while he was getting their things.

Addy took the eggs off of the stove and carried them to the table, then paused to look at Jamie, obviously amused. "I think you forgot something."

"I did?" Jamie asked, a bit confused. "Did you need me to do something?"

Addy snorted softly and picked up a plate off the table, then turned back to the stove to watch the steaks. "No, but you might want to brush some of those tangles out of your hair before they get any worse."

Jamie blushed and lifted his good hand to try to at least smooth his hair back from his face a bit more neatly. "Oh! Uhm. It's kind of hard for me to brush it with my arm like it is."

Quinn opened the back door and let Cal scamper inside as Addy glanced at Jamie again and then began piling the thick steaks onto the plate. "If you can't take care of that hair, child, lovely as it is, you should cut it."

"No he shouldn't," Quinn said immediately, closing the back door and then walking over to the table. "I'm perfectly capable of helping him with it, ma'am." Jamie smiled up at Quinn, who bent to kiss Jamie lightly and then moved to sit in the chair at Jamie's right. He moved the plate Addy had set for him to the chair he had chosen instead of the head of the table as he added, "If Jamie wants to keep his hair long, then he'll keep it long."

"That's very sweet of you, young man." Addy carried the steaks to the table and put the two larger ones on plates in front of Quinn and Jamie. "He's lucky to have someone who spoils him so."

Jamie felt his face getting even redder as Quinn smiled at Addy. "I enjoy taking care of him when he'll let me, ma'am. I don't think that's spoiling him."

Addy piled eggs onto their plates and then her own, shaking her head and smiling. She finally sat down and looked at Jamie as she said firmly, "You'd better keep this young man of yours, child. You won't find any better."

"I hope to keep him." Jamie smiled back and tucked his hair back behind his ear again, feeling shy but happy. "No one has ever treated me like Quinn does." Jamie paused, glancing down, then looked at Quinn and admitted softly, "I wonder sometimes why he sticks around, though."

Quinn smiled, his green eyes gentle and warm as he reached over to take Jamie's hand. "There's nowhere I'd rather be than with you, Jamie."

Jamie returned the smile and squeezed Quinn's hand. "Lucky me."

They just sat there looking at each other until Addy suddenly said dryly, "If you aren't going to eat, boys, I'm sure that Rufus will enjoy those steaks."

Quinn chuckled and glanced at her, giving Jamie's hand a squeeze and then releasing it so Jamie could eat. "Sorry, ma'am. Jamie's a bad influence, he's got me forgetting to eat, too."

Jamie laughed. "Blame it all on me, why don't you?"

"I just did," Quinn said cheerfully, grinning as he picked up his knife and fork to begin cutting Jamie's steak. "It's your fault, after all. I wasn't like this before I met you."

Jamie just snorted and watched as Quinn cut the meat, trying to ignore the way Addy was chuckling at them. He understood that there was a whole world of change in Quinn's lifestyle implied by that one sentence.

Quinn always answered freely when Jamie asked him a question, and Jamie had learned a lot about him in the weeks they had spent together. Jamie knew that Quinn had about fifteen years of experience with girls when the world they had grown up in ended in war and plague, and that Quinn had been used to getting laid any time he felt like it. Everything Jamie and Quinn did together was new and amazing to Jamie because he had nothing pleasant to compare it to, but Quinn knew exactly what he was waiting for while he gave Jamie time to deal with his issues.

Jamie knew that Quinn wasn't with him for the sex because they still hadn't gotten that far, but Jamie didn't really understand yet why Quinn _was_ with him. He had no clue that Quinn really did think he was beautiful, something Jamie would probably never understand, or that Quinn had fallen in love with him even before he kissed Jamie for the first time.

Jamie thought that Quinn had been 'tempted to the dark side', so to speak, by the fact he had no other options. When someone was starving and all they had to eat was raw onions, Jamie thought anyone could learn to want them, but he figured they would still spend every meal wishing for a steak.

Jamie didn't see any reason to explain all of that to Addy though, and wouldn't have even if he did, not in front of Quinn. He knew Quinn would argue and probably even feel bad that Jamie felt that way, whether it was true or not.

 

~*~*~

 

They made no effort to hurry through breakfast, but it was still not long after sunrise when they finished. Addy had cooked for Jamie and Quinn as if they both were six-foot-two linebackers, and while that might be fairly accurate for Quinn, it was about twice as much as Jamie really needed.

Even Quinn was full by the time the last of his eggs were gone, and Jamie had no prayer of finishing all that was put on his own plate. He had finally begun to notice when he was hungry again, and he had been eating regularly, but he still just didn't eat as much as Quinn. Quinn and Addy were both exasperated by the fact Jamie ate his eggs and then couldn't finish his steak, but Cal was perfectly happy to sit in Jamie's lap and let Jamie feed him what was left.

After Quinn finished eating he decided to brush Jamie's hair, so Jamie turned in his chair while he fed Cal to let Quinn get to his hair without having to stand. The care Quinn took with Jamie's hair and the unhurried way he worked made it obvious that he enjoyed every minute of it, and it clearly fascinated Addy. Having an audience that was so curious about the way they acted towards each other made Jamie feel shy and a little uncomfortable, but Quinn seemed not to notice at all.

Quinn lingered over brushing Jamie's hair just as he always did when they were alone, and Addy finally said, "Most young men would be very tired of doing that by now."

Jamie glanced over his shoulder at Quinn and then smiled at the happy, relaxed expression on Quinn's face.

"I told you before that I enjoy it, ma'am," Quinn said quietly, glancing at Addy.

Addy snorted, amused. "Most men who say that really mean, 'I like what I get if I _say_ that I enjoy it'."

Jamie blushed as Quinn laughed and laid the brush aside to run his fingers through Jamie's hair, smoothing away the static and making sure every tangle was gone. "Jamie's not so fickle as that. He would still treat me the same if I didn't help him with his hair, but he wouldn't be as happy. He would have had to cut it by now, and he would hate that."

"Would you, child?" Addy asked.

Jamie blushed a bit and looked down, feeding Cal another bite of steak. "Yeah. It can be a bit of a hassle sometimes, and it's not very smart for me to keep it anymore, really, but I still don’t want to cut it."

Jamie didn't feel the need to explain that he had promised his grandfather he would never cut his hair years ago, or that he loved the feel of long hair sliding over his skin. He thought that a lot of people that had short hair probably did too, but Jamie had never expected to be with someone who had long hair. He had never really thought he would have a lover at all, and seldom even wished for one until after he met Quinn. The closest thing Jamie had ever really had to a sexual fantasy before the plague was the thought of owning a cherry red '67 Mustang convertible. He just hadn't ever seen any reason to get excited about _people_. Most of the ones he'd met weren't anything to write home about.

Addy looked skeptical. "I surely wouldn't think that hair as long as yours could be easy to care for while you're traveling, child. How do you keep it so clean?"

Jamie felt his face heating up even more as he glanced at Quinn, who winked at Jamie and then said blandly to Addy, "Shampoo works with cold water."

Addy blinked, obviously a bit confused. "Yes, but if he can't _brush_ all that hair, how does he manage to— Oh." Addy looked down at her coffee cup with a little laugh. "Never mind."

Quinn chuckled and stood to dig in his front pocket, pulling out a scrap of shoestring after a moment and then sitting down again. "Jamie, would you rather have it braided today? We've got that fence to fix, but I shouldn't need much help."

Jamie turned his head towards Quinn to smile at him as he gave Cal the last of his steak. "A braid would help, if you don't mind."

"You know I don't." Quinn grinned and tugged Jamie's hair, and Jamie smiled as he turned away again. Quinn divided Jamie's hair and began to braid it with an ease born of practice, his fingers surprisingly deft as he wove Jamie's hair into a smooth, even plait. Quinn had the blocky, callused hands of a big man who had always worked for a living, but he still had a delicate touch when he wanted to.

When Quinn was nearly through, Addy suddenly laughed and then stood as she said, "What I wouldn't give to have met you when I was your age, young man. I would have given your Jamie a run for his money, let me tell you."

Jamie glanced over his shoulder at Quinn just in time to catch him blushing, which made Jamie grin.

"Thank you, ma'am," Quinn murmured, tugging Jamie's braid to make him straighten his head again. "I'll take that as a compliment."

"You should," Addy said firmly as she gathered up the dishes. "My husband was a wonderful man, but the only time he ever had any input on my hair was when I wanted to cut it. I loved him so much that I kept it long for him for over thirty years. It was almost as long as yours, child, though not as pretty." She smiled at Jamie, reaching up to touch her fairly short grey hair, adding, "I went to the hairdresser on the way home from his funeral, even though my son thought I was demented. Best thirty dollars I ever spent."

Jamie laughed. "Which is why you wanted to be sure my hair was my idea, I guess."

"Part of it, yes." Addy nodded, smiling at Jamie before she turned to carry the dishes to stack them in the sink. She put the plug in and then began to pump water into the sink, keeping her back to Jamie and Quinn as she added, "I've seen a few people pass through since the end. You're not the first boy that I've seen riding with a much older man, child. You're very lucky to have found someone who cares so much about you."

Jamie's amusement faded away and he looked down at Cal, petting the drowsy pup. "I know exactly how lucky I am to be with Quinn now, ma'am, I promise."

Quinn quietly worked on Jamie's braid, tying it off as Addy turned to look at Jamie with a sigh, leaning back against the sink. "Yes, I expect you do, child. I won't ask what Quinn saved you from, but I think I have a fair idea."

Quinn stood and settled his hands on Jamie's shoulders. "It was pure hell, Addy." Jamie turned his head to look up at Quinn, but Quinn was looking at Addy and didn't notice. "I would have died if I went through half what he did, but Jamie toughed it out. He may be beautiful and delicate enough that he looks like he’d break if I wasn't careful with him, but he's still stronger than I am."

Jamie covered Quinn's left hand with his right, and Quinn looked down as Jamie murmured, "I'm not, not really."

"I think I'm a better judge of that than you are, baby," Quinn said, smiling softly as he laced their fingers together. "I know what you went through, and I know just how much I can take."

They smiled at each other for a moment before Addy broke the silence. "You're both fine young men as far as _I'm_ concerned, and I think that in seventy-odd years I've earned the right to judge," Addy said firmly, looking serious but pleased. "I'll be sorry to see you boys go, but I do hope you find what you're looking for."

"Thank you, ma'am," Quinn said.

Jamie nodded, adding, "Maybe someday we'll come back this way. We don't really have anywhere we have to be once we've been to Talladega." They weren't actually going to Talladega, but that was an easier destination to give than the tiny little lakeside suburb they were really headed for.

Addy smiled. "Pretty to think it, child." She turned to the sink, adding, "You two should get busy if you want to be ready to go by midmorning." Addy had tried to talk them out of working on the fences over breakfast, but she finally conceded that it needed done and was difficult for her. Jamie and Quinn wanted to make sure her cow, which supplied butter, cheese, and milk for her, plus a nice calf every other year, wouldn't stray. A good gentle Jersey was hard to replace.

"Yes ma'am," Quinn agreed, chuckling as he picked up the backpack and shrugged into the strap, then he took Cal from Jamie and started for the door.

Jamie stood and moved after Quinn a bit more slowly, bemused. "We shouldn't be too long, ma'am."

Addy smiled. "I hope you're right child. Be careful."

"We will." Jamie followed Quinn outside to get busy.

 

~*~*~

 

Quinn did most of the work that morning, fixing the fence with wire and tools he had found in the dusty old barn. He let Jamie hold the stock wire in place while he reattached it to posts or fixed holes in it, but that was about it other than handing Quinn the tools. He tried to make Jamie feel useful without actually letting him do very much, and Jamie pretended to think Quinn really needed him to hold the hammer or the fence staples.

Eventually Jamie was reduced to watching because Quinn kept patiently, gently moving Jamie out of his way, but it was more amusing to Jamie than annoying. Jamie knew that he wasn't very much help with only one hand. His bad arm was so swollen that day that he could barely feel that hand, much less move it.

Jamie spent most of the morning standing around watching Cal run and play in the pasture. Watching the pup try to 'herd' a cow that was set on ignoring him was really pretty funny. The cow had obviously been around dogs a lot and knew there was nothing to fear from such a small puppy. Cal actually grabbed her tail and pulled on it several times trying to get a reaction, but she just switched it, sending him rolling.

It only took about two hours for Quinn to get all of the holes in the fence fixed and reattach the wire where it had come off the posts. Quinn headed back towards the barn then to put the tools away, and Jamie followed with an exhausted but happy Cal tagging along at his heels.

Addy was in the back yard waiting for them at the picnic table with a smile and a pitcher of iced lemonade along with three glasses and a big basket. "Alright now, you boys have more than repaid me for letting you stay the night. I expect you to relax a bit before you go, and I want you to take along a few things."

"But—" Quinn began, surprised by Addy offering them anything, but Addy cut him off.

"But nothing, young man. Sit down and have a drink." She pointed to the bench and stared at them until Jamie and Quinn sat down, then nodded and poured each of them a glass of lemonade. "I want you boys to eat right on your trip, and I have more food than I know what to do with. " She lifted the towel off the basket and took out two paper bags and then several full plastic freezer bags as she went on. "The grocery stores in town haven't ever been bothered by anyone but me that I can tell, and I've got good ground and a garden that produces enough for ten every year."

"Addy, we didn't expect anything like this," Jamie said, frowning.

"I know that, child." She smiled and finally sat down across from them as she began to point out different bags of food, starting with the paper bags. "These tomatoes will only keep like this for a week or so, but you boys will eat them before then I bet. The corn and onions will last much longer, just keep them dry and out of the sun, and cut away anything that doesn't look right when you're ready to use them."

Addy pulled a plastic bag that had careful block handwriting on it from the pile of similar bags and then went on. "This is my biscuit mix, just like it says. You can cook it wrapped around a stick or bone, or even make biscuits in a frying pan as long as you flip them and use some grease so they don't stick. I always heard you could also bake them in an iron skillet by putting coals on the lid, but I never tried it." She gestured to two other bags. "This one is plain flour, and that one is powdered milk." She pulled the last bag over in front of them and smiled. "And this is a pancake mix. All you need to add to any of them is water. I wrote instructions on all of them."

"Wow," Quinn said, surprised and a bit awed. "You didn't have to do all of this, really."

Addy snorted. "Of course I didn't." She smiled. "Which is likely why I wanted to." She sipped at her lemonade, very pleased with herself.

"Thank you." Jamie smiled at her a bit sheepishly. "We hadn't even thought to try any mixes. I didn't know you could cook biscuits or anything like that over a fire."

"Well, you can," Addy said, nodding. "They won't be pretty and won't taste exactly the same, but I bet that you hungry young men will like them well enough. Just make sure they cook all the way through."

Quinn nodded, smiling. "We will."

"Good then!" Addy nodded and stood, smiling. "You boys come say goodbye when you've got your horses ready. It's still a long way to Talladega from here by horseback."

"Yes ma'am," Quinn replied, bemused. He watched Addy walk back into the house and then turned to look at Jamie. "I think we're supposed to pack up and go now."

Jamie laughed softly. "Seems that way."

"Oh well, it'll be nice to relax a while once we're on the road." Quinn finished his lemonade in two long swallows, and then turned to sit sideways on the bench facing Jamie. His expression was serious again suddenly and Jamie gave him a questioning look, wondering what he was thinking about. "How bad is your arm today, Jamie?"

Jamie looked down at his bad arm with a sigh. "Pretty bad. I can't move my fingers. I can barely even feel them."

Quinn leaned closer to look at it and Jamie turned to let him, which moved Jamie's arm from the shade into the sun. Jamie's hand was pale and Quinn frowned as he touched the fingertips gently. "Your hand is cold. I think the wrap is too tight."

"It could be, I guess. My arm wasn't swollen when Addy wrapped it, but it is now."

"Turn around, then," Quinn said firmly, "I'll unwrap it and we can try again."

Jamie did as he was told and then sat there drinking his lemonade and trying not to flinch while Quinn carefully unwrapped his arm. Quinn's touch was just as deft and gentle as it always was, but it was still a painful experience for Jamie. Unwrapping the bandage let circulation start up again in his arm and the numbness quickly changed to pain.

Quinn frowned when he began to uncover the new bruising around the injury, and he finished unwrapping the bandage before he finally murmured, "Oh baby, that _has_ to hurt." He was careful not to touch any of the bruises as he ran his fingers carefully over Jamie's arm, which had little ridges pressed into the skin all the way around from swelling while it was wrapped.

"Some, yeah," Jamie admitted, watching Quinn's face more than he watched what Quinn was doing with his arm. It didn't hurt quite as badly once the wrap was off of it, but the pins-and-needles feeling of returning circulation was still painful.

Quinn snorted softly, glancing up at Jamie. "More than a little." Jamie nodded reluctantly and Quinn looked down again to lower Jamie's arm carefully to rest on Jamie's knee while Quinn began re-rolling the wrap to apply it again. "It needs wrapped to protect it I think, but I'll put it on a bit more loosely in case it swells more."

"Okay," Jamie agreed quietly as he put his empty glass down, sure that Quinn was better equipped to judge than he was. If Jamie's arm had been left to his own inept first aid skills, he knew that he would have died. Jamie trusted Quinn to know what he was talking about, though if Quinn was basing his decision on something he had read in another prehistoric romance novel, Jamie didn't want to know.

Quinn looked thoughtful while he rolled the bandage, and when he reached for Jamie's arm to wrap it again he seemed to reach a decision. "I can carry Cal today, if you want."

Jamie shook his head. "No, I'll carry him." Quinn glanced up and Jamie managed to smile even though what Quinn was doing to his arm wasn't at all pleasant. "I wanted to keep him, I'll take care of him."

"Jamie," Quinn said gently, "I don't mind carrying him today, or even for a few days. He's _our_ dog."

Jamie's smile became a bit more sincere, despite the pain of his arm being wrapped. He liked hearing Quinn say that Cal belonged to both of them because that hinted that they would be together for a long time. "I can do it. You need your hands free in case of trouble. I'm not much use with just one good hand, especially since I'll be using it for the reins today I think."

Quinn sighed and then nodded slowly. "Alright, baby. We'll try it your way, but if he's hurting you I expect you to tell me."

"I will," Jamie promised, smiling wider because Quinn had called him 'baby' again. Quinn seemed to have figured out that Jamie liked it, because that particular endearment was beginning to slip out more often. Every time Jamie heard it, he loved it a little bit more.

 

~*~*~

 

Saying goodbye to Addy was harder than Jamie wanted it to be. It was very tempting to just settle onto one of the nearby farms with Quinn and stay there, but Jamie had to know if any of Troy's family was alive. Even if they weren’t, he hoped to at least find his own horse was safe. Jamie expected to find skeletons in some of the stalls, especially the stallion barn, but his filly at least should be alive. She had been jumping fences and unlocking stalls since she was a weanling, and if she had been left in a stall at the end Jamie knew she would have let herself out to go find food on her own the first time she didn't get her feed on time. He was sure she could take care of herself well enough to survive if she had to, and hoped that she might have kept some of the others safe and alive as well.

Jamie and Quinn finally rode out of Addy's yard just before noon. Addy stood at the garden gate, waving goodbye while Rufus ran inside the fence barking at the horses. Within a few minutes they were out of sight of the farm so Rufus quieted, letting Quinn and Jamie ride quietly on with only each other and their animals for company.

The ride that day wasn't any fun for Jamie. His left arm throbbed constantly and was too swollen to make his hand steady Cal or even hold the reins. He soon wound up with Cal on the saddle in front of him, steadying the pup with his good hand while he kept his injured arm as still as he could in the sling. Quinn had insisted on taking the packhorses for the day so Jamie wouldn't have to worry about them, and Jamie tied Simon's reins securely around the saddle horn where they wouldn't slip to the ground. Simon wore only a hackamore because Jamie so seldom needed to really use reins on him, and Jamie was very grateful for it that day as Simon jogged along by Specklebird with only the pressure of Jamie's legs as guidance.

Going slow didn't seem to help Jamie's arm, so Quinn decided to put some miles behind them and push straight on to the next town south of Good Hope. It was about fifteen miles from Addy's place, but the horses were used to travel and if Jamie and Quinn pushed them they could do that in just a few hours. They didn't like to push the horses very hard and even stopped early in the afternoon to rest them while they butchered another bull calf, so it was nearly dark before they clattered back up onto the road to trot into Sulpher Springs, about twenty-five miles north of Birmingham.

They rode through town without stopping and then left the highway at the first creek they saw, riding about ten minutes from the road before they found a clearing with a deadfall and plenty of grass. Quinn refused to let Jamie help with the horses, instead giving him the simple task of building a fire while Quinn strung up a rope corral around the clearing and then unloaded the horses for the night. Quinn set up their bedroll when he was done with the horses and then opened the pack with the food, and soon he was cooking while Jamie watched him and wished Quinn would let him do more to help.

Dinner was a simple meal of beef and roasted corn, and they each ate a tomato like an apple while they waited for the rest of the food to cook. Jamie was tired enough afterwards to accept Quinn's suggestion that they to go to bed early, and soon they were stretched out near the fire. Cal curled up on the blankets against Quinn's side while Jamie laid against his other side, using Quinn's shoulder for a pillow.

They were all asleep within minutes.

 

 


	10. Chapter 10

10

 

 

In the darkest hours before dawn the next morning, Jamie had another nightmare.

He dreamed that Boss hadn't died after all, and that he had found Jamie and Quinn while they slept. In the nightmare, Boss cut Quinn's throat with the same knife Jamie had used to kill Boss, and then pinned Jamie down by kneeling on his sore arm.

That was when Jamie woke up sweating and shaking. He panicked because something _really was_ on his hurt arm, and the feel of a heavy muscular arm across his waist just made it worse. When Jamie struggled to move and realized that _he_ had rolled over on his arm, which was throbbing painfully again, he finally began to think instead of just reacting. Once he knew what the problem was, he could begin to fight the panic and try to get past it.

Just after Jamie was injured he had often awakened from nightmares that seemed caused by real pain, so it wasn't something new. When it happened, the fear was completely irrational and overwhelming, and even after Jamie managed to start thinking it would sometimes take a long while to slow his breathing and heart rate again to something near normal. It was frustrating and frightening for Jamie that he couldn't even control his own reactions sometimes, but it was beginning to get easier to fight his way out of the terror.

Quinn was lying on his side by Jamie that morning with one arm loosely draped around Jamie's waist, and Jamie tried not to wake him as he rolled carefully off of his hurt arm. Jamie hoped to fall asleep again after he settled back more comfortably against Quinn's chest, but he found himself staring into the dying embers of the fire instead. Jamie wasn't really scared anymore, but the adrenaline in his system made it hard to relax and drift off again. He had been awake for what seemed like an hour when Quinn spoke up softly.

"You okay, baby?"

Jamie nodded, turning to smile at Quinn. "I'm fine, just another nightmare. Sorry I woke you."

"You didn't." Quinn smiled and kissed Jamie softly, then added a bit sheepishly, "I was too hot to sleep."

Jamie snickered and teased, "There are so many ways to take that, but since our blanket is gone I'll assume you meant temperature-wise."

"Smartass." Quinn lightly tickled Jamie ribs, laughing when Jamie squeaked and tried to squirm away. "Ticklish, huh?" He moved to free both hands and then began really tickling Jamie.

In seconds Jamie was reduced to helpless, _girlish_ giggling, complete with shrieking and squealing like he was being murdered. He didn't have the breath to tell Quinn to stop, but eventually Quinn took pity on Jamie and stopped anyway, propping himself up on one elbow and draping his other arm across Jamie's waist again as he watched Jamie giggle too hard to even breathe.

Jamie laid there on his back gasping and trying to stop giggling for several minutes before he finally looked at Quinn again. The expression on Quinn's face made him blush. "That was evil," Jamie muttered, blushing more when another giggle slipped out.

Quinn was smirking wickedly and had a look in his eyes that said he might decide to make a meal out of Jamie at any moment. "Not evil, just... Fun."

Jamie was hoping that Quinn would start something as he finally got his giggling under control, but then his bladder began loudly making itself known. Jamie elbowed Quinn, smiling a bit wryly. "Let me go."

Quinn pretended to pout. "Aw, but I like holding you."

"And I like dry pants," Jamie said, feeling his face get even hotter. "Now let me up."

"Oh." Quinn laughed and sat up, looking a tiny bit guilty. "I didn't mean to tickle you _that_ much."

Jamie snorted and gave him a dirty look. "Sure you didn't." He got up and headed for the bushes, wincing a bit each time he stepped on a twig but not slowing down to pick his path more carefully. He always slept barefoot even though it made late-night trips to the bushes interesting.

When Jamie returned to the fire much more slowly a few minutes later, Quinn was just adding some more wood to it. Jamie laughed softly and asked, "How does being too hot to sleep and then _adding_ wood to the fire add up?"

Quinn snickered and stood, moving to rest his hands on Jamie's hips to tug him closer. "Well, I figured out a better way to cool off," he said, smirking as he leaned to kiss Jamie slowly.

Jamie purred into the kiss and responded happily, and he was smiling when Quinn finally pulled away. "And how is that?"

Quinn grinned wickedly and kissed Jamie again much more quickly, then pulled away to walk towards their bedroll as he began to unbutton his denim shirt. "Getting rid of all these goddamned clothes."

Jamie blinked and then just stared as Quinn stripped efficiently out of his shirt and then started on his jeans. Quinn glanced at Jamie then, but Jamie barely noticed it as he watched Quinn’s fingers unbutton his jeans. Jamie was trying to remember whether or not Quinn had taken off the boxers he slept in the night before. A moment later, Jamie saw that Quinn definitely had.

Jamie had seen Quinn naked before, but it had mostly been glimpses because Jamie made himself look away or the light was poor. That morning Jamie stared for a long while, letting his gaze roam over quite a lot of muscle and lightly furred skin. He finally realized that Quinn was just watching him with a smug expression, and Jamie blushed very red as he looked away.

"You're allowed to look," Quinn said then, grinning. "I like knowing that you want me that much."

Jamie let out a strangled little laugh. "It's not fair to you."

"How do you figure _that_ , Jamie?" Jamie heard a soft rustle of fabric behind him as Quinn settled on their bedroll. "You're not doing anything that I don't like."

Jamie sighed and looked down at the fire a moment, then turned towards where Quinn was sprawled on the bedroll. He was glad to see that Quinn had pulled a blanket across himself so that it was a little easier for Jamie to look at him without getting so utterly distracted again. "I like it _too_ much. It makes me want things I have no business asking you for."

"Ask anyway," Quinn replied softly, smiling. "Let me decide what I want to do for you."

Jamie looked into Quinn's eyes for a few moments and then finally sighed. "Okay." Jamie could feel Quinn watching him as he awkwardly began to unbutton his jeans one-handed, carefully not looking at Quinn and feeling shy. Jamie finally glanced at Quinn as he stepped out of the jeans, blushing beet red the whole time even though he kept his boxers, and the expression on Quinn's face made him freeze.

Quinn was watching Jamie with a soft little smile, his green eyes dark and unreadable. When he realized Jamie was watching him, he sat up and murmured, "I'll help with your shirt, if you want."

Jamie nodded and walked over to kneel on the blankets next to Quinn, and then helped as best he could while Quinn removed the shirt. Jamie could lift his injured arm with no trouble, but he had never really noticed how much it helped to have two good hands until he tried to do something so simple as pull a t-shirt off with only one. Jamie still hadn't gotten the hang of it, so he was grateful for Quinn's help.

Jamie watched Quinn toss the shirt aside, smiling when Cal grabbed the shirt and dragged it over to where he had already laid claim to Quinn's jeans. The pup was so attached to them that he never went out of sight, and he often stole their clothing to sleep on if given half a chance.

Jamie glanced at Quinn and then just watched him for a few moments, wishing he knew what Quinn was thinking. Quinn's expression was soft and gentle as he let his gaze roam over Jamie's body, and several minutes passed before they finally looked into each other's eyes again.

"What did you have in mind, Jamie?" Quinn asked softly, reaching out to stroke Jamie's cheek. "I can't know what you want unless you tell me."

Jamie leaned into Quinn's touch, looking into Quinn's eyes and feeling his face flushing yet again as he finally whispered softly, "I don't think I can put it into words. Not well."

Quinn smiled and ran his thumb slowly along Jamie's lower lip. "Then you'll have to show me. I can always say no if I don't like it."

"Alright." Jamie smiled back shyly and leaned in to kiss Quinn before he lost his nerve completely.

It was easy for Jamie to forget his worries and fears while he was kissing Quinn, and that made it easier for him to do other things. He barely noticed it when he climbed into Quinn's lap after a few minutes, kicking aside the blanket when it got in his way. He loved how Quinn kissed him and the way Quinn's callused hands ran over his body almost as much as he enjoyed touching Quinn, and at that moment nothing seemed to matter except getting as close as he could.

When they finally parted slightly to catch their breath, Jamie was blushing a bit at the way he had stormed Quinn even though he didn't try to move away. Quinn was holding Jamie close but being careful not to hold him too tightly, supporting Jamie as he enjoyed the feel of Jamie's body pressed so close to his own. Quinn shifted to run one hand slowly along Jamie's back under his hair, enjoying the feel of Jamie's skin under his palm as he looked into Jamie's eyes. Jamie didn't seem very strong at first glance, but Quinn's hands roamed over wiry muscle that was well disguised by soft pale skin criss-crossed by scars he tried hard not to think about.

Jamie tangled his good hand in Quinn's shaggy hair and stared into Quinn's eyes as he whispered, "I love you." He kissed Quinn without giving him a chance to say anything and Quinn responded warmly, his arms tightening around Jamie. Jamie purred and nibbled at Quinn's lower lip before he pulled away slightly to begin trailing soft kisses over Quinn's stubbled jaw and throat.

Quinn slid one hand up to the nape of Jamie's neck and then groaned when Jamie bit lightly at the underside of his jaw. "You have to wake up at the crack of dawn more often," Quinn murmured, his voice husky and low.

Jamie lifted his head to look at Quinn, smiling. "Maybe we both should." He licked his lips, enjoying the hint of Quinn’s unique taste that lingered there, then added softly, “Especially when there’s no one around to interrupt.”

Jamie kissed him again and Quinn responded hungrily as Jamie shifted to wrap his legs around Quinn's body, settling lower in Quinn's lap. Jamie hooked his ankles together at the small of Quinn's back and then the muscles in his thighs flexed against Quinn’s sides as he pulled himself as close to Quinn as he possibly could. Quinn let out a soft, low growl, easily able to feel Jamie's erection pressed against his belly through the thin material of Jamie's boxers, and the hand on Jamie's back began to wander lower.

Quinn pulled away enough to end the kiss a moment later, looking into Jamie's eyes as he asked huskily, "What do you want, baby? Tell me."

Jamie kissed Quinn again and then whispered against his lips, "Whatever you want to give me."

Quinn kissed Jamie again, lingering for so long that Jamie was sure he wouldn't reply at all, but finally Quinn paused for a breath and whispered, "Anything." He kissed Jamie softly and then added, "Everything."

Jamie kissed Quinn again instead of trying to speak. It would have been impossible for him to put the way he was feeling into words, so he didn’t even try. He didn't know how to pin down such a nebulous feeling, how to describe what drove him to press as close as he possibly could against Quinn. Jamie wanted more, _needed_ more, but he didn't really know what it was that he needed. Jamie's actual experiences with sex before he met Quinn had all been bad, and he had never been curious enough to find out much about what gay men did together before that. He knew the obvious things, but his bad experiences made him shy away from trying them again.

Quinn was enjoying the feel of Jamie's lips on his and the way Jamie was pressed against him too much to even consider arguing about taking things to the next level. He didn't really think about it as his hands drifted down to cup Jamie's ass, stroking and massaging as he urged Jamie to move against him. Jamie shifted in Quinn's lap and then shuddered slightly as he realized the movement had trapped Quinn's erection between them, pressed snugly along the inside of Jamie's thigh right next to his balls. Jamie moaned into Quinn's mouth and ground his hips against Quinn, drawing a soft growl as Quinn's back arched to thrust against him slightly.

Jamie made a little strangled noise and his thighs flexed to grind against Quinn again as he licked and nipped gently at Quinn's lips. Quinn responded by turning them suddenly to lay Jamie on the blankets, covering Jamie's body with his own and kissing him hungrily. Quinn began to thrust gently against Jamie a few moments later, moving slowly to give Jamie plenty of opportunity to decide whether he liked it or not. Jamie definitely did like it and he arched under Quinn, his legs tightening around Quinn's hips as he moved up to meet Quinn's thrusts.

Quinn didn't want to make Jamie feel trapped or trigger any bad memories, so he was careful to keep most of his weight off of Jamie. Jamie had told him before that kissing helped him forget everything but how much he enjoyed being with Quinn, and that strategy seemed to be working very well even though they both were breathing raggedly. Jamie was writhing under Quinn and making soft little noises he wasn't even aware of into Quinn's mouth as they kissed, his injured hand splayed on Quinn's sweat-slicked back while the fingers of his other hand were tangled in Quinn's hair.

Quinn braced his weight on one elbow, kissing Jamie deeply as he slipped his free hand between them and into Jamie's boxers to wrap his fingers around Jamie's erection. Jamie shuddered under him and threw back his head, his whole body jerking as he thrust into Quinn's hand and came with a surprised little cry. Quinn watched Jamie's face intently as he slowly stroked him through his orgasm, enjoying the look of shocked pleasure on Jamie's face while Jamie gasped for breath.

After a few moments Jamie finally opened his eyes and looked at Quinn again with a soft, awed look in his eyes. Quinn smiled and lowered his head to kiss Jamie slowly, releasing Jamie's softening cock to run his hand along Jamie's hip, wiping the sticky residue that slicked his fingers off on Jamie’s boxers. Jamie made a low pleased noise into the kiss and responded warmly, pressing up against Quinn as they slowly licked and nibbled at each other's tongues and lips.

It took Jamie a little while to realize that he could still feel Quinn's erection pressed snugly against him. He pulled back just enough to look at Quinn, a little confused. "Is something wrong?"

Quinn smiled and murmured, "Not that I know of." He kissed Jamie lovingly and then whispered against his lips, "I loved watching you come. I've wanted to do that for a long time now."

Jamie blushed and glanced down at Quinn's chest, but he smiled. "I'd like to say the same." He lifted his gaze to Quinn's eyes again, teasing softly, "But you haven't."

Quinn gave him a wicked little grin. "We have plenty of time to fix that."

Jamie grinned and pulled Quinn's head down, whispering against his lips, "Oh good."

Quinn kissed him with a soft low chuckle, running his fingertips lightly along Jamie's ribs. Jamie writhed under him, giggling into the kiss as he tried to distract Quinn by grinding against Quinn's cock. Quinn growled and thrust his hips, sliding his hand around to palm Jamie's ass, and Jamie giggled softly against Quinn's lips as he moved again.

For once, Jamie didn't particularly care how girlish his giggle was.

 

~*~*~

 

The sun had been up for hours by the time they were finally hungry enough to leave their blankets and get dressed. Quinn gathered wood while Jamie built up the fire, which had died down to coals again. Quinn found a small waterfall while he was gathering wood, and over a leisurely breakfast he and Jamie decided to bathe before they packed up to move on. Half an hour or so wouldn't make any difference in the long run and they both wanted to linger a bit longer before they left that beautiful little meadow.

When they settled by the fire for Quinn to braid Jamie's hair after their bath, the extra half-hour they expected to take turned into more like an hour and a half. Jamie was so glad to finally have another of the barriers between them down that he simply couldn't get enough of touching Quinn. Quinn teased Jamie about how eager he was to forget everything else, but made no move to stop him. Quinn was just as willing as Jamie was to be distracted for a little while longer, especially if Jamie was the distraction.

They did eventually pack up and ride on, but it was well after noon by the time they were in the saddle again. Quinn took the packhorses again that day and they let Storm range freely as they headed south. Cal was getting used to sitting on the saddle in front of Jamie, even growing to like it because it was easier to look around, and it was much easier for Jamie to keep the pup safely in front of him that day.

They rode six or seven miles in around three hours, letting the horses choose the pace most of the time. It was a pleasant ride until late in the afternoon, just after they turned onto a side road towards the town of Warrior. The horses began to act a little nervous as they traveled further up the road, and Jamie realized then that he hadn't seen Storm in a while.

"Quinn, how long has it been since you saw Storm?"

Quinn looked at Jamie, surprised. "I don't know." He thought about it a moment, then added, "Fifteen minutes or so, I think."

Jamie was relieved. "That's not so bad then. I thought he might not have been with us since we turned off the main road."

Quinn smiled. "No, I saw him right after that. He's up ahead of us somewhere."

Jamie was about to speak again when Simon suddenly stopped and threw up his head, nostrils flaring. Jamie began looking around worriedly as he said softly, "Easy, Simon."

Quinn halted the other horses, asking, "What's wrong?"

"Simon smells something he doesn’t like," Jamie replied, looking up the road since they had been traveling into the wind. “He's never been wrong when he told me there was a problem, Quinn.”

Before Quinn could reply, a horse screamed suddenly somewhere out of sight ahead of them.

Simon snorted, backing up a few feet as the other horses all began to fidget, obviously wanting to turn and run. Quinn pulled his rifle from the scabbard as he looked at Jamie and said quickly, "Be ready to let Simon run."

Jamie shook his head and moved his bad hand out of the sling to hold Cal closer to him. "No! I'm not going to track Specklebird down to bury you like I buried Dad. I'd rather fight and take my chances." Jamie twisted to open his saddlebags, reaching in for the handgun he carried there.

"Dammit, Jamie!" Quinn exclaimed, frowning. "You're in no shape to fight anything!"

Jamie turned back around with the handgun just as he heard a horse clatter onto the road around a bend ahead of them. He ignored the sound, meeting Quinn's gaze as he said defiantly, "I'm staying!"

"Fuck!" Quinn reined Specklebird sharply to the side to put her and the packhorses between Simon and the approaching horse. He obviously meant to stop whoever was heading towards them bodily if he had to.

Jamie barely kept his grip on Cal, the gun, and the saddle as Simon danced quickly back out of the way of the packhorses. Jamie tightened his grip on the gun and leaned down to hold Cal more tightly to his body with his sore arm. It hurt, but he couldn't hold the pup very well with that hand and he was sure that if he lost his grip Cal would be trampled.

Storm suddenly rounded the curve galloping straight for them, wild-eyed and obviously terrified as he charged blindly up the road. Specklebird shied sideways and leaped out of his way, jerking the ropes tied to the packhorses hard enough that Misty went to her knees. Alvin plunged sideways to avoid them both, hitting the end of his lead rope and then fighting it to try to get further away while Misty scrambled awkwardly to her feet.

Jamie had seen several accidents before when horses panicked on the trail, but that was one of the worst. It quickly deteriorated from a minor wreck to pure chaos. He barely had time to register what was happening as everything seemed to go wrong all at once.

Quinn turned his head to look at the packhorses, fighting to rein Specklebird in as he said firmly, "Whoa, dammit. Stand!" 

Specklebird ignored Quinn’s command and threw her head to one side, swinging her rump around to kick out towards Alvin, which made the gelding leap aside to avoid her. The clip on Alvin's lead rope snapped when he hit the end of the line again and then the heavy knot and broken clip rebounded to hit Specklebird's flank hard just behind the rear cinch of her saddle. Specklebird squealed and began to buck violently, jerking the reins from Quinn's hand as she put her head down.

Quinn was almost thrown from the saddle by Specklebird's first leap, and he had the choice of losing his grip on the rifle or staying on the plunging sorrel. He tossed the rifle well clear of the horses and grabbed for the saddle horn, holding on tightly as Specklebird's second jump jerked Misty's lead rope across the back of Specklebird's hind legs.

Specklebird kicked out hard at Misty when she made her third jump, hitting Misty's shoulder with a sickening thud and a dull cracking noise. Misty screamed and twisted, trying to get away from Specklebird just as the sorrel mare kicked out again, but Misty's foreleg was hanging uselessly and she couldn't move fast enough to avoid Specklebird's heels. The second blow to Misty’s shoulder knocked her off her feet and she went down hard, her head slamming into the asphalt before she was suddenly very still.

Jamie had recognized the sound of breaking bone when Specklebird's hooves connected with Misty's shoulder the first time, and heard it again when Specklebird's heels connected the second time. He let out a noise that was more sob than anything else as he watched Misty fall, but there was absolutely nothing he could do to help and he knew it. If he tried to get closer, Specklebird would probably just turn on Simon, who seemed to know that because he kept moving to stay well away from her. All Jamie could do was sit there in his saddle and hold on to Cal while Simon kept them safely out of kicking range.

Quinn finally managed to get hold of his reins again and jerked them so hard that Specklebird nearly fell as she plunged to a halt, but the damage was done. Misty remained motionless as Quinn leaped from his saddle and then dragged Specklebird backwards towards Misty to loosen the rope between them. He knelt next to Misty and unclipped the lead from her halter before he began to run his free hand over Misty’s head, checking for injuries while he held tightly to Specklebird's reins with the other hand.

Jamie twisted to put the handgun back into his saddlebags so he could free up his good hand to dismount, cursing under his breath because it was so difficult to do one-handed. Jamie looked over at Quinn again as soon as the gun was put away and saw him running his left hand down Misty's bloody shoulder. The mare was bleeding freely so she was obviously alive, but she was much too still to suit Jamie.

Before Jamie could swing a leg over Simon's neck to dismount, Quinn looked up. "Jamie, no. Stay there." He stood quickly, looking sick but determined as he dropped Specklebird’s reins finally and moved around Misty towards where Jamie sat on Simon. He absently wiped his bloody hand on his jeans as he moved, but it didn’t do very much more than smear the blood on both instead of just on his hand.

Jamie did as he was told. He knew what Quinn was going to say, but he had to ask anyway. "How bad is it, Quinn?"

"She was knocked out when she fell, Jamie," Quinn said quietly, reaching up with his clean hand to grab Jamie's right hand. "I think she cracked her skull, and her shoulder is definitely shattered, maybe some ribs, too. Besides the cut-up shoulder she's bleeding from the nose, and barely breathing. I'm going to have to put her down." Jamie closed his eyes, feeling the sting of impending tears as Quinn gave his hand a squeeze and added softly, "Take Alvin and ride ahead, baby."

Jamie remembered vividly when he had to put down Theo after the raid his father was killed in and knew that he would sleep better for not having to do that again, but he still felt like a coward. His dad had taught him young that it was their responsibility to keep every horse they took care of healthy and safe, but it was also their duty to put one down if they couldn't end its pain any other way. Misty was his mare and he knew it was his duty to her to put her down, but he wasn't sure he could. Shooting a horse was very different from giving one an injection that would quietly put them to sleep, and he really didn't want to have to do it ever again.

Jamie opened his eyes again, trying to ignore the tears that were beginning to slide down his face as he said huskily, "You'll need help to get the pack at least."

"I'll put it on Specklebird," Quinn replied softly. "Go on. I'll be along in a little bit."

Jamie looked into Quinn's eyes for a moment and then nodded. "Alright."

"Don't go far, we still don't know what was after Storm."

Jamie nodded again. "Just around the bend.”

Quinn nodded and gave Jamie's hand another squeeze, then let go and stepped back. "Stay mounted, just in case. Simon's fast enough to keep you safe, especially if you stay on the road. If he wants to run again, you do it, okay?"

"I will." Jamie looked at Misty once more and then nudged Simon into a walk up the road as he whistled to Alvin, who was standing in the weeds well off the road watching the other horses nervously.

Alvin started towards Simon as soon as Jamie called him, seeming almost relieved, but then Specklebird pinned her ears and kicked out when Alvin started to pass by. Alvin shied and lurched into a canter down the road, running away from the mare, and Jamie urged Simon into a gallop to get ahead of Alvin. As soon as Simon was in the lead, Jamie let Simon slow to a canter and was relieved when Alvin slowed with him, cantering at Simon’s hip until they were well around the bend before he pulled up to wait for Quinn. Storm was nowhere to be seen, but Jamie was sure the stallion would follow when he figured out he was alone. The tall grey often roamed out of sight for an hour or more at a time, but he always found them again, especially when he was scared.

Cal squirmed a bit, whining, and Jamie finally untangled his near-useless left hand from Cal’s collar as he murmured, "I'm sorry, Cal." Jamie began to pet Cal with his good hand as much to calm himself as to reassure the puppy. "It's okay, pup."

Alvin stepped very close to Simon a moment later, trembling a bit as he crowded against Jamie's leg. Jamie was sure that it would be even more difficult to get Alvin to go near Specklebird from then on. Alvin hadn't liked moving out of his usual spot at Simon's hip when Quinn began leading the packhorses, and Jamie finally thought he understood why. Alvin was a bit lazy and not very bright, but he was always very aware of his own safety. Jamie wondered if Alvin had known somehow that Specklebird would turn on whatever horse was closest if she spooked.

Jamie reached over to stroke Alvin's neck as he murmured lies to the animals that everything was fine, ignoring the tears that still ran down his face and trying not to listen for the shot he knew would come. When it did, they all jumped. Cal barked and both horses began to fidget nervously again while Jamie tried to concentrate on quieting them.

Keeping his attention on the horses made it easier to put aside his own grief, but it still took a long time for Jamie's tears to stop. Misty had found Jamie and his father not long after they holed up in the mountains with the three pintos, and she had never given Jamie any reason not to like her. She could be a bit lazy, like Alvin, but she was calmer than the stocky pinto gelding and much more intelligent. No matter what obstacle John had put her to or what Jamie wanted from her, Misty had always done as she was asked without causing any trouble. It hurt Jamie to realize he would never again groom her while she ate her evening feed, or get to see the foal she was carrying by Storm.

Quinn walked around the curve in the road a little while later, leading Specklebird while Storm walked loose near them. Quinn was carrying Misty's saddle over one shoulder and looked like he had been through hell. Storm was obviously scared still, rolling his eyes as he looked all around but staying very close to Quinn. Specklebird kept lagging back to the end of her reins with her ears pinned even though Quinn jerked her hard enough each time she dragged back to make her grunt and hurry forward a few steps.

Simon turned towards the approaching horses as Jamie watched them quietly, glad that he had managed to dry his tears. Quinn's eyes were red like he might have shed a few tears of his own, and Jamie was sure that if either of them had been crying then that they both would have been very shortly.

Quinn walked off the edge of the road near where Jamie was and led Specklebird to a stout tree. He dropped the saddle against the base of the tree and then tied Specklebird tightly before he walked back towards where Jamie was. Storm was still trailing along behind Quinn, and Jamie finally saw the bloody wounds on Storm's hip. Jamie was glad to see that Storm hadn't bled badly and wasn't limping, which meant he probably wasn't seriously injured despite the grey's obvious lingering fear.

The more Jamie saw of Storm's reactions to things they passed while traveling, the more certain he was that Storm had been a show horse before the end. The stallion was terrified of some things any good trail horse would ignore, and had absolutely no fear of things he should have known were dangerous. That time something had _taught_ him it was dangerous, and Jamie was glad that Storm hadn't been more seriously injured while learning the lesson.

When Quinn reached Jamie he didn't say a word, he just reached up to rest one of his hands on Jamie's hip and the other on Jamie's knee as he leaned his forehead against Jamie's thigh. Cal whined and squirmed, trying to get to Quinn, but Jamie hooked the fingers of his bad hand through the puppy's collar and pulled him closer to keep him still. Jamie's grip was almost nonexistent with that hand, but he had learned to manipulate things with his whole arm, not just the hand.

Jamie began to stroke Quinn's hair with his right hand, near tears again. He had to swallow past the lump in his throat several times before he finally managed to say softly, "I'm so sorry, Quinn."

"Not your fault," Quinn murmured, lifting his head to look up at Jamie with a bleak expression. "I should be apologizing to you. It was my stupid mare that killed her, I just ended it."

"I know, but—" Jamie blinked back tears and swallowed, then went on, "I should have done it."

Quinn shook his head. "I didn't want you to." He ran one hand along Jamie's thigh, adding softly, "I didn't even want you to see her like that, I know how much you loved her. Thank you for leaving."

Jamie didn't know what to say to that so he just covered Quinn's hand with his own and squeezed. Quinn managed a sad smile for him and kissed Jamie's knuckles, and then he rested his forehead against Jamie's hand.

They were quiet for a little while until Storm suddenly shoved Quinn against Simon's side hard enough to make Simon stagger. Quinn turned and began to pet the grey, pushing Storm back as he murmured softly, "Easy, Storm."

"How badly is he hurt?" Jamie asked, leaning to look at Storm 's bloody hip.

"It's not bad." Quinn reached for Storm's halter and turned the stallion so Jamie could see for himself. "I think he found a big cat of some kind, maybe a mountain lion if they have those down here. Something with sharp claws, anyway. Most of the damage seems to be to his ego."

Jamie nodded as he looked at the four shallow gashes on Storm's hip, shifting Cal to hold the puppy with his good hand because Cal was still squirming. "I don't know if mountain lions are common here or not, but that _is_ what it looks like. Dad and I hunted a young one last fall after it clawed up two horses at the hunting lodge the same way." Jamie looked back at Quinn. "At least they aren't very bad. I'll have to ride him anyway."

Quinn shook his head. "Not just no, but hell no." Jamie opened his mouth to argue, but Quinn went on firmly, "You're staying on Simon, he's much safer for you with that arm like it is. Once it's healed we'll see if you want to try Storm. Right now I want you on a horse that will keep his head when something goes wrong."

Jamie frowned. "Quinn, Storm's too hot-headed to lead all day, much less make him carry a pack. He'll go berserk in an hour."

"Which is why _I'll_ be riding him, not leading him," Quinn replied. "Speck can carry a pack. No matter how much she hates it, it won't kill her."

Jamie sighed and looked towards where Quinn had tied Specklebird. He really didn't have any better ideas, even though he was afraid there would be a lot more trouble from her kicking at the other horses if they made her haul a pack. Misty had been the only one that Specklebird tolerated getting very close to her, but Specklebird still hadn't hesitated to attack her. Jamie had been around horses all his life and knew very well that they could judge the force of a kick precisely. There was no doubt in his mind that Specklebird had _meant_ to kill Misty.

"Alright," Jamie said finally, looking at Quinn again. "We'll just have to keep an eye out for another packhorse."

"Or two even, just in case we have problems again," Quinn agreed. "And I think that we should turn Specklebird loose as soon as we find a horse to take her place."

Jamie was shocked. "Quinn, no! I know you love that mare."

Quinn turned to look towards where Specklebird was sulking under the tree, frowning. "Right now I don't, Jamie. She was Ripper's pride and joy and I loved him like a brother, but it's crazy for me to keep her just because of that. She as good as killed Misty, who never hurt a fly, and then kicked me every time I put something on her back. For the first time in my life, I actually wanted to beat an animal."

"She's just—" Jamie broke off, searching for the right word. The first thing that came to mind was 'spoiled', which didn't say very much for Ripper's training abilities. Horses were easy to spoil if you let them get away with too much when they were young, and Jamie thought that was exactly what Specklebird's problem was.

"Spoiled," Quinn said firmly, turning back towards Jamie with a disgusted expression. "We both know that's the word you're trying to avoid. I could ignore it when she was Ripper’s pet, or when it was just me and her, but not anymore. She's proven today that she'll try her best to kick me for making her do something she doesn't want to, and you can hardly touch her even when she's in a _good_ mood. I'm not going to risk her killing you or one of the others next time she has a tantrum like a green two-year-old. She knows better, but she just doesn't give a damn anymore."

"I'm sorry." Jamie felt awful. He understood what Quinn was saying and knew that Quinn was right, but he still felt like it was his fault. If Jamie had been leading the packhorses that day, he knew that there never would have been a wreck. Misty and Alvin would have just moved out of the way instead of panicking, because Simon would _never_ spook and start bucking the way Specklebird had. Simon would fidget and even refuse to obey if he was sure that Jamie was asking him to do something that wasn't safe, but Jamie had never seen the leggy gelding buck at all and Simon never kicked at the other horses. Simon didn’t have a dominant bone in his body and was such a pushover even Cal could steal his feed if Jamie didn’t stand guard while Simon ate.

Quinn managed to smile for Jamie, though it was strained because he didn't feel at all like smiling. "Jamie, it's not your fault. Letting her go is best for everyone, including her. If she wants to stay with us like Storm does I won't chase her off, I promise."

Jamie didn't really think Specklebird would follow them, not after Quinn made her carry a pack for a few days. The mare could hold a grudge better than most people Jamie had known, and didn't like being around other horses much at all, especially Storm. Jamie expected her to be very ready to see the last of them by the time she was finally turned loose. He nodded anyway though and murmured, "Okay."

Quinn looked at Jamie a moment longer, well aware that Jamie wasn't really telling him what he felt on the subject. He finally turned away to walk towards Specklebird as he asked, "Jamie, why don't you ride ahead to find a creek where we can camp for the night? I'll just carry Misty's saddle that far and see if it'll fit Storm in the morning. I'd rather give him overnight to calm down before I try it."

"Alright." Jamie sighed and heeled Simon into a turn, starting him down the road at a walk. "Come on, Alvin."

Alvin quickly moved to follow at Simon's left hip where he normally traveled, and Storm decided to trail along next to Alvin, just behind Simon. Quinn and Specklebird brought up the rear, and Jamie sighed when he heard Quinn cursing the mare almost as soon as they moved onto the road. Jamie glanced back several times to see Specklebird dragging back on the reins or even snapping at Quinn while he tried to carry the saddle and fight with her, too.

Jamie had hoped it wouldn't be very far to the next creek, but they weren't so lucky. They didn't find any water for almost two miles, and even then they still had to find a good place to camp. The terrain along the creek was rocky near the road, and they wound up going a good ten-minute walk up the side of the creek before they found a grassy meadow.

By the time they finally got settled for the night, Quinn was so disgusted with Specklebird that he didn't even want to look at her. She had kicked him three times while he was trying to unload her, giving him some ugly bruises, and then when she was turned loose she attacked Alvin for no reason and chased the terrified gelding right into the rope that was strung up so the horses wouldn't stray too far.

Alvin hit the rope hard enough that it broke and bolted off into the trees with Specklebird and Storm at his heels, and it took Quinn twenty minutes of chasing them bareback on Simon to get a rope on Specklebird so he could drag the mare back. He was tempted to just let her keep running, but she was chasing Alvin _and_ Storm by then, and Quinn actually wanted both of them back. Simon had behaved himself well for Quinn despite the fact he wasn't wearing even a halter, much less a saddle, and Alvin and Storm followed them back at a distance once Specklebird was caught.

Specklebird gave Simon several nasty bites on the way back to camp and bit Quinn again, too, and by the time they reached the light of the fire again Quinn was stone-faced with anger. Specklebird wound up spending the night tied short to a tree so that everyone else would be safe from her unpredictable attacks, and she made her displeasure known by pawing the tree for quite a while before she finally gave up.

Jamie had made dinner while Quinn chased the horses down, trying to stay confident that at least Simon and Quinn would be back, and it was almost ready by the time Quinn got the horses settled again. Their meal of veal stewed in canned tomatoes, mushrooms, and onions with bread cooked on the long bones of a calf's forelegs was delicious and filling, but neither of them appreciated it as much as they might have otherwise. Jamie was still depressed and worried, and Quinn was so angry with Specklebird that he had to remind himself shooting her wasn't an option.

After they ate, Quinn stretched out on the bedroll and then Jamie curled up next to him with his head on Quinn's shoulder, his sore arm resting on Quinn's belly. They didn't bother to undress; neither was in the mood to do anything other than relax, and even that wouldn't be easy. Cal seemed to understand that something was wrong and settled quietly nearby to stare into the fire.

Jamie and Quinn usually talked for hours every night, relaxing together after a long day in the saddle, but that night they were both quiet for a long while. Jamie was trying to figure out how they would be able to move on the next day. He doubted that Quinn would be able to lead Specklebird from any of the other horses except possibly Simon, and then only if he watched her closely. Alvin and Storm were both scared of Specklebird and likely to panic every time she attacked them. Simon would get hurt again, but Jamie was sure the leggy pinto was the only one of the horses level-headed enough put up with being bitten and kicked if his rider told him to.

Jamie finally said as much to Quinn, his tone a bit hesitant because he wasn't sure that Quinn would like hearing it.

Quinn sighed and stroked Jamie's hair. "I don't think she'll let me lead her for long even then, the way she was acting tonight. I had to kick her in the jaw half a dozen times to get her off of Simon before she did serious damage, and his shoulder's still all cut up. You may wind up on Storm tomorrow after all."

"I don't mind. Storm's a good horse, and he likes me. I think he'll behave for me as long as I don’t try to hold him to a walk all the time." Jamie tilted his head to look at Quinn, murmuring softly, "I don't think I could ride her very well, but I'll try if you want."

"I don't care if you _can_ , you're not going to," Quinn said firmly. "I don't even want you near her."

Jamie didn't argue because he was pretty sure Quinn was right. He knew Quinn hadn't raised the mare, but he never would have believed that Specklebird would kick Quinn until he saw her do it. She had been very loyal to him while they were traveling so far, and it bothered Jamie that she had turned on Quinn so suddenly. After seeing how she acted that night, Jamie wondered if Quinn would even be able to touch her the next morning without a fight. Jamie had seen a lot of bad-tempered show horses over the years, but he had never actually seen a horse go bad before. It amazed him that the mare had snapped so suddenly and completely, and over such a little thing as a broken lead rope. The snap had hit her flank rather hard, but it hadn’t broken the skin and there wasn't much bruising. Jamie had seen many horses hurt much worse under saddle and never even seem to realize they were injured.

They were quiet for a little while before Jamie asked softly, "Well, if one of us has to ride Storm anyway, what about just putting the other pack on Simon? He'll follow me on Storm with no problem even if I just tie him to the saddle, and Storm likes Simon so he won't kick at him. Alvin could stay loose then. He’d never let Simon and Storm both leave him behind, and we wouldn't have to worry about another wreck because you could just ride Specklebird."

Quinn was quiet for a few moments and then finally nodded reluctantly. "I'd rather you could stay on Simon, but it's better to put you on Storm than worry about Speck going nuts and crippling one of the others. With her following on a rope, I might not be able to jerk her down if she blows up again."

Jamie nodded. "And if you're riding her, you can keep her away from the rest of us."

"Yeah. That might be best for everyone, I think." Quinn gave Jamie a slight smile. "I'm glad you thought of it."

Jamie smiled back. "You would have if I didn't."

"Maybe," Quinn replied, "but I probably would have laid here half the night worrying before I finally did."

"Not half the night," Jamie disagreed, trying to make his tone teasing. "Just a few more hours."

Quinn poked Jamie's ribs with his thumb. "Don't make me tickle you."

Jamie snickered slightly and moved to kiss Quinn, lingering a long moment before he finally pulled away and settled his head on Quinn's shoulder again to try and relax enough to sleep.

Jamie couldn't keep from thinking about the next day and how they would cope with the loss of Misty, but he wasn't as worried as he had been. Simon led perfectly and liked to run so he shouldn't lag back if Storm did take off, which meant that Jamie wouldn't have to worry about Storm jerking Simon off his feet. That would have been a real concern with Alvin, who always lagged a stride or two when asked to change gaits. Specklebird was fairly lazy so they hadn't thought that would be a problem with her, but Storm loved to run and often bolted for no apparent reason.

Keeping Cal safe would be more difficult, but after a few minutes of thought Jamie decided that he could empty the smallest backpack that they had been carrying dirty clothes in and then put Cal in it. The pup might not be very happy about that, but the bag would at least smell familiar and Cal was usually good about behaving himself if Jamie told him to be still. Jamie thought he could secure the backpack so it stayed against his stomach on the saddle, and then Cal would be much less likely to slip if Storm bolted or turned suddenly. If Jamie left it mostly unzipped Cal would still be able to look around, so Jamie hoped he would tolerate it.

That left only whether or not Jamie could control Storm to worry about. He had seen Storm ridden only once and the horse had been a real handful, prancing and leaping at the slightest excuse. Jamie was sure it was because Storm had been trained very differently than Boss was used to, but knowing that didn't help Jamie very much.

Jamie was taught to ride by horses, not an instructor. He had been tossed up on a pony for the first time when he was three and turned loose in an arena to figure things out for himself. He learned western cues because that's what the horses he rode had been taught, and he had little idea of exactly what was different about other styles of riding until he was eleven years old. Troy had taken him in hand then and had taught Jamie a lot about serious riding, but Troy had concentrated on western work because Jamie didn't like to ride English very much. Since Jamie thought Storm had been trained for dressage, he fully expected to have to spend hours learning what the stallion would respond to.

Jamie finally fell asleep thinking about how glad he was that he would only have to ride Storm until they found another packhorse. Jamie hadn't even climbed on the stallion yet and he was already looking forward to being back on Simon.

 

 


	11. Chapter 11

11

 

 

 

The next morning Jamie and Quinn headed their horses down the side road from Warrior to Kimberly and then on to Pinson. Along the way, they got a crash course in traveling more quickly.

Storm liked a much faster pace than they had traveled at before, and holding him back wasn't at all easy for Jamie. Cal was riding well enough in the backpack so that Jamie had both hands essentially free, and Jamie was using his thick rope reins on a bridle with a twisted snaffle because that was the harshest bit they had in the packs, but Storm was just too strong for the snaffle. Within half an hour Jamie's good hand was stiff from holding the reins so tightly while he tried to keep Storm at a walk, and Jamie's bad arm ached from bracing the heel of that hand on the saddle horn to get more leverage.

Quinn finally told Jamie to just give Storm his head for a while to let him run it out. Jamie did, and Storm immediately moved out into an easy gallop. Jamie was glad to relax his grip on the reins, and Cal was much happier because Jamie finally had the chance to pay some attention to him. After galloping for a few miles, Storm settled into a slow jog until something made him decide to move out again, usually when they began down a hill.

Simon didn't mind moving faster and Alvin had no problem keeping up even though he wasn't especially happy to work so hard, so Jamie and Quinn decided they were all better off to just let Storm set the pace. The rangy grey was fast and liked to go, but he was smart and paced himself so well that he didn't run the other horses ragged. Simon stayed right at Storm's hip through it all on a loose lead just like Jamie had thought he would, and Alvin followed along behind Simon even though he wasn't tied at all.

Specklebird wasn't happy about going faster, but what she had done to Misty seemed to remove all of Quinn's sympathy for what she might want. Every time she lagged behind the others he would make her catch up again, first by nudging her with his heels and then later on by kicking her hard enough to make her grunt because she stopped moving out for anything less. That continued through the morning and then again after lunch, right up until she decided to throw the first bucking fit.

Quinn jerked her head up so short after the second jump that Specklebird's chin actually hit her chest and she stopped like she had hit a wall. He loosened the reins to let her move freely again and then kicked her into a canter to catch up with Storm without letting her have even a moment to think about it, but Specklebird only went half a dozen strides before she started bucking again. Quinn finally lost his temper then and hit her right between the ears, and Specklebird was so surprised that she stumbled and went to her knees. As soon as she had gotten to her feet again, Quinn kicked her and forced her into a gallop, keeping a short grip on the reins so she had no chance to get her head down to buck.

They were out of sight down the road within moments, but Jamie wasn't worried about them. The mare was obviously just 'showing her ass', as Quinn had said several times that morning when Specklebird acted up. She wasn't sweaty or even breathing hard until after she began throwing her hissy fit, and Jamie knew just as well as Quinn did that he couldn't let _her_ decide when to stop. If Quinn had given in to her then, he would have never been able to get her to really work again without an even harder fight.

Jamie urged Storm into a faster canter when they didn't return within a few minutes, and he was surprised when he thought back after a little while and realized they had covered at least two miles without seeing Specklebird or Quinn. Jamie urged Storm on into a slow gallop and was just beginning to get really worried when he rounded a bend to see Quinn letting Specklebird jog slowly towards them along the side of the road. She was breathing hard and sweating heavily, but Quinn was obviously still too annoyed to feel sorry for her.

Jamie didn't know it then, but Specklebird had run about _three_ miles before she gave up, and almost all of it at a flat-out gallop. Quinn had run her so far because the mare threw another bucking fit every time he let her slow down. That she was just sweaty at the end of it and not staggering was proof of how well conditioned she was. Miles of daily work under saddle had kept all of their horses in excellent condition, making them easily able to run a few miles without hurting them.

Jamie pulled Storm back down to a slow jog as he got closer to Specklebird, and he could hear Quinn cursing the mare under his breath as Quinn hauled her around to start her down the road again. As soon as the mare was next to Storm she snapped at the stallion, making him dance sideways while Quinn punched Specklebird in the back of the head.

Jamie had expected the mare to snap when Quinn let her get so close, so he was ready for Storm to dodge and didn't say anything about it. He was busy remembering the day before and very glad that he was leading the packhorses, since Simon was quick on his feet and didn't mind getting out of Storm's way. There would have surely been another wreck if Specklebird had started her first bucking fit while leading one of the others. Simon could easily gallop as far as Specklebird could, but Jamie doubted that Simon would have made it a dozen yards tied to Specklebird without getting kicked, especially that day. She was in a murderously bad mood.

When they planned out their route that morning, Jamie and Quinn hadn't expected to get to the Birmingham suburb of Pinson until dark, so they were both surprised to reach it around mid-afternoon. They settled the horses in front of an elementary school, where an overgrown ballpark would give the others room to avoid Specklebird. The backdrop behind home plate was the only real indication that there were probably bases out in the tall grass, but a chain-link fence surrounded the entire area and would keep the horses from straying even if Specklebird spooked Alvin and Storm again.

Quinn saw that there was something leaking when he removed Simon's pack, so he and Jamie decided to go through both packs and figure out what needed replaced. They wound up throwing away more than a third of the first aid pack because a plastic bottle of Betadine had cracked and leaked into the things around it. Quinn began sorting what could be salvaged into a clean pack while Jamie made a list of the things they needed to replace, and then Quinn loaded Simon up with the empty pack panniers and went 'shopping'.

Cal was glad to finally be out of Jamie's backpack and happily played in the tall grass nearby while Jamie started a fire and then set up camp around it. Jamie put a haunch of beef on the fire to cook slowly and then took a few minutes to check over Alvin's tack to make sure it was all still safe. Alvin's pack saddle was fine, but Jamie wasn't very surprised to find that his halter had quite a few popped stitches and some cracked hardware. The halter would do to lead him and for Alvin to wear while he was following Simon loose, but he couldn't be tied with it again. None of the other halters would fit Alvin because he had a smaller head than the other horses, so Jamie made a note that they needed to find a new one.

Jamie went to feed the horses then, something Quinn had done for the last few days, and found that they were nearly out of grain too, so they would have to find a feed store soon anyway. While the horses ate, Jamie groomed them as best he could and checked their feet, very grateful that Storm and Alvin behaved so well for him. Storm was surprisingly calm and patient while Jamie brushed him and handled his hooves, and Jamie was careful to make over Storm so the stallion knew he had done well. Jamie fed Alvin before he began working on him because he knew Alvin loved oats and was willing to tolerate anything Jamie wanted to do as long as he was eating. Alvin was lazy and not very smart, and Jamie thought that he would probably stand still for someone to beat him as long as he had grain under his nose.

Specklebird stayed at the far end of the field and wouldn't even come to the feed Jamie put out for her, but Jamie didn't really mind and he made no effort to keep Storm from eating it. Quinn had made him promise that he wouldn't try to get near Specklebird, which made it easier for Jamie rationalize giving in to his own budding fear of her. Jamie had never been afraid of a horse in his life, but Specklebird wasn't sane as far as he was concerned, and that meant she was dangerous. Alvin was in fine shape and seemed to have weathered the day's faster pace with no problem, so Jamie convinced himself that Specklebird was fine too and tried not to worry about her.

Eventually, Jamie ran out of busywork and began paying attention to Cal, who still wanted to play. Jamie was soon laughing and running from Cal, trying to keep a ragged knotted sock just out of Cal's reach.

Jamie and Cal were rolling in the grass wrestling when Quinn returned, and he stood at the gate watching them for a little while. He was glad to see Jamie happy again, even temporarily, and he made a mental note to dig out another bag of the treats Jamie liked to feed to the pup. He thought Cal deserved a treat for distracting Jamie so thoroughly from the stress and trauma of the last few days. Jamie was obviously much more relaxed than he had been before Quinn left, and Quinn just watched him play with the pup until Jamie finally happened to glance towards the gate.

"Having fun?" Quinn asked as he opened the gate.

"Yes!" Jamie laughed, tossing the sock for Cal to chase and then standing up to walk towards Quinn. "Did you find everything we needed?"

"And then some," Quinn said, nodding as he let Simon through the gate, smiling at the fact the lead rope was so loose it practically dragged the ground as he closed it again. Simon had stayed right at his heels no matter where he asked the gelding to go, so well in fact that Quinn had thrown the rope over Simon's neck several times to free his hands. The way Specklebird had been acting the last two days made him appreciate a calm, willing horse like Simon that much more. "Found a few things for you, too. You didn't tell me there was a whole shopping center down on the highway."

Jamie blinked and then grinned sheepishly. "That'd be because I had forgotten it was there. Once we got this far, we were so close to home that we never stopped, or even slowed down much."

"Oh." Quinn snickered and started towards where Jamie had stopped by the fire. Simon walked at Quinn's shoulder even though the rope was still hanging loose, but his attention was on Jamie. It made Quinn grin to see how Simon perked up when he saw Jamie, and he said, "Y'know, we have to figure out some kind of treat for Simon. He followed me right into the buildings, even the supercenter, and didn't even seem to care about the trash or how dark they were inside."

Jamie smiled and reached up to rub under Simon's forelock. "He's a good horse. I've never had to ask him twice to do anything unless it was something he knew better than to try." Jamie realized what Quinn had said and looked at him curiously. "You went into a supercenter?"

Quinn smirked and began unloading Simon. "Yep." He left the panniers closed as he unhooked them from the saddle and made no effort to tell Jamie _why_ he had gone into the supercenter. They usually avoided bigger stores because they seemed to be the ones that were ransacked the worst at the end when things were going crazy. There was seldom anything in them worth the effort to find it in the trashy, ransacked aisles, and often so many rats and other scavengers inside that nothing was usable.

Jamie watched bemusedly while Quinn unloaded Simon, who was perfectly happy to lean his forehead against Jamie's chest and get his ears rubbed. When Quinn finally had the saddle off, Jamie slipped Simon's halter off over his ears and then walked with him the few feet over to the other pack, where Jamie had left Simon's grain.

Jamie poured the feed on the ground, patting the gelding's shoulder and then stepping back to let him eat in peace while Jamie kept an eye on the other horses. Jamie figured that Simon had earned every bit of his feed and wanted to be sure Alvin and Storm didn't steal any of it. Simon didn't take long to eat, and Jamie was just about to turn back towards where he had left Quinn when Quinn wrapped his arms around Jamie from behind.

Jamie leaned back and turned his head as Quinn murmured, "Dinner smells good." He kissed Jamie softly, then added with a little grin, "But I want you to see what I found before we eat."

Jamie laughed. "I won't argue, you've got me all curious now."

Quinn smirked and kissed Jamie again before he let go and moved back towards the panniers. Jamie followed him to watch as Quinn opened one and started digging around, and Jamie was surprised when Quinn patted the ground next to him. "Sit." Jamie laughed softly and sat down, and then Quinn pulled out a backpack and put it in Jamie's lap with a big grin. "This is the first part of it."

"What in the world did you find?" Jamie asked, grinning at Quinn as he turned the backpack over to look at the front, then his eyes widened. "Holy shit." The front pocket was made of molded rubber and held a compact disc player so that the buttons could be used without removing it from the bag. There were flat speakers built in on either side, and the rubber had a heavy-duty zipper to keep the compact disc player that was already in the pocket secure but still make it easy to remove to change discs. Jamie felt something hard in the bottom of the bag and looked inside to find three large packages of batteries. He looked up at Quinn, completely floored. "How did you find it?!"

"I needed batteries for my flashlight so I could go in that supercenter, so I decided to walk across the highway to a Radio Shack. I was sure that they'd have to have batteries still even after the place was looted, and I was right." Quinn was grinning from ear to ear. "Looters got a lot of the big electronics, but they missed the bags like that, or just didn't want them. That bag was hung on the wall by the display with the batteries and chargers, or I probably never would have noticed it either." He reached into the pannier again and then offered Jamie a blue plastic bag of compact discs, smirking. "I got these from the supercenter. There wasn't a lot left of the music section in there, but I found one Buffett CD and a few other people I've heard you singing. We can always look for more."

Jamie stared at Quinn for a moment longer and then put aside the backpack to tackle Quinn, kissing him as thoroughly as he knew how. Quinn chuckled into the kiss and let Jamie push him back into the grass, making sure that Jamie didn't land badly on his injured arm.

When they finally paused for a breath, Quinn smirked and teased, "I'll have to find you new toys more often."

Jamie just laughed and kissed him again.

 

~*~*~

 

The next day got off to a rocky start. Specklebird was impossible to catch on foot when Quinn was ready to saddle her. The stubborn mare had been left last to tack up for the day, so Quinn climbed on Storm to run the mare down and get a rope around her neck.

Storm acted up a bit because the mare kept attacking him every time he got close, but Quinn was pleased with how well the stallion responded when he wasn't dodging Specklebird's hooves and teeth. Quinn had ridden the stallion just the day before because he didn't want Jamie on him until he made sure Storm wouldn't throw him, and Storm had acted almost like a different horse, leaping forward at any hint of heel and ignoring any other leg cues completely. A day of being ridden by Jamie had already made a difference in the stallion's responses, making Quinn wonder if Jamie had already begun retraining the stallion or if Storm had just needed saddle time to remember training that he had forgotten.

Quinn was already annoyed at Specklebird by the time he got the rope on her to drag her back to the others so he could begin saddling her, and his opinion of her didn’t improve when she kicked him repeatedly while he was trying to cinch her up. He didn't say anything about it other than cursing the mare, but Jamie knew that it had to hurt pretty badly, especially when the mare kicked Quinn's right knee. He hadn't let the other blows affect how he moved, but he had a definite limp after that.

Jamie was a little awed by how much pain Quinn could ignore as they rode out to begin their journey that day. That morning when they dressed, Quinn's legs had already looked like he'd been trampled because the mare had kicked him so many times, and Jamie knew she had gotten him several times while he saddled her. He had no idea how Quinn could ignore the bruises to clamp his legs tight enough around Specklebird's ribs to ride out her bucking fits.

Specklebird looked fat and even lazy when she wasn't pissed, but she bucked like a pro and was getting better at bracing her neck so Quinn couldn't haul her head up to stop her. By the end of the fourth bucking fit Specklebird threw that morning, Quinn was so tired of her attitude that he was almost ready to walk. Jamie suggested just letting Specklebird go and riding double on Storm until they found another horse, but Quinn was determined that he wasn't going to let the mare win. Jamie thought Quinn was just being stubborn, but he didn't argue.

They had decided not to ride through Birmingham at all so they followed side roads around the suburbs to the northeast, well out beyond the loop. The terrain was hilly but there were meandering side roads that led pretty much the way they needed to go, and there were many fewer cars blocking the streets than there were on main highways. They saw definite signs that there were people alive in the area several times that day, but they didn't actually see anyone even when they called out at a house they saw with well-fed milk goats, a Jersey calf, and a few young pigs penned in the yard. Jamie and Quinn rode on after a few minutes without trying harder to push the residents into talking, sure that they had probably had bad experiences with travelers.

On the way through Cahaba Crest they saw two big horse farms, so they stopped for Jamie to find a phone book and hunt down the closest feed store. Twenty minutes later they jimmied the door on the feed warehouse and then settled in the shade outside to sort through a few bags of oats to find a week's worth of bug-free grain. They broke into the locked-up store afterwards and Jamie found a few things he thought they might need, including two halters that would fit Alvin and half a dozen good lead ropes. Jamie had always found that a horse that broke one lead rope would do it again.

Quinn also found a harsher bit for Specklebird, and after some deliberation finally took a heavy quirt, too. He thought that he needed something to get her attention with and Jamie had quickly agreed. Slapping Specklebird between the ears had stopped her worst behaviors the day before, but she had learned that Quinn's hand didn't really hurt and ignored it when he slapped her that morning. As strong as Quinn was, he just couldn’t muster the power into a slap that a horse could put into a kick, and Specklebird knew it. That made it difficult for Quinn to get her attention when she was bucking or kicking at him, since the mare didn't care if he hit back.

Specklebird didn't even seem to notice the new bit, but after Quinn popped her a few times with the quirt she stopped turning to kick him every time he tried to put a foot in the stirrup. They rode on, and when the mare inevitably blew up a little while later one hard rap between the ears with the stiff leather handle of the quirt stopped a bucking fit cold. The next time she started acting up Quinn just showed her the quirt and she settled down, but she was obviously a pissed-off horse for the rest of the day.

That afternoon was fairly pleasant once Specklebird settled down, especially for Jamie. Having music again for the first time in months put him in a wonderful mood, and listening to _'Meet Me in Margaritaville'_ was just icing on the cake. Storm seemed to be much more settled and easier for Jamie to control, possibly because Jamie didn't try to hold him in very much at all. Cal didn't seem to mind riding in the smaller backpack as much as he had the bigger one Jamie used first day, but that could have been because Jamie was more relaxed and paid more attention to him.

They stopped that night in Moody, where Quinn went in a local department store looking for music and more of the dog treats that they used to train Cal. The dog treats were easy to obtain since no one bothered to plunder the dog food aisles but the rats, and then after a longer search Quinn finally found one of Jamie's very favorite albums, _'Banana Wind_ ', as well as quite a few random discs he thought they would both enjoy. He also found a few small zippered cases meant to store twenty CDs each, and Jamie was very glad not to have to carry the dinky plastic ones anymore. The folders made it much easier to switch discs on horseback, and fit well into Jamie's saddlebags with the handgun.

 _'Twenty Years of Dirt'_ , _'Little Deuce Coupe'_ , Creedence Clearwater's _'Greatest Hits_ ', and _'Songs'_ by Willie Nelson were all albums Jamie liked, but he still let _'Banana Wind_ ' play on repeat for about half of the next day. Jamie realized later that it probably drove Quinn a little bit crazy, but Quinn never complained. Even on the fifth time through the disc he still seemed to get a kick out of watching Jamie sing along to _'Schoolboy Heart'_.

Jamie never could get Quinn to admit any one kind of music he preferred over another, but he found out one band Quinn enjoyed when he played the Creedence Clearwater album that afternoon. Quinn had obviously sung along to it often because he knew every word and what song would be next even before it started to play. That made Jamie wonder what other albums Quinn enjoyed and if he had taken any others because they were favorites of his, but Quinn wouldn’t tell Jamie which ones they were. Jamie had to play every one to find out which ones Quinn knew by heart, but after a while he realized it really was more fun to find out that way.

Late that afternoon they found a small organic farming store south of Pell City where the owners had sold their own produce back before the end. The fields held tall weeds that didn't quite hide the volunteer vegetables, and there was an orchard where fruit still clung to the trees. A few hogs had made their home in the orchard, living off the fallen fruit and wallowing in a shallow creek that passed between the trees. An overgrown mound of kudzu in a fenced-off part of the orchard turned out to be covering a row of beehives, and there were stout pens that contained bones indicating that there had once been cattle and goats there, too.

A look inside the store gave Jamie and Quinn quite a few things they thought would be useful. Jamie found a whole roll of the plastic mesh sacks that vegetables used to come in, two jars of fruit blossom honey, and a dozen cones of organic cane sugar that had been stored in a plastic tub on the shelf below the honey. Quinn's attention was quickly focused on a large selection of 'heirloom' seeds, and after going through them he took two-dozen packets that he thought might be useful later.

Jamie thought afterwards that might have been when Quinn began to think about settling down eventually, but Quinn didn't say anything about it that day. Jamie knew that was the day that _he_ started to really think about it, and that he liked the idea a lot. Jamie had no trouble picturing himself and Quinn on a farm somewhere near where they were then, raising horses and cattle and growing enough fruits and vegetables to keep themselves well fed. Jamie didn't actually know anything about farming, but he knew that Quinn did and figured it couldn't be too hard to learn. If nothing else they could go into Talladega to the public library and find some books on the subject.

That night they decided to set up camp in the deserted back yard of a house across the road from the organic farm. Quinn put Specklebird in the next yard over because he didn't trust her not to cause trouble and then turned the others loose to graze while they set up camp. After some discussion about what they would eat, Jamie and Quinn went for a walk in the vegetable field and then took a side trip through the orchard for Quinn to shoot a young pig while Jamie gathered some fruit.

For dinner, Quinn stewed pork with bell peppers, squash, tomatoes, and onions, while Jamie made honey-glazed carrots and biscuits to go with it. A few apples and pears cored and filled with cane sugar and then roasted in hot coals made a delicious dessert. It was a wonderful meal, the best that Jamie and Quinn had eaten since they left Addy's farm. The pork was sweet and lean because the piglet's diet had been more fruit than anything else, and the wide variety of vegetables and the honey made it even better. Jamie and Quinn both ate more than they usually did, enough that afterwards they both needed to sleep it off.

They slept like logs that night, but they went to bed so early that they woke long before dawn the next morning. Waking up early was beginning to be a habit by then, but neither of them minded in the least. Quinn spent almost two hours around dawn exploring Jamie's limits and seeing if he couldn't push them a bit farther, and he was as pleased as Jamie was with the results. Sometimes an attempt to do something new was a spectacular failure, but they both always enjoyed trying because the successes were well worth the disappointments.

Jamie and Quinn didn't leave their blankets until an hour or two after sunrise that morning, and they were in no hurry even then. They took time to enjoy a leisurely meal of pancakes with honey and more of the apples before they headed back out into the fields behind the farm. They spent most of an hour filling some of the net bags Jamie had found in the store with vegetables and fruit that would keep well while they were traveling. They only took as much as they could eat before it went bad, but they were lucky that many of the vegetables still in the field that late in the year - onions, squash, carrots, sweet potatoes, and various peppers - would keep well without any refrigeration. They were both in high spirits when they finally rode on around noon, heading southeast towards the bridge that would take them over Logan Martin Lake.

The farm where Jamie and his father had spent much of their time for the last five years was just on the other side of the lake, only about eight miles from Pell City near a tiny community called Wendy Wood. It would be an easy ride as long as Specklebird didn't cause too much trouble. Jamie and Quinn expected to be there in just a few hours.

Jamie remembered the general area on the other side of Logan Martin well and he was looking forward to seeing it again. He knew of three large horse farms and many small ones between Wendy Wood and Talladega, so Jamie was sure that they could find a replacement for Specklebird within another day or two. It had been a popular place for horse breeders because of one farm that brought national attention to the area. Jamie had worked on that very farm since he was twelve, and he knew the farm's story well.

Two friends from Michigan, Troy Beckham and George Calhoun, had bought some land 'down south' and gone into business together in the sixties, raising Arabians. They each had different goals and talents with horses, so George spent his time running the farm while Troy went on the Arabian show circuit. Troy began to make a name for their farm in the early seventies with two colts he had purchased, showing both young stallions to Legion of Merit status. One of those stallions sired a fine mare for them, Jolnabi, who made the Beck & Call name internationally known as breeders of spectacular Arabian bloodstock.

In a nine-year show career that began when she was a yearling, Jolnabi earned many championships and National titles before becoming the first mare in over two decades that had advanced as far as the Legion of Masters. She was widely accepted as the very best mare that the Arabian breed in America could offer at that time, and many thought her to be the finest that had ever lived outside Egypt. Her versatility led her to World Championships in seven different events and confirmed Troy's reputation as a spectacular horseman. He had made it a point to do all of her training himself, and the years of careful work paid off beautifully.

As time went on, the reputation built by the spectacular show record of Beck & Call finest Arabians caused all sorts of promising young people to want to work or study on their farm. Troy couldn’t possibly hire them all, so he began to offer mentorship programs where equestrians could apply to go to the farm and learn how Beck & Call Arabians had achieved so much. Most didn't stay longer than a week, but there were often as many as a hundred people in and out of the guesthouses in the course of a single year, and usually three times as many to stay in the bunkhouse for the three yearly weekend clinics. Around a dozen people actually lived onsite, as well as over thirty horses, so the farm was _always_ bustling with activity, or had been before the end.

John, Jamie's father, had met Troy at several shows over the years and knew him well enough to talk to, but John didn't frequent the same circles Troy did. Troy probably would have never offered John a job working at Beck & Call if there hadn't been a mix-up at a regional show where John and Jamie were working as night stable hands. Jamie was the one to discover that several stalls in the stallion barn had been bedded with shavings contaminated with walnut hulls, and one of the affected stalls happened to hold a leggy bay colt named Beynabi. Beynabi was Troy's pride and joy, the only colt Jolnabi had ever thrown and already well on his way to earning his own Legion of Merit.

Walnut is poisonous to horses and can cripple them even if they just walk on the hulls or shavings for too long, but there was nowhere else to put the horses except the tie-rings in the aisle. Stallions couldn't be left unsupervised in the aisle so someone had to keep an eye on them, plus the shavings had to be picked out of their hooves. Jamie could muck the stalls without help, but John thought that Jamie had a better touch with keeping the horses under control while he picked their feet. Jamie spent several hours that night picking out hooves and keeping the stallions calm while John worked to clean twenty stalls and bed them again with pine.

When Troy checked on Beynabi the next morning and found out from the barn manager what had happened, he was very grateful. Troy returned to the barn that evening and invited John to come work for him anytime, offering to let Jamie sit in on the clinics and riding lessons given while they were at the farm. John agreed as soon as the job was offered, not only for the lessons that he thought Jamie might put to use, but also because of where Troy's farm was.

John and Jamie were both into car racing in a big way, and working near the Talladega Speedway was just too tempting to pass up. They never regretted the choice.

 

 


	12. Chapter 12

12

 

 

 

When Jamie and Quinn reached Beck & Call that afternoon, Jamie turned off his music and then absently petted Cal as he looked around. Jamie was pleased to see that there were tracks of horses _and_ a vehicle in the dirt of the road beyond the end of the drive. It had rained pretty hard the night that Quinn and Jamie stayed in Good Hope with Addy, so that meant someone had been out in the last six days. The gate, which still had the familiar high arched 'Beck  & Call Arabians' sign above it, was closed but not locked.

"You know, this place doesn't look very abandoned," Quinn said as he leaned down to unlatch the gate across the long white gravel drive. "The fields aren't as short as the grass along the drive, but they've been grazed and the tracks in the road look fresh."

"I see that," Jamie said, grinning a bit because he thought they might actually find survivors he knew. "I think that might be the first cut grass I've seen in a year."

Quinn grinned back as he straightened in the saddle again. "It could be. That or it's been grazed awfully short." He kicked Specklebird and made her shoulder the gate open, then waited for Jamie to take the other horses through.

"I wonder who's still here?" Jamie was thinking aloud more than anything else as he lowered his hand to give Storm his head, letting the grey jog into the driveway with Simon and Alvin at his heels. Jamie halted Storm again and twisted in the saddle to watch Quinn kick the gate closed, making Specklebird follow it so he could latch the chain again. "It might not be one of the people who really lived here. There were always strangers around."

"Whoever it is, they seem to take care of the place." Quinn and leaned down to latch the gate, then turned Specklebird and growled under his breath when she balked at walking towards Storm. He kicked her but the mare still refused to move so he finally popped her lightly on the rump with the quirt to get her walking. When she passed Storm, Jamie let they grey move out to keep up with her as Quinn added, "You said they were all horse-crazy here, so I bet _someone_ knows where we can find a nice sane gelding. I think I'd just as soon avoid another mare unless your horse is still here."

Jamie laughed, nodding, and was about to say something when Storm threw up his head and whinnied. He immediately broke into a prancing trot, and Jamie suddenly had all he could do to hold Storm back. "Easy, Storm." Jamie glanced over at Quinn. "I think that he smells -" Jamie broke off as he heard the distant replies of several horses, and then finished bemusedly, "The broodmares."

Storm halted and stared up the driveway for a few moments, quivering, then suddenly half reared as he neighed much more loudly. The far-off horses responded even as Jamie fought for control, but Storm ignored the bit and leapt into a gallop down the driveway, startling Cal so much that he yelped and cowered down in the backpack.

Jamie had to lean forward over the bag to keep his seat, grabbing for the saddle horn with his bad hand as he hauled back on the reins with the other hand as best he could. "Storm, _whoa_!" Jamie could hear the other horses following Storm but he couldn't spare a glance for them as he finally got his bad hand braced and settled back in the saddle. He had much better leverage on the reins after that, but it still took a few moments for him to haul the stallion back to some semblance of a walk.

Jamie was surprised to see that Storm had already covered most of the quarter of a mile from the end of the driveway to the main barns. Storm pranced and half-reared every few steps, showing off for the horses that were galloping towards him from beyond the covered arena. The Arabian mares and foals Jamie expected to see, but he was shocked to see several leggy tobiano pinto mares and foals and three brightly marked leopard appaloosa mares among the Arabians. Arabian horses simply did not have pinto or appaloosa patterns, and Jamie would never have thought anyone who knew the Beck & Call herd would dilute the bloodlines.

A bay Arabian stallion swept around the herd then, letting out a challenging bugle even though he was slightly lame, and Jamie gasped even as he fought to keep Storm from lunging towards the fence. Jamie recognized the bay as Troy's pride and joy, Beynabi, and he was dismayed to see the stallion in such battered condition. One of Beynabi's forelegs had obviously been broken or dislocated at the knee after Jamie had last been on the farm, and he had quite a few ugly scars. The leg had healed well enough that Beynabi was running on it, but it didn't bend properly anymore and the knee joint was almost double the size it should be.

Storm reared again and then took a few prancing steps towards the fence as he replied loudly to Beynabi, ignoring Jamie when he used the reins and his heels to try to turn Storm away. Storm was usually fairly responsive, but just then he was fighting to get to Beynabi and Jamie was having a very hard time. Quinn saw that Jamie just couldn’t muscle the grey around, so he moved Specklebird into Storm's way and let the sorrel lunge at Storm, distracting Storm long enough for Jamie to turn him away from the approaching herd. Storm reared and called to the Arabians again, shaking his head and pinning his ears as he fought the bit and tried to turn towards the occupied pasture, so Quinn kept Specklebird between them just in case he had to help turn Storm again.

An angry voice suddenly said nearby, "You'd best haul that grey in, lady, or I'll put a bullet in him."

Jamie twisted his head to look towards the voice and saw a wide-shouldered man with shaggy hair and a full beard walking towards them with a rifle. "I'm not a lady!" As soon as he said it, Jamie knew he should have said something more intelligent like 'don't shoot', but he figured that wrestling with Storm was enough of a distraction that he could be excused for being a little stupid.

Beynabi reached the fence on the left side of the driveway then, barely twenty feet away from Storm and determined to start a fight. The leggy bay stretched his head over the fence as he squealed and lunged threateningly at Storm, moving back and forth along the fence and daring Storm to come closer. The mares and foals were milling noisily in the pasture beyond Beynabi, kicking and squealing at each other as they fought for position to get to see the new horses.

As if all of that wasn't enough chaos to go around, Quinn had his hands full keeping Specklebird from lunging at Beynabi every time the stallion tried to get to Storm. It enraged her that Beynabi would dare lunge at her like that, even though Beynabi didn't seem to notice her at all. Specklebird squealed every time Beynabi lunged at the fence and was dancing around and trying to strike at the stallion even though Quinn wouldn't let her get close enough to actually do any damage.

"Girl, chick, woman, I don't give a fuck what you call yourself." The stranger made a little gesture with the barrel of the rifle. "If that grey gets within ten feet of my stud, I'll kill him."

Jamie decided to save the argument about his gender for the moment. He had much more important problems, like the asshole with the gun and the fact he _really_ didn't want Beynabi to get hurt any worse than he already was. "Let me ride up to the barn, then!" Jamie said quickly, trying hard to make Storm stand still while Storm kept fidgeting in place and whipping his head around to watch Beynabi. "The arena will keep in a charging bull, so Beynabi would be perfectly safe."

The man lowered the rifle slightly but kept it pointed at Storm. "Who the hell are you, and how do you know my horse's name?"

"I’m Jamie Killdeer, I _live_ here," Jamie replied quickly, hauling Storm around again when he tried to turn back towards the pastured horses. "And if that horse is yours now, it's only because Troy died and nobody else was left to tell you to carry your ass off," Jamie added, beginning to get annoyed.

Jamie finally recognized the man a moment after he spoke, even though the long hair and beard made him look very different from the smug jock that Jamie remembered. Steven Calhoun had put on a lot of muscle in the years since Jamie saw him last, but the spoiled kid Jamie had seen climb on a bus east to go be a Marine was still sticking out all over in the belligerent way he stood with that rifle. Jamie wasn't really afraid of him anymore as soon as he knew who it was, though, despite the gun. Steve had always been a blowhard who never followed through on his threats.

"It can't be," Steve said, staring at Jamie like he had seen a ghost.

Jamie fought to hold Storm still, rolling his eyes. "Of _course_ it can, Steve. I'm sitting right here, aren't I?" Cal finally peeked out of the backpack then and Jamie glanced down before he looked at Steve again.

Steve suddenly shifted to hold his rifle in one hand, scratching his head with the other. "Well fuck _me_."

"You're not my type, Steve. You remind me too much of the grizzly bear Dad shot last winter."

Quinn snickered as what was visible of Steve's face turned beet red and Steve growled, "You always did have a smart mouth, you little faggot."

Storm reared suddenly, taking advantage of Jamie’s distraction to whip his head sideways as he tried to turn towards Beynabi, and Jamie fought him down again before he glared at Steve. "Get the hell out of the way. _You_ may not care about Beynabi _or_ my horse, but I don't want them fighting." He kicked Storm towards the barn without another word, incidentally heading him straight towards Steve. He half hoped Steve wouldn't get out of the way. He wouldn't mind if Storm stomped a little sense into Steve, who he had never gotten along with.

Steve leapt aside, watching Jamie pass and then yelling after him, "Go on up to the arena then, you little shit, but I'm keeping my rifle on your guy! I can shoot him just as easy as that grey!"

"Fuck you too, Steve!" Jamie called back, angry.

Steve glared after Jamie a moment and then turned his attention towards Quinn, gesturing with his rifle but not bothering to lift it up to a firing position. "Go on, follow him. But keep that horse at a walk. Just 'cause Jamie's harmless don't mean I trust you."

Quinn heeled Specklebird forward, stopping her next to Steve to look down into his eyes. "You'd better back off while you still can, asshole. If I hear you call Jamie a fag again, you'll eat that rifle." He didn't wait for a reply before he heeled Specklebird forward again.

Steve started after the mare, pointing the rifle vaguely at the small of Quinn's back. He was muttering angrily under his breath, but he made no effort to use the gun. He wouldn't ever have admitted it aloud, but the look in Quinn's eyes made him think that even if he did put a bullet in the man, he wouldn't live to tell about it.

Not that Steve had anyone to tell anyway, living in the middle of nowhere with over forty horses that he busted his ass every day to take care of, but still. Quinn 's green eyes had gone as cold and hard as anyone Steve had ever known, and he'd known some tough men when he was in the Marines.

 

~*~*~

 

Storm grudgingly let Jamie keep him in the middle of the driveway as he cantered towards the barn and covered arena. Simon followed faithfully at Storm's heels, both because he was still tied to Jamie's saddle and because he knew he was supposed to. Alvin trailed along behind them, lagging back and well off to one side because he was staying as far from Beynabi as he could. Beynabi was pacing Storm along the fence, calling angrily to Storm every few strides, and the Arab looked murderous enough that Alvin's first instinct was to run the other way.

Jamie was beginning to worry that Beynabi might really go through the fence when Storm finally reached the barn. Jamie was relieved to see Beynabi whirl away to gallop back towards where his mares were still gathered near Specklebird, but he frowned when he saw that Steve actually _was_ keeping his rifle on Quinn. He couldn't spare more than a glance for them, but he hoped that it hadn't been a mistake to stop at Beck  & Call. He would have just gone in alone to take his two favorite mares if he had known Steve was there, but it was too late to wish he had thought of that now.

Storm decided he wanted to turn and follow Beynabi then, and Jamie barely kept control of Storm long enough to get him started up the wide aisle of the dimly lit barn towards the riding arena. Simon and then Alvin clattered into the barn behind them, crowding close to Storm as they rolled their eyes at the loud sounds of their hooves echoing around them. It was obvious from the way they acted that they hadn't ever been in a barn with concrete aisles before, and they didn't seem to like it. Storm, on the other hand, was completely unafraid of the barn or the echoing sound of hooves on concrete, and once he was finally inside the barn he seemed to forget about Beynabi in his haste to look around.

Jamie was relieved that Storm was no longer putting so much effort into fighting with him, and relaxed slightly as he glanced down to be sure that Cal was all right. Cal was obviously scared, cowering down in the backpack again, but he looked up when Jamie spoke to him. Jamie didn't have time to do much more than make sure Cal was alright before he had to look up again to keep an eye on Storm, who had sped up when he realized Jamie was distracted.

The leggy grey stallion moved down the aisle at a slow suspended trot, head held high and his ears flicking back and forth as he looked around for the mares he could smell, but the stalls were all empty. The barn held thirty box stalls that were used only for Beck & Call's broodmares and a few show horses, so there wasn't even the scent of a stallion to encourage Storm to act up further. When Storm neared the arena doors, Jamie was glad to see that one of them was open. He rode Storm right through the door, ducking to avoid the lintel, and then spent several minutes talking to the stallion as he let Storm circle the familiar arena at his own pace, glad that Troy had insisted on so many skylights in the roof.

Simon followed right at Storm's hip on a loose lead, but when Alvin realized they weren't really going anywhere he moved out of the way and then just stood near the doors and waited. Storm galloped several circuits before he slowed to a canter and then a smooth fast gait that Jamie wished he could watch from the ground because he didn't think Storm was trotting. Storm finally settled down to a slow prancing trot again, and had just passed the arena door for what must have been the twentieth time when he suddenly whirled and let out a loud neigh.

Jamie stroked Storm's sweaty neck and watched the door as he waited to see the horse he could hear approaching up the concrete aisle. Jamie whistled softly and Alvin walked over to join Simon and Storm, who was finally ready to stand for a bit. Storm was breathing hard and his coat was damp with sweat, but he seemed to be reassured by having Simon and Alvin crowding close to him. The two geldings were obviously still a little nervous after all the excitement, especially Alvin, but they began to settle down as soon as Storm was standing quietly.

Quinn rode Specklebird slowly out into the arena a few moments later, followed by Steve. Quinn looked angry and Steve was glowering still, though he wasn't holding the rifle ready to shoot Quinn in the back anymore.

No matter how much Steve might have wanted to deny Jamie access to the farm, he knew that Jamie had a right to be there. John and Troy had made no secret of their relationship, and Troy had made it plain to Steve towards the end that if they returned, he wanted them to have his share of the farm. George was already sick by then and Steve had never wanted the farm at all until the plague changed everything, so Troy felt that Jamie and John, who had put their hearts into the land and the horses, deserved to have anything they wanted of it.

Jamie wasn’t surprised that Steve was acting like an ass, but he hoped that Steve wouldn’t take things any further than that. Jamie knew that Steve didn’t like him very much at all, but Jamie was also sure Steve had given Troy his word not to turn him away if he ever showed up. Troy wouldn’t have let Steve do anything less, and Jamie knew that Steve had always been honorable about it when he made a promise, no matter how much of an ass he was otherwise.

Quinn heeled Specklebird over towards Jamie without waiting for Steve to give him permission. He had taken an instant dislike to Steve and thought they should ride on even though Jamie had spent the morning talking about how much he loved the farm. No matter what Jamie enjoyed about the place and the horses there, Quinn had a feeling they wouldn't have any peace near Steve, who didn't seem to Quinn as if he were likely to just give the place to Jamie and walk.

Specklebird behaved herself just fine until she was close enough to lunge at Alvin, who leaped out of her way and bolted off across the arena. Quinn slapped Specklebird's neck and the mare pinned her ears, but she stopped trying to intimidate the other horses. "Bitch," he muttered, glaring at her ears.

Jamie gave Quinn a bemused look and then turned his head and whistled again to Alvin, who turned to walk back towards the familiar horses. He was obviously more wary that time and Jamie wasn't surprised when Alvin circled wide to keep Storm and Simon between himself and Specklebird. Alvin had been afraid of Specklebird long before Misty died, and it only got worse after Specklebird began to chase him at every opportunity. Jamie thought that Specklebird blamed Alvin for the blow she had received when Alvin broke his lead rope. It was the only reason he could think of for the way she kept attacking the placid gelding.

"Well, now we're in the arena. Why are you here?" Steve asked suddenly, making Jamie look towards him again.

Jamie snorted. "Don't give me any shit, Steve. You know that this is my home, too. We won't stick around long, not with _you_ here, but I'm at least taking a couple of the horses and their tack. You won’t miss that much and we both know it." He knew that Quinn didn’t really want another mare, but Jamie was sure Quinn would make an exception for him. He just couldn't see leaving his two favorites with Steve, who had never really liked horses and was prone to being rough with them. One of the mares was so gentle she’d tolerate Steve’s careless way with horses, but the other was a high-strung filly that Jamie was sure would tolerate only one or two mistakes on Steve’s part before she went rank to keep Steve from touching her again.

Steve stared at them a few moments, frowning, and then said grudgingly, "Yeah, you can take whatever you want of the stuff y'all left here. We'll talk about the horses, though."

"You still thinking about using that fucking rifle if I get down?" Quinn asked then, sounding annoyed.

Jamie turned his head to look at Quinn, surprised, but he understood as soon as he saw that Specklebird was trying to bite Quinn's leg.

Quinn slapped Specklebird's neck again and she popped her hind feet up off the ground a few inches. "Old home week's fine and dandy with me," Quinn added, "but I'd like to find somewhere to lock up this bitch I'm riding."

Steve snickered, watching Specklebird turn her head to snap at Quinn's leg again. "She's a real pain in the ass, huh?" Steve wasn’t much of a horseman himself, and he always enjoyed seeing someone else having problems.

"She passed pain in the ass _days_ ago," Quinn said, glaring down at Specklebird a moment more and then looking over at Steve. "We _can_ get down, right?"

"I don't know you, and I ain't got no reason to trust you, so no," Steve replied, his expression growing harder again despite his momentary amusement. "You look a little rough around the edges." What he looked was _capable_ , and more than a little dangerous too, but Steve wasn't going to admit that.

Jamie snorted. "Quinn, this is Steven Douglas Calhoun, former star quarterback, Marine, and all around pain in the ass. Steve, this is Quinn Tucker, who I'm _sure_ is just as tired of your boneheaded he-man crap as I am. There, now we _all_ know each other." Jamie gave Storm's reins a light jerk and told him to stand, then dropped them and swung his right leg over Storm's neck. He kicked his left foot quickly out of the stirrup, holding Cal and the backpack against his belly with his bad arm as he dismounted with his right hand on Storm's neck to steady himself.

"I know it’s been most of five years since I saw you, Jamie, but I don't remember you being so pushy," Steve said, annoyed.

Carrying Cal in the backpack while he stood up was a bit awkward, so Jamie shrugged out of the straps and hung the backpack on Storm's saddle. Jamie lifted Cal out of the backpack then and settled Cal against his chest in his good arm, petting the pup with his bad hand as he gave Steve a level look. "Not putting up with you being a dick isn't the same as being pushy, Steve."

Steve blinked and then snorted and looked at Quinn as he said grudgingly, "I never met a fudge-packer who was very dangerous anyway. You can get down, I guess."

"Gee thanks, asshole," Quinn muttered. He turned away from Steve, heeling Specklebird a bit farther away from the other horses so she wouldn't try to kick at them as soon as he got down. He'd learned the hard way that if there was a horse in range when his foot hit the ground, Specklebird would attack it.

Jamie glared at Steve. "Just cool it with the fag comments, okay Steve? I've heard them all. You're a big macho jock that fucked his way through the cheerleading squad and I'm not. We all get that. Move on to the next idiotic thing to cross your mind."

Steve glared at Jamie. "Now I remember why I never liked you."

"Feeling's mutual, I promise," Jamie replied just as Quinn swung out of Specklebird's saddle.

The mare twisted to kick Quinn in the knee before he even had both feet on the ground, and Quinn yelped, staggering. Specklebird gave her head a violent jerk to yank the reins out of his hand while he was still off balance and then leaped away and galloped off down the arena.

"God dammit!" Quinn didn't bother to watch the mare go, instead limping over to Jamie with an annoyed scowl. "I swear, I might try beating some sense into that mare yet."

Jamie gave Quinn a sympathetic look. "We won't have to fight with her much longer, at least."

"Oh hell no!" Steve exclaimed, drawing their attention back to him as he lifted the rifle slightly. "You ain't leaving her here!"

"Don’t worry," Jamie said quickly, not wanting Steve to do anything stupid. "There are plenty of other places to turn her loose."

"Good, I'd hate to have to chase you off at gunpoint after all. I'll be damned if you're trading me that bitch for one of _my_ mares."

Jamie frowned. "You don't own any of the horses on the place Steve, and we both know it."

Steve hefted the rifle. "Dad left it all to me, Jamie. Troy may have outlived him by a month, but-"

"What do you mean, ‘by a month’?!" Jamie exclaimed, shocked. "Dad called and _your_ _mom_ told him Troy and George were both dead just a couple _days_ after we last talked to Troy!"

"Well I can't help that! _I_ got back in town towards the end last fall, _long_ after the phones died, and there wasn't anyone left but Mom and _Troy_. Mom was in a bad way, but Troy didn't get sick for another week or so." Steve paused and then added reluctantly, "Troy did tell me he wanted you and your dad to have anything of his you needed, but the farm's _mine_ , Jamie. Momma made me promise to keep it safe because that’s what Dad wanted, and I’m going to do it. I'm the one that was born here and that's been fightin' for it the last year, and I'm keeping it. I guess you can have some horses and supplies if you need 'em, but I don't want you leaving that damned mare here."

"We got the point," Jamie said sullenly, angry that his father had been lied to. John might have been able to get home in time to see Troy again if they had known he was alive. His father had been borderline suicidal all winter because he had been off helping a friend again and wasn't there for Troy at the end, and it hadn't been his fault at all.

Quinn looked at Jamie for a moment and then glanced over Storm's back towards where Specklebird was. "Damn that mare!" he growled, turning to walk towards Simon.

"What's she doing now?" Jamie asked as he stretched up to look over Storm's saddle. He immediately saw that the mare was standing on her reins with her mouth open, twisting her head back and forth as she tried to drag the bridle off.

"Being a pain in the ass," Quinn said as he moved to dig in Simon's pack, "I swear, she just never stops anymore!"

"She's a real handful, seems like," Steve said. "Got you hopping, anyway."

Quinn pulled a lariat rope out of the pack and turned to give Steve a dirty look. "You're welcome to prove how much better you are with her than I am. If you'll take her off my hands, I'll even make you a nice steak dinner to say thanks." Quinn moved to untie Simon's lead from the rear cinch ring of Storm's saddle and then coiled Simon’s lead rope and offered it to Jamie with a slightly forced smile. "Take Simon, baby," he said quietly, "I gotta borrow your horse."

Jamie smiled and took Simon's lead with his bad hand, stepping away from Storm. " _Simon's_ my horse, remember?"

Simon moved to stand behind Jamie even though he knew Jamie couldn't grip the rope tightly enough to make him, and Jamie was grateful that Simon was such a sweet horse. Jamie might not have been able to hold the rope at all if Quinn hadn't coiled it to make it easier for him. Quinn didn't ever comment on Jamie's lack of grip, but doing little things like that for him made it obvious that he had noticed. Flexing his fingers at all had become almost impossible for Jamie right after Addy poked and prodded at his arm, and in the days since then it hadn't improved very much.

"Storm _thinks_ he's yours," Quinn replied with a quick wink, then swung up into the stallion's saddle and urged him down the arena at a trot. He shook out a loop as he rode, and Specklebird quickly moved off of her reins to jerk her head up and watch him warily. She had become almost impossible to catch on foot, and Quinn had ridden Storm each time he had roped her. If Specklebird was going to attack one of the other horses because Quinn forced it to get close to her, Quinn didn't want it to be Simon again. The pinto gelding’s shoulder already looked like he had lost a fight with a lawnmower, and at least Storm would fight back.

"Jamie, did he just call you _baby_?" Steve asked suddenly, keeping his voice quiet enough that Jamie barely heard him. He obviously didn't want Quinn to hear him ask.

Jamie looked at Steve quickly, feeling defensive even though Steve's tone didn't give away how he might feel about it. "You already said enough shit about me to make your point, Steve."

Steve snorted. "Don’t get your panties in a wad, Jamie, I was just asking. I ain't surprised _you're_ a fag, I always thought you acted like a girl. I'm just surprised a guy like _him_ would admit so easily that he's a fag."

Jamie looked away from Steve. "Don't make me hurt you, Steve."

Steve laughed. "Don't make you _try_ to hurt me, I think you mean. You ain't said anything about it but you've got a bad arm, Jamie, and you're still half my size. You couldn't hurt me if you _wanted_ to."

Jamie glared at him. "You're a big tough guy, Steve, but you still have to sleep sometime."

Steve just snickered. "You haven't got the guts to hurt a fly."

Jamie had a sudden vivid memory of killing Boss and his sons. It was the first time that remembering them actually made him feel strong. Jamie was about to tell Steve that he didn't know him as well as he thought he did when an angry squeal made him turn towards the other end of the arena instead.

Specklebird was trying to twist out of a loop that Quinn had pulled tight right behind her ears, but the angry mare was having no luck at all. Quinn wrapped the rope around the horn of Storm's saddle and heeled the stallion around her expertly, choking her down while avoiding another angry lunge. Specklebird continued to fight the rope even after another lunge tightened it completely, and she was gasping hoarsely and staggering before she finally gave in.

Quinn let Storm step towards her and flipped the rope loose so Specklebird could breathe more easily, then he patted Storm's shoulder and praised the stallion. Specklebird took just one deep breath and then suddenly lunged again at Storm and Quinn. Quinn kicked Storm to make him leap out of her way, jerking the rope tight and tripping Specklebird, who had gone over the loose rope while trying to get to them. Specklebird squealed in surprise as she fell hard on the soft sand of the arena.

Quinn dove out of the saddle quickly enough to land on her neck before she could kick loose of the rope tangled around her legs and rise. Specklebird thrashed, trying to throw him off, but she couldn't get any leverage with him holding her head down. "Ha!" Quinn exclaimed, smirking as he shifted to kneel on her neck and slapped her shoulder lightly. "Now maybe you'll behave yourself for a minute or two."

Jamie looked back at Steve, grinning suddenly. "Besides, Quinn just might kick your ass and save me the trouble."

"Yeah, whatever." Steve was obviously trying not to seem impressed. "I guess it makes sense you would hook up with some guy who thinks he's Ty Murray."

Jamie rolled his eyes. "Quinn's too smart to climb on a bull, Steve."

"Hey!"

Jamie smiled at him, trying to look innocent. "What?"

"I used to ride bulls!" Steve exclaimed.

"Which proves my whole point," Jamie agreed.

 

 


	13. Chapter 13

13

 

 

 

Steve eventually agreed that Jamie and Quinn could put their horses in stalls there in the main barn for the night. He wasn't pleased by the idea, but he didn't feel like he could just kick Jamie out, either. He hadn't been bringing Beynabi and the mares in from pasture unless it stormed anyway, so it wasn't really a hardship for him to leave the herd out a day or two.

If the creek down in the pasture had been the only source of water, Jamie and Quinn might have argued, but that wasn't the case. Steve had a small generator hooked up to the well and plenty of hay in the loft, so keeping their horses stalled overnight wouldn’t be a problem. Storm and the two geldings didn't seem to mind being given hay and a water bucket for a change along with their grain and settled right down. Specklebird didn’t ever like being penned up, of course, but Quinn didn't have to go into her stall to feed or water her so he didn't really care how pissed she was.

Steve was fascinated by the temper tantrum Specklebird had after she was put in a stall, and stood outside it watching her pace and kick at the walls while Jamie and Quinn brushed the others and settled them in for the night. By the time they were through, it was nearly dark outside and the barn was dark and still beyond the light of the two lanterns that gave them light to work by. Steve seemed to have changed his mind about Specklebird as he said admiringly, "That mare of yours sure is pretty, Quinn."

Quinn looked up from where he was helping Jamie dig through one of their packs for clean clothes. Steve hadn't said anything obviously inflammatory since they left the arena and there was a sort of truce between the three of them. Quinn still didn't like the other man, but he was willing to ignore most of his behavior so Jamie could have a chance to get what he had come to the farm for. "Pretty bitchy, yeah."

Jamie snickered. "And pretty apt to stay that way."

Steve pretended not to hear Jamie. "Still, I guess I could let you leave her here, if you're just going to _abandon_ her somewhere. That app colt of mine is going to be big in another year or two. I bet he could show her who's boss, and I can always run her off in the trailer if I change my mind."

"If you want her, she's yours," Quinn said, shrugging. "I just want a good gelding to ride out of here on if you're keeping her."

"I'll take you to pick one out now, if you want." Steve laughed and added, "Hell, you can have _two_ of the geldings I've got in the pasture down the road. Troy and I gathered up some of the best riding stock around here before he died, and I'm sure not going to use them. I thought I’d be able to trade ‘em, but the only folks that passed this way so far didn't even care about the horses. They just wanted my guns and my gasoline."

Quinn was pleased by the offer, but he hid it from Steve as best he could. "I'm not picking a horse in the dark, I'm smarter than that. I'd wind up on something twenty years old."

"The oldest gelding I have isn't a day over fifteen," Steve protested. His facial expression wasn't very easy to judge under the forest of hair he called a beard, but he sounded amused. "Tomorrow, then. We can head out after breakfast. It's about time I checked on the others anyway."

"You got a deal," Quinn said, nodding.

"Great!" Steve grinned then, but the only real indication of that was a flash of teeth in his beard. "Now how about that steak you promised me if I took her off your hands? It'll be nice to let someone else do the cooking for a change."

Quinn smiled. "Steak it is."

 

~*~*~

 

There was a patio behind the main house where Troy and George had often thrown barbecues for guests. Trees and posts were spaced conveniently around it for hanging lighting or a shade cloth, depending on the time of year, and there were several marble-topped picnic tables with sturdy stone benches. The huge old stone grill had originally been a fireplace in a derelict plantation house that stood on the land when George bought the place, and had been there since long before the Civil War. George had converted it into a barbecue pit himself because he liked the history of it, and had custom wrought-iron cooking surfaces done to fit with both a flat griddle and an expanded metal grill.

Simon hadn't minded being saddled back up so Quinn could go shoot a calf while Jamie carried a lantern to the patio and fired up the grill. Jamie was just closing the fire door on the back of the stone pit when he heard Steve, Quinn, and Simon approaching again from the direction of the barn. There was a calf tied down across Simon’s saddle, and Steve was gesturing at it angrily as he fussed at Quinn, who seemed to be pretty much ignoring him.

Steve was having a fit because Quinn had come back with one of the distinctive brindle cattle from a pasture just down the road, and Jamie just rolled his eyes. It didn't surprise him that Steve was finding fault with Quinn's choice of calves; about the only part of the farm Steve had ever been interested in was the money. Troy had started the brindle herd so they would have calves to train the young horses for cutting classes, and Jamie knew that Troy had spent a pretty penny on them. Jamie and John had gone with Troy when he drove out to west Texas to buy them, and Jamie had listened to them discuss pricing on the way there with more than a little amazement.

"What the hell were you thinking, man?!" Steve exclaimed as he followed Quinn and Simon onto the patio, incensed that Quinn would shoot such an expensive calf. "There's a whole herd of Angus just across the road from where them tiger-stripes are!"

"Just how many people have offered to buy one of those pedigreed bull calves from you recently, Steve?" Quinn asked dryly, stopping Simon and then pulling the calf off of the saddle. "It’s not like I shot a heifer or that mean old muley bull you've got out with the herd. There's a half a dozen more bull calves just like this one out in the pasture, and you'll have to do _something_ with them if you don't want the whole herd going inbred and weedy."

Jamie snickered and hung the lantern where Quinn would have plenty of light to work, then led Simon back to the barn to put the gelding away, leaving Quinn to handle Steve. He was sure Quinn could make Steve look like the idiot he was without any help.

Steve shut up about how expensive the calf was, though he pouted like Quinn was butchering one of his relatives as he watched Quinn work.

Quinn thought it was pretty funny how quickly Steve had shut up after a dose of reality, and he went fairly cheerfully about butchering out the meat, which he hung from one of the posts at the edge of the patio. The calf was a weanling that only weighed about two hundred pounds after he gutted it and bled it out, but there was still a lot of very nice grass-fed, tender beef there.

Steve ate beef all the time, but he quickly realized that he didn't know half as much about butchering animals as Quinn did. He seldom managed to get a really good cut of meat out of what he shot, and half of it went to waste because he didn't bother to take home more than what he thought were the best parts. Watching Quinn cut out two-inch-thick steaks from the short loin on one side of the calf was very educational. Steve had been eating mostly the shoulder and hindquarter and leaving the rest for the coyotes.

Jamie returned after a few minutes with some vegetables, a cone of sugar, and a bottle of honey. He put the food on the table and then walked into the house to get the pan he would need to cook the carrots in.

Quinn threw the strip steaks he had cut onto the big grill just after Jamie went into the house, and the smell of roasting meat made Steve decide that maybe he didn't need that particular calf after all. It _was_ just a bull calf, and he hadn't been looking forward to cutting them out of the herd anyway, not with Muley out there guarding the cows and calves. The old bull had blunted, down-curving horns that couldn’t skewer a person, but he was twice as mean as he needed to be to make up for it. Cutting out the calves the year before, Troy had very nearly lost his best cutting horse to the old bull, and she was still afraid of cattle.

Jamie returned with a saucepan and a paring knife and then sat at the picnic table to begin peeling and slicing the carrots while Quinn cleaned up after the butchering he had done. Cal had been quick to clean up any bits of fat Quinn dropped, but there were still a few bloody bones and scraps of hide that Quinn wanted to clear away before they drew ants.

Jamie had thought about making biscuits to go with the meal, but there were plenty of carrots and he knew Quinn would cut thick steaks so he decided not to bother. He sliced up a dozen carrots into a saucepan he got from the kitchen and then started them cooking with some water, sugar, and honey on one corner of the grill. Quinn was watching the steaks anyway to be sure they weren't singed too much by flare-ups, so he made sure that the carrots didn't burn while Jamie began cutting up onions and peppers to go with the beef.

Steve just sat back and watched them work until Jamie had finished cutting the onions, then finally said, "Y'know Jamie, you'd make some guy a pretty decent wife."

That comment hit a nerve and Jamie glared at Steve as he reached for the first bell pepper. "Shut up, Steve."

"No, really!" Steve protested, grinning because he could tell Jamie didn't like the idea. "You do a pretty good imitation of a woman. Just need to take down that hair and find you a dress and you'd be almost perfect, except for the obvious. Well, once somebody taught you to shut up, anyhow."

Jamie vividly remembered when someone had done exactly what Steve proposed. He seriously considered using the knife he was holding to teach Steve a lesson, but Quinn spoke up before Jamie could do anything he might regret.

Quinn's first instinct was to just go flatten Steve and get it over with, but he was trying very hard to behave himself. He didn't even bother to look at Steve, but his tone made it obvious he expected Steve to do exactly as he was told. "Leave him alone, Steve."

"Even _you_ don't think he can take up for himself, huh?" Steve asked, and the amused scorn in his tone made Jamie even angrier.

Jamie opened his mouth to speak up, but then Quinn turned around and just a glimpse of Quinn's expression made Jamie close his mouth again and decide to let him handle it. Jamie had thought he had seen Quinn angry at Steve before, but the look in Quinn's eyes then made him realize that he hadn't, not really. Jamie had seen him annoyed at Steve, yes, but the only time he had seen Quinn as pissed as he was right then was the night he was tied up in Boss’ cabin.

"I _know_ he can stand up for himself," Quinn said coldly to Steve, "but he doesn't have to. I won't listen to _anyone_ talk to him like that, so shut the fuck up, boy, or I'll shut you up."

Steve blinked, obviously unnerved by the look in Quinn's eyes, which were as hard and cold as a stone. "Jesus, man, what're you gonna do, _kill me_?" He tried to make a joke out of it, but it fell flat when Quinn took him seriously.

"It's an idea," Quinn agreed, turning back to the grill because it had flared up under one of the steaks again. "You've been a real asshole since we got here, and killing you would make life easier for Jamie."

"You’d cap me just for _saying_ something you don't like to him?!"

"Nobody I want to know would treat Jamie badly just because they’re bigger and think they can get away with it." Steve flushed at that but Quinn wasn't looking at him and didn't notice. "Picking on people you think are weaker than you is despicable, but it's stupid, too. Even the meekest dog will turn and bite if you tease it too often."

Steve was quiet a few moments, his face still flushed, then he muttered, "You sound like Uncle Troy. He was always telling me that if I kept poking a bull, I'd get the horns."

"He sounds like a smart man," Quinn replied calmly, flipping the steaks.

"He was," Jamie agreed, deciding to try and change the subject. Quinn looked over at Jamie, and Jamie added, "A good man, too. I've never seen anyone else that was as good with an Arabian. They're not like other horses, you have to earn their trust _and_ their respect before they'll give you their best."

Quinn nodded. "I've heard that about them. A lot of people talk Arabians down, but I've met a few I wouldn’t mind owning."

"Beynabi's one of the best. You should get a better look at him tomorrow," Jamie replied, smiling. "You'd have loved watching him before he was lame, Quinn. He was spectacular."

Quinn smiled. "I'm sure I would have, he looks like he was really something special." He paused as he moved the steaks to a cooler part of the grill to cook slowly, and then he added, "I'll need to start those onions and peppers soon, baby. I've never had much luck with a griddle, so I'm gonna go get a pan for them out of the house."

"Okay." Jamie watched him go until the screen door had closed behind Quinn, then began working on the bell peppers. "What happened to Beynabi, anyway?" he asked after a moment, not wanting to give Steve a chance to come up with another comment. When Steve didn't answer immediately Jamie glanced at him to see why, and he was surprised by the slightly confused expression on Steve's face. "Steve?"

Steve saw Jamie looking at him and finally seemed to realize Jamie had asked him something. "Oh. Uh, well, you remember that rental stable up by the lake in Wendy Wood, the one owned by that blonde woman and her brother?"

Jamie nodded as he finished cleaning the seeds out of the peppers and started slicing them, wondering what that had to do with anything. "Yeah, I remember. They had a lot of Paints, didn't they?"

"Yeah, they did," Steve replied. "I don't know if you heard or not, but she bought a huge Paint stallion that had been a halter horse as a colt. Troy said she was really proud of the fact he'd been shown and that he was homozygous, and she was constantly showing him off even though he wasn't even broke to ride. Well, about a month after she got him, he busted through a fence and took off. Nobody saw hide nor hair of him until one afternoon he showed up with the broodmares here when they came up out of the back pasture for evening feed."

The screen door of the house closed with a snap as Quinn walked back outside, but Steve ignored it. "Beynabi went nuts when he saw that Paint out with the mares, and I guess that he made so much noise that it pissed that Paint stud off. It busted through two fences to get to Beynabi, and nobody could get close enough to beat them apart. The Paint nearly killed Beynabi before Troy could get a rifle out of the house." Steve paused and then added, "Troy spent all his time saving Beynabi while the rest of the world was going to shit, but he died before he got to see him run again. Beynabi's been most of a year learning to really use that leg. He's just now getting close to sound again."

Quinn put a frying pan where Jamie could easily reach it and then moved to check the meat again as he said, "That's a shame."

"Yeah," Jamie agreed softly, starting to move the onions and bell peppers into the pan. "At least Troy knew that he had saved him, though. Beynabi was like a son to him, he loved him that much."

"More than his son," Steve corrected with a snort. "Troy was disgusted with Wayne there towards the end. He never did like lawyers."

Jamie glanced at Steve. "Wayne finally passed the bar? We didn't hear much last year, we were busy so much of the time, and when we called home there were more important things to talk about."

Steve wasn't very surprised to hear Jamie refer to Beck & Call as home. Jamie had worshiped Troy from the day they met and everyone knew it, and John had never really made a secret of how he felt either. "Oh yeah, third try. Troy had convinced him to give it up and help run the farm if he struck out again, and then he went and passed." There was a sudden flash of white in Steve's beard as he grinned. "You ought to be glad you weren't around here, Troy was livid for weeks that his boy was going to be a ‘bloodsucking lawyer’. Everybody caught hell except the horses."

Jamie smiled and moved to put the frying pan on the grill, where Quinn began moving the three thick steaks into the pan on top of the onions and peppers so that the juices of the meat would flavor the vegetables. Jamie picked up the wooden spoon off the edge of the grill to stir the carrots as he asked, "What about Kelly? Was she here at the end, or at school?"

"She was in Athens," Steve replied, his grin disappearing as quickly as it had appeared. "I drove out and tried to find her after I got back, but her dorm had been pretty much abandoned and the only two kids left had no idea where she was. They said something about the military making everyone from the vet school and the med school leave and go help out at the hospitals, but they didn't know any specifics. I checked with the only hospital in the area that was still treating people, but they didn’t have her name anywhere and she wasn’t one of the Jane Does. By the time I got back here, Uncle Troy was the only one left. He died a few weeks later and it's been just me and the horses ever since, except for a few drifters that passed through."

"I'm sorry," Jamie said softly, turning to look at Steve. He knew Steve had loved his little sister. Her friendship with Jamie had made her pull away from Steve, which Jamie privately thought was a large part of the reason Steve hated him, but Steve was never anything but affectionate to Kelly. 

Steve shrugged. "I figured you'd want to know sooner or later. You and Kelly were close."

Jamie nodded. "Thank you."

"I guess your Dad didn't make it either, huh?"

"He did, but he was killed this spring by some raiders who wanted our horses." Jamie looked away, deciding to get all of the unpleasant conversations over with. "And then I got caught by some rednecks a month or two later. That's how I met Quinn." Jamie turned his head to look at Quinn, who smiled softly. Jamie managed to return the smile, then took a deep breath and looked back at Steve. "Quinn got ambushed by them a few months after I did."

"He killed them, huh?" Steve half-asked, his expression unreadable. He didn't need to ask Jamie why rednecks would have kept him around for several months. Steve hadn't even seen a woman in almost a year, and Jamie _was_ almost pretty enough to be a girl.

"No," Quinn said before Jamie could answer, "I was hogtied. _Jamie_ killed all three of them, and nearly died doing it."

Steve blinked and stared at Jamie. "If they let you run around loose, Jamie, why were you still there?"

Jamie shrugged a bit, looking away again and feeling ashamed. "I tried to run a few times. They made sure I knew better than to try again."

"So how did you kill them, then?"

"Quinn had a couple bottles of tequila when they caught him," Jamie replied quietly, not looking at Steve. "They got drunk and partied, and then after they passed out, I cut their throats."

"And they hadn't ever given you a chance to do that before?" Steve was still confused.

Jamie finally had enough of stepping around what had gone on and looked Steve in the eye, surprising himself by how calm he was as he said quietly, "They made we wear dresses and treated me like a punching bag that just happened to be a good cook, and they raped me whenever they got bored with beating me up. I was usually too sore by the time they were done with me to _move_ , much less go looking for a weapon. They were going to kill Quinn though, so I had to do something whether I was hurting or not. If he hadn't been there, I'd probably still be with them, or dead."

"Damn, Jamie," Steve said after a few minutes of silence, then he looked suddenly at Quinn. "That's why you were so pissed at me about the dress comment."

Quinn nodded. "You don't know how close I came to beating the shit out of you, Steve, or just letting Jamie use that knife. Jamie lived through pure hell, and he doesn't need your shit."

"I never would have said that stuff if I knew," Steve protested as he looked at Jamie again. "You know that, Jamie, don't you? I know you think I'm an ass, but I'm not _that_ mean. I might tease you and call you a faggot, but it's not like you're straight anyway."

Jamie snorted. "Steve, I am gay, or close enough to it that it doesn't matter any more, but I'm _still_ going to make you regret it the next time you call me a fag."

"How?" Steve asked, looking skeptical.

Steve had no clue how much it said to Quinn about him that he even needed to ask that, but Jamie did. Steve was the sort of man Quinn had told Jamie he disliked most: not really a bad guy deep down, but perfectly willing to act like one out of sheer stupidity. "He won't stop _me_ from beating the hell out of you," Quinn said, annoyed. "Jamie's right, you can be a _real_ bastard, Steve."

"Or I might just wait until you're not paying attention and do it myself," Jamie added, giving Steve a dirty look. "I'm no match for you in a fair fight, but I never said I'd fight fair. I killed three men that made you look like a pansy with nothing but a knife, I think I can figure out how to make you think twice about calling me a fag again."

Steve stared at them for a few moments and then stood up. "I need a beer." He started towards the house, not bothering to look at Jamie or Quinn as he asked, "Anybody else want one?"

Jamie turned back to the grill to check on the food. "No, but you can get some plates."

"And forks might help, too," Quinn added.

"Okay." Steve was inside a moment later, letting the screen close with a bang behind him.

The steaks were still a little too rare to eat, but the vegetables were mostly done so Jamie moved the meat back onto the hottest part of the grill to finish up. Quinn stepped closer, resting one hand on the small of Jamie's back as he watched Jamie stir the onions and peppers. The steaks had released enough juice and fat into the pan to keep them from going dry, so the onions and peppers were getting nicely caramelized without being burnt. Jamie only stirred them a few more moments before he decided they were done and moved them to the edge of the grill.

Quinn waited patiently until Jamie had put the wooden spoon down, then leaned to kiss Jamie's cheek before he murmured, "I'm proud of you, baby."

Jamie turned his head to look at Quinn, surprised. "Why?"

"It took guts to tell him," Quinn replied softly. "I know it was hard for you."

Jamie smiled and turned to face Quinn completely. "It wasn't, really. I knew you were standing next to me."

Quinn settled his hands on Jamie's waist, smiling back. "Which is where I always intend to be."

"Lucky me," Jamie murmured, resting his hands against Quinn's chest as he leaned up to kiss him.

Quinn responded with a pleased purr as he slid his arms around Jamie, and when he pulled Jamie towards him Jamie was happy to oblige. It had only been a few hours since they kissed, but at that moment it seemed to Jamie like it had been ages. Jamie had become addicted to Quinn's kisses and his touch, but he enjoyed feeling like he was the center of Quinn's world much too much to try and change it.

They spent several minutes kissing slowly there by the grill before they heard the door slam again. Jamie tried not to react because he didn't want Steve _or_ Quinn to think he was ashamed. He wasn’t, not really, but he did dread Steve’s reaction just a bit. Steve could easily decide to say something cruel, which could be hurtful no matter how hard Jamie tried to convince himself that it didn’t matter what Steve thought.

Quinn seemed not to care in the least that they were probably being watched as he continued to run one hand over Jamie's ass possessively, his other arm around Jamie's waist holding him close. It had unnerved Jamie a bit when Quinn first admitted how much he liked Jamie's ass, but Jamie had grown accustomed to it. Quinn didn't mind Jamie staring at him, which he did often, or touching Quinn just because he could, so Jamie figured that it was only fair to let Quinn do the same things. It didn't hurt that Jamie enjoyed it at least as much as Quinn did. After the time he spent with Boss and his boys, Jamie would never have believed that he could _like_ someone touching his ass if Quinn hadn't quietly proved it to him. The way Quinn touched him was nothing like the way Boss and his boys had groped him.

"Way to know the world has gone to hell in a hand basket number three thousand and seven: seeing two men feel each other up looks like it might be fun even to a straight, Baptist, _Alabama_ redneck."

Quinn snickered a bit and pulled away to turn his head and look at Steve. "I don't share, so don't get any ideas."

Jamie smiled at that and was about to tease Quinn that no one had asked him, but Steve spoke again before Jamie could say anything.

"Good!" Steve said firmly. "Keep not sharing, just pass the steaks over here before you start playing tonsil-hockey again. That calf was worth a couple thousand dollars, and I want to see if it tastes better than a regular cow."

Jamie laughed, leaning to look past Quinn's shoulder at Steve. "Beef is beef, Steve."

"A good Angus tastes better than regular beef," Steve argued, "so maybe that calf will taste even better. He was worth more than three Angus."

Quinn snickered again and kissed Jamie lightly, then gave him a push towards the picnic table. "Go sit, baby. I'll get the food."

Jamie did as he was told, bemused. "I think you're in for a rude awakening when you taste your steak, Steve."

"Can't be worse than watching some guy feel you up," Steve replied philosophically.

Jamie blushed. "Nobody made you watch, Steve."

Steve snickered. "It was like a train wreck."

"Except without train, or a wreck," Jamie said dryly, still blushing.

"I _meant_ it was one of those things you don't really want to see, but you just can't look away, either."

Quinn carried the pan of carrots to the table and gave Jamie an amused look. "I think I should probably be offended, but I just want to laugh at how stupid he sounds."

"Laughing at Steve is usually a safe bet," Jamie agreed, smiling.

"Oh good." Quinn snickered and went back to the grill to make sure the steaks were done.

"You two aren't funny," Steve complained.

"Neither are you," Jamie said cheerfully, "so we're even."

Quinn piled the steaks into the pan with the onions and bell peppers and then carried it all the to table as he said firmly, "Alright, time to stop picking at each other. You can start another fight _after_ we eat."

Steve leaned forward, inhaling the scent of the beef mingled with onions and bell peppers. "Man, as soon as you give me one of those steaks, I'll be too busy feeding my face to talk."

Quinn flipped a steak onto Steve's plate. "You got a deal."

The look on Steve's face was priceless.

 

 


	14. Chapter 14

14

 

 

 

After dinner, Jamie took the dishes down to the barn to turn the generator on and rinse them off. Quinn offered to keep Cal with him so Jamie didn't have to worry about stepping on the puppy in the dark, and Jamie was happy to agree. Quinn had offered to do the dishes too, of course, but Jamie wasn't at all interested in being alone with Steve for that long. Having to make conversation with Steve through the meal had been hard enough. Jamie could practically see the questions Steve wanted to ask percolating behind those annoyingly pretty blue eyes of his, and Jamie didn't want to answer any of them.

Jamie was walking back towards the picnic tables when he heard Steve and Quinn talking. They hadn't noticed Jamie yet because he was beyond the edge of the light shed by the lantern, so Jamie stopped to listen. He was curious what they were saying, since he hadn’t thought they really wanted to get to know each other at all.

"I never would have believed he could do something like that," Steve was saying slowly, shaking his head. "Jamie's always been the type who wouldn't even kill a bug unless it was poisonous or biting one of his horses."

Quinn snorted softly. "Those bastards were worse than poisonous, Steve, and Jamie's pretty damned good at slitting a throat. He might have gotten all three without them waking up if the knife hadn't snagged on a necklace the ringleader was wearing under his beard. I couldn't do a damned thing but watch the bastard take that big-assed Bowie knife away from Jamie and try to kill him with it. It was pure luck that the guy passed out before he could do more than slice Jamie's arm." Quinn looked down at where Cal was curled up in his lap as he went on so quietly Jamie could barely hear it. "By the time I could get my hands loose, Jamie had lost so much blood that I was sure I'd wind up burying him, but he pulled through. He's a lot tougher than he looks."

"Hell, I know that," Steve said. "I give him shit, but Jamie's a mean little fart if you make him mad. He can't punch worth a damn, but he kicks like a mule. I learned the hard way to just grab him and hold him down if he gets pissed enough to go after me."

Quinn looked up sharply. "Yeah, well, you won't be doing that ever again, or _I'll_ kick your ass. I'm not afraid to jump right in the middle of you, and I _can_ swing a punch or two."

"I ain't finding out, man," Steve said quickly. "I can tell you're serious about takin' care of him. Watching Jamie hiss and spit like a wet cat ain't worth pissing off a Green Beret." Asking Quinn during dinner about what he did before the end hadn't impressed Steve at all until Quinn admitted that before he was a bartender, he was a Green Beret. Steve had done a hitch in the Marines himself, mostly because his best friend joined up, and he had known a few Green Berets in Afghanistan. He hadn't liked any of them, but a good part of that was because they were some of the toughest men he ever met, and they didn’t put up with anything from anyone.

"I'm glad we understand each other."

Steve laughed. "Well now, I didn't say _that_."

Quinn blinked, surprised. "What don't you understand?"

Steve picked up his beer and took a slow drink before he said, "Well, why a guy like you is chasing after little Jamie Killdeer is a good place to start. Don't take this the wrong way, man, but you don't act like a fairy."

Quinn snorted. "That's because I'm not."

Steve blinked. "Then why are you with Jamie? You can say whatever you want, man, but he's still a guy. He’s got a dick, and there ain't no denying that you two are fuckin’ around. Sounds pretty gay to me."

"Just because I'm with Jamie doesn't make me a _fairy_ ," Quinn said then, and Jamie could almost hear the 'stupid' that Quinn didn't quite add to that. "I was straight as you before I met him, and I sure as hell haven't met any other guy I'd look twice at since then. I might have _worked_ in a gay bar, but that doesn't make me gay any more than you being a Marine makes you a bulldog."

"So, what? Are you trying to say you're straight, but fucking him anyway?" Steve made a disgusted noise. "I ain't gotten laid in forever man, but that's just sick. I mean, Jamie's pretty if you like the type, I guess, but he's still a guy. Barely."

Quinn's eyes narrowed. "Either you're stupid or you're just itching to get that broken jaw." Steve spluttered, indignant, and Quinn added coldly, "You don't have to understand it, Steve, but you sure as hell better start respecting it. If you need things made real simple to fit them into your picture of the world, then you can just figure I'm not interested in anyone but Jamie anymore." He snorted and then added pointedly, "I have no reason to be, Jamie's worth more to me than my last _ten_ girlfriends."

Steve took another drink of his beer and then was quiet a few moments, obviously thinking. "I guess that's good enough," he said finally. He saw the way Quinn's expression hardened and then added hastily, "Jamie loves you, man, even I can see that. We ain't close, but me giving him shit all the time ain't the same as wanting to let _someone else_ take advantage of him. Much as I hate to admit it, the kid is still sort of family, and with John and Troy gone he ain’t got nobody else to look out for him."

"I guess I can understand that," Quinn said grudgingly. He was still obviously not pleased with Steve, but he was willing to drop it.

Steve changed the subject. "You and Jamie staying up here in the house, or at Troy's place down by the stallion barn?" He paused and then added, "There's the guest cabins too, if Jamie'd rather not be in Troy's place anymore. I can see how that would be hard on him, what with Troy and John both being gone."

Jamie started towards them again as Quinn shrugged and said, "I dunno. Is there any reason to pick one over the other?"

"Well, there ain't a whole lot of difference, really," Steve said, scratching at his beard. "There ain't no water in any of them, and there's probably a foot of dust in every room except the kitchen and my room here in the main house. I've got all I can handle to keep the horses taken care of, cleaning rooms I don't use just ain't important."

Jamie put the dishes on the table and sat down next to Quinn on the bench, reaching to pet Cal. "We could sleep in the barn, at least it's clean and there’s water nearby."

Quinn chuckled softly and looked at Jamie. "You just don't like beds anymore."

"Oh, I like beds," Jamie said with a smile. "I just don't want to spend the night sneezing like we did north of Addy's place. I had other plans."

Quinn smirked. "I like the sound of that. Do I get to play, too?"

"It's not nearly as much fun if I play alone," Jamie replied, amused.

"Sleep in the barn," Steve said suddenly, sounding disgusted. "I don't want to find out if Jamie's as noisy in bed as he is the rest of the time."

"Shut up, Steve," Jamie muttered, his face flaming suddenly. Quinn had teased him more than once about being fairly loud.

Quinn snickered as Steve said dryly, "I said I didn't want to know, Jamie."

Jamie glared at Steve as Quinn said cheerfully, "Barn it is, then. The loft ought to be comfortable."

"The loft is far enough from my room," Steve agreed, pretending not to notice the glare Jamie was directing at him. "There's even a shower in the tackroom, but you've got to plug the water heater in and run the generator a while if you want hot water."

"Oh really?" Quinn asked, interested. "Have you got enough gas to waste it like that?"

Steve laughed. "Man, I can get more diesel than you can shake two sticks at. If I somehow manage to use up what there is in the tank at the big gas station down by Stemley Bridge, I hid four whole _tankers_ of the stuff I found parked at the truck stop up on I-20."

Quinn looked at Jamie, his expression entirely too innocent to go with the look in his eyes. "I'm tired, how about you?"

Jamie tried to ignore Steve's snickering. "Liar."

Quinn grinned wickedly. "Would you rather I just _say_ that I'd like to get you into a nice hot shower and—"

"You win, just shut up," Jamie cut him off, blushing as he took Cal away from Quinn and stood. "See you tomorrow, Steve."

Jamie started towards the barn without waiting for a reply, and Quinn stood up to follow him as he said cheerfully, "Night Steve."

"Yeah, right, give me mental images like _that_ and then say good night!" Steve complained, standing up with his beer. "I'm gonna have nightmares."

Jamie stopped to look back, amused even though he was still red-faced. "Aww, poor baby," Quinn said insincerely, smirking as he picked up Jamie's backpack and started towards the barn.

"Oh fuck you," Steve grumbled.

"You're not my type," Quinn replied, grinning as he looked over his shoulder at Steve. "Jamie's right, you're just too damned hairy. Kissing you would be like kissing an Airedale."

Steve just snorted and walked off towards the house, muttering under his breath.

When Quinn reached where Jamie was standing a moment later, Jamie started to walk next to him towards the barn. "You're mean," Jamie said, unable to keep from smiling.

Quinn draped one arm around Jamie's shoulders, still smirking. "He deserves it."

"Yeah, but you're still mean."

Quinn laughed. "You're really going to think I'm mean once I get you in that hot shower. I want to try something that’s going to embarrass the hell out of you." He gave Jamie a wicked grin and teased, "And I'm going to see if I can't make you beg again, too."

Jamie laughed and elbowed him. "You're supposed to be nice to _me_ , remember?"

"I promise you'll like it," Quinn replied confidently, smirking.

"Likely story," Jamie muttered, even though he was smiling. He had no idea what Quinn wanted to do in the shower, but he trusted him enough to believe it when Quinn said that he would enjoy it. Quinn always took good care of him.

 

~*~*~

 

People had taken one look at Jamie and assumed that he was gay for over half of his life, but _Jamie_ hadn't ever known he was gay until after he met Quinn.

Jamie really hadn't thought about sex much at all when he was younger, much less which kind of sex he might enjoy the most. He was home schooled and didn't go through high school playing sports or sharing a locker room with other teenaged boys. He knew the basics of sex from living on horse farms since he could walk and seeing the animals mate, but he wasn't ever exposed to pornography unless you counted the things written on the wall in truck-stop bathrooms. John and Troy had obviously had an affectionate relationship, but they were both very private people and Jamie had seldom even seen them kiss for longer than a moment or two, much less do anything more.

Jamie just hadn't ever seen anything that made him truly interested in finding out more, and he hadn’t thought about it very often. He still didn't know all that much about what gay men did together when he met Quinn, and what he did know hadn't been at all pleasant to actually experience. He knew exactly how anal sex and fellatio worked by then, but both had been traumatic for him and he was a little afraid to try either one with Quinn. It wasn't the he was afraid that Quinn would hurt him, far from it. Jamie's fears centered completely on his own sometimes-unpredictable reactions and what he might do accidentally. Panicking in certain situations would be not only traumatizing for them both, but painful, too.

Quinn knew or suspected enough about Jamie's experiences to avoid certain things, but he still managed to find new and unusual ways – at least to Jamie – to drive Jamie insensible. For a guy who hadn't ever been interested in having sex with men before, Quinn knew quite a bit about what gay men did together. Quinn had already proven to Jamie that some things that Jamie had hated to do when forced into it could be a lot of fun in the right circumstances. Jamie had been suitably impressed, and he had grown to trust Quinn a little more, letting Quinn try things that didn't really seem like they could be all that enjoyable because with Quinn everything seemed to turn out to be amazing.

Showering with Quinn that first time was another eye-opening experience for Jamie. Jamie and Quinn had bathed together for weeks by the time they reached Beck & Call, but a shower offered several things that a creek couldn't. Besides the fact that the water wasn't cold for a change, which Jamie enjoyed immensely after over a year of icy baths, there were also walls to lean against that were placed conveniently under that hot, relaxing spray.

By the time the water ran cold again, Jamie was feeling too good to even be embarrassed by the goofy smile on his face. Jamie had never before had so much fun finding out that he was so ignorant about something. Every time Jamie thought there couldn't _possibly_ be anything left to try except actually having sex, Quinn would throw in a new idea out of left field.

Quinn's most recent idea had sounded really pretty gross to Jamie. Just the thought of licking someone _there_ was enough to make Jamie think that Quinn had lost his mind, but Quinn had been happy to demonstrate that Jamie didn't know nearly as much as he thought he did. Jamie vowed afterwards never to tell Quinn 'no' until he had actually tried whatever Quinn wanted to do to him, no matter how terrible the idea sounded at first.

Quinn was insufferably smug about the whole thing after their shower, and insisted that they dry off out in the tack room. He was sure Jamie was going to slip on the tiled bathroom floor and kill himself, and Jamie couldn't honestly say that he was perfectly capable of staying on his feet. He hadn't even thought it was _possible_ to orgasm three times in less than an hour, much less ever expected to personally prove it. Jamie's knees were only vaguely under his control when they finally left the shower, and he was still feeling a bit light-headed after he was reasonably dry.

Jamie was getting very sleepy by then and was content to do whatever Quinn told him to do, even when that involved crossing the barn aisle and climbing up into the loft as naked as the day he was born.

 

~*~*~

 

The sun was well above the horizon before Jamie woke up the next morning. The first thing he saw was Cal's wagging tail, and as he slowly made sense of that he realized that he was leaning back against Quinn's chest with Quinn's arms around him. He was very comfortable and warm laying there in the nest of blankets and hay Quinn had put together the night before, and he was seriously thinking about going back to sleep when Cal yipped and tossed something he was playing with into the air.

Jamie didn't figure out that the fuzzy grey thing was a mouse until Cal over-estimated his next pounce and the mouse bolted under Cal's belly, straight towards Jamie. Jamie waved his hand at the terrified mouse to make it turn away and then giggled as Cal pounced on it again with an enthusiastic puppy yap.

"I see he finally woke you up," Quinn murmured near Jamie's ear, amused. Jamie shifted to look at him as Quinn added, "He caught that mouse half an hour ago, and he's been playing with it since. I don't even think he's hurt it yet."

Jamie snickered softly and settled comfortably onto his back, watching Quinn prop himself up on one elbow. "I had wondered if making him ride all day was keeping him from learning to hunt. I'm glad it hasn't."

"He's adjusting pretty well," Quinn replied with a smile, reaching to pluck a bit of hay out of Jamie's hair. "I think he's older than we thought, though. He doesn't really act like an eight week old pup."

Jamie turned his head to look over at Cal, who had cornered the mouse against a hay bale and was pouncing back and forth to block it each time the mouse tried to run. He looked back at Quinn, grinning as he admitted, "I've never had a puppy, so I wouldn't know, really. I've seen a lot of dogs and played with them, but that's different from raising one myself."

Quinn chuckled and pulled some more hay from Jamie's hair as he said dryly, "I've helped raise too many to count, though they didn’t look anything like Cal. Grampa kept a few hunting dogs when I was a teenager, mostly Catahoulas."

Jamie caught Quinn's hand as he reached for some more hay. "Sounds like fun to me, and leave the hay, I'll just get more in it moving around to get dressed." Jamie smirked a little and added, "Or moving around _before_ we get dressed."

Quinn leaned closer, grinning wickedly. "I do like the sound of that."

Jamie let go of Quinn's hand to tug lightly at the dark reddish curls on his chest instead, making him yelp as Jamie teased, "You just always wake up horny."

Quinn laughed as he grabbed Jamie's hand before Jamie could tug any more hair. "Stop that. So do you, so you haven't got any room to complain about me."

"Who said that I was complaining?" Jamie asked, grinning. "I kind of like it."

"You'd better," Quinn said, chuckling. He kissed Jamie thoroughly before he pulled back to add teasingly, "You'd be pretty miserable if you didn't like me wanting you."

"I think I'd figure out some way to survive," Jamie murmured against Quinn's lips, grinning.

"Don't make me tickle you, baby."

Jamie snickered. "Oh, I'm sooo scared."

Quinn just laughed and kissed Jamie again. He knew that it was the easiest way to get Jamie to shut up.

 

~*~*~

 

Jamie was climbing down out of the loft later that morning when he heard Steve say dryly, "I knew you two would be noisy."

Jamie glanced towards the tack room door quickly, feeling like his face had burst into flames. "For a supposedly straight guy you sure are awfully curious about what I do in bed, Steve."

Quinn laughed. "Sic'em, baby." He had already climbed down out of the loft with Cal and Jamie's backpack. He wanted to go down first because Jamie’s bad hand had slipped once going up the night before, and Quinn wanted to be ready to catch him.

Jamie grinned over his shoulder at Quinn and then went back to climbing down the ladder. He still couldn't hold the rungs of the ladder with his bad hand very well, so he was extra careful of his grip on each rung.

"I don't _care_ what you were doing," Steve said quickly, scowling as he watched Jamie. "I thought it'd be safe to come down here and shower since it was nearly _noon_ , but evidently not."

"It's barely ten," Quinn said with a snort, amused.

"Thanks for taking the shower, though," Jamie said. He jumped the last few feet to the ground and then turned to give Steve an innocent grin as he brushed his loose hair back out of his face. "It'll make eating breakfast with you a lot more tolerable."

Quinn laughed at that while Steve scowled even more. "Oh ha ha, Jamie. I did laugh."

Jamie grinned at Steve. "What was that Troy used to tell you? Mess with a bull and get the horns?"

"Smartass."

Quinn snickered. "Steve, man, that's the point. If you're going to get in a battle of wits with Jamie, you should expect to lose. You're unarmed."

"I don't ever see you trying to come up with anything better," Steve said, turning his scowl on Quinn.

"That's because I don't like losing," Quinn answered quickly, grinning. "Jamie _is_ a smartass."

"That's right, I'm smarter than both of you, so don't mess with me." Jamie started towards the main doors with Cal scampering along ahead of him. He was feeling so very cheerful that morning that he didn't think there was anything Steve could say to knock him off of his cloud.

"Anything you say, baby," Quinn said cheerfully as he started walking along behind Jamie. He reached out a moment later to goose Jamie's ribs, making Jamie shriek and jump at _least_ a foot.

Jamie whirled around to swat at Quinn's hand, beet red and spitting hair out of his mouth as he tried to ignore Steve's sudden laughter. "Stop that!"

Quinn kissed Jamie soundly, hair hanging in his face and all, and then walked past him towards the barn doors. "What's for breakfast, Steve?" Quinn asked cheerfully.

"Steak and eggs," Steve replied, still snickering. "You two are better than TV."

Jamie started after Quinn, brushing his hair back to tuck it behind his ears again. "Shut up, Steve."

Steve smirked. "You stay around here very long, Jamie, and I might start thinking that's my name. Seems like you say that every five minutes."

Jamie gave Steve a dirty look over his shoulder. "No, really. Shut up."

 

~*~*~

 

They discussed horses over breakfast, more specifically which horses Jamie and Quinn would take with them when they moved on. Steve had promised Quinn his pick of the geldings he had gathered across the road from the farm, and as they ate he told them what he knew about the different horses. Three of them he knew well, but the others were just good-looking horses he and Troy had moved to the baby pasture for trading when and if they ever had a chance.

Eventually the conversation shifted to the two horses Jamie didn't want to leave behind. "How's Shadow doing?" Jamie asked idly. Shadow was the first horse he had ever ridden at Beck & Call, and she was still one of his favorites.

Steve's easygoing smile faded. "I'm sorry, Jamie. She died early this spring out in the baby pasture. I don't even know what had happened, I just found her by the sorting pen one morning. There wasn't a mark on her."

Jamie looked down, blinking rapidly to keep back tears as Quinn rubbed his back. Jamie had told Quinn a bit about the years he had spent riding Shadow or giving lessons to small children on her, and Quinn knew he would miss her. "And Tamenabi?" Jamie asked after a few minutes, glancing up at Steve again.

"Which one is that?" Steve asked. "I don't know most of these horses by name, Jamie."

"The leggy blood bay filly out of Beynabi and that Tammen daughter Troy leased. She's five, and nobody's ever really been able to handle her but me and Troy." Jamie paused, then added, "When we left, she and Shadow were both turned out with the babies because Troy didn't have time to ride them. Tam's got a blaze and hind socks, and she's real full of herself. You'd remember her if you've seen her. She looks just like her daddy, only a couple inches taller."

" _Her_!" Steve exclaimed, annoyed. "Take that bitch, and good riddance! Ever since Shadow died that damned bay has been chasing the babies away from me. I can't get _near_ them unless I lock her in the sorting pen first, and she's pure _hell_ to get into that pen."

Jamie blinked and then giggled slightly. "You're kidding."

"No, I'm _not_ ," Steve replied, almost growling. "I've thought about shooting her a few times, she's that much of a pain, but she's killed a dozen dogs I know of and likely got as many more I never found the bodies of."

Jamie's amusement faded. "You're lucky you didn't hurt her, Steve. I don't think I could forgive anyone who shot her just for doing her job."

Steve stared at Jamie, shocked. "Her job?!"

Jamie rolled his eyes. "She's the oldest mare out with the babies now, right?"

"How in hell did you know that?"

Jamie snorted. "Because Steve, _dumbass_ , in a herd it's the oldest mare's responsibility to protect the babies. Shadow always got turned out with the babies the last few years because she taught them how to behave without their moms to protect them and she'd keep stray dogs away. Tam's been running with Shadow since she was a baby, and evidently she learned her job. She killed a dog protecting the babies at least once before I left, when I had Shadow up in the barns one day for lessons. I guess I shouldn't be surprised she's doing it now." Jamie grinned suddenly. "She must really hate you to run them away from _you_ , though. I never saw her do that."

Steve snorted and gave Jamie a dirty look that didn't quite make it all the way to a glare. "Yeah, well, catch her crazy ass today and she won't get to do it again."

"Deal," Jamie replied immediately, grinning widely. "I'll do it when we go look at the geldings. You said they're all out with the babies, right?"

"Yeah, they are," Steve said, nodding. "I had them in the pasture across the driveway from the mares, but Beynabi kept running the fences. They get along fine with the babies, so I moved them down there."

"What're we waiting for, then?" Quinn asked, smiling. He was glad at least one of Jamie's favorites was going with them. Jamie had been hiding it well, but he was sure Jamie was upset not to be staying at Beck & Call permanently.

Jamie looked at Quinn, grinning. "Special invitations?"

Quinn laughed and stood. "Let's go saddle up, baby."

"The horses," Steve said pointedly, giving Jamie and Quinn a quelling look. "If you two wander off to screw again, I'm going to have to hurt somebody."

Jamie snickered and stood up, trying to ignore the blush he could feel heating up his face. "You're just jealous."

"That someone around here is getting laid? Maybe a little," Steve said, "But that he's fucking you to do it? Hell no."

"Methinks he doth protest too much," Quinn said, smirking as he grabbed Jamie's good hand to drag him towards the barn.

Jamie just snickered and let Quinn pull him towards the barn, ignoring Steve's annoyed spluttering.

 

~*~*~

 

Jamie and Quinn saddled up Simon and Storm and then Jamie walked out into the broodmare pasture to catch Beynabi. Beynabi and the mares were grazing at the front of the property near the road, just barely in sight of the barn, but Jamie wanted him in the stallion barn before Storm was led out of his stall. He didn't want to risk Beynabi actually going over or through the fence after Storm, especially since they would be coming back with a mare.

Quinn and Steve stood at the gate to the pasture next to the broodmare barn, watching Jamie. "It'll take him forever to get near that stud," Steve said, grouchy because of the way Quinn kept turning any comments he made about Jamie back on him. "Beynabi's gotten hard to catch since I turned him out with the mares the first time a few months back. He won’t even come to me for grain anymore, I have to run the whole herd into the arena and stall the mares before he’ll settle down."

"I think he might surprise you," Quinn said, giving Steve an amused glance as he ruffled Cal's ears. He was holding the pup so Cal wouldn't fuss about Jamie leaving him behind. "You said yourself that most of the horses don't like you very much."

Steve shifted, not looking at Quinn. "Yeah, I guess. Jamie always did have the touch, the little shit. Drove me crazy when we were younger. I never wanted the farm, but Troy and Dad thought I was pretty good with horses until they saw Jamie with them." His expression twisted into a smile that wasn't very pleased at all. "Then they decided I was more along the lines of stablehand, and put me to mucking stalls while they taught their new prodigy."

"I had wondered why you hate him," Quinn said quietly, looking down the field to watch Jamie walking towards the horses.

"I don't _hate_ him," Steve said sharply. He paused a moment before he admitted, "I just hate that a pretty little fag has so damned much talent, and doesn't even have to work for it. I spent sixteen years working my ass off to learn all I could to try and please Dad and Uncle Troy, and he picked up more than I ever knew in his first _summer_ here."

"Your problem is that you can't see past Jamie's looks." Quinn glanced at Steve, then back out at Jamie. "If you didn't spend so much time obsessing over how pretty he is, you'd notice he's a really tough kid. From what I understand, he's been treated like shit most of his life because people assume any boy so beautiful has to be gay, but he's still managed to survive and become who he wants to be. Could you do the same, if everyone treated you the way you've seen people treat Jamie? Hell, the way _you_ treat Jamie?"

Steve stared at Quinn for a few moments, then looked out at the pasture and thought about that. "No," he said finally, "I probably couldn't. I'd have been in jail or dead by the time I was his age."

"There you go," Quinn said, nodding. "So stop giving him so much shit. Jamie's done damned good, especially since he didn't even _know_ he was gay until not too long ago." He looked at Steve again, adding in a bit harder tone, "And before you even say something stupid about those rednecks teaching him he liked taking it up the ass, they didn't. Jamie's still pretty spooked by the whole idea of sex."

Steve stared at Quinn, surprised. "You're not fucking him?"

Quinn snorted. "Not that it's any of your business, but no. He's still too messed up for that. You have no idea what they put him through, Steve. The kid you knew had to get tough or die, and he's still going strong so it ought to be pretty damned obvious which one he chose."

"I was _sure_ you two were fucking like bunnies, especially with as loud as you were this morning."

"You don't have to fuck to get off, Steve," Quinn said dryly. "I knew that when I was fifteen." He grinned suddenly, adding, "I know I'm out of the loop about what they teach straight boys these days, but still. There wasn't a virgin in my whole graduating class, I bet, and that was in the Ozarks where going to church was as much a fact of life as death and taxes."

Steve flushed and said pointedly, "Yeah, but you were _both_ making noise, so there wasn't a blowjob involved in making Jamie whine like a cat in heat."

Quinn snickered and looked back towards Jamie, who was more than halfway down the wide stretch of empty pasture between the barns and the horses. "I'm not telling you anything more about what we do, Steve. If you want to know, go pick up a copy of _Playgirl_. There's all kinds of articles in those things, not just pictures. Fucking and sex aren't necessarily the same thing."

"Figures you'd be one of those people who actually _reads_ skin mags," Steve muttered.

"When you work in a gay club, you overhear a lot," Quinn replied, amused. "I didn't _have_ to read them, I just heard the twinks gushing over the latest thing they read in _Playgirl_ or _Cosmo_."

Cal perked up suddenly, barking towards Jamie's distant figure just as Beynabi and several of the mares stopped grazing to look at Jamie. Jamie had stopped and was just looking at the stallion, and a moment later Cal whined and tried to squirm out of Quinn's grip.

Quinn shifted his hold on the pup, grinning as he watched Beynabi prance towards Jamie, followed by a few of the broodmares. "Unless I miss my guess, it looks like Beynabi hasn't forgotten Jamie's whistle."

Steve just watched as the stallion went right to Jamie, stopping out of reach but standing to let Jamie walk closer and then putting his head down so Jamie could halter him. Jamie hugged the stallion's neck as soon as the halter was on, and then Steve finally muttered, "God damned horse. I had forgotten Troy always whistled to call him." He turned away and stalked off towards the house. "Y'all give me a holler when you're ready to go. I'm going to go get my keys."

Quinn snickered, glancing at Steve and then looking back down the field at Jamie and the horses. "Sure. We shouldn't be long at all."

Steve glanced back and then stopped and stared. Jamie had swung up on Beynabi and was riding him up the pasture at a gallop with the mares and foals strung out behind them. Jamie's long hair and the light blue of his faded jeans were the only parts of him that were really visible because he was pressed so close to Beynabi's neck, hidden by the stallion's long mane. Beynabi's limp was almost undetectable at a gallop and the stallion's expression made it obvious he was enjoying the run.

"I wouldn't ever try that if I were you, though," Quinn said suddenly. Steve looked at Quinn, who grinned and added, "Jamie's just a little slip of a thing, but you're too heavy for Beynabi with his leg like that."

Steve snorted. "Hell, Beynabi'd kill me. He'll barely even let me touch him, he sure as hell isn't going to let me saddle him up!" He turned away, walking towards the house again. He wanted his keys _and_ a drink. He had a feeling it was going to be just as maddening to see Jamie with that damned bay filly. The last time he got a hand on _her_ , she gave him a few scars to remind him how stupid the idea was if he ever thought about trying it again.

Quinn was smirking as he turned back to watch Jamie, who had slowed Beynabi to a reaching trot and was almost to the gate. The stallion's limp was much more pronounced at a trot, but Beynabi's head was up and his ears were forward, and the way he held himself showed that he was pleased with himself. As Beynabi got closer and Quinn saw the stallion's hooves, he decided they were likely the cause of the limp. The hoof on the stallion's good foreleg was very overgrown and the hoof on his bad leg was chipped off too short, leaving him lopsided in front even without the damage to the bad knee.

Quinn was tickled that Jamie had just proven without even _trying_ that he was better than Steve at something Steve considered important. Steve had made it obvious that he thought Jamie really wasn't very capable of taking care of himself and picked on Jamie constantly, usually about how girlish he thought Jamie was. Jamie had told Quinn he didn't want to make Steve angry before they were ready to go so Quinn let most of it slide, but he didn't like it even a little bit.

Quinn had meant what he said when he told Steve he thought men who picked on weaker people just because they could were stupid. The words ' _de opresso liber_ ', to liberate the oppressed, weren't just words to Quinn or any of the other Green Berets he had studied and fought with. It was a way of life for him, a part of who he was inside just as surely as the tattoo on his shoulder was a part of the image he projected to the world.

As a result, Quinn didn't like Steve very much.

 

 


	15. Chapter 15

15

 

 

 

Steve parked his truck inside the pasture and had just closed the gate again when he noticed Jamie and Quinn cantering towards him. He leaned against the gate until they got close and then swung it open, letting them ride Storm and Simon into the pasture. "The horses high-tailed it when they saw me pull up to the gate, as usual. That damned bay was right at the head of the bunch. They'll be down on the other side of the creek by now."

Jamie laughed even though the creek was far down the field, hidden by a line of trees so thick that they couldn't even see the herd anymore. "She'll be back." He rode Simon over the Steve's truck and leaned in the open driver's side window to hit the horn, holding it down for a long blast followed by two short ones and then straightening up in the saddle again. He ruffled Cal's ears, smirking at Steve. "Watch and learn."

Steve snorted and scowled. "Don't get _too_ cocky, you little shit. It'll be funny if you can’t touch her anymore either."

Jamie just grinned at Steve. "I've had to leave her before. Tam knows I'll always be back."

"Horses just don't think things through like that, Jamie," Steve said as if he were explaining something to an idiot. "She's a _horse_. She likes running loose and not having to do a damned thing for anyone. Why should she come to you?"

"Because I was there when she was born," Jamie said, not at all put off by Steve's attitude. "I'm part of her herd, her family."

"You're _nuts,_ is what you are," Steve replied.

Quinn had been watching the distant tree line instead of watching Jamie and Steve argue, and he smirked when he saw a herd of horses emerge at a slow trot. They were mostly young stock as he had expected from what Steve and Jamie said, but the blood bay at the front of the group _had_ to be Tamenabi. The bay reminded Quinn quite a bit of Beynabi even though she moved like no horse he had ever seen, all fire and grace and controlled power. She pranced warily towards them at the head of the herd, and Quinn thought that he understood a little of why Jamie had said that Beynabi was spectacular before he was hurt. The stallion was scarred up enough that he didn't really look all that special anymore, but if he had been anything like Tamenabi, Quinn was sure he had to have been amazing.

"Don't look now, Steve," Quinn said after a moment, smirking. "Looks to me like she hasn't forgotten."

Steve turned away from Quinn to look towards the trees, then exclaimed, "You _got_ to be shitting me!"

Jamie laughed and heeled Simon over to Quinn. "Would you take Cal for me? While you two argue over the geldings, I'd like to go get reacquainted with Tam."

Quinn grinned at Jamie. "Sure, baby." He reached for the puppy, then added, "Be careful of the other horses. Babies play rough and they haven't had anyone to teach them manners."

"Always," Jamie replied cheerfully, nudging Simon with his heels.

Simon turned and started to jog slowly towards the herd, which had slowed to a walk a few hundred yards away. Jamie whistled suddenly, loud and sharp, and Tamenabi stopped with a jerk, her head going up even higher as she stared. Jamie whistled again and the mare answered with a loud neigh, leaping into a gallop towards him. Jamie halted Simon and slid out of the saddle to wait for Tamenabi, beaming as he watched her run.

Tamenabi slid to a stop ten feet before she reached Jamie, throwing her head to one side and rearing before she pranced closer, head and tail up. Jamie laughed and moved to meet her, and the filly spent several seconds nuzzling his face and hair as she moved around him restlessly before she suddenly shoved her forehead against his chest with a little nicker, pushing Jamie back a step.

Jamie put his hands on either side of Tamenabi’s face, resting his cheek between her ears and not even trying to keep back the tears as his filly finally stood still. He had lost so much in the last year, his home and his family and even his innocence, but he had Quinn and their animals, and he finally had Tamenabi back. She was the first horse he had ever really raised from birth and she meant the world to him.

Steve was still watching Tamenabi and Jamie as he muttered, "Damned horse."

Quinn snickered, guiding Storm over to the tailgate of the pickup and then leaning to put Cal in the back. He swung out of the saddle then, glancing at Steve as he said dryly, "Horses are smarter than you give them credit for, Steve."

Steve looked sharply at Quinn. "And what's that supposed to mean?"

"Maybe that filly's just better at knowing a good man when she sees one than you are," Quinn replied, amused. "You've made it obvious that you aren't very impressed by Jamie, but the horses still seem to like him fine, even though you've been feeding them."

Steve gave Quinn a dirty look. "Just go pick out your gelding so I can go. I’ve got work to do."

Quinn snickered. "Hit a little close to home there, Jarhead?"

"Fuck you!" Steve said, glaring. "I never did meet a Green Beanie I liked."

"You wouldn't have met one like me," Quinn told him, smirking. "I was doing black ops when you were still too little to even notice that girls squat to piss, Steve. A regular grunt like you were wouldn't even know me and my boys were in the area before we'd done our job and were already in Amsterdam gettin' laid."

"Snipers," Steve said, making it sound like a dirty word. "Nothing but paid assassins."

"When we needed to be, sure," Quinn replied, nodding. "Sometimes killing the right man stops a lot of bloodshed."

Jamie walked over to join them then, beaming and completely oblivious to their conversation because he was so glad to have Tamenabi back. "We can run the geldings into the sorting pens anytime you like."

Quinn turned to Jamie, grinning when he saw that Jamie wasn't bothering to hold Tamenabi or Simon, but they had both followed him over to the truck. Simon was between Tamenabi and Storm, who was watching the bay filly interestedly, but she didn't seem to even notice the stallion. Every bit of Tamenabi's attention was on Jamie.

Jamie moved close to Quinn's side and Quinn draped an arm around him, grinning down at Jamie. "Looks like you're going to have trouble picking who to ride now."

Jamie beamed at Quinn and then looked at Tamenabi and Simon. "Not really, Simon deserves some time off and Tam will _love_ getting out of this pasture. She's been lonely."

"She's had a whole herd with her, Jamie," Steve said, feeling as if he was pointing out the obvious.

Jamie looked at Steve, laughing. "And Tam seems _so_ attached to them, doesn't she?"

Steve looked at Tamenabi, who was utterly ignoring the herd of young stock as it began scattering out to graze, then snorted and looked back at Jamie. "Well, no. You'd never know it was the same damned mare who hasn't let me near them."

"She's got better things to do now," Jamie said cheerfully, grinning. "I told her it's time to go."

Steve stared at him a moment. "You're nuts."

"Maybe, but Tam and I still understand each other," Jamie replied, lifting his good hand and holding it out near his shoulder. Tamenabi took a step closer to Jamie and Quinn to put her muzzle in Jamie's hand, and then Jamie added, "She's always been able to tell what I want from her. Troy said it was because I was the first person to touch her, and I did all of her imprinting." He laughed softly and then added, "Tam is why they never let me imprint any more foals. Dad and Troy said that I'd probably make them all like her."

Quinn snickered. "Having a horse so devoted to you on the trail can't be bad, though. Between Simon and Tam, I won't ever have to worry about your horse taking advantage of you again."

Jamie smiled up at Quinn, still absently stroking Tamenabi's face. "Storm's not that bad, really, not when there isn't another stallion around."

"Bad enough," Quinn said. "There's no telling when we'll run into another stud."

"Which brings us back to you two picking out a gelding," Steve said, turning the subject the way he wanted it to go. "Get moving and take one of them. I'd say the black app, myself. He's young, smart, and well-trained."

"And an ex-showhorse," Jamie added with a little laugh. He looked up at Quinn. "Try the palomino, I remember seeing him around. He was a rental horse, so he's quiet and he's been put through everything imaginable, I bet. I doubt he'll argue about being a packhorse."

"Sounds perfect for us," Quinn agreed, smiling.

"Except that he's the one that's fifteen," Steve said, "which you said you didn't want."

Jamie looked over the back of the truck at Steve. "You didn't say the oldest one was the palomino before, but still. Simon's about that old and he keeps up just fine, and even Storm’s around twelve. We already decided we'd be better off with sane and reliable."

"As long as the horse gets along with Storm and Simon, we're good to go," Quinn added, chuckling. “If he’s been running with Tam all this time, we don’t have to worry about him fighting with her. She hadn’t got a mark on her.”

"Well, get moving then," Steve said, moving around to open the tailgate and then hopping up on it to sit down. "I got better things to do than wait around here all day."

Cal was wagging his tail and watching Jamie, panting happily and wriggling as he tried to decide if he could jump off the tailgate. Jamie snorted, amused, and picked Cal up with his good arm to cuddle the pup, petting him with his left hand. "Sure you do. You could go get drunk."

Steve grinned. "That wasn’t the plan for the day, but that sure sounds like more fun to me."

Quinn laughed and kissed Jamie's temple, then turned towards the horses. "Alright, let me go see if I can't get a loop on one of the geldings. I think I'll try the palomino last, that way I'll know whether the others are any good by the time I get to him."

Jamie turned to watch him, smiling. "Okay."

Quinn swung up into Storm's saddle and then winked at Jamie before he whirled the stallion away to trot towards the other horses. Storm liked that idea and began to prance, lifting his feet a little higher than usual as he looked interestedly at the herd, and Quinn loosened the reins to let Storm show off. He had watched Jamie ride the stallion enough to know that Storm was much easier to get along with if he was allowed to express himself instead of constantly controlled.

"Show off!" Steve called.

Quinn glanced back, smirking. "You just wish you looked this good on a horse."

Steve snorted and then muttered, "Smartass." He pretended not to notice Jamie snickering at him.

 

~*~*~

 

Jamie wound up sitting on the tailgate with Steve for most of an hour, petting Cal and watching while Quinn tried the geldings out with Storm. It didn't take long to find out that one of the two geldings Quinn most liked the looks of, a young bay roan with a bald face, quite simply hated Storm. He put up such a fuss about the stallion getting near him that Quinn didn't even bother catching the gelding before he moved on to the next one.

The sorrel pinto gelding ignored Storm completely, acting like he was so much scenery, but his work ethic left a lot to be desired. The horse was obviously lazy, half-asleep at a walk under saddle and then grouchy and unwilling if he was asked to go faster. He would also lag back on the rope when he was led, making the horse in front of him essentially drag him along. Even before they were riding Storm, Jamie and Quinn had often traveled at a trot or jog for part of the day, so the pinto's attitude definitely took him out of the running.

The next horse Quinn tried was the solidly built black appaloosa gelding. Quinn hadn't wanted to go with another appaloosa, especially after Jamie said that the horse was from a show string, but the gelding was a good riding horse if Quinn ignored his spots. Trying the gelding out with Storm soon proved that he wouldn't get very close to the stallion, but when allowed a longer lead he would follow well off to one side. The black was very calm when he wasn't behind Storm, well trained under saddle and completely unafraid of Simon or Tamenabi, so Quinn finally tied him to the fence near the truck.

The last horse that was already broke to ride, the palomino gelding, was the one Quinn had liked the looks of best until he learned it was the one that was fifteen. He'd been trying to talk himself out of the horse ever since, but the palomino had a calm, sweet disposition that made it hard to find fault with him. Quinn led the palomino at a walk, trot, and canter from Storm 's saddle with no trouble, so he decided to try riding him.

Quinn simply dropped the reins on Storm 's neck when he dismounted, used to being able to trust a horse as well-behaved as Storm had been that day to stay close while tacked up. Storm stood quietly next to the palomino while Quinn bridled the palomino and switched saddles, and then waited for him to heel the palomino closer so that he could reach for Storm's reins. Quinn finally realized then that he had just assumed Storm would behave like Simon did, so he took a minute to make over the stallion and let Storm know he had done well.

Steve was tired of sitting around by then and called to Quinn, "Why don't you just quit screwing around and take the damned palomino, Quinn?"

Quinn heeled the palomino over to the truck as he gave Steve a wry grin. "I think I might."

Jamie grinned and kept stroking Tamenabi's face, letting her sniff curiously at Cal. The filly had moved to put Jamie and most of the truck between her and Steve, but she was still keeping as close to Jamie as she could. " _I_ think he'll do fine for us."

"He is the best of the lot," Quinn agreed, bemused. "If it weren't for his age I wouldn't even have bothered riding him before I decided. He's a great horse."

"And the black app should do for your extra," Steve said generously, grinning as he hopped off the tailgate. "I know you liked him, and he's only five."

"I don't think we'll need him," Quinn disagreed. "Jamie could ride the palomino if he had to for some reason, and Simon can do double duty if he has to, too. I think that's enough for us, Steve. That black is good with the geldings and Tam, but he doesn't like Storm very much."

Steve shrugged. "It's up to y'all. He'll just be wasted standing around here."

"We appreciate the offer, Steve, but I really think the palomino and Tam will be enough for us," Quinn said as he rode the palomino over to the fence and then swung out of the saddle. He turned the black gelding loose and then tied Storm before he added, "Alvin and the palomino will be able to haul our packs with no problem. That leaves us with Simon as an extra that we can ride or pack, depending on what we need." He flipped the palomino gelding's reins over a fence post and then began unsaddling it. "We can count on Simon, and we know how he'll act on the trail for either of us. If that black was a show horse like you said, he might freak out when we ask him to cross a creek."

Steve snickered and watched Quinn switch the saddle back over to Storm. "You got a point there. I've seen some really nice show horses go nuts because a shadow looked funny when they walked by it."

"Exactly," Quinn agreed, beginning to feed the long tie billet through the cinch. "Jamie said the palomino came from that horse rental place, so he's more likely to be a decent trail horse. They don't use spooky horses for that kind of thing." Quinn tugged the cinch tight and tied it off, then turned back to the palomino to switch its bridle for a halter.

"And he's old enough he's likely seen it all." Jamie slid off the tailgate and held Cal out to Steve with his good hand, smiling. "Would you hand him up to me?"

Steve took the pup. "Sure."

"Thanks." Jamie stroked Tamenabi's face once more and then cupped his hand under her chin to lead her away from the truck. "Good girl," he murmured as they stopped about ten feet away, patting her neck before he glanced over to Simon, who was grazing about twenty feet away while waiting patiently for Jamie to need him again. "Simon, come here fellah."

Simon lifted his head immediately and walked towards Jamie as Steve said dryly, "I don't know how you do it, Jamie. I know you didn't raise _that_ horse, but he sure acts like you did."

Jamie patted Simon's neck with his bad hand, giving Steve a bemused look. "Simon's always done what I asked. I can't take any credit for it."

"Well, whatever it is, I wish you could teach me to do it," Steve said. "If I haven't got a bucket, I might as well try to call a cloud as try to catch a horse."

Jamie let go of Tamenabi to reach for the buckle on Simon's hackamore, smiling when Simon lowered his head without Jamie having to tell him to. "I don't know what to tell you, Steve," Jamie said as he removed the hackamore. "Dad always said I got it from his dad. Grandpa was a full-blood Kickapoo and never met a horse he couldn't handle."

"Neither did my Dad," Steve said with a laugh, "but that doesn't mean they _liked_ him. Horses like you, Jamie."

"Except Specklebird, she hates me." Jamie snorted, grinning suddenly as he turned to look at Steve again. "She won't even let me touch her, much less take care of her."

Quinn teased, "You're a very good at touching though, Jamie. She doesn't know what she's missing."

Jamie snickered, blushing only a little. "And doesn't want to."

"That's just one spoiled mare, though," Steve said, dragging them back on topic before Jamie and Quinn could get distracted further. He'd quickly gotten the hang of changing the subject when he realized that almost every conversation Jamie and Quinn had turned into flirting. "Every horse you've gotten near today has reacted to you just fine, Jamie, and you'd never met some of them. Then here comes Tam, who never wants anything to do with _anyone_ , and she's practically begging you to put that bridle on her."

Jamie looked at Tamenabi in surprise and then laughed at the way she was watching him with her head up and ears pricked. "Do you really want to go to work, girl?" Jamie asked her, holding the hackamore out to her for her to sniff it. Tamenabi sniffed interestedly at the hackamore for a moment and then Jamie stepped towards her, lifting his left hand to pet her face clumsily and then tangle his fingers her forelock. "Down, Tam." He couldn't grip her forelock with his bad hand very well, but she had known the cue since she was a baby and he was fairly confident she would do it anyway. He still grinned when she did it, murmuring, "Good girl."

"Damned horse," Steve muttered, sounding more amused than anything else.

Jamie glanced over to see that Steve and Quinn were both watching, and then turned back to Tamenabi to put the hackamore on her. "She's a great horse, Steve. She just doesn't like you."

"No, really?" Steve said dryly, petting Cal. "I couldn't tell."

Quinn snickered, leading Storm and the palomino over to the truck to offer Storm's reins and the palomino's lead rope to Steve. "Hold these two a minute, would you?"

"Sure," Steve said as he accepted the reins and rope with his free hand, surprised.

"Thanks." Quinn nodded to Steve and then walked towards Jamie, smiling. "Hold Tam and I'll switch your saddle over, baby."

"Alright." Jamie moved from between Simon and Tamenabi to watch bemusedly as Quinn removed Simon's saddle.

Tamenabi had ignored Quinn working on Simon, but when he moved towards Tamenabi with the saddle she began to take notice. She fidgeted nervously, her ears flicking back and forth as she swung her body away and turned her head to watch Quinn with the saddle. She had never been saddled by anyone but Jamie or Troy, and she didn't know Quinn at all. Quinn smelled like Jamie, but he was a much bigger man and reminded her more of Steve, who was always too loud and too rough.

Jamie began petting her again as he murmured, "It's okay, Tam. Stand. Quinn won't hurt you."

The filly didn't seem convinced, so Quinn shifted the saddle onto his hip to offer her his other hand, murmuring softly, "Easy girl. It's okay."

Tamenabi blew out several times, almost snorting at him, then slowly reached out her muzzle to touch his hand. She sniffed at him for a few moments and then seemed to decide he might be okay after all and started to relax again. She was still watching him, but the nervous look faded from her eyes and she began to act more interested than scared.

"Good girl," Quinn said, smiling, then he glanced at Jamie. "It would be funny if she liked you and decided to hate me."

Jamie snickered. "As long as you don't yell at her or try to push her around, she'll be fine, Quinn. Tamenabi isn't quite the Specklebird type."

Quinn laughed softly and offered Tamenabi the saddle to let her look it over. "Not to _you_. Specklebird wasn't always such a bitch, Jamie. I've had her for a while now with no problems from her other than her occasionally taking a bite out of someone." He glanced at Jamie, adding teasingly, "I think she was jealous of me spending all my time with you."

Jamie blinked at that idea as Steve snickered and asked, "You used to sleep with your horse?"

"No, but it was just me and Specklebird for about a year," Quinn replied, reaching out to pet Tamenabi's shoulder. "She was used to me spending all of my time with her, not taking care of other horses or spending time with Jamie. I think that being jealous is what started her acting up, and then she figured out she liked being such a pain in the ass."

Jamie snickered, nodding as he watched Quinn put the saddle blanket on Tamenabi's back. "That fits, really. She behaved herself pretty well for a while." He stroked Tamenabi's face, adding more softly, "Good girl."

Quinn nodded, reaching out to pet Tamenabi's shoulder once more before he swung the saddle up onto her back. "Yep. She started really being bitchy about the time we met Addy. Remember, she wouldn't let you touch her at all anymore after we left there." He stroked Tamenabi's neck and then began to cinch up the saddle, grinning at how still she was standing even though her ears hadn't ever stopped moving. "Good girl, Tam. I think we'll get along fine."

"You always have to saddle for Jamie, don't you?" Steve said suddenly, making Quinn and Jamie look at him. "I thought you were just spoiling him this morning, but he can't tighten a cinch anymore."

"For now," Quinn said, nodding. "His arm was just getting back to the point he could do it himself when it got hurt again just north of Birmingham."

"And now it's not healing very well at all," Jamie added with a sigh, turning back to pet Tamenabi. "I think the torn muscle had begun to knit, but now it's back to square one."

"Which is why you should have it in a sling all the time again," Quinn said firmly, lowering the stirrup against Tamenabi's side and then stepping back. "You didn't use it at all for nearly two weeks after it happened the first time, but now you're using it anyway."

"I had to," Jamie replied, looking at Quinn. "I couldn't ride Storm without using both hands." Jamie flushed a bit, embarrassed, and then admitted, "I used to be able to ride anything, but Storm's a bit too much horse for me these days."

"Not even close," Quinn disagreed with a snort. "You just shouldn't have been on him with nothing but a snaffle bit right after you re-injured that arm. I know you had to because of that bitch of a mare, but if I'd had a choice you would have been on Simon."

"Then why don't you mind him riding Tamenabi?" Steve asked, curious. He knew all about how they had lost Misty on the trail. Quinn wouldn't let Steve keep Specklebird unless he knew the mare was a killer. Jamie didn't know it, but Quinn had told Steve the night before that he was sure that Misty was already dying when Quinn put her down. Misty had done serious damage to her skull when she fell, and Quinn was fairly sure the unconscious mare never would have woken up. "She's at least as spirited as Storm. More, I'd think."

"For you she is, yeah," Quinn said, laughing. "Steve, it's _obvious_ she'd walk through fire for Jamie, just like Simon would."

"You haven't even seen him ride her yet!" Steve protested. "How do you know that?"

"Because he knows horses," Jamie replied, smirking at Steve. "And they like him."

Quinn chuckled and walked back over towards Storm. "Well, they like me, I'll give you that much." He retrieved Storm's reins and the palomino's lead from Steve and then mounted the grey.

Jamie went around to Tamenabi's side and then flipped the reins over the saddle horn and swung up into the saddle. He didn't bother to pick up the reins again as he guided her closer to Steve with his knees, and Jamie snickered when Tamenabi pinned her ears at Steve. "Would you hand Cal to me?"

Steve slid off the tailgate and then handed Cal to Jamie as he gave Tamenabi a dirty look and said firmly, "Yeah, I hate you too, bitch."

Tamenabi began to move away from Steve as soon as Jamie loosened the grip he was holding with his knees, giving Steve an annoyed, almost haughty look as she backed away several feet before she relaxed again. Jamie laughed and petted Cal as he teased Steve, "The feeling seems to be mutual."

"I know!" Steve replied with another glare for the filly, and then turned to walk towards the driver's side door of his truck. "Feel free to take your time heading back. I'm gonna drive up and check some horses a couple miles down the road. I shouldn't be more than an hour, half that if the horses come to the truck instead of making me look for them."

Quinn rode Storm over to Tamenabi, leading the palomino. "We'll be back at the farm long before then."

Jamie nodded. "And I'll start lunch after we get the horses put away. Barbecued ribs sound okay?"

Steve opened his door and looked back at them, grinning. "Hell yeah!"

Quinn grinned and started Storm towards the gate at a slow jog. "Alright then, I'll get the gate. See you later."

Jamie nudged Tamenabi into a walk after them, whistling for Simon, who had drifted off down the field a little ways again as he grazed. Simon immediately threw up his head and cantered towards Jamie, slowing to walk next to Tamenabi when he got close.

Jamie could hear Steve muttering to himself about 'crazy horses' right up until the truck started up.

 

~*~*~

 

Jamie, Quinn, and Steve had lunch and then Jamie started a haunch of beef cooking in a baking pan on the grill with potatoes and onions. When the meat was done, Jamie intended to make a cobbler with the last of the apples and let it cook in a heavy cast-iron Dutch oven that Steve had been using to cook beans.

The rest of the afternoon was spent getting things ready for Jamie and Quinn to move on the next day. Jamie's saddle had a wide tree that didn't fit Tamenabi very well, and he and Quinn were debating which of the other saddles to use on her when Steve walked up to Jamie and just handed him Troy's treeless saddle and the matching bosal that had been made for Beynabi and fit his daughter's finely dished head perfectly. The treeless saddle would fit any horse, so Jamie was going to leave his old saddle behind until Quinn suggested that Simon stay saddled just in case they needed him in a hurry. Jamie didn't like thinking about the possibility of losing another horse, but he understood what Quinn was saying and he agreed.

Quinn went ahead and checked the rest of their tack while he had the chance. The saddle and hackamore Jamie had been using on Simon were in fine shape, mostly because Quinn checked them over carefully every morning when he saddled Jamie’s horse. The cinches for the packhorses were beginning to stiffen with sweat, and one saddle was scuffed from when Misty fell on the road, but none of that damage was serious.

Quinn's own tack, though, was a different story. Specklebird's attempt to drag the bridle off the day before had put enough strain on it to stretch and crack the leather near the bit, and the nylon breastcollar had several inches of popped stitching from all the bucking she had been doing. Both were beginning to stiffen with dried sweat, as was Quinn's saddle blanket, and the nylon cinch he had been using was definitely worse for wear, too.

Jamie had a fit when he saw the frayed stitching on Quinn's bridle and breastcollar. He was easily able to picture what would have happened if either had popped while Specklebird was acting up, but Quinn was only a little sheepish when he admitted that he hadn't really been checking his tack every day. Jamie tore into Quinn about being stupid, and within a few minutes Quinn was promising to be more careful because if he got hurt there wouldn't be anyone to take care of Jamie. Jamie wasn't terribly pleased by that, but he accepted it.

Steve was amused by the way Jamie tore into Quinn, but he thought the reason Quinn gave for agreeing to be more careful was hilarious. Quinn didn't care if he got himself hurt, but he was willing to be more careful so _Jamie_ wouldn't get hurt again.

Jamie and Quinn eventually moved on to doing what they could for the tack they had. They were going to rinse the sweaty things out and just not use Specklebird's bridle anymore, but Steve had different ideas. "Eh, just toss all that shit," he said cheerfully, still amused by the way Jamie had manipulated Quinn. "Let’s go check out the tack room over in the stallion barn. I bet we can find what you need."

Jamie went a bit wide-eyed at the suggestion. He was sure that they could probably find _anything_ they needed in the other tack room and mentally kicked himself for not thinking of it sooner.

The stallion barn had been the showplace where the most stuck-up guests were taken to impress them with Beck & Call's winning reputation. It was hard for someone not to be awed when faced with a barn that contained at least two Legion of Merit stallions at any one time, but the residents weren't the only impressive things about the barn. The building itself was high ceilinged and airy with huge box stalls, a wash stall, and a wide center aisle that doubled as a breeding shed in the spring, but Jamie had always thought the tack room was the best part. It was twice the size of the one in the broodmare barn and held all of the show tack used by the farm, as well as the working and training tack for the stallions and the show horses.

Jamie was quick to agree with Steve's suggestion. "Sure, let's go." Quinn looked at Jamie curiously, and Jamie smiled at him as he picked up Cal. "Trust me."

Quinn grinned. "Always, baby."

Jamie grinned back at Quinn and had just opened his mouth to say something when Steve said quickly, "Come on, you two. Flirt later."

Quinn snickered and started towards the door, but Jamie said, "Just a sec." Quinn stopped at the main door to wait while Jamie put his backpack and Cal in an empty stall to keep Cal out of trouble. Jamie knew that taking the pup into the main tack room would be a bad idea. Troy had always left rat and bug poison down in there, and Jamie didn't want Cal finding any.

Jamie made himself ignore Cal's unhappy whining as he went to join Quinn, who reached for Jamie's hand as soon as Jamie reached him. He tugged Jamie along after Steve as he said softly, "He'll be fine, Jamie."

Jamie sighed and nodded, letting Quinn lead him away as Cal’s whining shifted into louder yapping. "I know, but he's miserable when he's alone."

"So we'll hurry," Quinn replied, giving Jamie a reassuring smile.

Jamie smiled back. "Alright."

Quinn leaned to kiss Jamie lightly on the cheek and then they didn't say anything more as they followed Steve down the driveway that led around to the guest cabins. The stallion barn was across the driveway from Troy’s home, between the largest guest house and the pipe- and wire-fenced private runs built onto four of the stalls along one side of the barn. Each of the runs stretched about fifty yards long with open alleys between them that were just wide enough so the stallions couldn't fight over the fences.

There were two leggy yearling colts playing in the runs as they approached the stallion barn, a black and a blood bay, but Jamie was surprised not to see Paladin, George's pale grey stallion. "Is Paladin stalled today?" Jamie asked curiously, trying to remember if he had seen the grey when he stalled Beynabi. Paladin's stall was farthest from the main doors, and he had only gone to the first stall that morning, which belonged to Beynabi.

Steve paused, watching the two colts frisk up and down the fences. "No, I turned him loose with Jolnabi in the Jacksons' hay pasture down by the lake. They've got about sixty acres to run on, and three or four creeks depending on the time of year."

"You turned _Jolnabi_ loose?!" Jamie exclaimed, shocked. He knew that Steve hadn't had a problem handling _her_. Jolnabi was the type of mare that was equally safe with a toddler or a professional, inside the show ring or out in the pasture. Troy had often bragged that she never met a human she didn't like, and as far as Jamie had ever seen it was completely true.

Steve glanced over at where Jamie had stopped with Quinn, grinning at how surprised Jamie was. "Yep! I couldn't put her out with Beynabi, and she's just too good to turn her out where that app colt could get to her. She loves to run, so I let her go. She's earned it." He looked back towards the colts, adding, "I had to choose which horses to keep a close eye on, and you know how Paladin always was. He tolerates me but he really couldn't care less about anyone but Dad, and he needs more exercise than I had time to give him so I put him out with the dozen or so mares Beynabi is related to. He's happy as a cow in clover, and I kept Jolnabi's colt by him when I turned the older colts loose, just in case something happens to him."

Jamie blinked, trying to take it all in. "Jolnabi finally had another colt?" When Jamie hadn't seen Jolnabi with the youngsters and geldings down the road, he had assumed something happened to her. She was getting old for a broodmare, and Jamie knew foaling problems were common with Arabians.

Steve nodded, grinning. "Yep. The black is hers. I'm still not sure if he'll grey or not, but Dinabi's a damned fine colt. Might even be better than Beynabi someday." He started into the barn again as he spoke, obviously cheerful. "Jolnabi had a late filly this year by that damned Paint, but I'm sure she's in foal to Paladin for next year by now."

"Wow." Jamie just stood there staring at the black colt until Quinn chuckled and tugged Jamie's hand, getting him started towards the barn again.

Steve stopped at the wide double doors of the tack room and threw them both open to let as much light as possible into the room. "Take anything you need," Steve said, smirking as he waved Jamie and Quinn into the room. "The tack I use is all in the broodmare barn or in the house, so this stuff's just gathering dust."

"Whoa," Quinn said, looking around wide-eyed. Jamie had told Quinn that Beck & Call Arabians was a well-known farm in the horse world, but he didn't quite understand just how extensive the farm's show record had been until then. The trophy saddles and bridles Beck & Call horses had won over the years took up one whole wall, and shelves above the tack held hundreds of other awards and ribbons. Quinn spent a few minutes just wandering around, brushing dust away so he could get a better look at a few particularly nice saddles the farm had won over the years.

Jamie had seen the room many times before so he went straight to the rack in the back corner where the cinches were kept. He was glad to see there was no rodent damage even on the mohair cinches, and he sorted out the sizes they needed as he wondered idly how often Steve had to put bait down. When he had the right cinches, Jamie began to look around, and a nearly full spool of half-inch cotton rope he saw in the floor under the shelves was a welcome find. It was long enough to replace the thinner rope they had used for a corral and then some, and thick enough to keep a horse from running through it like Alvin had done when Specklebird attacked him.

Jamie was carrying the spool and the cinches to the door when Steve stopped him, grinning, and piled several thick leather roping-style breastcollars on top of the cinches Jamie had slung over his shoulder. "Here you go. One each for the three riding horses, plus an extra."

"Hey thanks," Jamie said, grinning. "We'll definitely use those."

"Good." Steve wandered off again without another word, obviously pleased with himself.

Jamie smiled bemusedly as he continued to the door, piling the things he was carrying on the desk nearby before he went to look at the dressage bridles. Jamie still thought that Storm might have been ridden dressage in the past, so he was pleased when he found the heavy leather bridle that he thought would work for Storm. Jamie carried it closer to the door to get a better look at it, wiping away the thick layer of dust on it so he could check the leather for dry rot or cracking.

The bridle was made of sturdy dark-oiled leather that Jamie was pretty sure was Hermann Oak, since that had been Troy's favorite brand for training tack because of its durability. It was obviously not a new bridle, but it wasn't heavily worn and it was in better shape than the one Storm had been wearing. The noseband was fully adjustable both in size and where on the horse's face it would hang, so it could keep Storm from opening his mouth to avoid the bit like he did when he was fighting to get to Beynabi. The bridle had been equipped with a Weymouth bit that had a flat mullen mouth so it wasn't severe, but the five-inch shanks offered a lot more leverage than the twisted wire snaffle they had been using on Storm.

The bit had an English-style curb chain on it and was made with rings for one or two sets of reins, but Jamie wasn't at all surprised the bridle had been hung up without any reins at all. Troy had used the thinnest single-ply leather reins on horses like Simon or Tamenabi, while a headstrong horse like Storm would wear doubled and stitched reins made of much heavier leather. Troy was a strong believer in never using a pound of pressure when an ounce would do, and thought that any horse that had been properly trained shouldn't need a bit at all.

Jamie looked around for Quinn and saw that he was looking at one of the newer trophy saddles nearby. "Quinn, could you come here a sec, please?"

Quinn walked over, smiling as he put one hand at the small of Jamie's back. "Yeah, baby?"

Jamie returned the smile as he showed Quinn the bridle. "How do you think this would work for Storm? I know we don't ride English, but the noseband would keep him from avoiding the bit and the shanks would give you more control. I know you can handle him easier than I can, but there's no telling when we might run into another stallion."

"Makes sense to me." Quinn grinned and took the bridle, slinging it over his shoulder. "Next?"

Jamie snickered and pointed to a plastic tub in the corner behind the desk. "You could see if there's anything in there we need. That should be extra bits, hardware, and clips."

"Okay." Quinn kissed Jamie lightly and then went to dig around in the bin while Jamie walked over to the shelves on the far side of the door to get a lighter blanket to go with Troy's saddle. Troy had used a heavy designer pad that matched the saddle before the world went to hell, but the heavy pad would make Tamenabi sweat more than she needed to doing daily work on the trail so he wanted to find something thinner.

Jamie was on his way back to the door with two Navajo blankets when Quinn stepped in front of him and offered Jamie two large bolt snaps with round swivel eyes over an inch wide. "These are big enough that lead ropes could be tied to them, and I thought it would be a lot easier to unclip them from a cinch ring instead of untying a knot."

Jamie nodded, smiling. "Yeah, it would. That's a good idea. We always used them in the trailers the same way, clipping them to the tie-down rings and then tying a regular lead to them because the rings were too small for a big cotton rope."

Quinn returned the smile, then sobered as he asked, "The question is, though, would you unclip them and leave the packhorses behind if we got into trouble?"

Jamie knew that Quinn was serious, so he thought about it a moment before he answered. Jamie was sure that he could get Simon to stay close to Tamenabi even without a lead, but Alvin had run the opposite direction the day Jamie's father was killed. Alvin wasn't very bright, and when he was scared he would run blindly in whatever direction happened to be away from the danger. Jamie would miss Alvin if something happened to keep him from following them, but Jamie was realistic enough to know that he could survive losing Alvin much easier than being caught by raiders again.

Jamie finally nodded reluctantly. "I'll leave the packhorses if you think we should, but only if we both run together. I'd rather die with you than track Storm down to bury you, and I know Tam can keep up with him."

Quinn evidently had come to terms with the fact Jamie wouldn't leave him even if they were in trouble. He kissed Jamie instead of replying, and after a few moments Jamie dropped the blankets he was holding to drape his arms around Quinn's neck. Quinn let out a low growl and deepened the kiss, and Jamie soon forgot all about what they were supposed to be doing, letting himself get lost in Quinn's taste and touch. It wasn't long before Quinn picked Jamie up to set him on a nearby saddle, and Jamie purred happily as he hooked his legs around Quinn's hips to pull him closer again.

"Jesus, you two!" Steve exclaimed suddenly, "Get a room!" Quinn chuckled into the kiss and slowly pulled away as Steve added in an exasperated tone, "Give you five seconds without supervision and you two start screwing around again. You're _worse_ than rabbits."

Jamie let his feet fall to the floor as he hid his face against Quinn's shoulder, so red-faced that even his ears felt like they were on fire. "Shut up, Steve."

Quinn looked over at Steve as he teased, "You're just jealous."

"Not even," Steve replied with a snort.

"I dunno. You seem awful interested in what we do together," Quinn said, smirking at him.

"Fuck you, man."

"Not a prayer, Steve." Quinn was still smirking. "Like I told you, I've got Jamie, I ain't looking."

Jamie snickered at the way Steve just rolled his eyes. " _Anyway_. I thought we were getting y'all some gear, but if you'd rather fuck around there's always shit I should be doing around here."

Steve turned away like he was going to leave and Quinn laughed. "Alright, alright, don't get your panties in a wad. You like to dish it out, but you sure can't take it."

Steve gave Quinn a dirty look but evidently decided to let it drop. He hefted the tote bag he was holding in one hand and said, "I thought you two could use what’s in these bags. If you have to cut and run like you were talking about, you might need some emergency supplies to last you to the next town. Putting a cantle pack with bullets, a couple lighters, and a first aid kit behind your saddles seems like a good idea to me."

"That _is_ a good idea," Quinn said immediately, grinning.

Jamie nodded. "I've got a few things in my saddle bags, but I hadn't thought to carry all of that."

"Yeah, well, somebody better do the thinking around here." Steve dropped the tote bag on the other things Jamie and Quinn were taking and then gave them another dirty look. "You two definitely have one track minds."

“Maybe so.” Quinn smirked and stepped quickly away from Jamie as he added, "I like Jamie's track."

"Quinn!" Jamie couldn't keep from laughing, but he was beet red again as he moved after Quinn. "I'm so going to kick your ass!"

Steve threw up his hands. "I give up." He turned and headed for the door, talking without even glancing back at them. " _I'm_ going to town, ‘cause I’m out of beer and I _need_ _it_ with you two around. If you wanna go you'd better get your asses in gear, 'cause I ain't waiting."

"We're coming," Quinn said quickly, grinning as he ducked around a saddle stand to avoid Jamie.

"Not in my truck you ain't!" Steve called back. "If you can't keep your hands to yourselves, stay here!"

Quinn just laughed and went over to the desk to start putting the cinches and bolt snaps into the tote bag.

Jamie picked up the blankets he had dropped and called to Steve, "Give us five minutes to put this stuff in the other barn."

"You've got two!" Steve called back.

He meant it, too. Jamie and Quinn barely had time to get back to the broodmare barn and grab Cal before Steve got in the truck and started to leave without them.

 

~*~*~

 

Steve finally decided as they passed the city limits of the nearest town that Jamie and Quinn were really going to behave and told them what he was after besides the beer. He thought they needed some things that they didn't seem to have yet, and he knew right where to find them. There was a sporting goods store by the lake that hadn't been touched by anyone but him as far as he could tell, and the local militia had left behind several stockpiles of supplies and guns that Steve had the keys to. Jamie was surprised to learn that Steve had been part of the local militia, but Steve didn’t want to talk about it beyond saying he was the only surviving member.

The sporting goods store was the first stop. Jamie and Quinn decided to leave Cal in the truck, following Steve into the store, and Steve grabbed a double handful of plastic shopping bags as soon as they were inside the building and pointed towards the back. “There’s a whole aisle of camp food back there, including dehydrated food, trail mix, beef jerky, and energy bars that ought to work for the 'emergency' packs. The next aisle over has canned stuff and the mixes that you just add water to that cook easy over a fire. We used the stuff for hunting and fishing trips before, but it’ll work just as well for day-to-day when you’re traveling by horseback.”

Quinn pulled a little notepad out of his back pocket. “Why don’t you and Jamie head back there while I look around? There’s always a few things we need, and I brought our list.”

Jamie smiled and nodded as he added, “I do most of the cooking anyway.”

“Works for me.” Steve said with a shrug, handing Quinn a few of the plastic bags. “I’ll hold the bags for Jamie while he picks out what he thinks will work best for y’all.”

“Let’s get it done, then.” Quinn kissed Jamie’s cheek and then headed off towards the hunting displays along the side wall of the store. He wanted to get any ammunition there was and something waterproof to carry it in, and maybe a rifle scabbard for Jamie. The one on his saddle was pretty battered, and Quinn would feel better if he had something in better condition.

Jamie and Steve went to check out the food aisles, and by the time they were done Steve was carrying half a dozen bags. They went looking for Quinn and found him up at the front of the store with two bags waiting by the checkout counter while he took a closer look at a nylon holster he had found that was made to attach to an ATV.

Quinn looked up as they approached, smiling. “This should be easy to put on the front of Jamie's saddle. That’ll make it a lot easier for him to get to a gun if he needs it.”

Jamie hadn't shot anything since his arm was hurt, but he remembered well how hard it had been to get to their only handgun the day Misty died. He smiled at Quinn and moved to get a closer look at the holster. “That would be really nice. Digging in my saddle bags isn’t easy to do in a hurry, not while I’m carrying Cal anyway.”

Steve put down the bags of food and glanced in the bags Quinn had left by the door, then snorted and straightened to look at Quinn. “You need a holster too, Quinn, but that one’s no good. Leave it here, I know where we can get better than the cheap shit old man Porter sold here.”

Jamie leaned against the counter, bemused. Steve was being uncommonly useful, so Jamie expected to hear he wanted something from them before too long. Steve had never been nice to Jamie unless he had an ulterior motive.

Quinn blinked and then laughed and tossed the holster behind the counter by the register. “I’d appreciate that. I’ve been keeping an eye out for decent semi-automatic for each of us. A Desert Eagle is a bit overkill for a saddle gun, especially for Jamie.”

Steve snickered. “For sure. I figured we’d worry about arming you two at our last stop today, on the way home. That rifle of yours is okay for shooting deer or cattle, but if you run into raiders you’ll need a good handgun or four. There’s a few dozen to choose from at the stockpile I was gonna show you today, and holsters for ‘em all, too. I’ve got the tools back at the farm to attach any of them to your saddles if you don't want to just wear 'em.”

Jamie giggled and looked up at Quinn. “Just don’t let him do any of the leatherwork himself. Steve sucks at it.”

“Like a Hoover,” Steve agreed cheerfully, “but at least I’ve got the tools.”

Quinn snickered. “It’s a start.” He glanced at Steve and then looked at Jamie. “We done here, baby?”

“I think so.” Jamie looked around, trying to remember anything they might need from a sporting goods store, then noticed a glass-fronted display case of Buck knives on the far side of the door. “Oh! Seeing those reminds me.” He looked at Quinn again, smiling. “What do you think of getting knives for each of the three emergency packs? We’re always using ours, and there’s no telling what might get dropped if we’re in a hurry. Wouldn’t having extras be a good idea?”

Quinn nodded, moving towards the display case. “Definitely.” He took a good look at the knives in the case and then made a face. “The lockback serrated knives look pretty good, but most of the rest of these are just for show.”

Jamie moved next to Quinn to look at the knives while Steve moved around behind it.

“Old man Porter kept the good ones out of sight,” Steve said as he popped open the back of the display. He dug around a bit, moving the boxes for the display knives, and then he grinned suddenly. “Here we go.” He lifted a case of five boxed Leatherman multi-tools in their scabbards from under the counter, followed by four slim boxes that held Buck hunting knives. “These should do fine for you two.”

Quinn grinned. “That’s much more like it. The only thing better would be a Ka-Bar.”

“That could be arranged,” Steve said, grinning at Quinn. “I might just happen to know where to find a couple.”

“I’d appreciate it,” Quinn replied, smirking.

Jamie laughed. “Well, you two can geek out over Ka-Bars all you want. I’ll take a Buck any day.” He took one of the Leatherman tools and a hunting knife, and then moved around beside Steve to reach into the display for one of the serrated rope knives.

“Or three,” Steve said dryly, watching Jamie pop the knife out of the brackets that held it in place for display.

Jamie smirked at Steve. “Cheap at twice the price.” He reached into the display cabinet again to remove another of the rope knives from the brackets, looking over at Quinn. “You want one too, right?”

Quinn nodded. “Take all three, we’ll put the extras in the cantle packs. Rope knives are always useful.”

Jamie nodded and reached into the display for the third one. “I thought so too.”

Steve pocketed two of the Leatherman tools and then dumped the others in one of the bags Quinn had left by the doors. “These Leatherman knives are hard to find, so y’all just take them along even if you don’t think you need them. If nothing else, you can trade ‘em later.” He stuck the four hunting knives into the same bag and then started gathering up bags to carry them as he added, “Give it a few years and good knives are going to be worth a pretty penny. Ammunition won’t last forever, and not many know how to reload anymore.”

“I do,” Quinn said cheerfully, moving to gather up the rest of the bags. “Special Forces instructors taught us boys all kinds of useful shit.”

Steve laughed and headed out of the store. “I bet they did.”

Quinn followed Steve with the rest of the bags, and Jamie glanced around bemusedly before he headed out after them, closing and locking the barred door. He carried the keys towards the truck, calling, “Y’know Steve, you never did say why you have the keys to that place. It’d be a lot harder to get in without them.”

Steve smirked at Jamie, reaching out the driver’s side window with one hand to wait for him to pass over the keys. “Porter was a big supporter of the militia. The Colonel had keys to the place in case of emergencies, and he passed them on to me. I got keys to most of the places here stuck in the glovebox.”

“Must be nice,” Quinn said dryly, amused.

Jamie gave Steve the keys and continued around the truck as Steve smirked at Quinn, starting the truck. “It is, I promise.”

Quinn laughed and climbed into the truck, leaving the door open. Jamie climbed in a moment later, and barely had time to close the door before Steve was peeling out of the parking lot just because he could.

 

~*~*~

 

They drove through town to a small grocery store to do a little shopping for dinner. Jamie and Quinn didn't like the Budweiser beer that Steve seemed to live on, and they were both getting tired of water. Quinn grabbed a case of A&W and then he and Steve wandered further into the store to get a few things for supper while Jamie went to the coffee and tea aisle to see what he could find. By the time the three of them got back in the truck and headed towards the farm, Jamie was beginning to wonder if they wouldn't need three packhorses after all.

Steve stopped again at a house at the edge of town so they could raid the gun collection and supplies there. Jamie and Quinn wound up taking a set of panniers, an M-1 carbine that Steve and Quinn both thought Jamie could shoot even with his bad arm, two 9-millimeter Browning handguns for Quinn, and a Colt 1911 for Jamie's saddle gun. Steve insisted that Jamie and Quinn take all of the ammunition that would fit the guns they took, and said he knew of two more houses where he could get guns and ammo if he needed them so he wouldn't be left without. He pointed out that Jamie and Quinn did a lot more hunting than he did, and that they were more likely to run into trouble, so they finally stopped arguing.

When they got back to the farm, Steve suggested that Jamie go check dinner while he and Quinn took care of haying and feeding the animals for the evening. Quinn agreed with Steve and added that Cal would be safer if Jamie distracted him by the grill to keep him out from underfoot. Jamie was a bit annoyed, but he had to concede that he wasn't much help to them with only one good arm, and he knew that Cal would get underfoot while they tried to feed the horses.

Jamie had left a brisket cooking all day and wanted mushrooms and onions with the meat and some corn, but he knew that Steve wanted the pasta he had found in town. Quinn always liked pasta too, so Jamie added corn out of their packs to the bag with the canned mushrooms, pasta, and sauce before he called Cal and headed towards the grill.

Quinn followed Jamie a minute or two later with the root beer and a jug of water he had grabbed from the tack room for Jamie to cook with. He could tell Jamie wasn't too happy about being shuffled off to cook and he felt a little guilty for siding with Steve even though he knew that Jamie would get more done cooking dinner. After Quinn put the drinks on the table he kissed Jamie and promised he'd make it up to him later, and then he headed back to the barn. Jamie could barely make himself get mad at Quinn at all, and there was really no chance he would stay mad after a promise like that.

Jamie checked the brisket and found that it was almost done, and the vegetables had cooked to pieces. They were little more than thick gravy, but they had helped to flavor the meat so Jamie decided that it was just as well. He took the brisket out of the pan and put it on the grill where it would finish cooking faster, and then went into the house to get a frying pan for the onions and a pot to cook the pasta in.

By the time Jamie had the water on the grill to heat up, he was humming under his breath and had forgotten all about being annoyed.

 

~*~*~

 

“Why did you stay on here, Steve?”

Steve looked up from filling the last water bucket, surprised. “It’s my home. I was born here.”

“And you hate it,” Quinn pointed out, leaning against the front of Storm’s stall. “You complain constantly about all the work and how much you hate being stuck in the middle of nowhere alone with all these horses.”

Steve blinked and seemed to think about it for a minute, then shrugged, looking down to check the water level in the bucket. He turned off the water and then started towards Storm’s stall with it as he said a bit gruffly, “Dad asked for me not to let some stranger walk in and take over his home, and I promised Troy I’d keep his horses safe. My word’s good.”

Quinn tilted his head slightly. “So you’re staying to make sure the horses are safe and the place stays in the family? That’s all?”

Steve thought about it as he hung the water bucket in Storm’s stall, then nodded. “Pretty much, yeah.” He moved back out of the stall and then stopped near Quinn, curious and a bit confused. “Isn’t that a good enough reason?”

“I can’t answer that for you, man.” Quinn reached out and patted Steve’s shoulder, and then he headed for the main doors as he added, “It wouldn’t be for me, not if I hated it here as much as you seem to. I wouldn’t stay on when I could keep my word another way.”

“What do you mean?”

Quinn paused at the door to look back at Steve. “Jamie’s no stranger, and he’d die before he let something happen to these horses.” He turned away and left without giving Steve time to say anything more.

Steve just stood there for a few moments before he turned towards the tack room to go turn off the generator, thinking about what Quinn had said.

 

 


	16. Chapter 16

16

 

 

 

Quinn was taking the brisket off of the fire when he heard the door to the house slam and glanced up, then frowned as Jamie ran past him towards the barn. Cal, who had been curled up by Jamie's bag chewing on a bone, jumped up to follow Jamie.

Quinn set the plate of meat on the table and then started towards the house to find out what had happened. The back door opened just before he got to it and Steve walked out with three plates and a kettle looking shocked but a little guilty, too.

"What the hell did you do?" Quinn asked, frowning.

Steve stopped on the top step. "Nothing! He was trying to get the kettle and couldn't reach it, so I went to get it for him. He slugged me and ran, but I didn't do anything, I swear. I just walked up behind him!"

Quinn glared at him. "And of course you didn't tell him you were behind him until you touched him, right?"

"How did you know I touched him?" Steve asked, blinking.

"Dammit, Steve, don't you have _any_ sense?" Quinn asked, angry.

"I didn't do anything!"

Quinn snorted. "Didn't think and didn't give a damn about what he's been through, I'll give you that much." He turned to walk away from Steve, but only took a step before he looked back. "Don't ever touch him again, Steve. Not at all. You understand me?"

Steve glared sullenly at Quinn. "I didn't do anything to him. I _wouldn't_. But yeah, I get you."

"Good." Quinn turned away without another word to walk towards the barn, hoping Jamie had been alone long enough to calm himself down.

 

~*~*~

 

Jamie slipped into Tamenabi's stall and moved towards the muted shine of her eyes, which was all he could really see of her head in the darkened barn. She was laying down in the shavings and turned her head sleepily towards Jamie, not even trying to stand as she watched Jamie walk towards her. Jamie dropped to his knees next to Tamenabi's shoulder and wrapped his arms around the mare's neck, leaning against her as he tried to get himself under control again.

Jamie had been in the kitchen taking down plates when he saw the kettle on the top shelf and decided it would be nice to have some tea with his dinner. He had leaned up to reach for it and had just realized it was too high when he suddenly smelled sweat and beer and then someone was behind him. A heavy hand was on his shoulder a second later as a burly body pressed against his back and pushed him into the counter. Jamie went from being perfectly content to terrified faster than he could blink.

Jamie drove his elbow into the body behind him and squirmed away while Steve was wheezing for breath, then ran. He was barely aware of passing Quinn and Cal, and hardly even knew where he was going until he was at Tamenabi's stall reaching for the hackamore hung on the outside of the door. He realized then that he was being ridiculous, but that didn't stop the fear. It was never that easy to stop a panic attack, not when he didn't have Quinn right there to distract him, so he went into the stall to spend a few minutes with Tam while he calmed down.

Cal had followed Jamie all the way to the stall, and he walked in slowly, whining. Jamie turned and settled in the shavings against Tamenabi's shoulder, then patted his knee, murmuring, "It's okay, Cal, come here." Cal hurried over to climb into Jamie's lap, then Jamie began to pet him as he leaned against Tamenabi and tried to get his heart rate and breathing under control.

Jamie had calmed down enough to start feeling embarrassed when he heard someone walking down the aisle. He looked up to watch the door, praying it wasn't Steve until someone stopped there and suddenly blocked the tiny bit of light that was coming in. Even though he could only see a silhouette, Jamie knew it was Quinn.

"Are you okay?" Quinn asked softly after a few moments, staying in the doorway because he didn't want to crowd Jamie if he was still scared.

Jamie nodded and then realized Quinn might not be able to see him. "I feel pretty stupid, but otherwise I'm okay." He paused slightly, looking down as he added, "I bet Steve's pissed. I hit him as hard as I could."

"You'll have to forgive me if I don't feel sorry for him. I still might beat the shit out of him once I find out what he did."

Jamie smiled slightly at that as he set Cal aside and then lifted his good hand towards Quinn. "Give me a hand?"

Quinn walked into the stall and took Jamie's hand, helping him up. "He's too damned stupid to trust him like you do."

Jamie lifted his free hand to Quinn's chest, stepping closer to lean against Quinn as he murmured, "He didn't meant to scare me. Steve's an ass, but he's not like that." He closed his eyes and took a slow deep breath, inhaling Quinn's scent as he heard Tam get to her feet behind him. Tamenabi didn't mind Jamie being nearby while she was down, but if anyone else got too close she always stood up.

Quinn wrapped his arms around Jamie with a sigh, kissing his hair softly. "He's an idiot, baby, and he's got a mean streak, besides."

"He was trying to help me," Jamie replied quietly as he relaxed in Quinn's arms, finally feeling safe again. "I couldn't reach something, and he stepped up behind me and reached for it. That's all."

Quinn just held Jamie close for a few moments before he murmured, "I guess it's a good thing I only threatened him, then."

Jamie let out a tiny little laugh. "Yes, it is."

Quinn gave him a squeeze, pleased that he had made Jamie laugh. "I still don't think you should be alone with him, but I won't try to tell you what to do."

"We're leaving tomorrow," Jamie reminded Quinn softly, pulling back enough to look up at him. "I don't think he'll do anything else tonight. I probably scared him almost as much as he scared me."

"He didn't act scared, just guilty." Quinn snorted softly. "I doubt the idiot has even figured out what he did yet."

Jamie smiled. "I'm beginning to get the feeling you don't like Steve very much."

"You are the smart one," Quinn agreed. He kissed Jamie's forehead and then pulled away to take his hand, tugging Jamie towards the door. "Come on, baby. Dinner's ready."

"Alright." Jamie let Quinn lead him out of the stall, glancing down to be sure that Cal was coming with them.

They paused long enough for Jamie to close the stall and then walked out of the barn and towards the house with Cal trotting along in front of them. Jamie moved closer to Quinn as they walked, very aware that Steve was waiting for them at the table by the grill. He wasn't afraid of Steve, but he was very embarrassed that Steve had seen him panic like that. He was glad that they were leaving soon. If they had been planning to stay he knew that Steve would be sure to tease him about it, and possibly even scare him again if he had thought it was funny.

Jamie and Quinn hadn't even reached the table before Steve blurted suddenly, "I wasn't _trying_ to scare you, Jamie."

Jamie felt his face heating up and he looked away. "I know that."

Steve fidgeted and then added, "I didn't know it would spook you so ba—"

"Steve, I know," Jamie cut Steve off, not looking him. "I'm sorry I hit you, I know you weren't trying to freak me out. I don't want to talk about it, okay?"

Steve stared at him for a moment and then nodded reluctantly. "I guess."

"Thanks," Jamie replied, relieved.

 

~*~*~

 

Steve was fairly quiet during dinner. He waited until Jamie went to rinse the dishes before he looked over at Quinn, who was banking the fire for the night so there would be an even bed of coals to build from for breakfast. Steve watched him work for a moment and then half-asked, "So... Jamie's afraid for anyone but you to touch him?"

Quinn stopped to look at Steve. "No, he's just afraid to have men sneak up behind him, especially ones build like you are that smell like a brewery. Jamie had probably forgotten he wasn't alone."

Steve looked down at the table and then back at Quinn as he admitted softly, "I told him I was going down to the cellar, but then I saw he couldn't reach the kettle he wanted. I had no idea it would scare him so bad for me to just lean past him to get it."

Quinn sighed, wishing that Steve would think a little more. "Steve, you really don't have a clue what Jamie went through. If you gained twenty pounds, you'd be built just like the bastard who hurt him the most. From what I've pieced together, he liked to sneak up behind Jamie and hurt him whenever Jamie least expected it."

"Shit," Steve said softly. "So he thought I was really going to hurt him."

"Pretty much," Quinn agreed, going back to work on getting the fire properly banked for the night.

"And that's why he won't even look at me now. He's scared of me."

Quinn glanced at Steve, considering letting Steve stew before he finally sighed. It wouldn’t do Steve or Jamie any good and he knew it. "No, Jamie told me that he's sure you won't really hurt him. He probably won't look at you because he's sure you're going to give him more shit about it."

Steve flinched and looked away, staring off towards the barn. "I never wanted to hurt him. I mean, we never got along, but he’s still family."

"Maybe you should tell him that," Quinn replied quietly as he closed the grill in case it rained. "You'll probably never see him again after we leave in the morning, and I think he's pretty ashamed that you saw him panic like that. He hates getting scared, and he constantly fights to control it. He knows I understand, but I'm pretty sure he's afraid you'll make fun of him or start saying he acted like a girl again." Quinn turned to look at Steve again, leaning back against the warm stones of the grill. "I'd give a lot to kick the ass of whoever gave him that idea."

Steve looked at Quinn, but his gaze quickly fell to the table again when he saw Quinn's eyes. "When we were kids I used to tease him that he acted like a girl," he admitted quietly. "A lot of the guests thought Jamie _was_ a girl when they saw him tagging around behind Troy with Kelly, and I always gave him shit about it." He finally looked back up at Quinn. "I guess you can blame that one on me."

"No, he can't," Jamie said suddenly, surprising them. Steve and Quinn both looked towards the barn to see Jamie approaching with the dishes, Cal tagging along at his heels. "Most of my life people have either mistaken me for a girl or assumed I was a faggot when they saw me. You've always been an ass about it, Steve, but you're not the only one." Jamie put the dishes on the table, disgusted with himself. "You weren't even the first."

Steve stared at Jamie a moment and then said slowly, "You should hate me for all the shit I've said to you."

Jamie let out a little laugh that really didn't seem very amused. "Steve, after the way some people have treated me, your shit is almost funny."

"What happened?"

"Which time?" Jamie asked, leaning one hip against the table and folding his arms across his chest. "The time I got beat up in Texas for telling a guy in a gas station to fuck off because he thought I was a girl and grabbed my ass, or the time in Kentucky that Dad got fired because the guy who owned the farm decided I was an 'offense to God'?" Jamie snorted and then added, "Or maybe you're just asking about the time three men with the collective IQ of a _turnip_ decided that it didn't count as fucking a guy when they raped me several times a day, since I'm so pretty and they made me wear a dress. I guess if it looks like a duck and quacks like a duck, it must fuck like one."

Steve flinched. "Damn, Jamie."

"You asked." Jamie's voice was almost as expressionless as his face, and Quinn couldn't decide if he should try to distract Jamie or not. Jamie went on before he could. "If you had known that Boss liked to shove me up against things when I least expected it to fuck me, you wouldn't have walked up behind me like that and I wouldn't have made a fool of myself. I'm such a coward that I don't like to think about it, much less talk about it, so I didn't tell you. That makes it my fault you triggered bad memories, not yours."

Steve looked up at Jamie, and even though his beard hid most of his face, his eyes were obviously pained. "Jamie, I don't think you're a coward. You've been through hell, it isn't any wonder you don't trust me. Hell, if I was you, I'd probably never trust anyone again."

Jamie gave Steve a smile that didn't get near his eyes. "But I do trust you, Steve."

Steve was obviously confused. "If you trust me, Jamie, why did you run? I've seen Quinn walk up behind you and do a lot more than put his hand on your shoulder. I mean, I know I'm not as close to you as him, but I didn't grab you and bite your neck, either."

Jamie sighed, looking away. "It's not always about trust, Steve. I trust Quinn completely, but sometimes I still panic with him. I don't usually let the fear control me like I did earlier, but it caught me off-guard when you pushed me against the counter and I freaked. I had Tamenabi's bridle in my hand before I realized what I was doing and stopped myself." He looked at Steve again finally, adding, "If I _really_ didn't trust you, I could ask Quinn to ride on right now and he wouldn't argue with me."

Steve looked at Quinn, a bit surprised. "Just like that?"

"If Jamie needed to leave in a hurry, we wouldn't even stop to pack up," Quinn replied. “We can always find more supplies.”

Steve stared at Quinn for a few moments and then looked at Jamie as he said quietly, "I'm glad you've got him to watch your back, Jamie."

"So am I," Jamie replied, nodding.

 

~*~*~

 

Jamie packed away the last of their things and then looked at Quinn, sad and a bit wistful. “Could we stay just a bit longer? I want to go say goodbye to Beynabi.”

They were both on their knees in the aisle of the broodmare barn, where they had settled down with the packs and saddlebags to do some reorganizing before they left. It was only half an hour or so after dawn, but they had both been awake for hours. Jamie had a hard time sleeping, and Quinn was used to waking when Jamie woke from a nightmare and keeping him company until he fell asleep again.

Quinn reached out and cupped Jamie’s cheek in his palm, giving him a soft smile. “Of course, baby. Would you like some company?”

Jamie nodded and kissed Quinn’s palm, then smiled at him even though the expression was a bit sad. “Always, if it’s you.”

Quinn smiled and tugged Jamie closer for a kiss, then let his hand fall as he stood. “Let’s go see Beynabi, then.” He offered Jamie his hand to help him up.

Jamie took Quinn’s hand and stood, then released it to catch Cal and put him in one of the stalls before they walked in silence out of the barn. The morning was foggy and cool, and they were almost to the carport by the stallion barn when Jamie noticed the larger of the two trailers usually parked there was gone.

Jamie stopped, confused. “Where is the big trailer?” He looked towards the carport behind the main house and saw that Steve’s truck was gone too, and then looked at Quinn. “Did Steve say anything to you about moving some horses?”

Quinn shook his head, also frowning slightly. “Not a word.”

“Huh.” Jamie frowned a moment longer and then started forward again as he muttered, “What is that idiot up to that he’d need an eight horse trailer for this early in the morning?”

Quinn followed Jamie, trying not to read too much into the disappearance of Steve’s truck and the big trailer. He had hoped Steve would see the light and give Jamie the farm, but he had given up on that when Steve told them goodbye the night before. The truck and trailer being gone so early made him hope again, though he tried hard to keep it from showing. He didn’t want to get Jamie’s hopes up even the tiniest bit. Jamie was a lot more upset to be leaving than he wanted to let on, and Quinn didn't want to make it any worse.

When they rounded the corner of the stallion barn, they could see that one of the main doors was open and there was a Ziploc bag with something white in it duct-taped to the still-closed right-side door at eye-level. Beynabi was standing in the first stall in the barn, his head out over the door to watch them interestedly. As soon as he recognized Jamie he nickered softly to him and tossed his head, then he pawed the door to his stall with a dull thud.

Jamie ignored the stallion as he hurried to the door and jerked the bag down, opening it to take out the sheet of folded paper inside. He read it in just a few moments and then turned to look at Quinn, eyes wide and shocked. “He’s gone.”

“What do you mean, gone?” Quinn asked, reaching for the note.

“Gone,” Jamie repeated. He passed Quinn the note without protest as he leaned against the door, feeling weak in the knees. “Oh my God.”

Quinn looked at Jamie for a moment longer and then read the note, eyebrows climbing as he did so.

 

 _Jamie,_

 _I know I’m a shitty cousin, but I do give a damn about you._

 _Don’t expect me to change my mind about this, cause I won’t. You got my word on that. You need a home, somewhere safe to raise horses with that Green Beanie you’re leading around by the balls, and I don’t. Beck & Call is yours, free and clear. I’m sure Troy wanted it that way, and Dad just made me promise not to leave it to anyone but family. These days, that means you. _

_I took Dinabi and Beyton from the stud barn, and my Apps too, so don’t panic when you see they’re gone. I promise to take good care of the Arab colts. I left that mare of Quinn’s for you to get rid of. She probably would have killed me if I tried to put her in the trailer, and that would have woken you two up. My apps may not have blue blood going back to the desert, but they let me catch them in the pasture and load them at two in the morning without a fuss. I figure for a Jarhead like me, that's a better kind of horse to have anyway._

 _Don't worry about me. I’ll find myself a girl and settle down near Cherry Point. I was stationed there a while and it’s nice country, easy fishing and good land for crops. My Appy mares are in foal to Beynabi, and next year Dinabi will be breeding age. I figure I’ll geld Beyton and my app colt, Freckles. I never wanted forty head to worry about, but a few head of breeding stock and a couple really nice geldings to ride is just about my speed._

 _Stay safe, and be happy.  
            S._

 

Quinn looked over at Jamie, smiling. “He’s a better man than I thought.”

Jamie blinked and looked at Quinn, still looking shocked. “He just... left.” He swallowed hard as his eyes filled with tears and then said more softly, “So we could stay.”

Quinn nodded, bemused. “I would have thought you’d be happier about it, Jamie. Isn’t this what you wanted?”

Jamie nodded quickly. “Oh yes! Just, I never expected it would happen. Not after I saw Steve was here.” He looked around slowly and then back at Quinn, a smile appearing even as he had to wipe away a few tears. “Can I really stay, Quinn? Am I dreaming?”

Quinn laughed and shook his head. “It’s no dream, baby. You’re home.”

Jamie repeated the word _home_ silently and then launched himself at Quinn, throwing his arms around Quinn’s neck with a little squeal.

Quinn laughed and picked Jamie up to swing him around, thoroughly enjoying Jamie’s happy laughter.

 

 


	17. Chapter 17

Epilogue

 

 

 

Jamie stood just inside the gate holding Beynabi’s halter and looking at the mares that were watching them from a few hundred yards down the pasture. Jamie knew that they were waiting for the stallion, but he was having last-minute doubts. “Tell me this is the right thing to do, Quinn. Please?”

“You know it is, Jamie,” Quinn said patiently. He was standing outside the gate with Cal cradled in one arm, petting the puppy while he watched Jamie with the stallion. “He’s miserable in the barn, and he’d go through the fences if he stayed anywhere near Storm. We’ll check on him all the time. It’s only a mile back to the house, and he has all of his mares.”

Jamie looked at Quinn. “Maybe it should be Storm out here by the river, though. I’m probably being selfish to keep him home and turn Beynabi loose. Storm is sound.”

Quinn laughed. “Beynabi’s been closer to running wild than Storm ever has, I’m sure of it. You heard what Steve told us that first night. He left Beynabi out in the pasture almost all the time because he couldn’t catch him. He did fine running the forty acres by the house with his mares, and he’ll be fine here, too. Storm would be miserable without people around, even with some mares to keep him company.”

Jamie chewed on his lower lip, looking up at Beynabi again. The stallion was watching the mares they had moved earlier in the day, bright-eyed and intent even though he made no effort to break away from Jamie’s grip. Beynabi knew the mares even if he didn’t know the pasture, and after all the years he spent on the show circuit he wasn’t afraid of being in a new place. He had never been hurt by a human or even put into a dangerous place by one, and he trusted Jamie completely. The pasture was lush and the breeze carried the scent of the river just out of sight beyond a stand of timber, and the presence of his mares was enough to tell him it was safe.

Jamie finally nodded. “Okay.” He tugged on Beynabi’s forelock, murmuring, “Down, Bey.” The tall stallion lowered his head obediently, but his gaze never left the mares while Jamie unbuckled the halter and then slipped it off of his head.

Beynabi didn’t wait for a special invitation, throwing up his head as he took off at a gallop, already calling to his herd loudly. The mares ran to meet him and there was a flurry of kicking and squealing for a few moments before Beynabi took off down the hill at a flat-out gallop with the herd streaming out behind him. Within moments they were all out of sight.

Jamie turned to look at Quinn, smiling even though his eyes were bright with unshed tears. “He _is_ happy to run free.”

“He is,” Quinn agreed, opening the gate and smiling at Jamie. “Come on, it’s a long walk back to the house.”

Jamie smiled and moved to join him, and a moment later they were walking back up the road with Cal trotting along happily in front of them, nose to the ground and bushy tail waving.

 

~*~*~

 

Jamie sat on the picnic table near the barbeque grill, looking out over the weanling pasture to watch Storm trying to sweet-talk Tamenabi with a little smile. Simon and Alvin both grazed nearby with the just-weaned foals, and the palomino gelding and half a dozen mares were grazing in the broodmare pasture across the driveway. Cal was sprawled in the shade under the table, ignoring everything but the bone he was gnawing happily on.

Quinn stepped up on the bench and sat next to Jamie, slipping one arm around him. He gazed at Jamie, loving the calm, happy expression on his face as he murmured softly, “That sure is a beautiful view.”

Jamie nodded. “It is.” He turned to look at Quinn then and blushed when he realized Quinn was staring at him. “If you mean the horses, that is.”

Quinn gave Jamie a squeeze, smirking a bit. “I meant you.”

Jamie blushed a bit more, smiling. “I love you, too.”

Quinn kissed him slow and gentle, and then he teased softly, “I know what would be even better. You without all those clothes. We have a bed to christen.”

Jamie giggled and gave Quinn a bit of a shove, still blushing as he thought about the bed they had moved into the loft over the broodmare barn that morning. Neither of them really saw any point to moving into the house or any of the cabins, so they were turning the loft into their home. “We haven’t even had dinner yet.”

“The food’s not going anywhere,” Quinn replied, smirking. “Won’t be the first time we cooked by lantern light.”

Jamie just looked at Quinn for a moment and then grinned impishly. “Last one in bed does the dishes.” He jumped off the picnic table and ran for the barn, laughing at the way Cal bounced and leapt along beside him.

Quinn laughed and took off after Jamie, but he didn’t try very hard to catch him. He didn’t mind doing dishes.

That meant Jamie had to cook, after all, and that never turned out badly.

 

 

~ End


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